Should a church member get KICKED out of church membership if he/she is dating a non christian person ?

QuestionQuest74 · Jul 21, 2024

My church removes members if they are dating non-Christians especially after they remain dating them after being told not to.

Is that right ? Or should something else should be done

NOTE: I know it’s not wise to be in romantic relationships with nonbelievers

PloverWing · Jul 21, 2024

Goodness. Your church seems really controlling.

Is this something you agreed to before becoming a member? Does the church state all its rules explicitly for prospective members, so they know what they're getting into?

Offline4Better. · Jul 21, 2024

QuestionQuest74 said:
My church removes members if they are dating non-Christians especially after they remain dating them after being told not to.

Is that right ? Or should something else should be done

NOTE: I know it’s not wise to be in romantic relationships with nonbelievers

Three words: Ditch your church

bèlla · Jul 21, 2024

I can understand the policy. If they permitted a homosexual pairing would you feel the same? Unequally yoked relationships are against the word. If the person shows no sign of relenting why would you allow the leaven to remain?

~bella

seeking.IAM · Jul 21, 2024

Certainly, churches have the right to set their own policies, but that is not a policy I could accept. I think OP must hold some misgivings to have posted about this for advice. When faced with misgivings about policies of the church one attends, I think it is permissible and perhaps wise to look for a different church.

godisagardener · Jul 21, 2024

How does the church know who it's members might be dating? Seems rather odd.

Do those members bring them to church? If so, it would seem better that they be exposed to the Gospel and offered salvation, rather than the member be expelled! There's a possibility for soul-saving.

BobRyan · Jul 21, 2024

QuestionQuest74 said:
My church removes members if they are dating non-Christians especially after they remain dating them after being told not to.

Is that right ? Or should something else should be done

NOTE: I know it’s not wise to be in romantic relationships with nonbelievers

There is no Bible basis for that - however the Bible does instruct Christians not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers.

Christians that ignore the direction the Bible sets -- often encounter a lot of sorrow. The Christian has far more influence over their partner before they get married than afterwards. A lot of young people miss that important detail.

Yet still -- in many churches there are married couples where one partner is not a Christian and then over a period of a number of years - that person decided to accept Christ as their Saviour.

Maria Billingsley · Jul 21, 2024

QuestionQuest74 said:
My church removes members if they are dating non-Christians especially after they remain dating them after being told not to.

Is that right ? Or should something else should be done

NOTE: I know it’s not wise to be in romantic relationships with nonbelievers

Certainly legalistic.

QuestionQuest74 · Jul 21, 2024

Maria Billingsley said:
Certainly legalistic.

What does it mean to be legalistic ?

RDKirk · Jul 21, 2024

QuestionQuest74 said:
What does it mean to be legalistic ?

Some people use "legalistic" to mean "having a set of enforced rules of congregational discipline."

As the Apostle Paul taught in Romans, "legalistic" by his definition would mean "using rules to obligate God to pay for rule-following with salvation."

Paul was certainly "legalistic" in the first sense, as we see in 1 Corinthians 5.

But if one finds a particular congregation's rules of discipline too restricting, then one has the liberty to move to a more liberal congregation.

bèlla · Jul 21, 2024

There's a difference between marrying when you're not in fellowship and returning to the Lord afterward and knowingly ignoring the precept and moving forward. And the period of years cited is normally lengthy. Not a year or two as some might hope but it's usually double digits and the believer's miserable.

They never considered the reality of their decision or how they'd feel watching others do what they can't. Many attend church alone or the spouse does it for duty's sake but they're not involved or leading the home spiritually. After a while they start comparing or becoming disgruntled. But they have no one to blame but themselves.

The Lord will make you walk it out and if you doubt it's true look at the testimonies, books and ministries on the subject. Some have been waiting twenty years. Before you follow suit count the cost. It isn't pretty and you'll regret it more than you know.

~bella

seeking.IAM · Jul 21, 2024

Many active churchgoers attend without their spouse while having mutually satisfying relationships. Sometimes they start out that way, and sometimes they end up that way as persons change over time. Perhaps it is not ideal, but it is manageable with mutual tolerance and respect. I wonder if the church in question would kick out a middle-aged woman who had been married for 20 years to a man who abandoned his faith or decided his tee time interfered with church?

I have never attended a church that showed any interest in who I dated or married. And, I am quite certain I would not want to. I believe Paul's admonition of "do not be unequally yoked" is counsel to believers, not to churches. He did not say, "Do not allow unequally yoked among you."

Ivan Hlavanda · Jul 21, 2024

QuestionQuest74 said:
My church removes members if they are dating non-Christians especially after they remain dating them after being told not to.

Is that right ? Or should something else should be done

NOTE: I know it’s not wise to be in romantic relationships with nonbelievers

If they gave the Christian chance to repent, and the Christian did not, then they had every right to kick that person out.

Allowing sin is dangerous as it has horrible consequences and can destroy the church. Look at the churches in the book of revelation.

The problem isn't the church kicking the Chrstian out, the problem is the Christian loving sin more than God. Hopefully, this will bring the Christian back to repentence.

Godly discipline must be practiced, and the members must obey the elders, as long as it is right in God's eyes.

Ivan Hlavanda · Jul 21, 2024

PloverWing said:
Goodness. Your church seems really controlling.

Is this something you agreed to before becoming a member? Does the church state all its rules explicitly for prospective members, so they know what they're getting into?

So you want the church to allow sin to destroy them?

Problem isn't the church, problem is the member who loves sin more than God.

Ivan Hlavanda · Jul 21, 2024

BobRyan said:
Yet still -- in many churches there are married couples where one partner is not a Christian and then over a period of a number of years - that person decided to accept Christ as their Saviour.

Did they become Christians once they were married or were they Christians before they were married?

Christians entering a relationship with a non-christian is a sin! The problem is with the member who loves sin more than God, not the church. Cannot believe so many here are against the church and not the member sinning and not willing to repent.

David Lamb · Jul 22, 2024

seeking.IAM said:
I have never attended a church that showed any interest in who I dated or married. And, I am quite certain I would not want to. I believe Paul's admonition of "do not be unequally yoked" is counsel to believers, not to churches. He did not say, "Do not allow unequally yoked among you."

But the words about being unequally yoked come in his second letter to the church at Corinth, which begins:

“Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, and Timothy [our] brother, To the church of God which is at Corinth, with all the saints who are in all Achaia:” (2Co 1:1 NKJV)

Churches, at least in the New Testament, are made up of believers, so doesn't really make sense to say that such-and-such was written to believers, not churches.

Lost4words · Jul 22, 2024

QuestionQuest74 said:
My church removes members if they are dating non-Christians especially after they remain dating them after being told not to.

Is that right ? Or should something else should be done

NOTE: I know it’s not wise to be in romantic relationships with nonbelievers

Did Jesus kick the adulterer when down?

Your church is acting in a non Christian way...

Confused-by-christianity · Jul 22, 2024

QuestionQuest74 said:
My church removes members if they are dating non-Christians especially after they remain dating them after being told not to.

Is that right ? Or should something else should be done

NOTE: I know it’s not wise to be in romantic relationships with nonbelievers

I call it consolidation.

It’s what I say when a church gets heavy on making a list of rules - and organising people into innies and outies.

Some people make the cut and some people don’t. It hurts when you don’t make the cut, but, you’re likely dodging a bullet and so I’d not feel sorry for myself too long haha

QuestionQuest74 · Jul 22, 2024

Ivan Hlavanda said:
If they gave the Christian chance to repent, and the Christian did not, then they had every right to kick that person out.

Allowing sin is dangerous as it has horrible consequences and can destroy the church. Look at the churches in the book of revelation.

The problem isn't the church kicking the Chrstian out, the problem is the Christian loving sin more than God. Hopefully, this will bring the Christian back to repentence.

Godly discipline must be practiced, and the members must obey the elders, as long as it is right in God's eyes.

Is dating unbeliever actually sinful ?
( serious question)

Lost4words · Jul 22, 2024

QuestionQuest74 said:
Is dating unbeliever actually sinful ?
( serious question)

Why should it be?!

Should a church member get KICKED out of church membership if he/she is dating a non christian person ?

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