Church search woes

Holy Warrior · Jan 23, 2023

Hi, it’s been a long time since I posted on here- life and family get in the way a bit!

Anyway, we’ve recently relocated to Northern Ireland and have been trying to find a new spiritual home. I’m trying not to let the perfect become the enemy of the good, but it’s getting me down that there isn’t somewhere obvious to slot into. Without going too much into specifics (don’t want to cause any inter-denominational strife in the comments!) we’re quite conservative and finding we’re drifting farther from mainstream culture the closer we get to God. We’d like somewhere we can have fellowship with like-minded Christians and receive good, solid teaching. We’d also like to not be the only family with young kids in the building but don’t want a big church where we get lost in the crowd. Big denominations worry me as I keep seeing stuff going on at the head which I find concerning (eg Church of England bishops and their recent moves on same sex relationships) but small non-denominational churches worry me too as the ones I’ve come across tend to be less… grounded. Not sure how to put that better but can clarify in the comments if it doesn’t make sense.

Anyway, I’m not expecting any specific suggestions (though if you’ve got an amazing church in North Antrim let me know and I’ll check it out) but I’d appreciate some advice on how to find a church- what should we look for/try to avoid?

tryphena rose · Jan 23, 2023

My advice would be - don't put it off too long. There is no perfect church. You will struggle spiritually the longer you put it off. I'm in that predicament right now and haven't been to church in 2 years, as I'm waiting on my husband to make a decision on where we'll go. We have 2 kids under 2, who have never been to church and I'm very concerned over the entire thing. But he has ideas of an ideal church, and even with the many options around us, he feels as if there is none. And we're struggling.

If you find a church, even if it's mainstream with no glaring issues, just go, in faith and pray for God to guide and direct the church body. I find far too often people will pray to find a church, go looking for churches, become disappointed, judge the churches and stop going all together. It's like throwing out the baby with the bathwater. But God doesn't want us forsaking the assembling of ourselves together. I advise to find one that is decent, go in faith and pray for that body - for good sound doctrine and biblical teachings. If there's obvious glaring issues and false doctrines, then by all means you do not have to stay. But I think there comes a time where we must settle and let God lead instead of our own hearts and minds - thinking we know what's right and best.

Sorry if my tone comes off as a little harsh. I am venting a bit from my own circumstance, but am also trying to urge you not to do what we've done out of true concern for you and your family.

I think alternatively, you could meet with other Christians every week, forming a group, studying God's word and fellowshipping together. God's church is not limited to a building, it is "where two or more gather together in His name", but with that comes the added responsibility of you or whoever is teaching/leading the group. God will judge those who teach, harsher then those who do not, which is something to keep in mind.

fm107 · Jan 23, 2023

Holy Warrior said:
Hi, it’s been a long time since I posted on here- life and family get in the way a bit!

Anyway, we’ve recently relocated to Northern Ireland and have been trying to find a new spiritual home. I’m trying not to let the perfect become the enemy of the good, but it’s getting me down that there isn’t somewhere obvious to slot into. Without going too much into specifics (don’t want to cause any inter-denominational strife in the comments!) we’re quite conservative and finding we’re drifting farther from mainstream culture the closer we get to God. We’d like somewhere we can have fellowship with like-minded Christians and receive good, solid teaching. We’d also like to not be the only family with young kids in the building but don’t want a big church where we get lost in the crowd. Big denominations worry me as I keep seeing stuff going on at the head which I find concerning (eg Church of England bishops and their recent moves on same sex relationships) but small non-denominational churches worry me too as the ones I’ve come across tend to be less… grounded. Not sure how to put that better but can clarify in the comments if it doesn’t make sense.

Anyway, I’m not expecting any specific suggestions (though if you’ve got an amazing church in North Antrim let me know and I’ll check it out) but I’d appreciate some advice on how to find a church- what should we look for/try to avoid?

Check out this one: Ballymoney Gospel Hall

You should get good, biblically sound teaching from Gospel Halls such as the above. If you do go along, ask if there are any Gospel Halls that are closer to whatever town you live in, they will be able to tell you.

I've attended Gospel Halls here in England but not in Northern Ireland. They should be similar. If you have any questions, feel free to ask or send me a private message.

Holy Warrior · Jan 24, 2023

tryphena rose said:
My advice would be - don't put it off too long. There is no perfect church. You will struggle spiritually the longer you put it off. I'm in that predicament right now and haven't been to church in 2 years, as I'm waiting on my husband to make a decision on where we'll go. We have 2 kids under 2, who have never been to church and I'm very concerned over the entire thing. But he has ideas of an ideal church, and even with the many options around us, he feels as if there is none. And we're struggling.

If you find a church, even if it's mainstream with no glaring issues, just go, in faith and pray for God to guide and direct the church body. I find far too often people will pray to find a church, go looking for churches, become disappointed, judge the churches and stop going all together. It's like throwing out the baby with the bathwater. But God doesn't want us forsaking the assembling of ourselves together. I advise to find one that is decent, go in faith and pray for that body - for good sound doctrine and biblical teachings. If there's obvious glaring issues and false doctrines, then by all means you do not have to stay. But I think there comes a time where we must settle and let God lead instead of our own hearts and minds - thinking we know what's right and best.

Sorry if my tone comes off as a little harsh. I am venting a bit from my own circumstance, but am also trying to urge you not to do what we've done out of true concern for you and your family.

I think alternatively, you could meet with other Christians every week, forming a group, studying God's word and fellowshipping together. God's church is not limited to a building, it is "where two or more gather together in His name", but with that comes the added responsibility of you or whoever is teaching/leading the group. God will judge those who teach, harsher then those who do not, which is something to keep in mind.

Thanks for that. I didn’t read it as harsh and I definitely want to avoid being homeless for any length of time. We’re currently living around 30 miles from the house we’re buying and had decided to travel on Sundays until the sale is completed so we can plug into a church sooner rather than later. We’d started going to a non-denominational church as my wife had made a connection through a home schooling group to another couple of families there. The community is pretty good but they only have a proper church service twice a month and the other Sundays it’s a more informal fellowship meetings like a big small group so we’re struggling a bit with the lack of teaching. It’s quite charismatic and I struggle with that style of worship, quite frankly.

What I’m trying to mull over in my mind is whether the pros outweigh the cons - I know we won’t find the perfect church but I want somewhere that is going to actively help in grounding us and our children in the faith rather than just somewhere that’s fun to be at for an hour on a Sunday.

Holy Warrior · Jan 24, 2023

fm107 said:
Check out this one: Ballymoney Gospel Hall

You should get good, biblically sound teaching from Gospel Halls such as the above. If you do go along, ask if there are any Gospel Halls that are closer to whatever town you live in, they will be able to tell you.

I've attended Gospel Halls here in England but not in Northern Ireland. They should be similar. If you have any questions, feel free to ask or send me a private message.

It’s funny how we pick up certain preconceptions and prejudices without even realising. Growing up in NI as a presbyterian my impression of Gospel Halls is that they are quite legalistic and insular- women aren’t allowed to wear trousers, not allowed TV, that kind of thing. Almost Amish but not quite that extreme. That may well be completely unfair, but it meant I’d discarded the gospel halls as an option when looking around. I’ll take another look and see what I can find out about it locally.

Hazelelponi · Jan 24, 2023

Holy Warrior said:
It’s funny how we pick up certain preconceptions and prejudices without even realising. Growing up in NI as a presbyterian my impression of Gospel Halls is that they are quite legalistic and insular- women aren’t allowed to wear trousers, not allowed TV, that kind of thing. Almost Amish but not quite that extreme. That may well be completely unfair, but it meant I’d discarded the gospel halls as an option when looking around. I’ll take another look and see what I can find out about it locally.

In the US there was a split within the Presbyterian church where we have a conservative branch and a liberal branch. The Methodists have likewise now split into liberal and conservative.

While I don't know anything about your country, our Presbyterians come from your neck of the woods, generally speaking, which means there might also be major denominational splits there too...

If so, you might look into what denominations have split into conservative branches as well .

It's the only advice I really have, I'm across the pond. I will pray for you and your family...

Aaron112 · Jan 24, 2023

Holy Warrior said:
it’s getting me down that there isn’t somewhere obvious to slot into. Without going too much into specifics (don’t want to cause any inter-denominational strife in the comments!) we’re quite conservative and finding we’re drifting farther from mainstream culture the closer we get to God. We’d like somewhere we can have fellowship with like-minded Christians and receive good, solid teaching.

Others have the same 'woe'.... almost anywhere they live. Or, is it really a 'woe', getting closer to God has always resulted in renouncing even "mainstream culture" /the world/.

timf · Jan 24, 2023

There is a lot you can gain on line from different sources. Denominational strictures can be limiting to your own growth as Paul cites, they are symptomatic of immaturity.

1Co 3:1 And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ.
1Co 3:2 I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able.
1Co 3:3 For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men?
1Co 3:4 For while one saith, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are ye not carnal?

Many churches are transitioning to worldly accommodation. As such you might be able to use them to meet other Christians. However, for your own personal growth, you may have to seek out others more remote from who you can learn and grow. One web site that might be helpful is;

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Church search woes

Holy Warrior

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tryphena rose

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fm107

Psalm 19:1-4 and Romans 1:20

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Holy Warrior

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