Extreme case of Anxiety, Depression, & Stress. Where was God?

Eternal7

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As a child, I had an unfortunate incident which caused some damage to my bones, particularly my skull, and causing my head to look somewhat different from your average person. This damage did not heal as expected, and so I grew up with the injury that I had sustained as a child.

Growing up with this injury was an absolute nightmare because I was verbally bullied all throughout school, up until the point of graduation. I was called an Alien, weird, ugly, and every other name you could think of and the amount of tears I shed over this could've filled up a bath tub. I was absolutely miserable and there was nowhere I could turn. Everywhere I went, I had people looking, children laughing, and absolute heartbreak for my family who had to witness me being picked on.

I remember this one time whilst walking home, I noticed 3 older guys standing at the traffic lights waiting to cross. As I waited with them, I heard one of them laughing at me, and the guy next to him told him to shut up because "God made him that way". Despite that being the usual, what I heard at that moment crushed my soul and made me question my worth as a Human being because I was the centre of the worst type of attention, like I was a clown at a circus, except people weren't laughing at an act, they were laughing at me!

The bullying had gotten so frequent, and so harsh, that I am now scarred by my childhood. I am in such a anxious state, that I cannot leave the house without dressing a certain way to hide my "shame". Everyone asks why I dress the way I do in both summer and winter, but I simply cannot answer the question in fear of being treated with Kid-glove, something that I despise. I've opened up to a few people before but I was immediately given some ridiculous pep talk that only made things worse.

So far I have missed --

Job opportunities,

College/Uni opportunities,

Family activities,

friends -- Lost a few friends because I couldn't commit to certain plans

General family gatherings - Relatives don't care enough to ask about me, even though they're really close to everyone else around me.

Basic entertainment -- aka Birthdays, swimming, weddings, or sports.

... and many more


All because of the way I dress, and that is because of my injury. I'm truly ashamed to be seen the way I am because of my injury, something that I had no control over. I have a few other health issues, albeit minor, but I feel like a frail bag of meat that simply exists to breath and serve as a laughing stock to others.

In fact, I am so scared of being laughed at, I completely refuse to take photos with anyone simply because I am worried I might be made fun of if someone were to upload the photo on social media. All the bullying about me being ugly caused me to be so self conscious as well.

I feel like such a failure because of the weak, disgusting body that I am living in. I cannot enjoy life like the rest because of my scars and injuries, I cannot do simple activities because I'm ashamed to dress differently in fear of having my issues seen by others. I cannot commit to jobs, unis and colleges because they all expect me to dress a certain way or partake in a certain activity that my anxiety and depression prevents me from doing.


And just recently, I went through some of the craziest stress and depression possible, so much so that it has turned parts of my beard white, despite me being in my early 20s.

I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and shed a few million tears on the way, but all I heard was silence. And to make matters worse for me, many people in my life have had their prayers answered, whether immediately or soon after, and many of them witnessed powerful miracles that changed their perspective on God, despite them being Atheists/Agnostics, and yet there is absolutely nothing for me.

I've Prayed for healing, change of mind, for God to change whatever he doesn't like in my life, and everything else in between. But here I am, still in the same situation as before. Except this time I am more worried than before because I am highly dependant on my family to survive. If I get kicked out or forced to work, I might die because I simply cannot do anything.

Perhaps God doesn't care about me? The same way people on Earth don't care about me?

When I log on social media, all I see are people from my school all going about their lives, getting married, having children, succeeding in whatever it is they're doing, and here I am simply existing and not being able to achieve anything because of what had happened to me.

Same applies to my family, they're all busying about their lives, making plans, going on trips, enjoying their lives and none of them care enough to ask if I'd like to attend because they too are ashamed of me (Yes, I've heard 2 of them say that).

So, what's my purpose in life? What do I do now? I've tried all possible solutions, but none of them were sufficient enough to ease the pain and suffering.
 
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devin553344

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If you believe in God then you believe in the resurrection of the dead. This life is for some years. And the next life where you will not have that problem is eternal. Hang in there.
 
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Jeshu

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i truly feel for you and what you have been through, that is really hard. When i was a kid i was picked on as well and often bullied and even badly hurt in the end. It tricked my mental illness and brought me years of suffering and rejection by a lot of people, even some who been friends for years.

i found that i could not find God either but in retrospect i understand why. i hated myself while God loved me, i hated myself worse than others had done. i had to learn to love even myself. A hard lesson learned after years of negative input.

When i began to put faith in God's love for me did things begin to change. The more i let God's accepting and healing love in the more i found Him to be my God and my redeemer.

Its been years since i decided that it was sin to dislike myself and it was sin to want to harm myself and i have grown a lot. i still struggle with mental illness but not because of low self esteem any longer but because have a depressive illness. Yet even depression can not beat God's love as He has grown within me.

This is the secret to finding God, we have to let go of the lies we believe about ourselves and find ourselves back in His truth as His children and loved ones because of what Jesus did for us, and then things will get better.

So yes please learn to love yourself with the love God has for you and see yourself grow away from feeling so bad about yourself. Good counselling is essential as you go through this process. Where love is the focus and His loving truth the norm.

Praying you we learn to see this from God's perspective. He hates it when people are being badly treated because He knows how much harm this causes. He wants you to be loved by all, even by yourself, because He loves you with an undying love. That is the treasure to find in and through Jesus Christ.

Peace.

An invitation to The Chosen.

God's Love will not take or will
you to conform to rules or demand
which imprison, enslave, burn or kill you.

God's Love will not pervert what's Good
The Lord loves truthfully Wise and Good.
True Love was, is and always will be Good!

In God's Love you are free to be right!
In His love everything is good proper and kind.
He loves all who love good and true to rule!

His Love is caring, providing, and sharing.
His Love always enjoys and protects good life.
His love rules even when bad life has being in us!

Hear Jesus call - 'Come join up with us all!
Leave whatever ties you down and be free
loving good life with all God's own to be.'

To the rest in your heart God's asks
how long will you tarry in the darkness?
Please leave such bad existence within.

For life must not, no never should, or would, or could,
be forceful, rude, prideful, arrogant, selfish, lustful
or otherwise be untrue to God's loving truth.

Neither should life be hurting or ill,
hungry, oppressed, despised, hated
or otherwise have existence in wrong.

Please hand your Bad Life over to Jesus
Humbly ask for His Good Life back in return
and go love God, self and neighbour with Joy.

The Church knows that Jesus is coming soon
All bad life will be our shameful past then,
so please leave your bad life while you can!

Love
 
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Carl Emerson

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Welcome to CF...

Could you speak a little about how you came to Jesus?

Are there believers in your family?

Are you isolated from fellowship of any kind?

This is a good platform for some level of fellowship prayer and encouragement.

May His love envelope you my friend.
 
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Hazelelponi

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As a child, I had an unfortunate incident which caused some damage to my bones, particularly my skull, and causing my head to look somewhat different from your average person. This damage did not heal as expected, and so I grew up with the injury that I had sustained as a child.

Growing up with this injury was an absolute nightmare because I was verbally bullied all throughout school, up until the point of graduation. I was called an Alien, weird, ugly, and every other name you could think of and the amount of tears I shed over this could've filled up a bath tub. I was absolutely miserable and there was nowhere I could turn. Everywhere I went, I had people looking, children laughing, and absolute heartbreak for my family who had to witness me being picked on.

I remember this one time whilst walking home, I noticed 3 older guys standing at the traffic lights waiting to cross. As I waited with them, I heard one of them laughing at me, and the guy next to him told him to shut up because "God made him that way". Despite that being the usual, what I heard at that moment crushed my soul and made me question my worth as a Human being because I was the centre of the worst type of attention, like I was a clown at a circus, except people weren't laughing at an act, they were laughing at me!

The bullying had gotten so frequent, and so harsh, that I am now scarred by my childhood. I am in such a anxious state, that I cannot leave the house without dressing a certain way to hide my "shame". Everyone asks why I dress the way I do in both summer and winter, but I simply cannot answer the question in fear of being treated with Kid-glove, something that I despise. I've opened up to a few people before but I was immediately given some ridiculous pep talk that only made things worse.

So far I have missed --

Job opportunities,

College/Uni opportunities,

Family activities,

friends -- Lost a few friends because I couldn't commit to certain plans

General family gatherings - Relatives don't care enough to ask about me, even though they're really close to everyone else around me.

Basic entertainment -- aka Birthdays, swimming, weddings, or sports.

... and many more


All because of the way I dress, and that is because of my injury. I'm truly ashamed to be seen the way I am because of my injury, something that I had no control over. I have a few other health issues, albeit minor, but I feel like a frail bag of meat that simply exists to breath and serve as a laughing stock to others.

In fact, I am so scared of being laughed at, I completely refuse to take photos with anyone simply because I am worried I might be made fun of if someone were to upload the photo on social media. All the bullying about me being ugly caused me to be so self conscious as well.

I feel like such a failure because of the weak, disgusting body that I am living in. I cannot enjoy life like the rest because of my scars and injuries, I cannot do simple activities because I'm ashamed to dress differently in fear of having my issues seen by others. I cannot commit to jobs, unis and colleges because they all expect me to dress a certain way or partake in a certain activity that my anxiety and depression prevents me from doing.


And just recently, I went through some of the craziest stress and depression possible, so much so that it has turned parts of my beard white, despite me being in my early 20s.

I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and shed a few million tears on the way, but all I heard was silence. And to make matters worse for me, many people in my life have had their prayers answered, whether immediately or soon after, and many of them witnessed powerful miracles that changed their perspective on God, despite them being Atheists/Agnostics, and yet there is absolutely nothing for me.

I've Prayed for healing, change of mind, for God to change whatever he doesn't like in my life, and everything else in between. But here I am, still in the same situation as before. Except this time I am more worried than before because I am highly dependant on my family to survive. If I get kicked out or forced to work, I might die because I simply cannot do anything.

Perhaps God doesn't care about me? The same way people on Earth don't care about me?

When I log on social media, all I see are people from my school all going about their lives, getting married, having children, succeeding in whatever it is they're doing, and here I am simply existing and not being able to achieve anything because of what had happened to me.

Same applies to my family, they're all busying about their lives, making plans, going on trips, enjoying their lives and none of them care enough to ask if I'd like to attend because they too are ashamed of me (Yes, I've heard 2 of them say that).

So, what's my purpose in life? What do I do now? I've tried all possible solutions, but none of them were sufficient enough to ease the pain and suffering.

I have no injuries which can be seen, and am considered beautiful by most...

My ex husband was abuse physically and verbally to such an extreme extent that I cannot so much as see a photograph of myself without seeing myself through his eyes (as ugly and worthless) even all these years later.

Even though in the eyes of the world I might be considered beautiful, the only eyes I can see my beauty in are my (current) husband - and that is ONLY because I see his love of me reflected in them.

Yet in God's eyes, we are all beautiful. In His eyes, we all have worth... it's a matter of seeing His love for us reflected there...

You have to see the God who loves you in order to see how perfectly beautiful you really are.

It's not on the outside, our beauty as children of the Living God is on the inside, no matter how the world or those closest to us see us, we have worth and beauty inside because of Christ.

I understand pain, I understand being PTSD over your looks to a fairly extreme degree and seeing no good..

but when you look in the mirror, learn to see God in there..inside of you... and the love His eyes reflect for you when He loves you so much he suffered unimaginably so you would have reconciliation with God forever.

I know this seems some kind of platitude, but it's really not. Before the Throne of God only you exist, you are the center of His love, and the reason for it. Let His love wash over you..

and if you need, pray and ask Him to give you a greater knowledge of Him, and wisdom..

Your not alone, we all have pain when facing the world. But God can erase the pain when we stay facing Him, and HIM alone..
 
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Mountainmanbob

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As a child, I had an unfortunate incident which caused some damage to my bones, particularly my skull, and causing my head to look somewhat different from your average person. This damage did not heal as expected, and so I grew up with the injury that I had sustained as a child.

Growing up with this injury was an absolute nightmare because I was verbally bullied all throughout school, up until the point of graduation. I was called an Alien, weird, ugly, and every other name you could think of and the amount of tears I shed over this could've filled up a bath tub. I was absolutely miserable and there was nowhere I could turn. Everywhere I went, I had people looking, children laughing, and absolute heartbreak for my family who had to witness me being picked on.

I remember this one time whilst walking home, I noticed 3 older guys standing at the traffic lights waiting to cross. As I waited with them, I heard one of them laughing at me, and the guy next to him told him to shut up because "God made him that way". Despite that being the usual, what I heard at that moment crushed my soul and made me question my worth as a Human being because I was the centre of the worst type of attention, like I was a clown at a circus, except people weren't laughing at an act, they were laughing at me!

The bullying had gotten so frequent, and so harsh, that I am now scarred by my childhood. I am in such a anxious state, that I cannot leave the house without dressing a certain way to hide my "shame". Everyone asks why I dress the way I do in both summer and winter, but I simply cannot answer the question in fear of being treated with Kid-glove, something that I despise. I've opened up to a few people before but I was immediately given some ridiculous pep talk that only made things worse.

So far I have missed --

Job opportunities,

College/Uni opportunities,

Family activities,

friends -- Lost a few friends because I couldn't commit to certain plans

General family gatherings - Relatives don't care enough to ask about me, even though they're really close to everyone else around me.

Basic entertainment -- aka Birthdays, swimming, weddings, or sports.

... and many more


All because of the way I dress, and that is because of my injury. I'm truly ashamed to be seen the way I am because of my injury, something that I had no control over. I have a few other health issues, albeit minor, but I feel like a frail bag of meat that simply exists to breath and serve as a laughing stock to others.

In fact, I am so scared of being laughed at, I completely refuse to take photos with anyone simply because I am worried I might be made fun of if someone were to upload the photo on social media. All the bullying about me being ugly caused me to be so self conscious as well.

I feel like such a failure because of the weak, disgusting body that I am living in. I cannot enjoy life like the rest because of my scars and injuries, I cannot do simple activities because I'm ashamed to dress differently in fear of having my issues seen by others. I cannot commit to jobs, unis and colleges because they all expect me to dress a certain way or partake in a certain activity that my anxiety and depression prevents me from doing.


And just recently, I went through some of the craziest stress and depression possible, so much so that it has turned parts of my beard white, despite me being in my early 20s.

I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and shed a few million tears on the way, but all I heard was silence. And to make matters worse for me, many people in my life have had their prayers answered, whether immediately or soon after, and many of them witnessed powerful miracles that changed their perspective on God, despite them being Atheists/Agnostics, and yet there is absolutely nothing for me.

I've Prayed for healing, change of mind, for God to change whatever he doesn't like in my life, and everything else in between. But here I am, still in the same situation as before. Except this time I am more worried than before because I am highly dependant on my family to survive. If I get kicked out or forced to work, I might die because I simply cannot do anything.

Perhaps God doesn't care about me? The same way people on Earth don't care about me?

When I log on social media, all I see are people from my school all going about their lives, getting married, having children, succeeding in whatever it is they're doing, and here I am simply existing and not being able to achieve anything because of what had happened to me.

Same applies to my family, they're all busying about their lives, making plans, going on trips, enjoying their lives and none of them care enough to ask if I'd like to attend because they too are ashamed of me (Yes, I've heard 2 of them say that).

So, what's my purpose in life? What do I do now? I've tried all possible solutions, but none of them were sufficient enough to ease the pain and suffering.

Your story told is a very painful one.

I crashed a motorcycle many years ago and tore a large clunk out of my forehead and nose. I understand living with scares.

Looking forward to -- we will be perfect in Heaven.
This is passing away very quickly.
68 years old today
seems like yesterday I was 40.

M-Bob
 
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turkle

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I'm so sorry that you have had to suffer this for so many years.

The reality is that many people can be cruel. You have had to face such people your whole life, and that is a tragedy. The bigger tragedy is that this most likely won't change.

What are you options?

The first option is to do what you've always done...hide. When you hide, you are consumed with yourself. You are constantly worried about what people will say. You isolate yourself and become withdrawn and lonely. You are dependent upon others to survive because you cannot bring in an income for fear that people will talk.

The second option is to draw courage from the Lord and face people. Accept that people will say stupid things and brush it off. What they say doesn't matter. It still will sting, but it will not control you. You can reach out in fellowship to people who see the real you and don't care about what you look like. You can get a job. You can minister to others and be an inspiration to those who suffer similar difficulties.

My daughter had a terrible disability, which kept her in a wheelchair. She had a lung condition that required that I suction sputum out of her mouth so she wouldn't choke on it. It was a very unattractive thing to see. When we were in public I heard people say terrible things about her. Fortunately she didn't understand what they were saying. At first I was livid that they would be so unkind to a child. But then I realized that my anger only hurt me. I had to get past it. And I did.

Her father, on the other hand, could not tolerate the attention that my daughter, through no fault of her own, drew to herself. He refused to take her out of the house out of his own embarrassment. He tried to hide her and would not speak of her. It was horribly unfair to her.

I chose courage, and God gave me the strength to do so. My daughter and I had a wonderful relationship right up until she died. My husband, on the other hand, chose to hide and try to ignore the fact that he had a child that was ill. It did terrible things to his mind, but he was too weak to face the truth and boldly be the father that he could have been.

While my circumstances are different from yours, I understand both of these routes of dealing with something out of your control. Courage is always, always the better route. God said "Be bold, be strong, for the Lord your God is with you." Over and over He said "Do not fear". Paul said "I can do anything through Him who strengthens me". This applies to you as well. Look at those who have overcome fear and anxiety about their conditions and draw inspiration; Nick Vujicic and Joni Tada Erikson immediately come to mind, but there are others. You can be that person who says "enough" to hiding, and boldly live the life to which God is calling you. You might just be the next Nick or Joni who inspires people in your generation who are struggling with physical challenges. I hope that you choose courage.
 
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DreyDay

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As a child, I had an unfortunate incident which caused some damage to my bones, particularly my skull, and causing my head to look somewhat different from your average person. This damage did not heal as expected, and so I grew up with the injury that I had sustained as a child.

Growing up with this injury was an absolute nightmare because I was verbally bullied all throughout school, up until the point of graduation. I was called an Alien, weird, ugly, and every other name you could think of and the amount of tears I shed over this could've filled up a bath tub. I was absolutely miserable and there was nowhere I could turn. Everywhere I went, I had people looking, children laughing, and absolute heartbreak for my family who had to witness me being picked on.

I remember this one time whilst walking home, I noticed 3 older guys standing at the traffic lights waiting to cross. As I waited with them, I heard one of them laughing at me, and the guy next to him told him to shut up because "God made him that way". Despite that being the usual, what I heard at that moment crushed my soul and made me question my worth as a Human being because I was the centre of the worst type of attention, like I was a clown at a circus, except people weren't laughing at an act, they were laughing at me!

The bullying had gotten so frequent, and so harsh, that I am now scarred by my childhood. I am in such a anxious state, that I cannot leave the house without dressing a certain way to hide my "shame". Everyone asks why I dress the way I do in both summer and winter, but I simply cannot answer the question in fear of being treated with Kid-glove, something that I despise. I've opened up to a few people before but I was immediately given some ridiculous pep talk that only made things worse.

So far I have missed --

Job opportunities,

College/Uni opportunities,

Family activities,

friends -- Lost a few friends because I couldn't commit to certain plans

General family gatherings - Relatives don't care enough to ask about me, even though they're really close to everyone else around me.

Basic entertainment -- aka Birthdays, swimming, weddings, or sports.

... and many more


All because of the way I dress, and that is because of my injury. I'm truly ashamed to be seen the way I am because of my injury, something that I had no control over. I have a few other health issues, albeit minor, but I feel like a frail bag of meat that simply exists to breath and serve as a laughing stock to others.

In fact, I am so scared of being laughed at, I completely refuse to take photos with anyone simply because I am worried I might be made fun of if someone were to upload the photo on social media. All the bullying about me being ugly caused me to be so self conscious as well.

I feel like such a failure because of the weak, disgusting body that I am living in. I cannot enjoy life like the rest because of my scars and injuries, I cannot do simple activities because I'm ashamed to dress differently in fear of having my issues seen by others. I cannot commit to jobs, unis and colleges because they all expect me to dress a certain way or partake in a certain activity that my anxiety and depression prevents me from doing.


And just recently, I went through some of the craziest stress and depression possible, so much so that it has turned parts of my beard white, despite me being in my early 20s.

I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and shed a few million tears on the way, but all I heard was silence. And to make matters worse for me, many people in my life have had their prayers answered, whether immediately or soon after, and many of them witnessed powerful miracles that changed their perspective on God, despite them being Atheists/Agnostics, and yet there is absolutely nothing for me.

I've Prayed for healing, change of mind, for God to change whatever he doesn't like in my life, and everything else in between. But here I am, still in the same situation as before. Except this time I am more worried than before because I am highly dependant on my family to survive. If I get kicked out or forced to work, I might die because I simply cannot do anything.

Perhaps God doesn't care about me? The same way people on Earth don't care about me?

When I log on social media, all I see are people from my school all going about their lives, getting married, having children, succeeding in whatever it is they're doing, and here I am simply existing and not being able to achieve anything because of what had happened to me.

Same applies to my family, they're all busying about their lives, making plans, going on trips, enjoying their lives and none of them care enough to ask if I'd like to attend because they too are ashamed of me (Yes, I've heard 2 of them say that).

So, what's my purpose in life? What do I do now? I've tried all possible solutions, but none of them were sufficient enough to ease the pain and suffering.

I've seen a whole spectrum of people and their pains in life, including my own. I noticed that regardless of what kind of pain they experience, the way they react to it makes all the difference. Rich and successful people who experience a little bit of pain end up killing themselves. Poor and downtrodden people who experience much pain can end up becoming the strongest, most happy people on this planet. It all depends on your reaction to it, and your proactive behavior towards it.

Maximize whatever you have. Go to the gym, develop the most aesthetic physique possible, take classes on charisma, and develop the best personality possible. Go on an extended fast for at least 21 days; that will raise your vibration, and allow the power of God to manifest in your life like no other. The reality you are experiencing is happening one second at a time. You have a movie playing inside your mind, and you are the hero of it. What kind of outcome do you want to have? The choice is yours.
 
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aiki

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As a child, I had an unfortunate incident which caused some damage to my bones, particularly my skull, and causing my head to look somewhat different from your average person. This damage did not heal as expected, and so I grew up with the injury that I had sustained as a child.

Growing up with this injury was an absolute nightmare because I was verbally bullied all throughout school, up until the point of graduation. I was called an Alien, weird, ugly, and every other name you could think of and the amount of tears I shed over this could've filled up a bath tub. I was absolutely miserable and there was nowhere I could turn. Everywhere I went, I had people looking, children laughing, and absolute heartbreak for my family who had to witness me being picked on.

I had a similar problem as a teenager - but not with a physical deformity. My problem was acne. Not just a pimple here or there that disappeared in a day or two but mountainous, angry-red boils that developed in swollen clusters on my face and back. People would not look at me but at my nasty protrusions; they wouldn't see me, just the ghastly purplish - and painful - bulges all over my face. Things were even worse on my back. Thank goodness they were covered up! It was deeply mortifying how people would look at me, not realizing the disgust and revulsion evident in their expressions. As you'd expect, I was severely marginalized. Fortunately, I took steps to prevent open ridicule and bullying. I started lifting weights at fifteen and by high school graduation had put on thirty pounds of muscle. I still looked like a horror movie but nobody said anything about it to my face.

The bullying had gotten so frequent, and so harsh, that I am now scarred by my childhood. I am in such a anxious state, that I cannot leave the house without dressing a certain way to hide my "shame". Everyone asks why I dress the way I do in both summer and winter, but I simply cannot answer the question in fear of being treated with Kid-glove, something that I despise. I've opened up to a few people before but I was immediately given some ridiculous pep talk that only made things worse.

Yeah, my solution to the pain I felt from the rejection of others was to withdraw, to isolate myself more and more. It was the worst path to follow; for it led to a lonely, angry, dark prison of my own making that was very difficult to exit.

In fact, I am so scared of being laughed at, I completely refuse to take photos with anyone simply because I am worried I might be made fun of if someone were to upload the photo on social media. All the bullying about me being ugly caused me to be so self conscious as well.

And this is why I finally recognized that being self-centered, self-concerned and self-conscious would never lead to the life I wanted. The more worried I was about myself, the unhappier and more isolated I became. This is why God has told His children that they must die to themselves. It is the only way to be truly free and joyful.

And just recently, I went through some of the craziest stress and depression possible, so much so that it has turned parts of my beard white, despite me being in my early 20s.

Yup, this is where I ended up, too. My resentment toward God for making me with such humiliating skin issues, made me also very distrustful of Him. I could not believe that a God who would allow me to be so afflicted with such a grotesque malady could really have my best interests at heart. My distrust of God migrated into fear and anxiety and obsessive-compulsiveness. It was quite awful - so much so that I contemplated suicide. I developed cluster panic attacks, insomnia, and the endless round-and-round of OCD thinking. I was so exhausted and afraid! Yikes!

I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and shed a few million tears on the way, but all I heard was silence. And to make matters worse for me, many people in my life have had their prayers answered, whether immediately or soon after, and many of them witnessed powerful miracles that changed their perspective on God, despite them being Atheists/Agnostics, and yet there is absolutely nothing for me.

I remember pleading with God to change my circumstances, to eradicate my acne, to show me He was a God I could trust. Nothing happened. Nothing. Fortunately, I had wise people in my family who showed me that God's plan for my life and my own weren't sympatico. Self was firmly (and sourly) seated on the throne of my heart where God should have been seated. And all my prayers were colored by this fact. There was no way, I was told, that God was going to grant the prayers of one who was controlled, not by Him, but by Self.

I felt so justified, though, in withholding the throne of my heart from a God who had done so poorly by me. What had He done for me, really? All I could see was my humiliation, and marginalization, and isolation; I was bound in a prison of Self-centeredness that would accommodate no one but me. My pain, my hurt, justified every wrong thought, every selfish action, that kept me from enjoying fellowship with my Heavenly Father. But it was all God's fault, not mine.

Forget that Christ has died to atone for all of my sin; forget that God had given me life and breath, a family, a home, clothes to wear, and food to eat; forget that God had given me a body I could strengthen, and a mind I could develop; forget that the God of the Universe wanted me to know Him, that He had a purpose in making me, and gave eternal meaning to my existence. All that I could look at was my shame and hurt. And I had been looking at it for so long, massaging it, cradling it close, that it took some very...hard measures on God's part to make me look away from it to Him.

But, I am enormously grateful that God did the hard thing, that He put me in the grinder, so that I would be willing to leave my prison of Self and be free to walk with Him in joy and peace and inner stability. I hope He won't have to do the same with you. I limp still from God's discipline.

So, what's my purpose in life? What do I do now? I've tried all possible solutions, but none of them were sufficient enough to ease the pain and suffering.

Have you tried dying to yourself? Read Matthew 16:24-25. Read Galatians 2:20 or Romans 6:1-18. Read Colossians 3:2-3. In God's economy of things, life is found in death, victory comes by way of surrender.
 
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Michael972

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https://www.amazon.com/Spurgeons-So...prefix=Spurgeons+sorrow,stripbooks,168&sr=1-1

If you like reading, there is a really good book that has helped me.

Social media in my opinion is a very depressing place anyway. You only see one side of things and sometimes people can put fake pictures up to show "how good they got it". Be careful of the comparison game and trying to find identity in other things that is not of Christ. They could be drowning in debt or on the verge of divorce and many other things. Find your complete satisfaction in Christ and earthly things will fade away. The inner person is the what matters, anything can happen to the body. I wouldn't stop being a best friend to someone just because something happened to their outward appearance.
 
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FutureAndAHope

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As a child, I had an unfortunate incident which caused some damage to my bones, particularly my skull, and causing my head to look somewhat different from your average person. This damage did not heal as expected, and so I grew up with the injury that I had sustained as a child.

Growing up with this injury was an absolute nightmare because I was verbally bullied all throughout school, up until the point of graduation. I was called an Alien, weird, ugly, and every other name you could think of and the amount of tears I shed over this could've filled up a bath tub. I was absolutely miserable and there was nowhere I could turn. Everywhere I went, I had people looking, children laughing, and absolute heartbreak for my family who had to witness me being picked on.

I remember this one time whilst walking home, I noticed 3 older guys standing at the traffic lights waiting to cross. As I waited with them, I heard one of them laughing at me, and the guy next to him told him to shut up because "God made him that way". Despite that being the usual, what I heard at that moment crushed my soul and made me question my worth as a Human being because I was the centre of the worst type of attention, like I was a clown at a circus, except people weren't laughing at an act, they were laughing at me!

The bullying had gotten so frequent, and so harsh, that I am now scarred by my childhood. I am in such a anxious state, that I cannot leave the house without dressing a certain way to hide my "shame". Everyone asks why I dress the way I do in both summer and winter, but I simply cannot answer the question in fear of being treated with Kid-glove, something that I despise. I've opened up to a few people before but I was immediately given some ridiculous pep talk that only made things worse.

So far I have missed --

Job opportunities,

College/Uni opportunities,

Family activities,

friends -- Lost a few friends because I couldn't commit to certain plans

General family gatherings - Relatives don't care enough to ask about me, even though they're really close to everyone else around me.

Basic entertainment -- aka Birthdays, swimming, weddings, or sports.

... and many more


All because of the way I dress, and that is because of my injury. I'm truly ashamed to be seen the way I am because of my injury, something that I had no control over. I have a few other health issues, albeit minor, but I feel like a frail bag of meat that simply exists to breath and serve as a laughing stock to others.

In fact, I am so scared of being laughed at, I completely refuse to take photos with anyone simply because I am worried I might be made fun of if someone were to upload the photo on social media. All the bullying about me being ugly caused me to be so self conscious as well.

I feel like such a failure because of the weak, disgusting body that I am living in. I cannot enjoy life like the rest because of my scars and injuries, I cannot do simple activities because I'm ashamed to dress differently in fear of having my issues seen by others. I cannot commit to jobs, unis and colleges because they all expect me to dress a certain way or partake in a certain activity that my anxiety and depression prevents me from doing.


And just recently, I went through some of the craziest stress and depression possible, so much so that it has turned parts of my beard white, despite me being in my early 20s.

I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and shed a few million tears on the way, but all I heard was silence. And to make matters worse for me, many people in my life have had their prayers answered, whether immediately or soon after, and many of them witnessed powerful miracles that changed their perspective on God, despite them being Atheists/Agnostics, and yet there is absolutely nothing for me.

I've Prayed for healing, change of mind, for God to change whatever he doesn't like in my life, and everything else in between. But here I am, still in the same situation as before. Except this time I am more worried than before because I am highly dependant on my family to survive. If I get kicked out or forced to work, I might die because I simply cannot do anything.

Perhaps God doesn't care about me? The same way people on Earth don't care about me?

When I log on social media, all I see are people from my school all going about their lives, getting married, having children, succeeding in whatever it is they're doing, and here I am simply existing and not being able to achieve anything because of what had happened to me.

Same applies to my family, they're all busying about their lives, making plans, going on trips, enjoying their lives and none of them care enough to ask if I'd like to attend because they too are ashamed of me (Yes, I've heard 2 of them say that).

So, what's my purpose in life? What do I do now? I've tried all possible solutions, but none of them were sufficient enough to ease the pain and suffering.

There is not much that I can say, that I am sure you have heard already. Although outwardly you have some challenges, what you need to build on is the inner man, the inner strength. I am going to use a basic line I often use that inner strength is gained as we spend time with God. The bible tells us that our flesh is weak, but as we pray, the spirit of God will strengthen us.

There may be no outward change, but inwardly you can become stronger.

On the issue of needing support. If life ever gets to the point that you can no longer go on, God knows, and will provide a way of escape. One of my good friends was disabled, and when his parents died, he was all alone, and in great sorrow. He suddenly got an illness, that ended his life. I see it as a blessing in disguise, God took Him home to heaven to be with his family.

I am not suggesting you look to death, but rather, press on to good things. But know that God has a solution for every situation, one where your heart and soul can be blessed.
 
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Joined2krist

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Hi, let me divert a bit from what others have suggested. It seems like your scar has not only affected your body but also your overall quality of life and your temperament which has made you sensitive isn't helping the problem you're dealing with.

On YouTube, you'll find many people living with disabilities and scars but still not allowing it affect their quality of life. Recently, I've been watching these videos and it makes me grateful and I'm challenged to do the best I have with what I've been given, try watching them too if you can

I also think you should visit a psychiatrist because I feel you're having slight symptoms of body dismorphia.

God is awesome and don't worry even if you're not seeing immediate changes in your life after praying, the fact that you're here might be by God's leading and His answer to your prayers. God bless
 
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