My story! Is it over for me?

Job405 said:

So last year in spring I was agnostic, emotionally numb and a bit depressed. But then I found Christ, or He found me, however you want to put it.

I had a really good relationship with God. I was in love with Him. I would pray to Him and cry tears of joy. He would answer my prayers very often. I was also filled with the Holy Ghost (a very gentle energy filled my entire body) and I received the gift of speaking in tongues.

My Fall From Grace

Then in autumn I was talking with the Holy Ghost and a lie came to my mind. It was a pointless lie, like for example "elephants are vegetables". I don't remember exactly what it was anymore, but it was pointless. Then I said the lie out loud and suddenly the word "UNFORGIVABLE" popped into my mind and I was struck with a sudden feeling of sheer terror.

After this I would have demonic attacks, visions of hell, and be emotionally numb, I felt out of touch with God. The demonic attacks were supernatural in nature, and this drove me to attempt suicide, since I thought I had lost the Holy Ghost and would be overtaken by demons.

I drove my car at over 120km/h (75mph) against a wooden light pole, without a seatbelt. The car was totaled but I survived without a single scratch, ache or bruise. In fact it felt like it didn't even happen. I then crawled out of the car and was not done yet. Next I jumped infront of a van moving at 60-80km/h (~50mph) and that also did not kill me, it only broke my left wrist and gave me a few minor scratches. I should have been dead twice now.

I believe God supernaturally intervened to prevent me from dying.

Psych Ward

Next I was sent to a mental hospital where I had further encounters with many sorts of demonic forces. Including (what I believe to be) a demon or several demons which pretended to be Jesus, the Father and the Holy Ghost, they mirrored what I believed the nature of these persons of God to be. They tried to get me to think bad things about the Holy Ghost in a very sneaky way, which I will not get into to avoid triggering other peoples OCD.

They would communicate with me mostly through head nodding and shaking, yea or nay. So I would ask them a question and they would say yes by nodding my head or no by shaking my head. I had to allow them to do this, they could not otherwise do it.

One reason I think it is a demon and not schizophrenia which I was diagnosed with, is because not even the strongest antipsychotic meds made a dent in it. The meds did almost kill me by destroying my immune system though.

Demons Exposed

I had my doubts but this demonic ruse lasted up until a few days ago, when it was exposed. Now they have been mostly quiet on the surface but have started to attack my thoughts by injecting bad thoughts about the Holy Ghost, Jesus Christ and God in general.

Last night I also had a short nightmare including sleep paralysis where the demon grabbed my leg and threw me against a wall, in my head I yelled "WHAT THE EFF" in Finnish and then I woke up. I am numb emotionally so I was not even scared. In fact I went back to sleep right away hoping the dream would start again so I could yell "Jesus Christ help me" the next time.

Praying Helps

Yesterday I prayed with God about forgiving me for these thoughts and a sudden burst of joy and tears came over me, which felt like how it was before all of this started. I was really happy for a moment, I did not feel numb anymore.

Until then a bit later I was listening to some bible verses and a bad thought about Jesus came into my mind, like a memory, and immediately I felt numb again. I won't trigger you guys by posting what it was. I prayed again and tears came again, not as much as last time but it was there.

Then I had more bad thoughts and felt numb again, it was like a rollercoaster. The third time I prayed it was less again. Then I had more bad thoughts, I even woke up with a bad thought about God. Of course I do not mean any of these bad thoughts, and I love God. God if you're reading this, I really do love you!

Feeling Numb Again

I felt a bit better when having communion today and fellowshipping with my church members. But as they were talking about the return of Jesus Christ, millenialism and all that I would have thoughts of skepticism or doubt, like from before I was a Christian. I then just reassured myself that I believe but I am not well versed enough in scripture to have a proper opinion, which I believe is true.

Now I feel numb again, having had numerous bad thoughts today.

Have I run out of chances? I really long for those tears of joy that the Lord gave me almost daily last year. I believe I can still feel God though. It feels like I am not alone when I am by myself, you know? However now when I pray I feel as if He might be hiding His face from me, and I feel as if He is not talking to me anymore.

Damned or not, either way I want to continue following the Lord and serve Him, and His kingdom.

What do you guys think?

Click to expand...

The Lord has backed away from you (communication wise) to test your faith. If your heart is fixed, on serving God, you will come through this just fine. Just remember, you are His work and He will finish it (see Heb. 12:2).

The enemy loves to attack people who are going thru mental health issues and accusing them of blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is one of his favorite tactics. The fact is: If you're concerned about it that means you haven't done it. People who blasphemy the Holy Spirit have no
regard or care about it at all. But what someone has already said,
God is testing your faith. It's up to you whether or not you will
keep following HIm or fall away. I would encourage you to read
Matthew 13 and the parable of the sower and seed. One of those will be your experience. And if you choose to endure thru these I would also encourage you to pick up Henry Blackaby's classic,
"Experiencing God". Many young believers have found it to be a great aid to their faith. Stay blessed!

Job405 said:

So last year in spring I was agnostic, emotionally numb and a bit depressed. But then I found Christ, or He found me, however you want to put it.

I had a really good relationship with God. I was in love with Him. I would pray to Him and cry tears of joy. He would answer my prayers very often. I was also filled with the Holy Ghost (a very gentle energy filled my entire body) and I received the gift of speaking in tongues.

My Fall From Grace

Then in autumn I was talking with the Holy Ghost and a lie came to my mind. It was a pointless lie, like for example "elephants are vegetables". I don't remember exactly what it was anymore, but it was pointless. Then I said the lie out loud and suddenly the word "UNFORGIVABLE" popped into my mind and I was struck with a sudden feeling of sheer terror.

After this I would have demonic attacks, visions of hell, and be emotionally numb, I felt out of touch with God. The demonic attacks were supernatural in nature, and this drove me to attempt suicide, since I thought I had lost the Holy Ghost and would be overtaken by demons.

I drove my car at over 120km/h (75mph) against a wooden light pole, without a seatbelt. The car was totaled but I survived without a single scratch, ache or bruise. In fact it felt like it didn't even happen. I then crawled out of the car and was not done yet. Next I jumped infront of a van moving at 60-80km/h (~50mph) and that also did not kill me, it only broke my left wrist and gave me a few minor scratches. I should have been dead twice now.

I believe God supernaturally intervened to prevent me from dying.

Psych Ward

Next I was sent to a mental hospital where I had further encounters with many sorts of demonic forces. Including (what I believe to be) a demon or several demons which pretended to be Jesus, the Father and the Holy Ghost, they mirrored what I believed the nature of these persons of God to be. They tried to get me to think bad things about the Holy Ghost in a very sneaky way, which I will not get into to avoid triggering other peoples OCD.

They would communicate with me mostly through head nodding and shaking, yea or nay. So I would ask them a question and they would say yes by nodding my head or no by shaking my head. I had to allow them to do this, they could not otherwise do it.

One reason I think it is a demon and not schizophrenia which I was diagnosed with, is because not even the strongest antipsychotic meds made a dent in it. The meds did almost kill me by destroying my immune system though.

Demons Exposed

I had my doubts but this demonic ruse lasted up until a few days ago, when it was exposed. Now they have been mostly quiet on the surface but have started to attack my thoughts by injecting bad thoughts about the Holy Ghost, Jesus Christ and God in general.

Last night I also had a short nightmare including sleep paralysis where the demon grabbed my leg and threw me against a wall, in my head I yelled "WHAT THE EFF" in Finnish and then I woke up. I am numb emotionally so I was not even scared. In fact I went back to sleep right away hoping the dream would start again so I could yell "Jesus Christ help me" the next time.

Praying Helps

Yesterday I prayed with God about forgiving me for these thoughts and a sudden burst of joy and tears came over me, which felt like how it was before all of this started. I was really happy for a moment, I did not feel numb anymore.

Until then a bit later I was listening to some bible verses and a bad thought about Jesus came into my mind, like a memory, and immediately I felt numb again. I won't trigger you guys by posting what it was. I prayed again and tears came again, not as much as last time but it was there.

Then I had more bad thoughts and felt numb again, it was like a rollercoaster. The third time I prayed it was less again. Then I had more bad thoughts, I even woke up with a bad thought about God. Of course I do not mean any of these bad thoughts, and I love God. God if you're reading this, I really do love you!

Feeling Numb Again

I felt a bit better when having communion today and fellowshipping with my church members. But as they were talking about the return of Jesus Christ, millenialism and all that I would have thoughts of skepticism or doubt, like from before I was a Christian. I then just reassured myself that I believe but I am not well versed enough in scripture to have a proper opinion, which I believe is true.

Now I feel numb again, having had numerous bad thoughts today.

Have I run out of chances? I really long for those tears of joy that the Lord gave me almost daily last year. I believe I can still feel God though. It feels like I am not alone when I am by myself, you know? However now when I pray I feel as if He might be hiding His face from me, and I feel as if He is not talking to me anymore.

Damned or not, either way I want to continue following the Lord and serve Him, and His kingdom.

What do you guys think?

Click to expand...

We all experience times when we feel closer to the Lord and then sometimes not so much. This is normal ... however we are to continue in Him and we will be fine.


Deuteronomy 31:8

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

Hebrews 13:5-6

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”

1 Chronicles 28:20

Then David said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous and do it. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the Lord God, even my God, is with you. He will not leave you or forsake you, until all the work for the service of the house of the Lord is finished.

Psalm 94:14

For the Lord will not forsake his people; he will not abandon his heritage;

Continue in Him and He will never leave you ..... Believe it!!!

Job405 said:

So last year in spring I was agnostic, emotionally numb and a bit depressed. But then I found Christ, or He found me, however you want to put it.

I had a really good relationship with God. I was in love with Him. I would pray to Him and cry tears of joy. He would answer my prayers very often. I was also filled with the Holy Ghost (a very gentle energy filled my entire body) and I received the gift of speaking in tongues.

My Fall From Grace

Then in autumn I was talking with the Holy Ghost and a lie came to my mind. It was a pointless lie, like for example "elephants are vegetables". I don't remember exactly what it was anymore, but it was pointless. Then I said the lie out loud and suddenly the word "UNFORGIVABLE" popped into my mind and I was struck with a sudden feeling of sheer terror.

After this I would have demonic attacks, visions of hell, and be emotionally numb, I felt out of touch with God. The demonic attacks were supernatural in nature, and this drove me to attempt suicide, since I thought I had lost the Holy Ghost and would be overtaken by demons.

I drove my car at over 120km/h (75mph) against a wooden light pole, without a seatbelt. The car was totaled but I survived without a single scratch, ache or bruise. In fact it felt like it didn't even happen. I then crawled out of the car and was not done yet. Next I jumped infront of a van moving at 60-80km/h (~50mph) and that also did not kill me, it only broke my left wrist and gave me a few minor scratches. I should have been dead twice now.

I believe God supernaturally intervened to prevent me from dying.

Psych Ward

Next I was sent to a mental hospital where I had further encounters with many sorts of demonic forces. Including (what I believe to be) a demon or several demons which pretended to be Jesus, the Father and the Holy Ghost, they mirrored what I believed the nature of these persons of God to be. They tried to get me to think bad things about the Holy Ghost in a very sneaky way, which I will not get into to avoid triggering other peoples OCD.

They would communicate with me mostly through head nodding and shaking, yea or nay. So I would ask them a question and they would say yes by nodding my head or no by shaking my head. I had to allow them to do this, they could not otherwise do it.

One reason I think it is a demon and not schizophrenia which I was diagnosed with, is because not even the strongest antipsychotic meds made a dent in it. The meds did almost kill me by destroying my immune system though.

Demons Exposed

I had my doubts but this demonic ruse lasted up until a few days ago, when it was exposed. Now they have been mostly quiet on the surface but have started to attack my thoughts by injecting bad thoughts about the Holy Ghost, Jesus Christ and God in general.

Last night I also had a short nightmare including sleep paralysis where the demon grabbed my leg and threw me against a wall, in my head I yelled "WHAT THE EFF" in Finnish and then I woke up. I am numb emotionally so I was not even scared. In fact I went back to sleep right away hoping the dream would start again so I could yell "Jesus Christ help me" the next time.

Praying Helps

Yesterday I prayed with God about forgiving me for these thoughts and a sudden burst of joy and tears came over me, which felt like how it was before all of this started. I was really happy for a moment, I did not feel numb anymore.

Until then a bit later I was listening to some bible verses and a bad thought about Jesus came into my mind, like a memory, and immediately I felt numb again. I won't trigger you guys by posting what it was. I prayed again and tears came again, not as much as last time but it was there.

Then I had more bad thoughts and felt numb again, it was like a rollercoaster. The third time I prayed it was less again. Then I had more bad thoughts, I even woke up with a bad thought about God. Of course I do not mean any of these bad thoughts, and I love God. God if you're reading this, I really do love you!

Feeling Numb Again

I felt a bit better when having communion today and fellowshipping with my church members. But as they were talking about the return of Jesus Christ, millenialism and all that I would have thoughts of skepticism or doubt, like from before I was a Christian. I then just reassured myself that I believe but I am not well versed enough in scripture to have a proper opinion, which I believe is true.

Now I feel numb again, having had numerous bad thoughts today.

Have I run out of chances? I really long for those tears of joy that the Lord gave me almost daily last year. I believe I can still feel God though. It feels like I am not alone when I am by myself, you know? However now when I pray I feel as if He might be hiding His face from me, and I feel as if He is not talking to me anymore.

Damned or not, either way I want to continue following the Lord and serve Him, and His kingdom.

What do you guys think?

Click to expand...

Job,

You are right on. The enemy is attacking you because you have the Lord. You are seeing it for what it is and u know who your enemy is. Good girl! (Or guy). The Lord is with you. Know it and dont back down.
This is how i overcame the power of the wicked one....

Colossians 1
He HAS DELIVERED us from the POWER OF DARKNESS and translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son. (Notice past tense.)

2 Timothy 1.7. God has not given us a spirit of fear, but he has given us a SPIRIT OF POWER, of love, and a SOUND MIND.
When i realized i had a SPIRIT OF POWER, the Holy Spirit, he showed me in this verse, he has already given you POWER, when the enemy tries to exert power over you. Its YOU who has power over it. Realize, know and understand God has already given you power.

Jesus said, Behold, I give you POWER to tread on serpents and scorpions and over ALL the power of the enemy.

Those who deal with severe mental illness have their own cross to bear, and that cross is their "feelings" and their "thoughts". Jesus said take up your cross and follow Him.

This means you have to trust Scripture, (the written Word of God/the Bible) and not your thoughts or feelings. Even for those without mental health issues have to trust in the finished Work of Christ for their salvation, and rest all upon the promises of God, at times disregarding their "feelings" to do so because human emotion, human thoughts, human feelings change whichever way the wind blows but God never changes, and His promises are sure. (Joshua 21:45, Isaiah 55:11)

2 Corinthians 1:20 "For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory."

So what YOU need to know is that we all fall short of the Glory of God. You aren't suddenly perfect the second your accept Christ as Lord, but rather you enter into a process of sanctification. Regeneration is birth; sanctification is growth and that growth won't stop until God takes you home, although at times you may feel you take one step forward and two steps back.

God's promise in this is this: "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Christ's work does not fail, so follow Christ, resting in His promises which are sure.

Been on a journey myself...

Be in close fellowship.

Disown and Refuse the thoughts you know are not wholesome in Jesus name - your will is the window to the spiritual world.

Never give up doing this, the attacks will fade over time but you have to take charge and refuse these intrusions consistently.

Prioritise getting prayer, this will accelerate your journey out.

Heaven and earth will pass away but His Word remains... "Christ in you, the Hope of Glory...

We fight a defeated foe.

Job405 said:

I've heard this said a lot, but where is the proof? The bible provides very little information about the unforgivable sin.

I am concerned, that's why I made this post to begin with. Whenever a bad thought enters my mind I at least feel the urge to verbally say "No! I love God!", "I reject and rebuke all negative thoughts about God" or something similar.

However my emotional reaction is very low, I am not sobbing about it nor does any great fear take over me due to this emotional numbness that I have. That said I know that I do not agree with these thoughts so maybe that helps with keeping me calm as well.

Click to expand...

There doesn't need to be emotion as you are simply making a decision to accept or reject, own or disown... You have to take charge and refuse any thought train not honouring Him.
It is intense initially but over months it fades, it was a seven year journey for me to return fully to myself.

Carl Emerson said:

Been on a journey myself...

Be in close fellowship.

Disown and Refuse the thoughts you know are not wholesome in Jesus name - your will is the window to the spiritual world.

Never give up doing this, the attacks will fade over time but you have to take charge and refuse these intrusions consistently.

Prioritise getting prayer, this will accelerate your journey out.

Heaven and earth will pass away but His Word remains... "Christ in you, the Hope of Glory...

We fight a defeated foe.

Click to expand...

Carl Emerson,

HAHA! So true...we fight a DEFEATED FOE. Never heard it put that way before.
He was ALREADY defeated by Jesus, so now all he can do is LIE and see if people will buy it.

Then people get scared its flexing its muscle over them, not realizing its US who have the power by the Holy Spirit.

The only trick he has is a lie......but
You shall KNOW the truth...and the TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE. Yay!

Job405 said:

So last year in spring I was agnostic, emotionally numb and a bit depressed. But then I found Christ, or He found me, however you want to put it.

I had a really good relationship with God. I was (and still am) in love with Him. I would pray to Him and cry tears of joy. He would answer my prayers very often. I was also filled with the Holy Ghost (a very gentle energy filled my entire body) and I received the gift of speaking in tongues.

My Fall From Grace

Then in autumn I was talking with the Holy Ghost and a lie came to my mind. It was a pointless lie, like for example "elephants are vegetables". I don't remember exactly what it was anymore, but it was pointless. Then I said the lie out loud and suddenly the word "UNFORGIVABLE" popped into my mind and I was struck with a sudden feeling of sheer terror.

After this I would have demonic attacks, visions of hell, and be emotionally numb, I felt out of touch with God. The demonic attacks were supernatural in nature, and this drove me to attempt suicide, since I thought I had lost the Holy Ghost and would be overtaken by demons.

I drove my car at over 120km/h (75mph) against a wooden light pole, without a seatbelt. The car was totaled but I survived without a single scratch, ache or bruise. In fact it felt like it didn't even happen. I then crawled out of the car and was not done yet. Next I jumped infront of a van moving at 60-80km/h (~50mph) and that also did not kill me, it only broke my left wrist and gave me a few minor scratches. I should have been dead twice now.

I believe God supernaturally intervened to prevent me from dying.

Psych Ward

Next I was sent to a mental hospital where I had further encounters with many sorts of demonic forces. Including (what I believe to be) a demon or several demons which pretended to be Jesus, the Father and the Holy Ghost, they mirrored what I believed the nature of these persons of God to be. They tried to get me to think bad things about the Holy Ghost in a very sneaky way, which I will not get into to avoid triggering other peoples OCD.

They would communicate with me mostly through head nodding and shaking, yea or nay. So I would ask them a question and they would say yes by nodding my head or no by shaking my head. I had to allow them to do this, they could not otherwise do it.

One reason I think it is a demon and not schizophrenia which I was diagnosed with, is because not even the strongest antipsychotic meds made a dent in it. The meds did almost kill me by destroying my immune system though.

Demons Exposed

I had my doubts but this demonic ruse lasted up until a few days ago, when it was exposed. Now they have been mostly quiet on the surface but have started to attack my thoughts by injecting bad thoughts about the Holy Ghost, Jesus Christ and God in general.

Last night I also had a short nightmare including sleep paralysis where the demon grabbed my leg and threw me against a wall, in my head I yelled "WHAT THE EFF" in Finnish and then I woke up. I am numb emotionally so I was not even scared. In fact I went back to sleep right away hoping the dream would start again so I could yell "Jesus Christ help me" the next time.

Praying Helps

Yesterday I prayed with God about forgiving me for these thoughts and a sudden burst of joy and tears came over me, which felt like how it was before all of this started. I was really happy for a moment, I did not feel numb anymore.

Until then a bit later I was listening to some bible verses and a bad thought about Jesus came into my mind, like a memory, and immediately I felt numb again. I won't trigger you guys by posting what it was. I prayed again and tears came again, not as much as last time but it was there.

Then I had more bad thoughts and felt numb again, it was like a rollercoaster. The third time I prayed it was less again. Then I had more bad thoughts, I even woke up with a bad thought about God. Of course I do not mean any of these bad thoughts, and I love God. God if you're reading this, I really do love you!

Feeling Numb Again

I felt a bit better when having communion today and fellowshipping with my church members. But as they were talking about the return of Jesus Christ, millenialism and all that I would have thoughts of skepticism or doubt, like from before I was a Christian. I then just reassured myself that I believe but I am not well versed enough in scripture to have a proper opinion, which I believe is true.

Now I feel numb again, having had numerous bad thoughts today.

Have I run out of chances? I really long for those tears of joy that the Lord gave me almost daily last year. I believe I can still feel God though. It feels like I am not alone when I am by myself, you know? However now when I pray I feel as if He might be hiding His face from me, and I feel as if He is not talking to me anymore.

Damned or not, either way I want to continue following the Lord and serve Him, and His kingdom.

What do you guys think?

Click to expand...

Youre not alone. All hell broke loose after I got saved. .... Like what the heck is this????

Someone else told me after they got saved, they went through all sorts of tribulation too.

Evidently you are a quite threat. God is with you.

Job405 said:

Ok, but any idea why I feel so numb? I do not cry and I am not overcome with fear from these bad blasphemous thoughts that I have, even though sometimes I think its over and I am going to a special place in hell. I know that I do not enjoy these thoughts nor do I believe them.

Click to expand...

Job,

For me, it put me in a different state of mind which concerned me because i knew how i normally i felt about the Lord. You can get numb to it because its overwhelming and, like me, you dont know how to overcome it. I had no answers. It made me also at times question my salvation since this was happening. I too thought, is this it? It kept on and on and on.......

UNTIL.......the light went on and i realized WHO I AM IN CHRIST and what he has given me. I was getting soooo bombarded and i didnt know how to stop it. I felt so hopeless, but then the Lord showed me.......

2 Timothy 1.7.... HE HAS GIVEN TO ME A SPIRIT OF POWER.

When i realized and believed i have a SPIRIT OF POWER, i was overjoyed! I had always prayed, help Lord help for years,,,,as if he was GOING to do something for me, not realizing he had ALREADY GIVEN me a Spirit of Power. Thats when my nightmare ceased. I HAVE A SPIRIT OF POWER! His power trumps all other.

He must've been shaking his head as i whined and cried on and on. It was something he already gave me when he placed his Holy Spirit in me. I plastered that scripture all over my house. I had felt normal again after all that time.

You thinking youve become numb to it all, that could certainly happen especially if you dont know how to handle it and its persistent. And as for you thinking theres a special place in hell for you, you KNOW he hasnt called you for hell, but rather for ETERNAL LIFE. That thought sounds totally opposite to what the Lords will is for you. The Word says he has called you into his eternal, into salvation in His Son, and LIFE. He doesnt call you to put you in hell,,,, that doesnt come from the Lord you know at all. You know >>>>> He is love, a deliverer, a glorious savior, mighty in deeds.



Many there be that would say of my soul, there is no help for him in God! He is not done with you. Its not over. Faithful is he that called you.

Job405 said:

Yes today the demon or whatever is attacking me wanted me to openly blaspheme God, it gave me such an urge. But there is something in me resisting that which is not me, that feeling told me it's not over, I haven't done anything that is unforgivable and I resisted the urge to simply blurt out blasphemies. I think this is the Holy Spirit. I am still numb because I believe the Spirit is grieved but it's not over. Regardless what happens to me I want to serve the Most High.

Click to expand...

Ive had the Holy Spirit manifest 3 different times when i quoted 2 Timothy 1.7 over and over with all my heart. One time, the 3rd time i said....God has given me a Spirit of Power....they were no longer just words coming out of my mouth. The word of God actually turned into the Holy Spirit and power!

GOD HAS GIVEN ME A SPIRIT OF POWER!
GOD HAS GIVEN ME A SPIRIT OF POWER!
GOD HAS GIVEN ME A SPIRIT OF
POWERRRRRRRRRRR!

and HIS power squashes ALL other powers

Annner said:

Youre not alone. All hell broke loose after I got saved. .... Like what the heck is this????

Someone else told me after they got saved, they went through all sorts of tribulation too.

Evidently you are a quite threat. God is with you.

Click to expand...

Yes, this happens every time to new converts. Once you get saved, the fiery storm comes. There is even a scripture for that: 1 Pet. 4:12 "Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:"

Just ask for forgiveness, invite Him to be changing you. Refuse any spirit involved - disown it in Jesus name and move on. Old things have passed away and all things are becoming new. Hold onto that and identify with your new nature that is forming, You may even find He introduces you to a new you that you have never known.

And thank Him for providing your every need.

Job405 said:

So last year in spring I was agnostic, emotionally numb and a bit depressed. But then I found Christ, or He found me, however you want to put it.

I had a really good relationship with God. I was (and still am) in love with Him. I would pray to Him and cry tears of joy. He would answer my prayers very often. I was also filled with the Holy Ghost (a very gentle energy filled my entire body) and I received the gift of speaking in tongues.

My Fall From Grace

Then in autumn I was talking with the Holy Ghost and a lie came to my mind. It was a pointless lie, like for example "elephants are vegetables". I don't remember exactly what it was anymore, but it was pointless. Then I said the lie out loud and suddenly the word "UNFORGIVABLE" popped into my mind and I was struck with a sudden feeling of sheer terror.

After this I would have demonic attacks, visions of hell, and be emotionally numb, I felt out of touch with God. The demonic attacks were supernatural in nature, and this drove me to attempt suicide, since I thought I had lost the Holy Ghost and would be overtaken by demons.

I drove my car at over 120km/h (75mph) against a wooden light pole, without a seatbelt. The car was totaled but I survived without a single scratch, ache or bruise. In fact it felt like it didn't even happen. I then crawled out of the car and was not done yet. Next I jumped infront of a van moving at 60-80km/h (~50mph) and that also did not kill me, it only broke my left wrist and gave me a few minor scratches. I should have been dead twice now.

I believe God supernaturally intervened to prevent me from dying.

Psych Ward

Next I was sent to a mental hospital where I had further encounters with many sorts of demonic forces. Including (what I believe to be) a demon or several demons which pretended to be Jesus, the Father and the Holy Ghost, they mirrored what I believed the nature of these persons of God to be. They tried to get me to think bad things about the Holy Ghost in a very sneaky way, which I will not get into to avoid triggering other peoples OCD.

They would communicate with me mostly through head nodding and shaking, yea or nay. So I would ask them a question and they would say yes by nodding my head or no by shaking my head. I had to allow them to do this, they could not otherwise do it.

One reason I think it is a demon and not schizophrenia which I was diagnosed with, is because not even the strongest antipsychotic meds made a dent in it. The meds did almost kill me by destroying my immune system though.

Demons Exposed

I had my doubts but this demonic ruse lasted up until a few days ago, when it was exposed. Now they have been mostly quiet on the surface but have started to attack my thoughts by injecting bad thoughts about the Holy Ghost, Jesus Christ and God in general.

Last night I also had a short nightmare including sleep paralysis where the demon grabbed my leg and threw me against a wall, in my head I yelled "WHAT THE EFF" in Finnish and then I woke up. I am numb emotionally so I was not even scared. In fact I went back to sleep right away hoping the dream would start again so I could yell "Jesus Christ help me" the next time.

Praying Helps

Yesterday I prayed with God about forgiving me for these thoughts and a sudden burst of joy and tears came over me, which felt like how it was before all of this started. I was really happy for a moment, I did not feel numb anymore.

Until then a bit later I was listening to some bible verses and a bad thought about Jesus came into my mind, like a memory, and immediately I felt numb again. I won't trigger you guys by posting what it was. I prayed again and tears came again, not as much as last time but it was there.

Then I had more bad thoughts and felt numb again, it was like a rollercoaster. The third time I prayed it was less again. Then I had more bad thoughts, I even woke up with a bad thought about God. Of course I do not mean any of these bad thoughts, and I love God. God if you're reading this, I really do love you!

Feeling Numb Again

I felt a bit better when having communion today and fellowshipping with my church members. But as they were talking about the return of Jesus Christ, millenialism and all that I would have thoughts of skepticism or doubt, like from before I was a Christian. I then just reassured myself that I believe but I am not well versed enough in scripture to have a proper opinion, which I believe is true.

Now I feel numb again, having had numerous bad thoughts today.

Have I run out of chances? I really long for those tears of joy that the Lord gave me almost daily last year. I believe I can still feel God though. It feels like I am not alone when I am by myself, you know? However now when I pray I feel as if He might be hiding His face from me, and I feel as if He is not talking to me anymore.

Damned or not, either way I want to continue following the Lord and serve Him, and His kingdom.

What do you guys think?

Click to expand...

My response may be a bit different from some of the others on here. You see, I have OCD, and it is a mental disorder, which I do NOT attribute to demons. Basically, my mind is prewired to want to be anxious. So sometimes, I get random, weird, "bad" thoughts like you mentioned (the same as everyone else does), but instead of easily being able to filter the thought out ("That was weird!") and move on, my OCD goes "Oh no! You just had a bad thought! You're a terrible person!" Then I start over-analyzing, trying to figure out if I AM a bad person, if I really did the thing I'm afraid I did, etc. There are all sorts of obsessions that people with OCD get, but fear of blasphemy is a very common one. I'd encourage you to research more about OCD and see if you have it, because if you do, there are strategies you can learn to help you deal with these thoughts and start to get your brain out of this OCD cycle. I'd recommend reading the information and blog posts at OCD & CHRISTIANITY – CHRISTIANITY. Also, you might consider joining the Facebook group "Christianity and Anxiety Disorders" at Christianity and Anxiety Disorders - Let's Talk. There are lots of people with OCD on there, so it could give you a chance to read their experiences and ask questions to see if you might have OCD.

Job405 said:

So last year in spring I was agnostic, emotionally numb and a bit depressed. But then I found Christ, or He found me, however you want to put it.

I had a really good relationship with God. I was (and still am) in love with Him. I would pray to Him and cry tears of joy. He would answer my prayers very often. I was also filled with the Holy Ghost (a very gentle energy filled my entire body) and I received the gift of speaking in tongues.

My Fall From Grace

Then in autumn I was talking with the Holy Ghost and a lie came to my mind. It was a pointless lie, like for example "elephants are vegetables". I don't remember exactly what it was anymore, but it was pointless. Then I said the lie out loud and suddenly the word "UNFORGIVABLE" popped into my mind and I was struck with a sudden feeling of sheer terror.

After this I would have demonic attacks, visions of hell, and be emotionally numb, I felt out of touch with God. The demonic attacks were supernatural in nature, and this drove me to attempt suicide, since I thought I had lost the Holy Ghost and would be overtaken by demons.

I drove my car at over 120km/h (75mph) against a wooden light pole, without a seatbelt. The car was totaled but I survived without a single scratch, ache or bruise. In fact it felt like it didn't even happen. I then crawled out of the car and was not done yet. Next I jumped infront of a van moving at 60-80km/h (~50mph) and that also did not kill me, it only broke my left wrist and gave me a few minor scratches. I should have been dead twice now.

I believe God supernaturally intervened to prevent me from dying.

Psych Ward

Next I was sent to a mental hospital where I had further encounters with many sorts of demonic forces. Including (what I believe to be) a demon or several demons which pretended to be Jesus, the Father and the Holy Ghost, they mirrored what I believed the nature of these persons of God to be. They tried to get me to think bad things about the Holy Ghost in a very sneaky way, which I will not get into to avoid triggering other peoples OCD.

They would communicate with me mostly through head nodding and shaking, yea or nay. So I would ask them a question and they would say yes by nodding my head or no by shaking my head. I had to allow them to do this, they could not otherwise do it.

One reason I think it is a demon and not schizophrenia which I was diagnosed with, is because not even the strongest antipsychotic meds made a dent in it. The meds did almost kill me by destroying my immune system though.

Demons Exposed

I had my doubts but this demonic ruse lasted up until a few days ago, when it was exposed. Now they have been mostly quiet on the surface but have started to attack my thoughts by injecting bad thoughts about the Holy Ghost, Jesus Christ and God in general.

Last night I also had a short nightmare including sleep paralysis where the demon grabbed my leg and threw me against a wall, in my head I yelled "WHAT THE EFF" in Finnish and then I woke up. I am numb emotionally so I was not even scared. In fact I went back to sleep right away hoping the dream would start again so I could yell "Jesus Christ help me" the next time.

Praying Helps

Yesterday I prayed with God about forgiving me for these thoughts and a sudden burst of joy and tears came over me, which felt like how it was before all of this started. I was really happy for a moment, I did not feel numb anymore.

Until then a bit later I was listening to some bible verses and a bad thought about Jesus came into my mind, like a memory, and immediately I felt numb again. I won't trigger you guys by posting what it was. I prayed again and tears came again, not as much as last time but it was there.

Then I had more bad thoughts and felt numb again, it was like a rollercoaster. The third time I prayed it was less again. Then I had more bad thoughts, I even woke up with a bad thought about God. Of course I do not mean any of these bad thoughts, and I love God. God if you're reading this, I really do love you!

Feeling Numb Again

I felt a bit better when having communion today and fellowshipping with my church members. But as they were talking about the return of Jesus Christ, millenialism and all that I would have thoughts of skepticism or doubt, like from before I was a Christian. I then just reassured myself that I believe but I am not well versed enough in scripture to have a proper opinion, which I believe is true.

Now I feel numb again, having had numerous bad thoughts today.

Have I run out of chances? I really long for those tears of joy that the Lord gave me almost daily last year. I believe I can still feel God though. It feels like I am not alone when I am by myself, you know? However now when I pray I feel as if He might be hiding His face from me, and I feel as if He is not talking to me anymore.

Damned or not, either way I want to continue following the Lord and serve Him, and His kingdom.

What do you guys think?

Click to expand...

I also suffer from obsessive compulsions. Please know you are never lost, you never run out of chances, nor will God hold symptoms of your mental illness against you.

when an organ fails like your heart, God does not hold this against you as a sin or expect you to fix it through prayer. You see a doctor.

the brain is an organ. Ours are broken because the fall of Adam and Eve. Our Version of heart problems Or lung problems are brain problems. Thoughts are affected by the brain. It’s an organ that affects your thoughts.

God KNOWS this better than all the doctors in the world. If you “sin” or have “sinful thoughts” that come from your mental illness (brain) God will not hold this against you. With all sin, if you ask for forgiveness the Bible says you are white as snow. With sins stemming from mental illness, God KNOWS your sickness and your pain. Better than you. Do not be afraid, the Bible says when we sin we have an advocate in Jesus.

when you have the thoughts read these verses I wrote down. It helps me! I promise you will not get through them all without feeling relief from the Lord. The scripture is powerful.

also see a psychologist, therapist and/or psychiatrist you may need medication. God allowed scientists to invent medication and doctors to think of treatments as part of his plan for your life.


joy/suffering verses


What Is It?

When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”
Acts 7:54-56


Suddenly King Nebuchadnezzar jumped up in amazement and asked his advisers, “Did we not throw three men, firmly bound, into the fire?”

“Certainly, O king,” they replied.

“Look!” he exclaimed. “I see four men, unbound and unharmed, walking around in the fire—and the fourth looks like a son of the gods!”

Daniel 3: 24-25


Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4


1 Peter 1:6-9

6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.



So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.
John 16:22


Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
-1 Peter 4:12-13
At this time, Emperor Nero was burning the bodies of Christians to light his gardens in the evenings


Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfector of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1–2)


Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!

Psalm 32:11


What Does It Do?


Psalm 94:19 "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."


“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28.


1 Peter 5:10
After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.


Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:35-39


" Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found, and hid. In his joy, he goes and sells all that he has, and buys that field.

— Matthew 13:44"


Psalm 5:11 "But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee."


Where does it come from? From Holy Spirit. From Trust. From Obedience .


Galatians 5:22-23 New International Version (NIV)

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.


So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.
1 Peter 4:19 - Bible Gateway passage: 1 Peter 4:19 - New International Version


Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:4-7


The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.
Psalm 103:19


Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."


“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.John 15:9-11


Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Habakkuk 3:17-18


And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity.
2 Corinthians 8:1-2

I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.
Philippians 1:23-26

Paul says that continuing to inspire progress and joy in the church was one of the only reasons he was still even alive on earth.


33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more GLADLY about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12


I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.
Romans 8:18-19


Romans 5:1-5 New International Version (NIV)
Peace and Hope
5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.




Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
Neh 8:10



Psalm 51:12
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit.


In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted,
2 Timothy 3:12