Need advice about pursuing a woman I'm interested in

blackribbon said:

It sounds like she likes to talk to you and finds you nice but isn't interested in dating you since she never addressed that topic when presented or now. She is pretending that you never asked so things can go back to being "normal" and to the time before you asked. You are a male friend to her, not a male love interest. Dreaming about her just shows that you are interested in her...nothing else. She is a casual friend only. Sorry, I know that isn't what you wanted to hear.

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That could be the case. I need to hear what I need to hear whether I want it or not. Thanks

I'm just hoping that maybe over time she will like me. But I need to stop infatuation and focusing so much on her right now and open myself up to other women. Right now it's hard for me to do emotionally.

LaBèlla said:

In my opinion, she doesn’t make time for you. Whether we’re addressing a friend or something more. We communicate interest through quality time. The discussions are brief and you’re initiating them.

Interest alters the environment. You may enjoy someone’s company. But the shift can make things awkward if the other person feels differently. You don’t want to lead them on or give the wrong impression.

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You're right that she doesnt make time for me, but could it be that she's so busy? She told me she was so busy. Maybe she's unsure of me as far as romantic interest goes and that maybe over time she'd possibly start to like me? I dont know, these are just my hopeful possibilities lol. But I need to learn to keep my feelings in check and accept whatever the reality is.

She already knows I am interested in her as I already told her.

LaBèlla said:

Women are good at multi-tasking. If we want to fit it in we’ll make it work or try. Take it easy and see what she does. Enjoy her company.

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Can please PM you about this?

Ok everyone sorry to bring up a somewhat old thread, but I have a new update regarding the same woman I've been interested in and would like know what you all think about it.

I don't know if there's a twist to this or what to really make of it, but this past week one of her co-workers said that she and the woman I'm interested in were having a long convo about me. And they want to talk to me about her. The co-worker said they're gonna put on a show for me, but it'll be about my crush. The co-worker was also joking about how she wouldn't tell good things about me to my crush when I was talking to her about some work related thing, but I told her to tell good things about me to her.

This has revived my interest and infatuation in her and makes me think theres a chance and that she may be interested. The thing is I may not be able hear from them about what they want to talk to me about until first week of September because I'm taking a week off from work. Though I'm thinking about making some convos with my crush on Facebook to keep in touch and indirectly show that I'm still interested in her.

I'm wondering what do you all make of all of this? How do you think I should handle this? Appreciate any thoughts

Elliewaves said:

People want to play matchmaker . It may or not work. If she's not interested in you, this won't change her mind. Since you have no idea what she thinks of you, just being generally friendly without being weird is the way to go.

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I appreciate the advice. Could be the case, but I wonder if she brought it up to her coworker. To me it sounds as if she wants to tell me something because they both want to talk to me, but it's going to be about my crush.

I guess one of the biggest things for me is to not be so infatuated with her and to be more neutral and patient so that I can see her for who she really is and understand whether she's interested or not. I have a hard time with my infatuation.

blackribbon said:

My first reaction is that they are setting you up to look foolish. I may be missing something but personally, I'd avoid participating in this. You are too focused on someone whom you don't know and only are imagining you know.

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I trust those that I work with. They know me and have known me for a while. I don't think they'd make me look foolish like this. The co-worker who told me is very nice to me and we get along well and I don't think she'd mess around with me. Last week I felt like almost giving up on my crush and suddenly this opportunity came. I'd like to know what is going on as one way or another it will give me a peace of mind.

LaBèlla said:

I have difficulty understanding where God is in all of this. Especially for a Christian. I don’t recall you mentioning she’s a believer or indicating how the Lord is leading you. The only thing you’ve told us is you’re infatuated.

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She's a believer. I don't know a lot about her faith, but I know she's believer based on some info about her that I know. I think God is helping me with my faith with this situation. For a long time I've been away from the faith and just recently I've been wanting to get back to worshiping God and the woman has been an influence to me with that. I know I can't depend on her for my faith, but it's been positive for me. I've had a lot of personal struggles for a long time and God has helped me to overcome those struggles recently and this woman has been a large influence with that. I still have a ways to go to get my faith in the Lord in order, but I've had positive results since I've been pursuing this woman.

LaBèlla said:

She has a lot of power. Too much in my opinion. I have never seen a situation where a woman holds all the cards and the man is deeply infatuated end on a good note. I hope you are the exception.

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I'm not sure if it really is that way. There is something I haven't mentioned here that I don't feel comfortable mentioning in this public post that might have relevance. Yes I'm infatuated, but we haven't really talked that much and not a whole lot has happened between us. It's just almost two weeks ago this new situation occurred and right now I'm waiting on my co workers to tell me what she wants to tell me and then I'm gonna take the next step from there.

THE W said:

if this woman all of a sudden stopped pursuing you and was no longer interested in you, would you continue your faith walk with her totally out of the picture?

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Yes. I have nowhere else to go in life. It may be a struggle at first for me if things don't work out, but with God's help I'll be fine. It is a weakness for me I admit because a long time ago a woman I liked didn't like me the same way and I felt hurt and struggled in my faith. I'll have to seek my support and prayer of my local church in case I struggle.

But I do want to say that I felt like coming back to the faith (though I struggled to fully comeback at the time) 2-3 months before I started pursuing this woman. Though I was still interested in her at the time, just not as interested as I am now.

LaBèlla said:

You are welcome to your privacy. It is difficult for anyone to gauge the truth with limited information. But I think we all can agree that we desire to know where we stand with the opposite sex and would not wish to grope in the dark.

As a believer, I don’t feel comfortable watching someone make gestures of interest and mislead them or leave them hanging. I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of that. Its a matter of courtesy and the golden rule.

It is my hope that whatever follows you are pleased with the outcome.

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Appreciate your thoughts and advice. I'd like to see what she wants to tell me and then I hopefully will have a lot of clarity on the situation and what steps to take next.