When you fall for the wrong one...

That's always a difficult question. When it isn't mutual one usually asks "how come it felt right for me? This person must not be following God's will". Maybe this will be temporary. If not, if it's God's will, another man will come along eventually. Just stay prayerful and trust that maybe this is God's way of clearing the path for the one He has chosen for your life. Whatever happens just know that God has an amaing plan for you. God bless,

This is a tricky thing. One where there are tons of separate opinions on what is right and wrong, dating, friends....

I was in a similar situation where everyone at the church I was attending slated myself and one of the girls at the church were "destined to be together" and " were meant for each other". Needless to say we dated for a little while and it ended badly. Ah well. Life goes on.

I learned that God gave me a mind, love, and strength, and the ability to use all of them. Also time heals all. Since it just happened it’s obviously very present in your mind. Give it some time. You'll be able to look back at the situation in a different light. There will most definitely be someone out there for you. You will find them. You will be that much happier. Don't fully pass your heart off as deceptive since it was given to you by God to use and trust. Although at times question too. Ultimately remember that no matter what God has your back!!

Only God knows what he has in store for you. I know, for myself, I honestly can't wait to find out!!

Lisa Lou,

I feel for you. I really do. You have an age old question that I am not sure that any of us have the answer. I met a girl that I was sure God had brought into my life. Then she decided we would only be good friends (unbeknown to me). Then she started dating someone else (also not know to me). Then I find out my accident. So needless to say it was rather devasting. I have questioned many times why this happened. Though it was not the first time, but I really felt that I was seeking God this time.

You just have to forgive the person that has hurt you badly. This is hard, and often takes some time. Forgive God if you become angry at him for allowing this to happen to you. Ask God to keep your heart soft so that it does not become hard and bitter.

There are a couple of books that I recommend reading "Prayer Guide for the Broken Hearted" and "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted" both are by Michelle Hammond, and are excellent to point you down the road of healing.

So, these are some steps to help you move on, but the question now becomes "How do I prevent it in the future?" I really don't have that answer, but at some point you have to trust yourself enough to try again.

Also, another word of comfort to you might be, that the guy did not do exactly what God wanted him to do. I think many times when we get involved with Christians we expect them to do everything they should. However, they are just like us, and make mistakes also. If he did not obey God, he will have to answer for that, and not you.

Also, time IS the great healer. I know from experience that it takes more time that we are willing to give. In my experince time heals the wound and stops the pain, but the scar is still there. You just have to remember how you got that scar, and learn from it, and try not to allow the past repeat itself.

Hope this helps

I believe that sometimes God will choose a particular person to be one's spouse, but to be honest, I think that is rare.

More often, I believe that God allows us to choose who we want to marry, just as he lets us choose many other things in life. He will bless our marriage, and commands us to make it work, through thick and thin.

I know it's tough, but in time you will be greatful that he let you go. He may have had a feeling that it wouldn't work out in the end. If he had felt 'guilty' of letting you go and married you despite his feelings, the two of you might have regretted marriage.

Enslow

Lisa move on. When you do he will either try to get you back or not. If so you may take him back if you want, if not you move on. Its win-win.

I'm with desi on this one. Time is going to be your best friend any way you look at it.

I don't think it's right when people say they "felt God tell them" what to do. It just seems like a way of passing the blame, or an excuse for causing someone pain. Especially in that situation of breaking off a relationship. Lisalou, don't think that God wanted you to be heartbroken, just because this guy said that God told him to do it. I believe that God doesn't tell us what to do, we make our own decisions. It's good to pray that God will give you guidance and help you to make the right decision, but I don't believe that He ever gives such direct commands.

You can never be totally sure that a relationship will work out, but nothing worthwhile is gained without taking a risk. The only advice I can offer is to really make sure you know someone before you start thinking of them as 'the one'. Really analyse whether they are a trustworthy, Godly person, and also (it would be hard) try and see whether they are mature enough for a serious relationship and ready to 'settle down'.

Oh yeah, try not to place any requirements on God, ie thinking that God put him in your life as your future marriage partner. I know, I have been in a situation where I thought that (except with a girl ) . I think it leaves you open to so much more pain when it ends because you have convinced yourself that it is God's will.

Buskanaka said:

I don't think it's right when people say they "felt God tell them" what to do. It just seems like a way of passing the blame, or an excuse for causing someone pain. Especially in that situation of breaking off a relationship. Lisalou, don't think that God wanted you to be heartbroken, just because this guy said that God told him to do it. I believe that God doesn't tell us what to do, we make our own decisions. It's good to pray that God will give you guidance and help you to make the right decision, but I don't believe that He ever gives such direct commands.

You can never be totally sure that a relationship will work out, but nothing worthwhile is gained without taking a risk. The only advice I can offer is to really make sure you know someone before you start thinking of them as 'the one'. Really analyse whether they are a trustworthy, Godly person, and also (it would be hard) try and see whether they are mature enough for a serious relationship and ready to 'settle down'.

Oh yeah, try not to place any requirements on God, ie thinking that God put him in your life as your future marriage partner. I know, I have been in a situation where I thought that (except with a girl ) . I think it leaves you open to so much more pain when it ends because you have convinced yourself that it is God's will.

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I've set and read this post several times.

I agree often we put requirements on God by deciding that something is in his will, and it is not. We we decide this then suddenly the situation is a "sure thing" no worries, right? Then when it falls through we are devasted. Been there, done that!! Why does this happen? Where we wrong and the relationship not in God's will? Did God intend for us to get hurt to teach us something, and it actually was in God's will? or was in it God's will and the other person not do what they should have? I wish I had the answers!!

I will disagree that God does not give us specific commands. I went through a really tough period, and I felt that God gave me some specific commands and helped me get through it. I may me wrong, I did not recieve the results I expected, but I did gain relief from the situation which was what I truly needed.

Sometimes I think arrange marriages are the way to go. It would sure cut down on the dating/ courting heartbrake.

how can you know when its ok to be vulnerable with a person of the opposite sex?

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The Lord addresses all my prospects. But when He initiates dialogue about someone, calls attention to their character or challenges, bids me to pray, counsels my behavior, or pricks my spirit about him, I pay attention.

Does the person draw me nearer to God or is our discourse carnal or focused on the mundane? I’m more forthcoming with the one who stirs my spirit than those who don’t. We relate on another level.

Do you really get that "He's the One" feeling?

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I wouldn’t call it a feeling. It’s an acknowledgement of his impact on my person. Willing is the key. I’m willing to try. To forgive. To accept. To compromise. To follow. To remain. And so on. I’m at home with my weakness and display it without shame.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

LisaLou said:

So.. what's the word, friends? Here's my situation: I am a committed Christian, praying for God's will in my life. I found a wonderful Christian man who stirred my heart. We were moving towards marraige, when he felt God tell him to call it off with me. Maybe love is blind, but I really thought that God put him in my life. (Leaning on Romans 8:28- God works all things to the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose). The question remains- since the heart is deceitful, how can you know when its ok to be vulnerable with a person of the opposite sex? Do you really get that "He's the One" feeling? I know fear is not from God, but I feel the walls going up around my heart. But I also know that to "awaken love" too early is to court disaster. Any advice?

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I don't buy into the whole 'the heart is deceitful" clause. If that were the case then there wouldn't be several verses that talk about carrying out what's on your heart. (Psalms 37:4, Romans 10:9-10) First off, that verse is taken out of context. Back in the book of Jeremiah, the writer is talking about an unregenerated Israel.

With that being said, believers need to cultivate obedience and train themselves by renewing themselves with the truth before attempting to carry out what's on their hearts. Where Christians get in trouble is when they attempt to do these things prematurely and are in no way mature enough to do so.