Someone who likes to provoke

2 Narcissistic family members who fortunately for my peace of mind are now deceased.

I think most anyone can relate, to some degree. Even if the one provoking is isn't doing it as a result of mental illness, some people are just annoying... That being said, these people are a blessing. They're like little mirrors into ourselves, so we can see where we are lacking! It is easy to be at peace, loving, patient, kind, etc. when the people around us are behaving as we think they ought to (even easier when we are alone!), but when we are taken away from that ideal situation we can see ourselves as we are... and learn some of the things we might need to work on.

When someone is behaving in a provocative manner and I become angry, they aren't to blame for my state...I am. Am I mad because they didn't do what I want them to? Am I mad because they disrupted my plans? Am I mad because they did this, that, or the other thing? Not so. It's entirely possible to endure these things without becoming angry, other people do it all the time...sometimes even I manage to. So what is it then? I'm mad because I allow myself to be, I'm mad because I became so engrossed in this particular thing that I lost focus of God, I'm mad because I am provokable. There is not a thing in the world I can do to force another person to change their behavior, but plenty I can do to change my own.

So my advice (that I even imperfectly try to practice myself) is that pretending to be bothered isn't a permanent solution, but actually not being bothered by it is. So when you are in the situation where you're becoming annoyed or angry at this person, or anyone else, refocus yourself on God. In your head say a prayer for the person, say a prayer for yourself, ask God to help give you patience and love for them. Even things that are impossible for us are possible for Him.

ChicanaRose said:

I just wanted to say that "malignant narcissism" goes beyond someone being simply annoying.

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I would say first trust God. And see how He has us handling a cruel person. I would say if I am being treated in a cruel way, do what God has me do, and then I possibly am not required to go back to the person so the person can do more. Jesus did not make a point of staying with evil people. But there were times when He did go into situations where He knew there were evil people who wanted to kill Him.

But in case you are sure God wants you with someone, pray and trust God to rule you in His peace. Do only what God has us doing with Him in His peace. Discover what this is, no need to try to plan ahead of time how you suppose you will control someone. But trust God to make you able to submit to Him, all the time, to discover

In my case, I might pray God's blessing to the impossible and mean person. And be ready to be that person's example of how to love. And in case the person does and says things to mess with me, I can say things to the person. Say what is kind and caring, and maybe ask questions about what the person is saying or doing > make the person work.

May be you can act and talk like the person is not going to get what he or she wants, to make you suffer. Beat around the bush, make the person do all the work.

"What is it you want?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Are you asking me to do something for you, because you know I love you? Do you know I care about you?"

"You say I am stupid? Thank you for telling me! What have you noticed is the most stupid thing about me, please? I know I need a lot of help. But God is the only One, really, who can help me not to be stupid . . . so I know how to love, instead of being so stupid that I do not know how to be kind. So, how can you help me become a really kind person, please? I do need a lot of help with this!!"

"But Jesus is kind. So, I am being inferior to Jesus, if I am not kind, right?"

"I'll bet there are better things you could be doing and saying. So, why are you saying and doing this?"

And I'll bet God can have you doing and saying better than what I might offer!!!

If a person can say whatever he or she wants, you can say good things

ChicanaRose said:

The mental health professional told me "don't engage" with her because it will add fuel to the fire. However, I think you provide wisdom in how I could possibly extinguish the fire. I appreciate your fresh perspective. Thank you so much.

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I would not put my trust in and depend on some way or method which I might suggest. But I have done sort of what I offered. I have been able to get a little proud of how I might get some control of a wrong person. But now I consider how God can have me doing much better, whatever and however this would be. And have the objective of how God is able to save any person and change any evil person into the image of Jesus, and He is able to use our example to reach and bless any person > feed on how "without a word" Christian wives can reach any disobedient husband, and consider how example can work to bless any person.

My method might be a more practical and not really caring way. I might get some control of the person, but it might be by means of a method and human psychology. So, be open in prayer for how God is able to do better, with you personally.

God knows how you care, and He will honor how He knows you care. Your caring and love will not be in vain > remember and keep feeding on 1 Corinthians 15:58. So, do not be fooled by however a wrong person might seem to make it look like you are getting nowhere.

Also, by the way > in this world's psychology, there is the idea that certain people can never change, can not be reached. And they need to simply be kept in custody and managed by methods. But God is able to change the nature of any person, so we are like Jesus and pleasing to God and have power over fear and confusion and frustration and we are submissive by nature to our Father in His peace. And this gives us hope for this being possible for any other person, now that God has proven Himself in us.

Even so, I agree with your advisor, how such a person can be provoked to do worse and you can avoid that. So, what someone tells you, even if the person is secular, can have something to it.

God is able to share with you and have you discovering how to love this person.

As I deal with impossible people in my imagination, I find God correcting me to first care about any person, not let an evil person have power over me to make me fear or hate or be unforgiving or try to only control and put down the person. But have hope > love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7). And mainly trust God to truly correct me, myself, and have me ready to give someone His good example.

And we are not perfect; so we can keep seeking to do better and better with God and then loving any and all people, keeping ready for sharing as family with His Jesus people. Always, stay ready for love. What can happen is you prepare to be godly with the horrible person, but then there are others who you get to be with and love them, and you enjoy how well God has prepared you to be good with them. And then, with the problem person, also . . . be blessed.

"nor give place to the devil." (Ephesians 4:27)

I think this can include how we do not try to make any deal with Satan or with an evil person. We do not depend on any method or bribing to control someone. But we do give all the good which God has us to give and to offer. But we do not be afraid or intimidated; but God is our reason to do whatever we decide to do.

But, also, we do not threaten or try to control people by putting them down and criticizing them. But we do keep to our standards and doing exactly what God has us doing in His peace > as well as we can < we are not perfect

But God will do perfectly.

ChicanaRose said:

Does anyone else have someone in your life with mental illness who likes to provoke and get reaction out of you?

I know the best thing is to not to show reactions because she feeds off of them. I was advised by a mental health professional to not confront her, because it confirms to her that what she is doing is working (and encourages her to keep on at it).

But the time of endurance (until she finally gives up and stops because she just can't get a reaction out of me) is not easy.

Can anyone else relate? And have you asked the same question I asked God, "How long?" (As an how much longer is this going to last).

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my provokers never gave up no matter what. it's like they enjoyed it. as if they got something out of it. i don't know what. but God got His revenge. altho the provokers caused me permanent emotional damage.