Being an "effeminate" Christman man, and wanting a masculine Christian woman--Is this normal or right?

TheRisingSun · Jul 23, 2024

This is basically a "part 2" to my first post here. (shout-out to @Sif and @bèlla )

I want to date and marry, but I'm an "effeminate" Christian man. What do I do?

I'm an egalitarian Christian. Non-denominational, although I may join Grace Communion International. And as the title of the post implies, I'm the kind of Christian man that complementarian pastors on Twitter (I refuse to call that site X) complain about--unmasculine. No, I don't have long hair...

www.christianforums.com

To summarize, I felt abnormal as a Christian man because I find masculinity in women attractive, while femininity has little to no value, attraction wise. Then there's the fact that I'm kind of "effeminate".

I'm physically weak, have no real interest in sports or any stereotypically masculine pursuits, I'm lacking bravery or courage, and I don't have the "Hero Instinct" (a need to be needed). I'd hate to be admired for physical strength, and I have a grandmother and a family friend who both think I'm a genius because I'm more skilled with phones and computers than them, but that praise means nothing to me. To put it simply, I'm not masculine or manly (nor do I have any real desire to be). But I'm mostly concerned about the former.

How many Christian men and boys do you know with my type? I actually fell for 2 black women at my job on different occasions because the only thing feminine about them was their anatomy. They both worked out, used "bro" and "bruh" almost as much as commas, wore combat boots (the first did) or hoodies, sweatpants, and sneakers very often, and they didn't act feminine at ALL. One even worked security part-time. Both times, my crushes were spurned because they were lesbians.

Again, how common are Christian men like me? Femininity is practically worthless to me, in terms of attraction. Apart from desiring to be a parent, if you count that. Physical strength and prowess make my heart throb (and so does courage and being willing to fight and hunt). And personality-wise, I'm essentially trying to date/marry one of the guys, a real-life Private Vasquez. The more masculine/manly/boyish a sister in Christ is, the more attracted I am.

How common is this in the Church? Is this normal? Is my own condition something to worry about?

timewerx · Jul 23, 2024

Wanting a masculine woman is probably ok.

Desiring to be a parent but lacking bravery or hero instinct is going to be a huge problem.

Cowardice is generally regarded as a negative trait in the Bible.

Avoiding exercising will also result to major health problems in old age.

Neogaia777 · Jul 23, 2024

TheRisingSun said:
This is basically a "part 2" to my first post here. (shout-out to @Sif and @bèlla )

I want to date and marry, but I'm an "effeminate" Christian man. What do I do?

I'm an egalitarian Christian. Non-denominational, although I may join Grace Communion International. And as the title of the post implies, I'm the kind of Christian man that complementarian pastors on Twitter (I refuse to call that site X) complain about--unmasculine. No, I don't have long hair...

www.christianforums.com

To summarize, I felt abnormal as a Christian man because I find masculinity in women attractive, while femininity has little to no value, attraction wise. Then there's the fact that I'm kind of "effeminate".

I'm physically weak, have no real interest in sports or any stereotypically masculine pursuits, I'm lacking bravery or courage, and I don't have the "Hero Instinct" (a need to be needed). I'd hate to be admired for physical strength, and I have a grandmother and a family friend who both think I'm a genius because I'm more skilled with phones and computers than them, but that praise means nothing to me. To put it simply, I'm not masculine or manly (nor do I have any real desire to be). But I'm mostly concerned about the former.

How many Christian men and boys do you know with my type? I actually fell for 2 black women at my job on different occasions because the only thing feminine about them was their anatomy. They both worked out, used "bro" and "bruh" almost as much as commas, wore combat boots (the first did) or hoodies, sweatpants, and sneakers very often, and they didn't act feminine at ALL. One even worked security part-time. Both times, my crushes were spurned because they were lesbians.

Again, how common are Christian men like me? Femininity is practically worthless to me, in terms of attraction. Apart from desiring to be a parent, if you count that. Physical strength and prowess make my heart throb (and so does courage and being willing to fight and hunt). And personality-wise, I'm essentially trying to date/marry one of the guys, a real-life Private Vasquez. The more masculine/manly/boyish a sister in Christ is, the more attracted I am.

How common is this in the Church? Is this normal? Is my own condition something to worry about?

First off, I'd like to ask you how old you are, and maybe what your upbringing or family life was like growing up?

And then secondly or nextly, I do believe there is masculinity in you, but just that it was never watered, or properly stimulated or encouraged, probably when you were growing up, but it's in there somewhere.

And also another thing about it is, life might bring it out at some point, which is why I asked you about how old you are and your family life growing up?

Life and time and age will most usually bring it out for most males who were previously like you are now, etc. As a means of survival if anything else. It's either that, or life will completely crush you or kill you if it does not, etc. Which is why I mentioned it maybe coming up or rising up at some point as a survival instinct, or in order to survive, etc. But then again, if you still always continue to have a relatively easy life from here on out, it may not, or probably won't, etc.

Those women that you are right now attracted to, probably have not had an easy life, and are probably having the opposite problem from you with their own femininity in life, etc.

God Bless.

Neogaia777 · Jul 23, 2024

Neogaia777 said:
First off, I'd like to ask you how old you are, and maybe what your upbringing or family life was like growing up?

And then secondly or nextly, I do believe there is masculinity in you, but just that it was never watered, or properly stimulated or encouraged, probably when you were growing up, but it's in there somewhere.

And also another thing about it is, life might bring it out at some point, which is why I asked you about how old you are and your family life growing up?

Life and time and age will most usually bring it out for most males who were previously like you are now, etc. As a means of survival if anything else. It's either that, or life will completely crush you or kill you if it does not, etc. Which is why I mentioned it maybe coming up or rising up at some point as a survival instinct, or in order to survive, etc. But then again, if you still always continue to have a relatively easy life from here on out, it may not, or probably won't, etc.

Those women that you are right now attracted to, probably have not had an easy life, and are probably having the opposite problem from you with their own femininity in life, etc.

God Bless.

@TheRisingSun

In general, and regardless of biological sex a lot of the time, but with sometimes a few other exceptions, etc, easier or softer is ripe fertile ground for femininity to be encouraged/watered/grown, and harder or more difficult is ripe fertile ground for masculinity to be encouraged/watered/grown, etc.

There are other factors, but these are some of the few primary ones, etc.

This is why, with young boys or males most especially, having it too soft or too easy on them growing up, can be detrimental to their own personal growth as a male or man later on in life.

And why females having the opposite problem, can have the opposite problem later on in life.

God Bless.

TheRisingSun · Jul 23, 2024

Neogaia777 said:
@TheRisingSun

In general, and regardless of biological sex a lot of the time, but with sometimes a few other exceptions, etc, easier or softer is ripe fertile ground for femininity to be encouraged/watered/grown, and harder or more difficult is ripe fertile ground for masculinity to be encouraged/watered/grown, etc.

There are other factors, but these are some of the few primary ones, etc.

This is why, with young boys or males most especially, having it too soft or too easy on them growing up, can be detrimental to their own personal growth as a male or man later on in life.

And why females having the opposite problem, can have the opposite problem later on in life.

God Bless.

So what are you recommending?

TheRisingSun · Jul 23, 2024

Neogaia777 said:
First off, I'd like to ask you how old you are, and maybe what your upbringing or family life was like growing up?

And then secondly or nextly, I do believe there is masculinity in you, but just that it was never watered, or properly stimulated or encouraged, probably when you were growing up, but it's in there somewhere.

And also another thing about it is, life might bring it out at some point, which is why I asked you about how old you are and your family life growing up?

Life and time and age will most usually bring it out for most males who were previously like you are now, etc. As a means of survival if anything else. It's either that, or life will completely crush you or kill you if it does not, etc. Which is why I mentioned it maybe coming up or rising up at some point as a survival instinct, or in order to survive, etc. But then again, if you still always continue to have a relatively easy life from here on out, it may not, or probably won't, etc.

Those women that you are right now attracted to, probably have not had an easy life, and are probably having the opposite problem from you with their own femininity in life, etc.

God Bless.

I'm 27, and I had a feminine mom and a masculine dad. However, I was much closer to my mom, grandmother, and grandaunt than him.

Neogaia777 · Jul 23, 2024

Neogaia777 said:
@TheRisingSun

In general, and regardless of biological sex a lot of the time, but with sometimes a few other exceptions, etc, easier or softer is ripe fertile ground for femininity to be encouraged/watered/grown, and harder or more difficult is ripe fertile ground for masculinity to be encouraged/watered/grown, etc.

There are other factors, but these are some of the few primary ones, etc.

This is why, with young boys or males most especially, having it too soft or too easy on them growing up, can be detrimental to their own personal growth as a male or man later on in life.

And why females having the opposite problem, can have the opposite problem later on in life.

God Bless.

This is why in the classic normal nuclear family classically, but which is not that way anymore now, etc, little boys would complain and get jealous of their little sisters for having it much more easier than them growing up within the family in life.

They weren't forced to chop wood, or do harder manual labor for that family growing up in life, punishments were usually lighter or easier on the girls generally, and girls got to stay inside, and they were just seen by their little brothers as just simply being a lot, lot more "spoiled" growing up in life, but that was really just the way it was always supposed to be, both in mother nature among humanity, and in general in life, etc.

But that's all different now though. And a lot of the harder manual labor little boys most usually had to grow up learning or doing, no longer exists in many places anymore now, or in society in general anymore now in life.

Nowadays almost all people in general have it a lot more easier than it used to be in life, etc. There are some exceptions to this of course, and there are still a lot of bad or hard family situations still in life, but in general living in general has just become a whole heck of a lot easier for both sexes than it used to be in life.

Technology and the industrial/technical revolution has contributed to this very, very much greatly in life. Which has made many, many, many things very, very, or a whole lot different for both sexes now in life.

God Bless.

Neogaia777 · Jul 23, 2024

TheRisingSun said:
So what are you recommending?

I don't know?

School of hard knocks maybe?

But I really don't know really.

Maybe I just wanted to try and give you a better understanding of how these things have happened and/or occurred or were created/happened/made classically, etc?

Neogaia777 · Jul 23, 2024

TheRisingSun said:
I'm 27, and I had a feminine mom and a masculine dad. However, I was much closer to my mom, grandmother, and grandaunt than him.

Well, I'm not a counselor, but my bet is that there might have been a few things in there that either, didn't properly encourage or water your own masculinity, or else maybe gave you a bad or negative view of masculinity maybe? Or maybe a little bit of both maybe?

Talk to a counselor or therapist about these kinds of things would maybe be what I am recommending maybe.

God Bless.

TheRisingSun · Jul 23, 2024

Neogaia777 said:
Well, I'm not a counselor, but my bet is that there might have been a few things in there that either, didn't properly encourage or water your own masculinity, or else maybe gave you a bad or negative view of masculinity maybe? Or maybe a little bit of both maybe?

Talk to a counselor or therapist about these kinds of things would maybe be what I am recommending maybe.

God Bless.

Well, I mainly asked this question because Christian men like me seem to be less common than a 4-leaf clover in winter. So you can't say whether or not I'm wrong for desiring what I desire?

Neogaia777 · Jul 23, 2024

TheRisingSun said:
Well, I mainly asked this question because Christian men like me seem to be less common than a 4-leaf clover in winter. So you can't say whether or not I'm wrong for desiring what I desire?

I never said you were wrong, but just wanted to give you some insight into how this classically happens/has happened clssically, etc. Sometimes that can sometimes maybe help some maybe, etc.

As for what your supposed to do about it now, I really don't know, since everything is so very much more different nowadays.

My recommendation is to find a good counselor or therapist to talk to about these things.

About why your more feminine than masculine, and why you are more attracted to masculine women, and all of those things.

God Bless.

BCP1928 · Jul 23, 2024

TheRisingSun said:
This is basically a "part 2" to my first post here. (shout-out to @Sif and @bèlla )

I want to date and marry, but I'm an "effeminate" Christian man. What do I do?

I'm an egalitarian Christian. Non-denominational, although I may join Grace Communion International. And as the title of the post implies, I'm the kind of Christian man that complementarian pastors on Twitter (I refuse to call that site X) complain about--unmasculine. No, I don't have long hair...

www.christianforums.com

To summarize, I felt abnormal as a Christian man because I find masculinity in women attractive, while femininity has little to no value, attraction wise. Then there's the fact that I'm kind of "effeminate".

I'm physically weak, have no real interest in sports or any stereotypically masculine pursuits, I'm lacking bravery or courage, and I don't have the "Hero Instinct" (a need to be needed). I'd hate to be admired for physical strength, and I have a grandmother and a family friend who both think I'm a genius because I'm more skilled with phones and computers than them, but that praise means nothing to me. To put it simply, I'm not masculine or manly (nor do I have any real desire to be). But I'm mostly concerned about the former.

How many Christian men and boys do you know with my type? I actually fell for 2 black women at my job on different occasions because the only thing feminine about them was their anatomy. They both worked out, used "bro" and "bruh" almost as much as commas, wore combat boots (the first did) or hoodies, sweatpants, and sneakers very often, and they didn't act feminine at ALL. One even worked security part-time. Both times, my crushes were spurned because they were lesbians.

Again, how common are Christian men like me? Femininity is practically worthless to me, in terms of attraction. Apart from desiring to be a parent, if you count that. Physical strength and prowess make my heart throb (and so does courage and being willing to fight and hunt). And personality-wise, I'm essentially trying to date/marry one of the guys, a real-life Private Vasquez. The more masculine/manly/boyish a sister in Christ is, the more attracted I am.

How common is this in the Church? Is this normal? Is my own condition something to worry about?

If any Christians are advising you that there is a definite traditional "masculine" role you need to take up as a Christian man, run from them. They are not preaching the Gospel of Christ.

Neogaia777 · Jul 23, 2024

TheRisingSun said:
Well, I mainly asked this question because Christian men like me seem to be less common than a 4-leaf clover in winter. So you can't say whether or not I'm wrong for desiring what I desire?

I just know I only became a lot, lot more masculine, only after I went through some things.

Before that I wouldn't say I was all feminine necessarily, but I was a lot, lot more sensitive before that really.

God Bless.

Neogaia777 · Jul 23, 2024

@TheRisingSun

But I do know this, don't expect a more masculine woman (or person in general) to be super or extra sensitive towards your sensitivity, etc. And if you don't ever "toughen up" at all ever, then they will probably leave you, because they will lose all respect for you eventually.

And, can you blame them really?

After all, and for someone who is much more masculine, etc, who wants to be constantly be trying to be emotionally manipulated by someone who is an emotional mess, and who is probably still as of yet, still just a baby, etc.

Or at least, this is the inevitable point of view on it for anyone who is much more masculine generally, etc.

They don't want to take care of a child, but want someone as a mate who is much more grown up than that and is much more on their own level most generally.

But again, that is just the point of view of someone who is just much more masculine generally, etc.

God Bless.

Larniavc · Jul 23, 2024

TheRisingSun said:
This is basically a "part 2" to my first post here. (shout-out to @Sif and @bèlla )

I want to date and marry, but I'm an "effeminate" Christian man. What do I do?

I'm an egalitarian Christian. Non-denominational, although I may join Grace Communion International. And as the title of the post implies, I'm the kind of Christian man that complementarian pastors on Twitter (I refuse to call that site X) complain about--unmasculine. No, I don't have long hair...

www.christianforums.com

To summarize, I felt abnormal as a Christian man because I find masculinity in women attractive, while femininity has little to no value, attraction wise. Then there's the fact that I'm kind of "effeminate".

I'm physically weak, have no real interest in sports or any stereotypically masculine pursuits, I'm lacking bravery or courage, and I don't have the "Hero Instinct" (a need to be needed). I'd hate to be admired for physical strength, and I have a grandmother and a family friend who both think I'm a genius because I'm more skilled with phones and computers than them, but that praise means nothing to me. To put it simply, I'm not masculine or manly (nor do I have any real desire to be). But I'm mostly concerned about the former.

How many Christian men and boys do you know with my type? I actually fell for 2 black women at my job on different occasions because the only thing feminine about them was their anatomy. They both worked out, used "bro" and "bruh" almost as much as commas, wore combat boots (the first did) or hoodies, sweatpants, and sneakers very often, and they didn't act feminine at ALL. One even worked security part-time. Both times, my crushes were spurned because they were lesbians.

Again, how common are Christian men like me? Femininity is practically worthless to me, in terms of attraction. Apart from desiring to be a parent, if you count that. Physical strength and prowess make my heart throb (and so does courage and being willing to fight and hunt). And personality-wise, I'm essentially trying to date/marry one of the guys, a real-life Private Vasquez. The more masculine/manly/boyish a sister in Christ is, the more attracted I am.

How common is this in the Church? Is this normal? Is my own condition something to worry about?

Dunno about Christianity but for the religious it’s not an issue at all.

Larniavc · Jul 23, 2024

timewerx said:
Desiring to be a parent but lacking bravery or hero instinct is going to be a huge problem.

Not really. Depends on what you mean by bravery.

2PhiloVoid · Jul 23, 2024

TheRisingSun said:
This is basically a "part 2" to my first post here. (shout-out to @Sif and @bèlla )

I want to date and marry, but I'm an "effeminate" Christian man. What do I do?

I'm an egalitarian Christian. Non-denominational, although I may join Grace Communion International. And as the title of the post implies, I'm the kind of Christian man that complementarian pastors on Twitter (I refuse to call that site X) complain about--unmasculine. No, I don't have long hair...

www.christianforums.com

To summarize, I felt abnormal as a Christian man because I find masculinity in women attractive, while femininity has little to no value, attraction wise. Then there's the fact that I'm kind of "effeminate".

I'm physically weak, have no real interest in sports or any stereotypically masculine pursuits, I'm lacking bravery or courage, and I don't have the "Hero Instinct" (a need to be needed). I'd hate to be admired for physical strength, and I have a grandmother and a family friend who both think I'm a genius because I'm more skilled with phones and computers than them, but that praise means nothing to me. To put it simply, I'm not masculine or manly (nor do I have any real desire to be). But I'm mostly concerned about the former.

How many Christian men and boys do you know with my type? I actually fell for 2 black women at my job on different occasions because the only thing feminine about them was their anatomy. They both worked out, used "bro" and "bruh" almost as much as commas, wore combat boots (the first did) or hoodies, sweatpants, and sneakers very often, and they didn't act feminine at ALL. One even worked security part-time. Both times, my crushes were spurned because they were lesbians.

Again, how common are Christian men like me? Femininity is practically worthless to me, in terms of attraction. Apart from desiring to be a parent, if you count that. Physical strength and prowess make my heart throb (and so does courage and being willing to fight and hunt). And personality-wise, I'm essentially trying to date/marry one of the guys, a real-life Private Vasquez. The more masculine/manly/boyish a sister in Christ is, the more attracted I am.

How common is this in the Church? Is this normal? Is my own condition something to worry about?

It's not common. But who cares? Why worry about it? You are who you are, and your physique is what it is. You like women, as you should, and you're in the position to find a woman who has a more rugged anatomy. So be it.

What's there to be ashamed about?

BCP1928 · Jul 23, 2024

TheRisingSun said:
Well, I mainly asked this question because Christian men like me seem to be less common than a 4-leaf clover in winter. So you can't say whether or not I'm wrong for desiring what I desire?

Who told you you had no courage? Obviously you have moral courage, the only kind that's important for a Christian man, the moral courage to stand up to a false Christ.

Neogaia777 · Jul 23, 2024

@TheRisingSun

Ok, let me ask you this then, cause if you do enter into a relationship with a more masculine person, I would like to see it last, and I would like to see you happy.

How mature do you think you are right now in your own femininity?

Lukaris · Jul 23, 2024

TheRisingSun said:
This is basically a "part 2" to my first post here. (shout-out to @Sif and @bèlla )

I want to date and marry, but I'm an "effeminate" Christian man. What do I do?

I'm an egalitarian Christian. Non-denominational, although I may join Grace Communion International. And as the title of the post implies, I'm the kind of Christian man that complementarian pastors on Twitter (I refuse to call that site X) complain about--unmasculine. No, I don't have long hair...

www.christianforums.com

To summarize, I felt abnormal as a Christian man because I find masculinity in women attractive, while femininity has little to no value, attraction wise. Then there's the fact that I'm kind of "effeminate".

I'm physically weak, have no real interest in sports or any stereotypically masculine pursuits, I'm lacking bravery or courage, and I don't have the "Hero Instinct" (a need to be needed). I'd hate to be admired for physical strength, and I have a grandmother and a family friend who both think I'm a genius because I'm more skilled with phones and computers than them, but that praise means nothing to me. To put it simply, I'm not masculine or manly (nor do I have any real desire to be). But I'm mostly concerned about the former.

How many Christian men and boys do you know with my type? I actually fell for 2 black women at my job on different occasions because the only thing feminine about them was their anatomy. They both worked out, used "bro" and "bruh" almost as much as commas, wore combat boots (the first did) or hoodies, sweatpants, and sneakers very often, and they didn't act feminine at ALL. One even worked security part-time. Both times, my crushes were spurned because they were lesbians.

Again, how common are Christian men like me? Femininity is practically worthless to me, in terms of attraction. Apart from desiring to be a parent, if you count that. Physical strength and prowess make my heart throb (and so does courage and being willing to fight and hunt). And personality-wise, I'm essentially trying to date/marry one of the guys, a real-life Private Vasquez. The more masculine/manly/boyish a sister in Christ is, the more attracted I am.

How common is this in the Church? Is this normal? Is my own condition something to worry about?

Maybe much of your situation involves assertive vs non assertive behavior? No criticism either way, I was just wondering?

Being an "effeminate" Christman man, and wanting a masculine Christian woman--Is this normal or right?

Active Member

the village i--o--t--

Old Soul

Old Soul

Active Member

Active Member

Old Soul

Old Soul

Old Soul

Active Member

Old Soul

Well-Known Member

Old Soul

Old Soul

"Larniavc sir, how are you so smart?"

"Larniavc sir, how are you so smart?"

Matt. 16:15-19

Well-Known Member

Old Soul

Orthodox Christian

Similar threads