I don't know where to start. So I got saved when I was like 13. That was 22 years ago. I think I really felt it then. I think I really believed then but I have just slipped away with time. My faith and my soul have just spun out of control and I'm not feeling very good. I used to think that faith or not, I was a decent human being but even that now is questionable. I've piled up so many sins that I couldn't possibly remember all of them to confess in prayer. I have no idea how to pray. I feel like I'm talking to walls. I feel left behind and forgotten with myself to blame. Of coarse death is scary naturally for everyone but me, it's a growing fear that I'm afraid I'm going to become obsessed with. I feel so empty inside with what feels like darkness in my soul. I spent a lot of time today looking up how to restore faith. Almost all the answers respond with "trust". So confusing. If you want to believe but your struggling, and you want to have faith but you are lost, how do you trust? It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And the bible.....I do not understand it. I was never raised to know god or religion. My best friend introduced it to me but we hardly ever talk, (busy moms). Ya and the church we use to go to, it was literally the only church I ever really liked and they got bought out by this franchise like church called Bethel and I just did not like it at all. I pray for wisdom, I pray for strength, I pray for faith and I'm gonna be honest, even I can't tell how genuine I am when I'm doing it, even though I genuinely want to have faith & peace.
I also did something really stupid. This is for real, no joke....but I don't know if the Gary Demon house is universally known about because the documentary movie made that was in theaters, or if it's just huge out here because I live in the next town over, but the house was torn down, and me and my boyfriend went there like 8 months ago and took a twig off of the tree in the yard where the house once stood. I still have it, though the actual priest that performed all the exorcisms there told me to get rid of it. I plan to but I still sorta feel like maybe I brought something into my home with that stick and maybe it even attached itself to me.
If I died today, I think I would go straight to hell, and that is terrifying. Whats also terrifying is if I die, and thats it. No heaven or hell, not even darkness just eliminated. I think that thought alone made me realize I'm in deep trouble spiritually. I've been trying so long to turn it around but I feel like there is no hope for me.... So hear I am, so desperate and under a fake name on the very first forum I have ever been on in my life, reaching out to a mass amount of strangers looking for guidance or hope or something.
Has anyone been there
Hi Crystel & welcome to CF!
I have a similar story, in that, I was saved when I was 13, but then, I left the church when I was 16, due to a tragedy in my life, for which, I placed part of the blame on God, and it was 20 years before I darkened the doorway of another church building. So, I went back to church when I was 36. Where my story differs, is that return to church was over 15 years ago, and I'm still going.
So yes, God takes you back, no matter who you are or what you've done (I had 20 years of bad). Jesus tells a story/parable about the prodigal/lost son and his return to his Father's house. The parable is talking about when a backslidden believer returns to God. You can read the story here~~~>
Bible Gateway passage: Luke 15:11-32 - New Living Translation and you can read an explanation, of the parable, here~~~>
What is the meaning of the Parable of the Prodigal Son? | GotQuestions.org
It's also good to know if you followed God's plan of salvation, to begin with. What is the way of salvation?
Mankind’s Need of Salvation
What do I need to be saved from?
The wrath of God. (
Romans 2:5-6)
Why do I need to be saved?
Your sin has cut you off from God. (
Isaiah 59:2) To sin, means to “miss the mark.” The Bible declares, “all have sinned; all fall short of God’s standard.” (
Romans 3:23)
What is God’s standard?
To perfectly keep His Law, the Ten Commandments, for your entire life. Keep all of the Law and God will let you enter Heaven. Have you ever:
- used God’s name as a curse word? _____Yes _____No
- stolen anything? _____ Yes _____No
- told a lie? _____Yes _____No
This is just three of the ten. Answer yes to any? Yes, I have (everyone else has too). You are guilty of breaking God’s Law (as we all are). You have sinned. The “wages (penalty) of sin is (physical & spiritual) death.” (
Romans 6:23)
If you die, without being saved, you will be eternally separated from God and your loved ones. After death, life does go on, either in Heaven (with God) or in Hell (away from God), depending on your acceptance or rejection of God’s plan of salvation.
God’s Plan of Salvation
The Futility of Human Effort
The Bible teaches that no amount of human goodness, human works, human morality or religious activity can get anyone into Heaven. Being a good person, belonging to a religious family, being baptized, going to church, none of these can save anyone. Everyone still falls short of God’s perfect standard. (
Isaiah 64:6,
Romans 4:1-5,
Ephesians 2:8-9,
Titus 3:5-7)
The Only Way
Jesus said to him, “I am the Way and the Truth and the Life; no one comes to the Father except by (through) me.” (
John 14:6)
What must I do to be saved?
1) Realize that you’re are a sinner. (
Romans 3:23, 5:12;
1 John 1:10)
2) Change your mind about Jesus (repent).
- Jesus said: “…unless you repent (have a change of mind that results in a change of action), you will all perish and be lost eternally. (Luke 13:5)
- …now God charges all people everywhere to repent. (Acts 17:30)
3) Believe the Gospel, that Jesus Christ died for you, was buried and rose from the dead.
- We are made right in God’s sight when we trust in Jesus Christ to take away our sins. And we all can be saved in the same way, no matter who we are or what we have done. For God sent Jesus to take the punishment for our sins and to satisfy God’s anger against us. We are made right with God when we believe that Jesus shed His blood, sacrificing His Life for us. (Romans 3:22, 25)
- For if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. (Romans 10:9)
4) Go to God in prayer, confessing Jesus as Lord and your need for forgiveness of your sins.
- For it is believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved. (Romans 10:10)
- For anyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.(Romans 10:13)
Then you've got to trust Jesus to do His part, to save you, just like He said He will. <~~~Without this part, I spent years doubting my salvation, praying (over & over/again & again) for God to save me, never knowing, for sure, if I was. Ever since I started trusting Jesus to do what He said He will do, I know I'm saved and have never had any doubts about it since then.
