"the Song Writer I'll Never Be"

"THE SONG WRITER I'LL NEVER BE"
A TESTIMONIAL by : rollinTHUNDER

I have always tried to avoid writing my testimony, mainly because I don't like the focus of my writings to be on me.  Another reason though, is because my testimony is a very difficult one to write.  But I have now come to the conclusion that God receives glory from such stories, so who am I to not give one?  I must warn you though, I still have some very unclear issues that go back to the beginning of my salvation that have not been settled yet.  This may be the strangest testimony that you have ever read, because for those of you that are familiar with my writings, you know that I sometimes go way out on a limb.  This is not just a testimony, but in it I will also make a prediction as to something that I believe may happen to the very first writing I received from the Lord.  It is this first writing that He has chosen not to use yet.  And it's also the one that has baffled me from the very beginning of my salvation up to now. 

When I first got saved about 13 years ago, I unwittingly or ignorantly brought an offerring to the altar.  I was planning to re-unite my old rock band, of which I was the lead singer, or only singer actually.  But I needed alcohol before I started singing, or so I thought, to boost my confidence.  Anyway, God rejected my offer, probably because it was a conditional offer.   But by the same token, I think He was also pleased because at least I was offerring something, where probably most people don't offer anything when they first come to Him.  As you know, we don't bring gifts or offerings to the altar anymore.  So, even though He ended up rejecting my offer, He also knew my heart was in the right place.  I only knew that my plans for getting the band back together were shattered, along with many other things in my past.

Here is what I offerred that day:  I said, "Okay Lord, I'll sing for you, IF, you take away my shyness."  Immediately I heard that still small voice for the very first time.  He said, "No - you're going to write."  I was so excited I could hardly sit still in my seat in that service.  I just knew I was going to be a song writer.  Boy was that a false assumption on my part?  He never said anything about songs.  But about a year later, He did give me a song, or actually it was part of a song.  One night He gave me four lines, or half of a verse.  So I got out of bed and wrote it down.  The next night He gave me the next four lines, and they fit perfectly with the first four.  They fit like a glove.  The next night I was excited, because I thought He was going to give me the next four lines, and He did, and they also fit the pattern.  This was great!!  Wow!!

All day long, this was constantly on my mind.  The next night I just knew He was going to give me more.  But this time, I waited, and waited, but the Spirit never showed up.  So I thought, maybe He will finish it the next night.  Wrong again.  And the same with the next night.  So, eventually, I got the idea that He wanted me to finish it.  All I needed to do was write four lines that made sense with the other lines, and then also, a chorus to go with it too. 

Well, it wasn't that easy.  The four lines God was giving me in about one minute had taken me hours to match.  But I was finally able to write a good match for the pattern He gave me.  The chorus though,  I still, to this very day have not been able to write a good one, even though I have tried and tried.  Anyway, after a couple of years went by, I didn't receive anymore lyrics, or hear that small voice at all anymore.  Eventually, I had totally forgotten about writing songs, and life went on.

Public speaking was not my gift, so I didn't think I would be a very good Bible Study Teacher, so I kind of did odd jobs in the church for a while.  I worked on putting in a church parking lot at first.  I would also be a witness whenever the Lord opened the door for me to witness.  And later, I became a bus driver on Sundays, picking up little boys and girls in the county and bringing them to Sunday School.  I did this job for 3 or 4 years.  It seemed to fit me, because I worked the midnight shift, and I was able to leave work and immediately go to the church and warm the bus up.  But then we got a new Pastor, and he wanted to do away with Sunday school, because we didn't have enough volunteers to handle the pre-school child care.  So I was out of a job for a while, and just kept on witnessing when the Lord would open the door.

Now here is where it gets really strange.  About 10 years after I made that offer to God, I started going to a chiropractor after hurting my back.  I went three times a week for the first 5 or 6 weeks.  It was weird though, because everytime I went, I saw this woman that went to the same high school that I did about 20 years before, but she was a couple of years behind me.  I never really got to know her very well, because our paths very rarely crossed each other way back then, but I could remember a couple of times where they did cross.   I  knew her name, But that's really about it, so all I could really do was say "hi" when I ran into her, which was hardly ever. 

It was weird, because everytime that I went to the chiropractor, this woman was always there.  I barely even recognized her at first, but everytime I went, she also had an appointment at about the same time.  Even when I would move my next appointment back an hour or so, or even change the day of the appointment, she showed up there too, without fail.  After a while, I started thinking, "Lord are you trying to tell me something here?"  Well, He never answered.  This went on like this for about 3 or 4 weeks, but then it finally stopped.  I thought that it was just one of those freaky things that happens every now and again out of pure coincidence.

But then, the very same week that it stopped, her and her husband showed up in our church.  I thought, "This is very strange," but I had no idea what to make of it.  I was totally baffled by it all, but in the back of my mind, I was wondering if God was up to something here.  Oh well, whatever it was, I didn't have to worry about it, I thought, because we will know eventually, after the Lord puts all the pieces together.  After all, this is His puzzle, not mine.  He knows where all the pieces go.

Very soon after this, they joined our church.  But it seemed like the paths that were crossing so much before was back to almost never again.  Then soon after that, she started playing the piano.  Since our paths kind of quit crossing, I kind of put the strange coincidences out of my mind and pretty much had forgotten all about it.  So life went on and it was pretty much the same ole, same ole for about a year or so.  But then came the events of Sept. 11th, 2001, and not long after that, my spiritual life started to change drasticly. 

I had totally forgotten all about writing songs, and then the Lord started revealing things to me about the events surrounding the endtimes, which had held my interest for at least the last ten years prior.  I didn't know what to think of it at first, but little by little, doors started opening up.  Suddenly, before I knew it, I found myself writing about endtimes events on christian forums on the internet.  My work was very sloppy at first, and I made a lot of mistakes in spelling, puncuation and so forth, but the Lord was starting to do a work in me.  I had no talent in this field at all, but God can take nothing and make it into something.  All we have to do is be willing vessels, and He will mold us and fit us right into His plans.  Can God take one of His church bus drivers and turn him into a writer?  I am living proof that He can, and I've been doing it for well over a year now, and all for His glory!

Several months after I got saved, I learned that God used His prophets of old to reveal events of the future and the last days.  I remember how excited I was when I first learned about this stuff called "Prophecy."  Later, I also learned that many people try to shy away from it.  Some may be confused by it, and others may not understand it, and still others may be fearful of saying what they think about such things for fear of being proven wrong later.  But I saw something entirely different.  What better way for God to be able to prove that He is real?  Only a true and living God can actually know the end from the very beginning, and I'm betting my entire life on the fact that He is exactly who He says He is, and that He sent His Son into this world to save us from our sins.

I know that some of the things the Lord has given me to write about are hard to understand, most are controversial, but one common link between them is a sense of "urgency.".  Some have already been taught by others.  Many of my writings are inspired by God, but not all of them.  There is a way that I have learned to tell the difference.  When the Lord gives me a message, He will also give me confirmation, and so far, these confirmations have all come in different ways.  It may be that still small voice, a dream, a vision and He very often opens up my understanding of some things I never understood before while doing my rough drafts and researching the scriptures.  He also guides me to scriptures that I was not planning on using, and usually it seems like I accidently just stumbled onto something, but I know better than that. 

I have been taking a lot of heat for some of the things I say, but I usually don't pick my topics.  Believe it or not, I write what He lays on my heart, and a lot of what He reveals to me blows me away too, not just my readers.  I know that I go way out on a limb sometimes, but that is what faith is all about.  Sometimes I go so far out on a limb that only my faith is holding me up, and sometimes that's kinda scary.  But God is calling His chosen to get out of the boat, and out of our comfort zones, just like Peter did when he got out and started walking on the water.  I know that if I ever let the fear of being wrong stop me, then I am already defeated.  So I will gladly be a fool for God if it brings Him glory.  And I know that God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise (1 Cor. 1:26-28).  ( END OF PART ONE )

Now, back to that song that the Lord gave me 12 years ago.  It's clear to me now, that I'm not going to write songs.  But what about the one that He gave me?  Why would He give me that song?  Does He do things like that for no reason at all?  I have a hard time believing that it was all for nothing.  And what about the woman that I kept bumping into?  Was that all for nothing too?  Likewise, I also have a hard time believing all that was for nothing as well.  There's been some very odd things happening in my spiritual being lately.  There's been a very strong presense of the Holy Spirit.  

Folks, would you believe that the woman that I kept crossing paths with at the chiropractor's office is now writing songs?  These are not just ordinary songs folks.  These are awesome praise and worship songs!  God is doing a great work in her and her songs are blessing the entire congregation!  Is it possible that the Lord was trying to tell me that it was her, who was going to write songs for Him, and that I was going to write about endtime events?  We've all heard that God works in mysterious ways, but to me, this one really takes the cake.  This has been more than mysterious, and it's not over yet.

You see, there is another very strange thing that happened, well actually two things, but one of them I don't quite  understand yet.  Let's start with the one that is easier to understand.  This woman had invited the whole youth group to a Super Bowl Party at her house.  Me and my wife ended up going because our sons are all members of the youth group.  Mostly us guys were watching the game, as the women were all playing some game of their own in another part of the house.  So I didn't get much of a chance to fellowship much with my sisters in Him, but I did go in there and mingle a bit at half time.  

The Super Bowl ended up being a one sided slaughter, and people began departing before the game had ended.  I saw the woman doing something in her kitchen as we were getting ready to leave.  So the thought entered my mind to go in there and tell her what a blessing that her and her family have been to our church.  Her and two of her daughters play in our church band, and they are very gifted musicians.  They have really brightened our worship service!  After talking and getting to know her better, I don't think it's right to call her "that woman" anymore.  Her name is Maria and she is a dear sister and a friend, and I like to think of her as one of God's little songbirds! 

Anyway, I have always seemed to struggle when it comes to meeting people, but when I told her what a blessing they were, it was as if the Lord started tearing down walls almost immediately.  Before I knew it, we found ourselves talking about several things, and my wife also entered into this conversation.  We found out that we had very similar interests, and even similar gifts of the Spirit.  But what was really weird was that the presense of the Holy Spirit came into our very midst in that kitchen.  All three of us felt the Spirit.  I am no stranger to feeling the presense of the Spirit, but this dose of the Spirit was much more stronger than I had ever felt before.  It kept tugging me and I couldn't understand why.  But it was awesome!!  I actually felt like I probably weighed about ten pounds heavier it was so strong.

I must admit, I was totally baffled about what the Spirit was trying to say in that kitchen.  I didn't have a clue.  Sometimes we are so slow to know what God is trying to tell us.  Sometimes our human understanding doesn't grasp what the Spirit would have us know.  Now, as I look back on it, I feel like such a big dummy.  I wonder why it took so long for the light to finally come on.  I'm about to tell you what I believe God is going to do, but it is forcing me to get out of the boat and walk by faith.  But before I tell you, I first want to tell you about the strange thing that I haven't yet been able to figure out, and it is very strange.

On the Sunday before the Super Bowl, as I was getting ready to leave my house and go to church, I noticed something very strange.  As I grabbed my keys off of my dresser, I noticed that there were three small keys on my keyring that don't belong there.  If this was some kind of a practical joke, the only one who could have possibly done it was my wife.  You see, I'm in the security business and key control is of major importance in my profession.  I've worked in a Prison for the past twelve years, and I also enlisted in the military for six years as a Security Specialist.   So I'm not one to lose keys.  No one touches my personal keys at work, and I work alone in a tower.  Also, I have trained myself to secure my keys when I get home.  The first thing I do when I get home, without fail, is go into my room and put my keys on the dresser.  It's a habit that I have trained myself in.

The only person who is even allowed in my bedroom, other than me, is my wife.  The only exception to this rule was when our kids were sick when they were little.  We would bring them in there and comfort them and let them sleep with us.  But those days are long gone now as they are all teenagers now.  So I asked my wife if she put the three keys on my ring.  She said "No."  I know she doesn't lie to me, and I totally believe her.  I then asked all of our sons, and they all said "No."  So what in the world is going on here??  I am totally baffled by it all!  How bizzarre!

I received a verse of scripture soon after I started writing for the Lord.  1 Cor. 16:9 - "because a great door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many who oppose me." 
I received that verse, but receiving real keys seems so crazy to me.  I haven't the foggiest idea what to make of this.  I wonder, is it possible that the keys were placed on my ring by an angel?  But if so, why?  I may never know, but I have decided to have faith that they do mean something, and this is where I will get out of the boat.  Walking on water is kinda scary, but we must live by faith and not by sight.

Two of these keys are silver colored, and they are duplicates or copies of each other.  They both have the word "Excel" written on them.  The other key is a gold color master lock key.  I have nothing that they fit into.  So, I believe the Lord is telling me to give the song that He gave me to Maria, and let her put the finishing touch on it.  I'm also going to give her one of the silver keys, and just hope that I am doing the right thing.  I'm so unsure about the keys.  But I have come to realize that God did not call me to write songs, but Maria is a very gifted songwriter.  It was foolish of me to even think I was going to be a song writer, because I could have only wrote the lyrics, not the music.  So it makes perfect sense to me that this is what the Lord wants me to do.  And two days ago, Feb. 24, 2003, I gave it two her to finish.  And I believe this song will glorify the Lord and I also believe that something big is about to happen in our church.  Our church motto is Isaiah 43:19 - "Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?  I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert."

This may sound like foolishness to some of you that read this.  And it is.  Is it possible that I have missed what the Lord is trying to tell me?  Of course it is possible.  I'm not claiming to be some kind of a Prophet, but I am willing to risk sounding foolish if it means that my Lord will be glorified.  I do consider myself to be one of God's little fools and I insist on living the rest of my life by faith and not by sight.  I have been called to write, but I was wrong about what I was going to be writing about.  That was my fault, not God's.  Sometimes we go the wrong way when we start assuming things and I was new to the faith way back then.  No harm, no foul and life goes on!  I'll update this thread when I know if my suspicions were correct or not about that song.  Either way, I am a writer for the Lord now, regardless of whether or not He chooses to use that song.  He was faithful to His promise!!  Hallelujah!!