I don’t think I really care

Alessa_the_jaz said:

These past few months I’ve been slacking and somewhat grew bitter about my life and my relationship with god. Ive grown bitter and have been living in unrepentant sin. I think that I’ve been actively hardening my heart again but I’m trying to stop it now.

I’ve been trying to return to god after years of being away and I recently talked to a pastor. I’ve still been debating with myself on a lot of things but I think I hold worldly sorrow/false guilt. It’s still guilt but it’s temporary I think. I’ll constantly remind myself of what exactly I’ve done and remember but I know that’s not repentance. I’ve hurt a lot of people in my life and this pastor said to trust god to restore the damage and help those who I’ve hurt and to trust that Jesus can still cover those sins even if they have hurt other people or if there’s some condemning verse about it. I do know that it’s a common belief that if you still care then you haven’t blasphemed the Holy Spirit or anything however what if I truly don’t care? I’ve been neglectful of my spiritual situation and my relationship with god for years and i ‘stopped caring’ for some time. I stopped walking in the ways of god and stopped acknowledging my sins, instead I pursued them and I didn’t care for the consequences or if they would estrange me from god. I don’t think I am sincere and I don’t think I care but I truly want to care. I think there’s a huge chance that I’ve dulled my conscience and use this ’false guilt’ to at least make me care a little, otherwise without it I don’t care.

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No one can commit the sin, the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. That is found in Matthew 12 this is a very specific sin that was a national sin the nation of Israel committed. When the nation of Israel rejected Jesus as the promised Messiah. Based on the leaders of Israel stating Jesus was not the promised Messiah. Because Jesus did not do His miracles by the power of the Holy Spirit, but by the prince of the demons (Beelzeboul).

See, the miracles Jesus did was a sign to the nation of Israel. That the long awaited promised Messiah has arrived and is the person Jesus. Who is preforming only miracles the promised Messiah was prophesied as being able to do. But even as the nation of Israel was given obvious signs Jesus is who He says He is. The nation rejected Jesus as the Messiah.

You can't care without faith, which is a gift from God. Earnestly seek Him, read His Word and pray for Him to fill you with His Holy Spirit. I'll pray for you as well.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I’ve been trying to return to god after years of being away

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Then that is how you should pray. Even we can pray for the willingness to want to return to God. He works all things together for good and we do not even have to figure it out. Just trust Him to figure it all out for us. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your way acknowledge Him and He will bring it to pass.

I think if you really didn't care you wouldn't have talked to your pastor or posted about it here. Saying that you want to care IS caring. The thoughts you have that you don't care are lies from Satan. Don't let him lie to you. If you want to care, then care.

Be careful about ruminating on past guilt (or any type of negative thoughts). I just had this discussion with my therapist. I was feeling guilt about something about which I'd already repented. This type of guilt is condemnation from Satan. If you haven't repented and asked forgiveness then you might feel 'conviction' from God. But 'condemnation' comes from the enemy.

Don't listen to the enemy's lies, he will steal all your joy.

Teresa W. said:

he will steal all your joy.

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That is why the Joy of the Lord is our strength.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I’ve been trying to return to god after years of being away and I recently talked to a pastor.

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If you've been trying to return to God then you have been caring. Never say one more time the rest of your life that you don't care. You're getting into foolishness' by saying that for you have shown by actions that you do care. Plus you create this weight for posters to try to lift to convincing you that you do. Settle up on the truth then....YOU CARE.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I’ve still been debating with myself on a lot of things but I think I hold worldly sorrow/false guilt.

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Stop thinking.....just repent. Oh but you might respond that you're not sure that you want to? Well join the rest of us! Do you think that no one else ever has a thought or feeling that they don't want to obey and please God? We're all faced many times with our flesh wanting to rise up and to resist the will of God. We choose however higher priorates which are MORE important then catering to our flesh! What you need is resolve and make a decision.....are you going to stop playing games with God or aren't you?

Do you want ETERNAL LIFE at the end of your days or don't you? Do you want to hear at the end of your life's journey, "Well done good and faithful servant" or don't you? Asking yourself these questions will put you in the fear of the Lord which is the beginning of wisdom. You need to understand. We're even called to endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.....it might help you immensely if you'd envision the truth that you are to consider yourself in a spiritual military. Imagine a foot soldier in training camp told by the Sargent, "OK up, up, up, up! Everyone of you guys run 4 laps around the track!" Oh you don't feel like doing this? Oh you don't feel like doing that? So what? Who cares whether you feel like doing it or not!

Alessa_the_jaz said:

however what if I truly don’t care?

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So I can imagine this picture. Satan and his cohorts (demons) are having a meeting about you. They exclaim, "So and so there are caring about their estrangement from God! They've even went to see a Pastor. What should we do?"
One says to another, "Simple. We'll just take him off in confusion whispering in his ear, what if you truly don't care!" The other says, "I doubt he'll fall for it. After all for the very reason he went to the Pastor shows he cared" The other responds, "Well I don't know. Humans can be pretty silly sometimes! We'll see!"

My point: Throw that dumb thought out into the garbage right now. YOU DO CARE.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

and I don’t think I care but I truly want to care.

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If you're sincere with us here do you know what you are? You like a man in a certain room let's call it a living room....and you say Well I just got to get into the living room....please help me to get into it, while all the time YOU'RE ACTUALLY in the room. You should know you care for the very reason you say that you want to care.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I think there’s a huge chance that I’ve dulled my conscience and use this ’false guilt’ to at least make me care a little, otherwise without it I don’t care.

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So then take this idea of false guilt and use it as real guilt and REPENT. Know the Bible story of David who slew Goliath. He took the giants sword and cut his head off. Real guilt, false guilt....what cares! Just repent. My point. Guilt is guilt and stop the fishing expedition of trying to understand it all. Just make an about face and turn to God today without delay.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

These past few months I’ve been slacking and somewhat grew bitter about my life and my relationship with god. Ive grown bitter and have been living in unrepentant sin. I think that I’ve been actively hardening my heart again but I’m trying to stop it now.

I’ve been trying to return to god after years of being away and I recently talked to a pastor. I’ve still been debating with myself on a lot of things but I think I hold worldly sorrow/false guilt. It’s still guilt but it’s temporary I think. I’ll constantly remind myself of what exactly I’ve done and remember but I know that’s not repentance. I’ve hurt a lot of people in my life and this pastor said to trust god to restore the damage and help those who I’ve hurt and to trust that Jesus can still cover those sins even if they have hurt other people or if there’s some condemning verse about it. I do know that it’s a common belief that if you still care then you haven’t blasphemed the Holy Spirit or anything however what if I truly don’t care? I’ve been neglectful of my spiritual situation and my relationship with god for years and i ‘stopped caring’ for some time. I stopped walking in the ways of god and stopped acknowledging my sins, instead I pursued them and I didn’t care for the consequences or if they would estrange me from god. I don’t think I am sincere and I don’t think I care but I truly want to care. I think there’s a huge chance that I’ve dulled my conscience and use this ’false guilt’ to at least make me care a little, otherwise without it

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Often, the hardest person to forgive is yourself. The fact that you're here, that you're asking questions and trying to get better, shows that you do care, even if you don't feel it. God sees your effort, and He's not condemning you for it.

If you have repented of your sins, then you are forgiven. No questions asked. No matter how bad you feel, God is with you. Just because you don't feel anything doesn't mean you're not saved (I'm struggling with that right now, and its hard to keep remind8ng yourself, but it's important to know.)

I think mental health issues can also come into play at times, so maybe you're struggling with some of that, too.

Healing/ getting better takes time, but luckily, God has a timeline for your healing and sanctification. Trust Him, and make a conscious decision to love and stay in contact with Him, even if you feel nothing. What we feel doesn't determine our faith, and God doesn't condemn us for lacking strong feelings at times. Love is action, not just feeling. And sometimes, "action" is just doing your best to learn, pray, and take care of yourself and others.

I'll be praying for you