Hah! Sunny state... No, I'm afraid I'm stuck in black, cold, near arctic old Norway, and I'm going to die right here, at least the spring is coming. I got a cat already, that thing have black fur, and it's a personal joke to have such a symbol of bad luck, since he's a darling, but unfortunately he don't help much when I'm in panic, but just nags at me for not giving him something yummy so that he can go sleep with a big belly.
I wish I had a purpose... I feel as there's nothing good to expect from life and that with my luck I have to just sit here and suffer from myself until I start to die slowly from something really bad, but at least then I won't be blamed for dying, as if dying is some kind of moral defect.
Things look pretty grim, it does. Feels like I'm heading into a bit more calm area of this tornado now. I guess that means the meds are kicking in a little now. Really wish I could get some sleep. Earlier when I had serious depression, at least I could always sleep if things became too bad, but now there's really nothing that can do, nowhere I can hide when the dark and terrifying black clouds begin to gather around me.
Thanks everyone for showing that you care. The only thing that really help when I get so afraid is to turn to prayer somewhere, from someone, it's the only thing left I trust.
