General Catholic Marriage Question

John Barnes · May 14, 2023

Hi,

I am hoping to get some general advice on here. I am a Catholic, never been married before. For the past few years I have been dating someone who was born a Catholic, switched to Protestant and is now Lutheran. She was previously married but divorced around 7 years ago. Their marriage was not annulled and she is not interested in seeking an annulment. Where does this leave me as a Catholic in terms of taking things further ie marriage possibilities ?

Michie · May 14, 2023

Here is the Catholic forum.

One Bread, One Body - Catholic

www.christianforums.com

The marriage would not be a sacramental marriage in the eyes of the Church and you would be restricted from the Eucharist until that was rectified. Are you still a practicing Catholic?

chevyontheriver · May 14, 2023

John Barnes said:
Hi,

I am hoping to get some general advice on here. I am a Catholic, never been married before. For the past few years I have been dating someone who was born a Catholic, switched to Protestant and is now Lutheran. She was previously married but divorced around 7 years ago. Their marriage was not annulled and she is not interested in seeking an annulment. Where does this leave me as a Catholic in terms of taking things further ie marriage possibilities ?

Catholics view the marriages of two Protestants generally to be valid. So unless her previous marriage was found to be null, then she shouldn’t be marrying again. Nor should you be marrying her. The normal process to figure this out is to seek a annulment.

There is a complicating factor because she was once a Catholic. If she married while still a Catholic, but not following the requirements of the Catholic Church when she married, her marriage may not have been valid. She should investigate an annulment. If she refuses to do so she puts you in a pickle. She shouldn’t want to do that to you. You may want to consult a priest to see what your options are, and maybe she should too. Or even her Lutheran pastor might have some insight into a Lutheran marrying a Catholic without forcing the Catholic into an irregular marriage. Lutheran and Catholic clergy have been known to work together on things like this. Sometimes anyhow.

John Barnes · May 14, 2023

Michie said:
Here is the Catholic forum.

One Bread, One Body - Catholic

www.christianforums.com

The marriage would not be a sacramental marriage in the eyes of the Church and you would be restricted from the Eucharist until that was rectified. Are you still a practicing Catholic?

Thanks for your response, I am a practicing Catholic. This is helpful to know, I cannot see them ever getting an annulment as it was a difficult divorce and seeking an annulment might flare up what was a toxic situation. This is obviously a difficult situation to manage, however I appreciate the information.

John Barnes · May 14, 2023

chevyontheriver said:
Catholics view the marriages of two Protestants generally to be valid. So unless her previous marriage was found to be null, then she shouldn’t be marrying again. Nor should you be marrying her. The normal process to figure this out is to seek a annulment.

There is a complicating factor because she was once a Catholic. If she married while still a Catholic, but not following the requirements of the Catholic Church when she married, her marriage may not have been valid. She should investigate an annulment. If she refuses to do so she puts you in a pickle. She shouldn’t want to do that to you. You may want to consult a priest to see what your options are, and maybe she should too. Or even her Lutheran pastor might have some insight into a Lutheran marrying a Catholic without forcing the Catholic into an irregular marriage. Lutheran and Catholic clergy have been known to work together on things like this. Sometimes anyhow.

Thanks very much for the information, she was Protestant when she married. The marriage did not occur in a church, it was a registry office type marriage. She has flat out refused to get an annulment because her ex husband had a lot of problems, he made life difficult for her after the divorce and she feels that an annulment will flare up a lot of tension and difficulties again. Yes, it might be a good idea to get some insight from our respective churches to see what might be possible. Its a difficult situation, however I do not want to lose my faith over it.

Michie · May 14, 2023

John Barnes said:
Thanks for your response, I am a practicing Catholic. This is helpful to know, I cannot see them ever getting an annulment as it was a difficult divorce and seeking an annulment might flare up what was a toxic situation. This is obviously a difficult situation to manage, however I appreciate the information.

Your best bet is to consult your priest to be honest. If I were you, that is what I’d do before moving forward. Prayers for you in the meantime!

Michie · May 14, 2023

John Barnes said:
Thanks very much for the information, she was Protestant when she married. The marriage did not occur in a church, it was a registry office type marriage. She has flat out refused to get an annulment because her ex husband had a lot of problems, he made life difficult for her after the divorce and she feels that an annulment will flare up a lot of tension and difficulties again. Yes, it might be a good idea to get some insight from our respective churches to see what might be possible. Its a difficult situation, however I do not want to lose my faith over it.

If she did not marry in the RCC, you may be able to skip the annulment process. I’m not sure….

chevyontheriver · May 14, 2023

Michie said:
If she did not marry in the RCC, you may be able to skip the annulment process. I’m not sure….

That is a complex issue best handled at least by a priest and maybe by a canon lawyer.

John Barnes said:
Thanks very much for the information, she was Protestant when she married. The marriage did not occur in a church, it was a registry office type marriage. She has flat out refused to get an annulment because her ex husband had a lot of problems, he made life difficult for her after the divorce and she feels that an annulment will flare up a lot of tension and difficulties again. Yes, it might be a good idea to get some insight from our respective churches to see what might be possible. It’s a difficult situation, however I do not want to lose my faith over it.

She needs to deal with those tensions and difficulties, even if it is painful. Such growth is often painful. If she refuses to confront it is she ready to get married? Might she be risking the same outcome again?

zippy2006 · May 14, 2023

John Barnes said:
Hi,

I am hoping to get some general advice on here. I am a Catholic, never been married before. For the past few years I have been dating someone who was born a Catholic, switched to Protestant and is now Lutheran. She was previously married but divorced around 7 years ago. Their marriage was not annulled and she is not interested in seeking an annulment. Where does this leave me as a Catholic in terms of taking things further ie marriage possibilities ?

If your girlfriend's marriage was sacramental, then it needs to be annulled before you would be able to marry her in the Church. If her marriage was not sacramental, then you are free to marry her now. To determine whether her marriage was sacramental, you must determine whether the person she married was a validly baptized Christian and whether she received a dispensation of form. Now, if her marriage was sacramental, then she needs an annulment before she can marry again.

Since there is a 98% chance that she did not receive a dispensation of form, probably no annulment is needed. You should contact your priest or your local Catholic chancery and they will help you with these questions.

John Barnes said:
Thanks very much for the information, she was Protestant when she married. The marriage did not occur in a church, it was a registry office type marriage.

In that case there is a 99.9% chance that she did not receive a dispensation of form, and therefore needs no annulment. This is good news.

zippy2006 · May 14, 2023

Michie said:
The marriage would not be a sacramental marriage in the eyes of the Church...

We simply do not have sufficient evidence to claim that the marriage would not be valid. From what he has said it is likely that it would be valid.

Valletta · May 14, 2023

John Barnes said:
Thanks very much for the information, she was Protestant when she married. The marriage did not occur in a church, it was a registry office type marriage. She has flat out refused to get an annulment because her ex husband had a lot of problems, he made life difficult for her after the divorce and she feels that an annulment will flare up a lot of tension and difficulties again. Yes, it might be a good idea to get some insight from our respective churches to see what might be possible. Its a difficult situation, however I do not want to lose my faith over it.

Of course you want to consult a priest, but I can tell you that baptized as a Catholic and marrying outside of the Catholic Church is considered an invalid marriage by the Catholic Church.

John Barnes · May 14, 2023

Thanks everyone for your responses, I am heartened at the possibility that no annulment may be required. However this is a complex situation and I will take your advice and check with my local priest in order to be sure. Obviously I don't want to pop the question only to run into a lot of complications, its better to know at this stage. Thanks again

chevyontheriver · May 14, 2023

John Barnes said:
Thanks everyone for your responses, I am heartened at the possibility that no annulment may be required. However this is a complex situation and I will take your advice and check with my local priest in order to be sure. Obviously I don't want to pop the question only to run into a lot of complications, its better to know at this stage. Thanks again

I think that is the smartest thing to do, to get an informed canon law opinion by someone who knows just what questions you need to get answered. We can guess here, but we’re no experts AND we probably are missing some important aspects of the story.

Wondering if she would consider becoming Catholic again? Even with all of our troubles the Catholic Church is the sanest most rational most faithful place to be. Not every parish, but then there are the astounding ones that have perpetual adoration and are real centers of holiness.

ZephBonkerer · Jun 8, 2023

John Barnes said:
Hi,

I have been dating someone who was born a Catholic...

I'm not Catholic, but this may still be a fair question to ask: how is anyone born a Catholic? Or born into any Faith for that matter?

Valletta · Jun 8, 2023

ZephBonkerer said:
I'm not Catholic, but this may still be a fair question to ask: how is anyone born a Catholic? Or born into any Faith for that matter?

You are baptized as a Catholic, usually within a matter of days of being born.

Stephen3141 · Jun 8, 2023

John Barnes said:
Hi,

I am hoping to get some general advice on here. I am a Catholic, never been married before. For the past few years I have been dating someone who was born a Catholic, switched to Protestant and is now Lutheran. She was previously married but divorced around 7 years ago. Their marriage was not annulled and she is not interested in seeking an annulment. Where does this leave me as a Catholic in terms of taking things further ie marriage possibilities ?

Marriage is one of the most difficult topics to discuss, among Christians. Everyone thinks that they know the definition of "marriage", but when you start to study Scripture, suddenly it presents some very uncomfortable commands.

(I'm not sure that I want to get into this subject.... Given that many denominations can't agree on what forms a "marriage", or what "divorce" means, I think that I will skip this question. Go talk to a Catholic priest....)

General Catholic Marriage Question

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