- Jan 18, 2018
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Hello everyone! I appreciate your continued support on here. I have actually recovered from many problems in my life and this has been a helpful tool. Praise God! However, recently I have been going through a mental version of what I imagine the terrors of hell to feel like, at least in part.
So, I used to abuse drugs. It was a hard time in my life. But I have, to the Glory of God, overcome it again, Praise the Lord! It was truly awful. I was like that for years. Now, my family didn't know. But I have recently been completely delivered from drug abuse, and I have been delivered from the abuse of many things. And I have been following God, at least I hope so. See, here's the thing: I started to have what seemed to be demonic influences from doing these drugs, and I would feel terror and voices of fear and hate and condemnation. The last time I used drugs to get intoxicated, I was under the influence and heard an angry voice seem to scream into my ears that if I didn't tell everyone in my family that I was abusing drugs, I would go to hell. I was filled with many terrors and great anxiety that night and it has been going on for a while now, ever since. It seems like "conviction mixed with condemnation and anxiety.
But here's the thing, during all this, I had another voice/feeling deep in my heart that seemed to bring peace and hope and teach me how to actually avoid sin and temptation, rather than telling me how evil, hateful, and how much of an Idiot I am. Jesus called people fools, so that suddenly doesn't sound very far off. But here's the thing, I have tried listening to the loud and blaring voice that seems to pierce my soul with anxiety and constant crippling fear. I have told people. It does nothing. It alleviates nothing. On the surface, it seems like the right thing to do, but I have talked to people in my family over and over and it doesn't go away, in fact, it gets worse. It goes away for a bit but then continues on. I don't tell them everything though and maybe I am being punished? It keeps reminding me that God destroys sinners and that God harshly judges people. But even though I "repent" over and over, it still tells me I haven't told people enough or I haven't said it right. I am woken up from sleep with crippling anxiety. Is this an evil Spirit.
The thing is, I have many other voices that also claim to be God, along with the fearful one mentioned above. But the one that seems to reside in my heart tells me the exact opposite. It tells me that I need to get close to God. I need to read the Bible. I need to not worry because my sins are forgiven in the confession to God and that he can make me new. It isn't fearful and intimidating. It tells me that I need to repent of worrying and come to God to be healed. It brings up many Scriptures that are actually used in context, unlike the other ones. It seems like this one just wants me to be saved and to bring honor to God.
It seems like a cut and dry answer but how can I know for sure. The fearful one reminds me that I will go to hell for not picking the right one. The other tells me to trust in God and lean not on my own understanding because he will make my paths straight. But they both use Scripture. The fearful one reminds me that The devil comes as an angel of light. The other one tells me to look at the facts and at scripture. To test the Spirits. To look at the way these voices affect me and to learn from it. But the fearful one tells me that my feelings are unreliable and my experiences and tells me to blindly follow. The other one tells me to look to God and to Scripture. But it's a much quieter voice. The fearful one makes me feel anxious and like tells me that I am only wanting to have my ears tickled and gives me a convicting feeling of anxiety. The other one tells me to trust in God and gives me a convicting feeling that makes me sorry that I have sinned against a God when I sin. Both use Scripture. But the fearful one keeps putting in my mind that I am sunforgiven still, I am headed to hell, unless I repent, I am going to be put in great delusion, I am just looking to have my ears tickled, I am not coming to the light. The light one tells me that I am saved through Grace and that I need to stop worrying and follow the Lord, read the Bible, and trust in God for salvation and forgiveness. It actually gives me comfort and shows me truths that seem to go with the Bible. It even turns my eyes from anxiety and despair to God using the Scriptures.
The only question is, which one do I listen to? I can't afford to choose wrong. The other voice doesn't go away, no matter how much I rebuke it. What should I do? I want to please God
Sorry for the length of this. Thank you for answering me and helping me to anyone that does
So, I used to abuse drugs. It was a hard time in my life. But I have, to the Glory of God, overcome it again, Praise the Lord! It was truly awful. I was like that for years. Now, my family didn't know. But I have recently been completely delivered from drug abuse, and I have been delivered from the abuse of many things. And I have been following God, at least I hope so. See, here's the thing: I started to have what seemed to be demonic influences from doing these drugs, and I would feel terror and voices of fear and hate and condemnation. The last time I used drugs to get intoxicated, I was under the influence and heard an angry voice seem to scream into my ears that if I didn't tell everyone in my family that I was abusing drugs, I would go to hell. I was filled with many terrors and great anxiety that night and it has been going on for a while now, ever since. It seems like "conviction mixed with condemnation and anxiety.
But here's the thing, during all this, I had another voice/feeling deep in my heart that seemed to bring peace and hope and teach me how to actually avoid sin and temptation, rather than telling me how evil, hateful, and how much of an Idiot I am. Jesus called people fools, so that suddenly doesn't sound very far off. But here's the thing, I have tried listening to the loud and blaring voice that seems to pierce my soul with anxiety and constant crippling fear. I have told people. It does nothing. It alleviates nothing. On the surface, it seems like the right thing to do, but I have talked to people in my family over and over and it doesn't go away, in fact, it gets worse. It goes away for a bit but then continues on. I don't tell them everything though and maybe I am being punished? It keeps reminding me that God destroys sinners and that God harshly judges people. But even though I "repent" over and over, it still tells me I haven't told people enough or I haven't said it right. I am woken up from sleep with crippling anxiety. Is this an evil Spirit.
The thing is, I have many other voices that also claim to be God, along with the fearful one mentioned above. But the one that seems to reside in my heart tells me the exact opposite. It tells me that I need to get close to God. I need to read the Bible. I need to not worry because my sins are forgiven in the confession to God and that he can make me new. It isn't fearful and intimidating. It tells me that I need to repent of worrying and come to God to be healed. It brings up many Scriptures that are actually used in context, unlike the other ones. It seems like this one just wants me to be saved and to bring honor to God.
It seems like a cut and dry answer but how can I know for sure. The fearful one reminds me that I will go to hell for not picking the right one. The other tells me to trust in God and lean not on my own understanding because he will make my paths straight. But they both use Scripture. The fearful one reminds me that The devil comes as an angel of light. The other one tells me to look at the facts and at scripture. To test the Spirits. To look at the way these voices affect me and to learn from it. But the fearful one tells me that my feelings are unreliable and my experiences and tells me to blindly follow. The other one tells me to look to God and to Scripture. But it's a much quieter voice. The fearful one makes me feel anxious and like tells me that I am only wanting to have my ears tickled and gives me a convicting feeling of anxiety. The other one tells me to trust in God and gives me a convicting feeling that makes me sorry that I have sinned against a God when I sin. Both use Scripture. But the fearful one keeps putting in my mind that I am sunforgiven still, I am headed to hell, unless I repent, I am going to be put in great delusion, I am just looking to have my ears tickled, I am not coming to the light. The light one tells me that I am saved through Grace and that I need to stop worrying and follow the Lord, read the Bible, and trust in God for salvation and forgiveness. It actually gives me comfort and shows me truths that seem to go with the Bible. It even turns my eyes from anxiety and despair to God using the Scriptures.
The only question is, which one do I listen to? I can't afford to choose wrong. The other voice doesn't go away, no matter how much I rebuke it. What should I do? I want to please God
Sorry for the length of this. Thank you for answering me and helping me to anyone that does
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