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Why the rate of single men in the US looking for dates has declined
- Thread starter ThisIsMe123
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I have a young step daughter who is actively dating and she is thoroughly disappointed in the quality of young men. Her biggest complaint is no direction in life.
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timewerx
the village i--o--t--
The CNN video pointed out that problem and they saw the huge cost of college education as a major hindrance to having more eligible bachelors.
They talked about subsidizing costs of college like many civilized countries do. Use tax money for noble causes instead of using tax money to rescue filthy rich people from losing money. You know, make it easier for the disadvantaged to have a fighting chance in this world. If having poor social skills is bad enough, add no college degree to that and it's just bad. To make things needlessly much harder for the disadvantaged is just wrong. That's NOT how our Lord operates but rather does things the opposite way.
Not all men want blue collar jobs by choice just like not all men are celibates by choice. They just didn't have the right toolkit to succeed in this world. Worse even, our mass media, entertainment media, internet completely marginalizes the blue collar workers. Like they don't exist. Not human enough to become your partner in life. Unless you have superpowers. A blue collar worker, no superpowers, you don't exist. That's how this world rolls and if we really are Christians, this is not the standard we uphold or support, else, we become part of the problem.
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DragonFox91
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All the $$$$ stuff is bogus. This is just another ‘America is bad’ video. It has little to do w/ $$$$. I see lots of people w/ little $$$$ in relationships. I know several people, for example, in their 30s who either make very little $$$$ or have no job & they have girlfriends. & I’m financially good & I get nothing. I know others in my position. Plus, media has been trying to hammer to people love doesn’t care who has $$$ & who doesn’t. You see all the time in movies women falling for men who are poor or a lower ‘class.’ So over time people have been tuned to believe that.
Some of what the video says, I hate to say it, but the video says women are choosier than men. That’s from a scientist. He’s not trying to start a gender war. That’s what the data is telling him. But not to fret: the video's ultimately trying to that to $$$.
The video also tries blaming technhology, how that makes men not want to pursue women b/c they’re invested in technology. I think there’s some truth to that, but I’ve noticed increasingly women are just as glued to their screens as men are. The technholgoy argument is just another tried-&-trued making fun of nerds you’d see in high school, it’s just recycled.
The truth is, I think a lot of it is the MGTOW / Feminism interrelationship. When you look online, men who say they’ve given up, it’s MGTOW theory. Not money. Not technology.
Some of what the video says, I hate to say it, but the video says women are choosier than men. That’s from a scientist. He’s not trying to start a gender war. That’s what the data is telling him. But not to fret: the video's ultimately trying to that to $$$.
The video also tries blaming technhology, how that makes men not want to pursue women b/c they’re invested in technology. I think there’s some truth to that, but I’ve noticed increasingly women are just as glued to their screens as men are. The technholgoy argument is just another tried-&-trued making fun of nerds you’d see in high school, it’s just recycled.
The truth is, I think a lot of it is the MGTOW / Feminism interrelationship. When you look online, men who say they’ve given up, it’s MGTOW theory. Not money. Not technology.
I'm pretty sure the #s are the same in Europe regarding men done w/ dating, which is another strike against the video's main argument. I also think the #s are even worse in China & Japan.
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timewerx
the village i--o--t--
Yes, it's not just money. Personality, persistence, and looks are also very strong factors, right there with money.
Ironically, we see the same mold of personality in the internet because such personality makes money. You may not be rich, you may even be poor but if you possess such personality, you have good chance of succeeding in this world. And women can 'smell' potential. Believe me on this, they do.
Remember that feeling when you got offered that dream job right out of college or winning the lottery? I never did but my mind is pretty good at convincing myself I made a huge breakthrough for real. It's a gift that I had and then lost. I used to turn heads when I had it. That's how I knew women can smell potential.
Anyway, I can understand why men are giving up. Maybe it has become harder but personally what I think in my experience, the quality of child-bearing women has gone worse. I'm not talking about appearance but their character.
At least older women from another generation are still amazing and rocking it. The recent generations are just terrible. They could have been robots but robots can be nicer. I can only imagine what would happen when someday, a Chinese company is able to make cheap robots that look human enough, can't tell them apart from a real one.
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Sketcher
Born Imperishable
Money is part of it - it buys you a car, it buys you a house, it buys you nicer clothes, it buys you vacations to nicer places, and for college students, it gets you into fraternities - all of which are noticed by women. The video is right in that men especially in their 20s are being squeezed more than they were in the 50s and 60s, and that doesn't help with attracting a mate or incentivizing to settle down.
But there's also the question of, the women whom they would supposedly partner with. Men are going to ask, "Why should I settle down and partner with her?" Is she interested in building a home, raising kids, being the kind of wife that he wants to come home to every day? And when women initiate the majority of divorces, he's got to take that into account and consider what does he stand to lose if she leaves him? (Answer: most of the time, a lot.)
But there's also the question of, the women whom they would supposedly partner with. Men are going to ask, "Why should I settle down and partner with her?" Is she interested in building a home, raising kids, being the kind of wife that he wants to come home to every day? And when women initiate the majority of divorces, he's got to take that into account and consider what does he stand to lose if she leaves him? (Answer: most of the time, a lot.)
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DragonFox91
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Nah, when I meet women who seem less financially well then me, they seem envious & jealous of me. I am dead serious when I say that. It's gotten to the point where when I meet people, including women, I try to play it down my financials. 'Class' warfare is all around, & that affects dating. It tells me $$$ isn't a big of factor as people think. I feel like couples tend to date in their same 'class.'
I am stuck. I make too much for poorer women to be interested, & women who are in same financial boat as me pass on me, & I'm not a millionaire.
It has little do w/ $$$$ unless you're a millionaire.
I am stuck. I make too much for poorer women to be interested, & women who are in same financial boat as me pass on me, & I'm not a millionaire.
It has little do w/ $$$$ unless you're a millionaire.
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Faithfulandtrue
Follow of Jesus Christ
I think the problem isn't so much money. Both us women and men are broke these days. I think it's a matter of places to meet singles your age. I'm angry that churches in my area seem to neglect singles like me who are above the 25 year old mark for fellowship groups. I'm too old for College group and didn't really go to college except a couple art classes here and there. So that isn't an option for someone like me. I don't want someone who drinks because of alcoholics I grew up around so meeting at a bar is a huge no. I haven't had social media in years because it made me more depressed. Where do we go to meet people, let alone potential mates?!
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Faithfulandtrue
Follow of Jesus Christ
I'm sorry you feel like that's why. Coming from a woman I personally don't care if I meet someone who has a house yet. Houses are expensive and I like the thought of buying a place together later on part of the excitement of getting married. I realized how hard it is to pay rent let alone my own house.
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timewerx
the village i--o--t--
If you are more likely to be broke these days and harder to get out of, then there is a money problem - not just concerning romance.
One way to meet people is getting a hobby where you are likely to meet each other face to face. Hobbies that require you to get outdoors for example.
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Sketcher
Born Imperishable
That's not the only reason, they clicked instantly. But I really think that owning his own home helped when it came time to assess more than just the way he made her feel. He also had roommates when he was single, they moved out before the couple got married. He had a full time factory job, and a consistent work ethic. He was able to establish himself in his 20's. There's a lot fewer of those kinds of jobs now than there were 40 years ago. The economy has taken a different direction, and students have been steered in different directions. Sometimes they are steered rightly, but many times they are not. College counselors look at projections a few years out, and then those projections turn out to be wrong, and students find themselves going back to school in a different major that they hope will actually make them money. And they of course acquire more debt when they do that. And then there are the college kids who think they can beat the odds and get into that field without a lot of openings. They find themselves in the exact same spot.
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Sketcher
Born Imperishable
That is a legit concern too. People will say dating sites and apps now, but those benefit the guys on those apps who don't really need to be using them the most. They can treat their matches like options, because most of the other guys get passed over in favor of them.
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Niels
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The way I see it, there's a lot more to class than money. Or our physical traits for that matter. How we're cultured, our values, personal interests, basic manners and mannerisms are better indicators of one's class in a meaningful way than salary. Not that being responsible with money and sharing mutual attraction isn't important, but a successful relationship requires more than keeping up appearances or having a big paycheck.
Speaking of which, It seems to me that money is a bigger factor among people who lack class. Folks driven by avarice and the lowest common denominator aren't classy. The same holds true whether you're broke or a billionaire. I've know classy poor people contemptible rich people. Class, like love, can't be bought. If it can be bought, then it isn't class or love as far as I'm concerned.
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timewerx
the village i--o--t--
True, but a rich woman with class will not be attracted to a poor man with class.
At least a woman with class will not act like a spoiled teenager if they need to let you know they don't like you. They'll do it in a manner, you'll end up feeling better as we who claim to be Christians should be doing anyway. A Christian should not behave like a spoiled teenager anyway, not even to strangers, especially to strangers.
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Niels
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On average, I suppose, but a rich woman with class may see a poor man with class as having potential. Possibly more potential than a rich man who acts like a spoiled teenager.
I agree that Christians shouldn't act like spoiled teenagers. At least not if they they grow up and take their faith to heart.
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