I dont even know if I'm a christian

tre_corvus · May 17, 2023

I grew up in The Vinyard church with my family. It was... good, honestly wonderful people. As a child I felt like god was everywhere and I had this burning desire to serve wherever I could. Division came into my life when I started to become angry, trauma, social isolation.

I was around 14 when I genuinely started to hate my life. I thought about ending it several times but instead I just chose a very reckless path where I didn't care if I lived or died.

I left home at 16 and went on what might be described as an epic journey that took me through addictions, drugs alcohol crime sex and poverty... and I met people who were not Christian and also very broken and suddenly I felt like I could relate for the first time in years. It rekindled a small flame of faith in me and even though I was still actively living a reckless life I found room for acts of kindness. I could relate to the broken world I lived in, in a strange way and I think those years profoundly changed the way I see my faith and others and my relationship with God as he used me even in that terrible state, i just had to be willing.

I'm sober now and have been since I finally crashed and burned and ended up with a psychotic episode and called on christ in a state of absolute terror... and then called my dad... who drove 12 hours to pick me up and take me home. There I clung to god and couldnt sleep for weeks until my old youth pastor came and prayed for me. I wrote a lot of very personal poems to God during that time and my beliefs sort of shifted again.

I know this is long and tedious but it is important to understand why I feel like I do now.

Its been just over 11 years sober, I love my God and I believe I feel his spirit often... I still attract very broken people and I love them dearly and do all I can to try and help them. I serve them because I serve God and because to an extent I understand. I lived in their world, know what it will take from someone.

But i dont feel anything in a church. When I sing it's because everyone is singing, it seems impractical to me, I want to serve and I want to love and I want observe and study creation and marvel at my Father's work. That to me is worship that is where I feel God.

I dont see a world of Christians and non Christians I just see God's children. Some need help, some need love, some are bitter and full of hate and some do terrible things but I dont feel like I am different. Not really. I dont feel Christian.

I have a lot of issue with a lot of the hierarchy and doctrine in churches. I love the people but... i don't really relate to the them anymore. Many don't understand... and it's not their fault but it is hard at times.. sometimes I feel like the Good Shephard's black sheep.

I dont feel like I'm a Christian... I'm just me. And all of me doesn't really seem to fit in that Christian category, that label.

Joy · May 17, 2023

MOD HAT ON

This Thread has Moved

From The Junk Drawer

To Requests for Christian Advice

MOD HAT OFF

fm107 · May 17, 2023

Do you really understand and believe the gospel? That is fundamentally what makes you a christian, not attending a "church." A lot of people who attend "church" do not ever hear the gospel because it is not preached. Instead, they get a feel good, uplifting message about life.

The reason you may feel disconnected from "churches" is that today's "churches" practice and hold to doctrine which actually goes against scripture and is dishonoring to the Lord. Their idea of worship is also way off the mark, its built-up emotion through band music, instead of being spiritual.

Yes, God would have us care about our fellow man and show kindness even to our enemies but to say we are all God's children is incorrect. Only those who are born-again are God's children. The only way into God's family is to be born into it. If a person is a unbeliever, then they are spiritually dead and not one of God's children. Example:

John 8:44
Ye are of your father the devil

Well, I hope this gives a couple of things to ponder if nothing else.

Lukaris · May 17, 2023

I believe if we do just see people as individuals this gives us the reason to try to live by the Lord’s commandments ( see Matthew 22:36-40, Matthew 7:1-12, Matthew 19:16-19). Our basic way to do this is by charity & prayer as the Lord tells us per Matthew 6:1-15.

We are to pray for all as the Lord told us by His prayer which St. Paul instructs us in 1 Timothy 2:1-6. This is genuine spiritual warfare ( Ephesians 6:12-18) and as long as we keep ourselves focused on daily life & avoid excess drama, we strive to live by the Lord’s commandments ( see 1 Timothy 1:5, John 14:15-18).

There are many people who depart this life not knowing Jesus Christ and we don’t know who God will save or not from them but some will be saved (see Ezekiel 18:4-9, Romans 2:1-29, John 5:22-30). We should add our prayers to those at all levels who evangelize ( Matthew 9:36-38) & at least spiritually share their burden ( Ezekiel 3:16-21).

d taylor · May 17, 2023

-

What do you mean by saying, I do not know if i am even a christian.

Wings like Eagles · May 17, 2023

Being a Christian is not a feeling, either someone believes God's Word or does not. A believer or not.
I have been to many Buildings/Churches that purported to be Christian but were not, people are the Church not the building.
I think everyone struggles with doubt occasionally, in your time of trouble where did you turn, sounds like to your Heavenly Father.

Dave G. · May 18, 2023

You called on the name of the Lord and it changed your path. This is a very positive sign, for scripture says that those who call on the name of the Lord will be saved. Helping others is a sign, an attribute of the fruit of the Spirit ( Holy Spirit) that comes out of love derived from the changed heart of a born again believer.. Part of your change is gaining fruit, loving others. Your faith carried you, when you hit bottom you knew who to call on and above all else He responded ! There are people who sit in church, sing songs, happy as a clam every week, yet when they face Jesus one day He will say I never know you depart from me. Why, because not only did He never know them but they never knew Him. Oh they knew who He is ( so does Satan and he's not saved). It sounds to me like you're doing fine, being Christian isn't about rituals in church and that's it. He wants communication with us in a personal way, not asif He is an abstract figure outside but living in us.

Soyeong · May 18, 2023

tre_corvus said:
I grew up in The Vinyard church with my family. It was... good, honestly wonderful people. As a child I felt like god was everywhere and I had this burning desire to serve wherever I could. Division came into my life when I started to become angry, trauma, social isolation.

I was around 14 when I genuinely started to hate my life. I thought about ending it several times but instead I just chose a very reckless path where I didn't care if I lived or died.

I left home at 16 and went on what might be described as an epic journey that took me through addictions, drugs alcohol crime sex and poverty... and I met people who were not Christian and also very broken and suddenly I felt like I could relate for the first time in years. It rekindled a small flame of faith in me and even though I was still actively living a reckless life I found room for acts of kindness. I could relate to the broken world I lived in, in a strange way and I think those years profoundly changed the way I see my faith and others and my relationship with God as he used me even in that terrible state, i just had to be willing.

I'm sober now and have been since I finally crashed and burned and ended up with a psychotic episode and called on christ in a state of absolute terror... and then called my dad... who drove 12 hours to pick me up and take me home. There I clung to god and couldnt sleep for weeks until my old youth pastor came and prayed for me. I wrote a lot of very personal poems to God during that time and my beliefs sort of shifted again.

I know this is long and tedious but it is important to understand why I feel like I do now.

Its been just over 11 years sober, I love my God and I believe I feel his spirit often... I still attract very broken people and I love them dearly and do all I can to try and help them. I serve them because I serve God and because to an extent I understand. I lived in their world, know what it will take from someone.

But i dont feel anything in a church. When I sing it's because everyone is singing, it seems impractical to me, I want to serve and I want to love and I want observe and study creation and marvel at my Father's work. That to me is worship that is where I feel God.

I dont see a world of Christians and non Christians I just see God's children. Some need help, some need love, some are bitter and full of hate and some do terrible things but I dont feel like I am different. Not really. I dont feel Christian.

I have a lot of issue with a lot of the hierarchy and doctrine in churches. I love the people but... i don't really relate to the them anymore. Many don't understand... and it's not their fault but it is hard at times.. sometimes I feel like the Good Shephard's black sheep.

I dont feel like I'm a Christian... I'm just me. And all of me doesn't really seem to fit in that Christian category, that label.

A Christian is someone who seeks to be like Christ as their highest goal, so the issue of whether someone is a Christian is not based on whether they feel like one, but on whether that is their highest goal. Feelings come and go, but we can seek to be like Christ regardless of how we feel. Because of your experiences, you are better able to reach people for Christ who have similar experiences. Some Christians have a harder time connecting to God through music than others, but that doesn’t call into question whether they are a Christian. The purpose of extolling God’s nature through song is to lead us to act in accordance with His nature, such as by serving or loving others, so there is nothing wrong with preferring to act in accordance with God’s nature instead of singing about it.

SavedByGrace3 · May 19, 2023

I understand what you are saying and have felt the same way many times over the last 52 years.
I resolved the issue by,
First, acknowledging that feelings are of the soul and not very reliable. Feelings can be all over the place from one day to the next. You could say they are fickle. Not just about your faith, but about your relationships, your job, even yourself.
Second, I came to understand that faith is not made up of feelings. Your faith is first made up of words. These words create a logical "profession." If you cannot articulate your faith, do not be surprised if you feel like you do not have any.
From the scripture you can articulate your faith very easily:

1 Corinthians 15:1 -3
This is the gospel by which you are saved...
If you keep in remembrance...
Jesus died for your sins according to the scripture...
He was buried...
He rose from the dead on the third day...

This does not have anything to do with feelings. It is knowledge and memory. It is trusting, not in feelings, but in the facts stated in scripture. When "hold fast to the confession of your faith, it means you confess these facts as true. Not by some effort on your part, but simply by acknowledging they are the truth.
Also you can profess your faith by these simple scriptural facts:

Acts 2:36
God has made... Jesus... to be Lord and Christ.

The reality of His lordship is not subject to our feelings or even our agreement. He is lord whether we know it or not, believe it or not.

Acts 10:36
"The same Lord is Lord over all..."

What I am saying is to do not subject your salvation to feelings, convictions, or any other thing. Let the Lord and His word be your strenght.
You are saved because He said you are.

So when the devil temps you and says "hath God said you are saved?"

Set him back on his heels with scripture, like Jesus did:

"It is written:"
Romans 10:13 KJV
13. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

My experience is that feelings (the soul) will eventually catch up with your spirit (where faith is). Just do what Paul said "hold fast to the profession of your faith."

Hebrews 10:23 KJV
23. Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised

anetazo · May 21, 2023

Hosea warned people don't go to Beth Aven. It means house of emptiness. Many churches teach tradition of men. Amos chapter 4, those playing church. God hates false teachings. He won't bless and protect those who continue down that path. God wants true worship and study sound doctrine. Is this making sense. Haggia chapter 1 is about consider your ways. The body of christ has different functions and duties. God gives gifts to people. Some people are teachers. Some have gift to make money and help the poor. Some Christian people are seed planters. Its about producing fruit for God. Studying the bible and sharing Gods truth. Many churches have failed in their capacity to nourish their flocks and warn them antichrist will come 6th trump. Many churches have dead works. Get the picture. Produce fruit for God. Study sound doctrine. Consider your ways !!
Haggia chapter 1.

Agra man · May 21, 2023

tre_corvus said:
I grew up in The Vinyard church with my family. It was... good, honestly wonderful people. As a child I felt like god was everywhere and I had this burning desire to serve wherever I could. Division came into my life when I started to become angry, trauma, social isolation.

I was around 14 when I genuinely started to hate my life. I thought about ending it several times but instead I just chose a very reckless path where I didn't care if I lived or died.

I left home at 16 and went on what might be described as an epic journey that took me through addictions, drugs alcohol crime sex and poverty... and I met people who were not Christian and also very broken and suddenly I felt like I could relate for the first time in years. It rekindled a small flame of faith in me and even though I was still actively living a reckless life I found room for acts of kindness. I could relate to the broken world I lived in, in a strange way and I think those years profoundly changed the way I see my faith and others and my relationship with God as he used me even in that terrible state, i just had to be willing.

I'm sober now and have been since I finally crashed and burned and ended up with a psychotic episode and called on christ in a state of absolute terror... and then called my dad... who drove 12 hours to pick me up and take me home. There I clung to god and couldnt sleep for weeks until my old youth pastor came and prayed for me. I wrote a lot of very personal poems to God during that time and my beliefs sort of shifted again.

I know this is long and tedious but it is important to understand why I feel like I do now.

Its been just over 11 years sober, I love my God and I believe I feel his spirit often... I still attract very broken people and I love them dearly and do all I can to try and help them. I serve them because I serve God and because to an extent I understand. I lived in their world, know what it will take from someone.

But i dont feel anything in a church. When I sing it's because everyone is singing, it seems impractical to me, I want to serve and I want to love and I want observe and study creation and marvel at my Father's work. That to me is worship that is where I feel God.

I dont see a world of Christians and non Christians I just see God's children. Some need help, some need love, some are bitter and full of hate and some do terrible things but I dont feel like I am different. Not really. I dont feel Christian.

I have a lot of issue with a lot of the hierarchy and doctrine in churches. I love the people but... i don't really relate to the them anymore. Many don't understand... and it's not their fault but it is hard at times.. sometimes I feel like the Good Shephard's black sheep.

I dont feel like I'm a Christian... I'm just me. And all of me doesn't really seem to fit in that Christian category, that label.

My friend I can relate to you in many ways I also went on what one could consider an epic journey though not as severe as yours at least not in that way But like you I was willing and God used me as I encountered people you only hear about those ones who literally start crying because you showed them human decency the love and kindness they never knew it is heartbreaking absolutely heartbreaking.

But I want to explain why you feel the way you do. The reason you don't worship in church is because you do what is known as high worship a deeper level and much higher level of worshipping God this is the key that opens the flood gates to the kingdom high worship.

You don't feel like being in church because sadly and yet amazingly you are drawn to the spirit that connection that flow you feel you know the one. The reason this is sad is because the church as a whole have forgotten the way.

I have been to many churches tried to find a home a place where I belong with others in Christ but in almost all of them as I sat there listening to the sermons and pastors I would look around at everyone as they listened and it just seemed dead where was the holy spirit? where was the life?

I often times have to go into the wilderness to be with him I don't fit well in a building I don't want to just be taught about God I don't want to just worship him and be with other believers I want to experience him I love nature it just speaks to me there is even a special place that I call our secret garden I don't know if it is real for sure but I could describe the place to you in great detail as if I was actually there and I understood why nature speaks to me after that.

You are the same you want to experience him you want to serve your a person of action of bonds and connections with people you have a special synce with him that no one seems to be able to relate or understand.

Your not a Christian your his child

Search

Search

I dont even know if I'm a christian

tre_corvus

New Member

More options

Joy

John 3:16

More options

fm107

Psalm 19:1-4 and Romans 1:20

More options

Lukaris

Orthodox Christian

More options

d taylor

Well-Known Member

More options

Wings like Eagles

Well-Known Member

More options

Dave G.

Well-Known Member

More options

Soyeong

Well-Known Member

More options

SavedByGrace3

Jesus is Lord of ALL! (Not asking permission)

More options

anetazo

Well-Known Member

More options

Agra man

Active Member

More options

Similar threads