Ex Christians - why did you leave?

amci said:

Hi!

I was an Eastern Orthodox Christian for the first 25 years of my life. I was fascinated by Christian theology and history as well as philosophy and modern cosmology. After finishing a B.A. in Theology, I moved onto graduate studies in theology-- a program I decided to drop out of.

I had very strong beliefs in the immanence of the Triune God in the world and the centrality of the crucified and resurrected Christ to all of reality. To me this was the only way to interpret Christianity. Jesus of Nazareth was the godman, the union of the divine and the human. His foundation of the church was central to the destiny of humanity and all rational beings. I believed the Bible was an instrument of divine revelation to be used by the church to understand the risen Christ and his eternal involvement in universal history.

The position of the church was central. Without a clear set of guidelines, hypotheses, and on-going experiences of God in the world, there's no way to make sense of Christian scripture and metanarrative. The anchor of this set needs to be the experience of the saints throughout history-- the transformative outcome of the gospel put into action in a person. In the Orthodox tradition, this is what is meant when someone is called a "theologian"-- that they have followed the commandments of Christ, humbled themselves to be a vessel of the Holy Spirit, adhered to the faith passed down by the saints, and maintained communion with the body of Christ on earth via the sacraments of the church. The theory is that this results in direct experience of the presence and workings of God in reality. This was the anchor that confirms the experience of the church throughout history, which in turn confirms the gospel narrative, which in turn becomes the interpretive lens for reality. In theory, these holy people, the apostles and earlier church fathers and mothers prime among them, provide a clearer view on how to see the world and the scriptures. This understanding is then codified in doctrine to be believed and lived by the general body of the church militant with the hopes of them being fellow-workers with Christ through the Holy Spirit, working out their salvation with fear and trembling.

This was the only way Christianity could make sense to me as someone without personal mystical/religious experience. There had to be a set of ongoing experiences that demonstrate the gospel as lived. The experiences granted understanding that was beyond the ability of rational investigation, but supplemented it. There's no reason to take the scriptures as useful without external demonstration of their value. There's no reason to be part of a church that doesn't maintain a clear tradition of understanding. These pieces have to fit together into a living framework and culture for a metanarrative.

I operated, very conscious of this, from ages 15 to 25. Christianity was a transformative metanarrative, the church a theanthropic organism and culture, and the scriptures and the lives of saints a well of information to be contemplated, understood, and confirmed through the church's theologically based doctrine. The issues arise when there's no clear definition of the tradition's position on something or when that position dramatically conflicts with the world as experienced through natural lenses.

For me, there's no way to externally justify this system with one's own experiences in a way that satisfies skeptical requirements for a reasonable level of certainty. There's no way to validate the causes of experiences of holy people.

There are other explanations for historical elements for the Christian tradition that don't require theological explanations.

Saints of the Christian tradition, when confronted with information about the modern or natural world, say utterly absurd things on occasion. There's no standard for why one might accept their positions on theological issues but reject their ridiculous positions on scientific or political issues. Their understanding is supposed to come from God.

1. The lack of a possibility for a coherent theory of biblical interpretation that incorporates the majority of historically held interpretations and what historical and textual criticism can reasonable tell us about the writings of the bible.
2. The quasi-requirement to believe doctrine that conflicts with empirical investigation of the natural world. I'm talking mostly about cosmology and natural history. Miracles can be hand-waved if the rest of the system is accepted.
3. There's no standard to determine what the authoritative elements of the Christian tradition actually are for a number of important issues. If there's no principles to adhere to for interpretation, then there's no definite interpretation. (For me, honestly, a pluralism here is fine, but there's no acceptance of pluralism in this way from the church,)
4. I don't have strong emotional convictions about issues of traditional morality. I can toe the line, but I can't make honest arguments against things like consensual homosexual relationships, most methods of birth control, transgender issues, or social liberalism.
5. It's possible to all of the experiences I relied on as anchors for the Christian system to be explained without Christian doctrine.

Dunno, honestly. I have my days when I act like I believe in some kind of non-material consciousnesses. I engage in magical thinking more often than I should. I like the idea that there are parts of reality that simply beyond rational inquiry. I have a hard time emotionally with the notion that consciousness is ephemeral.





Therapy. It's nice to be able to talk out my private thoughts to someone who keeps things private and has no stake in the matter. Other than that, I'm still semi-closeted 6 years later. As for the hell thing, God had his chance to make me aware of anything relevant. I prayed for that for 10+ years. That was easy to overcome.





Kinda? My view of the world is clearer but less interesting. I have other interests now.




Semi-closeted. I don't talk about it with close family. My friends don't really care. No one has distanced themselves.




Yes. I look for ways back into the belief in a supernatural reality on occasion. I liked believing in God. I liked being part of a tradition that provided insight about the nature of reality.

Nothing has come close to convincing me, and my interest is waning with time.

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