- Jul 21, 2015
- 129
- 337
- Country
- Norway
- Faith
- Protestant
- Marital Status
- Celibate
- Politics
- UK-Liberal-Democrats
I've been followed by fear all my life, as far back as I can remember I have felt that life have always been empty and with no meaning, and always expected the worst, I don't know if I've ever been normal, but spent childhood dreading that I was dying, and was lost in delusions and hallucinations by the time I was adult and tried to get help the first time, and although I was a brilliant artist, felt I had nothing to live for, and by this time I've wasted all my youth and although I've spent so much time studying myself, other people, the world around me, and read so many books I could probably write one myself, but instead I wish I could just be a normal person, living a simple life, doing something, anything, just as long as I felt it was something useful and gave me a sense of meaning to life, instead of just wasting away, as I've done until now.
I've really feel like I've wasted all my chances, that this is it, my last chance to make something out of myself, but I need more strength then I have myself, so I need help, and whatever God want to do with me, He can do, I have nothing in this life I desire except being His, doing His will and to carry light around in all this frightful darkness, and I know I could be at peace, and feel a bit of joy from living, that every new day was worth waking up to, not one I honestly just want to go to sleep from and never again wake up, but just go home to my Father, learning my true name.
I've really tried though, but I fear I can never make it, never find any meaning in life and I have reasons to expect this, I don't see any hope myself, and I could write about all my hopeless struggles and how deep my pain have become, but there's no point even in that, I frankly need a miracle and nothing less.
I hope I'm not too abstract in all of this. The Spirit know I really need a rest from my burdens. So please don't pray for me if you doubt, but please pray for me if you believe with all your heart that God can and will do this for me. Amen.
I've really feel like I've wasted all my chances, that this is it, my last chance to make something out of myself, but I need more strength then I have myself, so I need help, and whatever God want to do with me, He can do, I have nothing in this life I desire except being His, doing His will and to carry light around in all this frightful darkness, and I know I could be at peace, and feel a bit of joy from living, that every new day was worth waking up to, not one I honestly just want to go to sleep from and never again wake up, but just go home to my Father, learning my true name.
I've really tried though, but I fear I can never make it, never find any meaning in life and I have reasons to expect this, I don't see any hope myself, and I could write about all my hopeless struggles and how deep my pain have become, but there's no point even in that, I frankly need a miracle and nothing less.
I hope I'm not too abstract in all of this. The Spirit know I really need a rest from my burdens. So please don't pray for me if you doubt, but please pray for me if you believe with all your heart that God can and will do this for me. Amen.