Christian Man trying to keep strong!

MasterYourLife · Jul 2, 2019

Andrew77 said:
Sometimes the best way to snap people out of their evil, is to give them a taste of what is coming.

Because there is absolutely no way that I see this marriage lasting the way it is going now.

And if she doesn't respond to this... then I doubt she'll ever respond to anything, and you might as well find out now, that it is time to move on.

I think the Bible teaches firm on: "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."

Sketcher · Jul 3, 2019

What is her love language?

mindlight · Jul 3, 2019

Faith4l said:
I am committed to my marriage but it has begun to feel like I am being used. My wife does not cook, clean, or make love, no affection not even a kiss. What do I do? I have tried cleaning up but she will bring the trash back in. Hugging and affection are all one way streets.

Do not "try" just do and be at peace cause you do what is right. Pray without ceasing. You are not the first to go through such trials nor will you be the last. My experience is that these pains comes in phases, sometimes they last years but then they pass. To be strong enough to endure through the lean years is a matter of Gods grace and mercy. Thank God for the opportunity to persevere against all odds, to develop self control, patience and to love without expectation of return. Telling her she is a selfish "$%£&" is probably just going to put her back up and delay the process. You win her back with love and you push her away with hate. But something has to click inside her , to wake her up and get her making the right choices again, that can only come from an inner work of Gods grace. So pray for her.

Peter J Barban · Jul 3, 2019

I know a guy (no names please) who has a similar situation.

At the beginning of the marriage, his wife did all the traditional wifely things, but never really wanted to. So eventually, she stopped cooking, cleaning, sex, etc.

After a lot of complaining, the husband chose to accept his wife as she was, not as he wanted her to be. It seems that her sister did much the same as she, though her husband didn't deal with it well. (I suspect both women got this behavior from their mother.)

Last, I heard both families are still together, but I doubt things have changed.

mama2one · Jul 3, 2019

Faith4l said:
The cooking has well been like this a long time as well. The lack of affection has been going on about a year now.

see that your age is 59
is your wife about the same age?

if so, many people just get worn out by that age and start having physical issues
she's probably gone through menopause?
so decreased hormones can lead to lack of desire

has she been to a Dr lately?
if not try to get her to go

_Dave_ · Jul 3, 2019

At that age I would seriously consider that she is suffering from menopausal symptoms. There are supplements and diets that can go a long way to alleviating the symptoms, but unless she recognizes and admits to it she'll probably not be wanting to help herself that way.

My best advice is to find a wise old woman who has been through it and follow her leading. Your wife is not herself right now, and there is nothing YOU do or don't do that brings on her condition. So, you need to know how to properly react to her behavior so as not to enable long-lasting consequences.

It's no coincidence that many, many divorces occur during this age frame. There are lots of "reasons" given for the divorce, but I'm guessing that most of the real reason just plain comes down to the wife's change of hormones during this period in her life, and both the husband and wife not knowing how to deal with it.

You will get through it. Unfortunately, for some it could be a 10-years-long process. Hang in there.

Faith4l · Jul 3, 2019

MasterYourLife said:
Based on your answers, I see there is no direct action you can take to change her.
Her heart may have calloused and only her and God can change that.

As for you: don't fight resentment with resentment, hate with hate, anger with anger.
Be a perfect example for her. Love her and only do good for her. Go beyond loving her when she ignores you, but do so genuinely. Not by pandering or doing good for the sake of doing it.

Remember, affection comes as a result of love. Not affection then love.

You are right on. That is what God is saying to me. Love her and speak his word over her. That he will change her heart.

Faith4l · Jul 3, 2019

_Dave_ said:
At that age I would seriously consider that she is suffering from menopausal symptoms. There are supplements and diets that can go a long way to alleviating the symptoms, but unless she recognizes and admits to it she'll probably not be wanting to help herself that way.

My best advice is to find a wise old woman who has been through it and follow her leading. Your wife is not herself right now, and there is nothing YOU do or don't do that brings on her condition. So, you need to know how to properly react to her behavior so as not to enable long-lasting consequences.

It's no coincidence that many, many divorces occur during this age frame. There are lots of "reasons" given for the divorce, but I'm guessing that most of the real reason just plain comes down to the wife's change of hormones during this period in her life, and both the husband and wife not knowing how to deal with it.

You will get through it. Unfortunately, for some it could be a 10-years-long process. Hang in there.

Wow Wow Wow. Ok will get her to the doctor.

Faith4l · Jul 3, 2019

christine40 said:
see that your age is 59
is your wife about the same age?

if so, many people just get worn out by that age and start having physical issues
she's probably gone through menopause?
so decreased hormones can lead to lack of desire

has she been to a Dr lately?
if not try to get her to go

I will speak with her to go to the doctor. Thank you very much. This group of believers has really helped me from giving up.

Faith4l · Jul 3, 2019

_Dave_ said:
At that age I would seriously consider that she is suffering from menopausal symptoms. There are supplements and diets that can go a long way to alleviating the symptoms, but unless she recognizes and admits to it she'll probably not be wanting to help herself that way.

My best advice is to find a wise old woman who has been through it and follow her leading. Your wife is not herself right now, and there is nothing YOU do or don't do that brings on her condition. So, you need to know how to properly react to her behavior so as not to enable long-lasting consequences.

It's no coincidence that many, many divorces occur during this age frame. There are lots of "reasons" given for the divorce, but I'm guessing that most of the real reason just plain comes down to the wife's change of hormones during this period in her life, and both the husband and wife not knowing how to deal with it.

You will get through it. Unfortunately, for some it could be a 10-years-long process. Hang in there.

You are RIGHT! My sister and her husband just separated. They are not saved and he just couldn't take it anymore.

_Dave_ · Jul 3, 2019

Faith4l said:
Wow Wow Wow. Ok will get her to the doctor.

Whoa! Easy there fella.

If she is willing to seek help, that's one thing, and really great.

But, please, please, please do some research before diving headlong into a modern medical solution. What I am suggesting first is that YOU get a better understanding of what she is going through; and then SECOND look into supplements and other natural remedies to help her along.

There is tons of wisdom out there that has nothing to do with modern pharmaceuticals. Virtually everything that happens to a woman experiencing menopause can be alleviated through supplements and an appropriate hormonal-balancing diet.

If you like, PM me and I'll share some links that my wife has been collecting and applying successfully. But, the main thing is that your wife has to agree to go along with it, and you need to understand what she is going through. It takes both of you to make it work.

aiki · Jul 3, 2019

Faith4l said:
I am committed to my marriage but it has begun to feel like I am being used. My wife does not cook, clean, or make love, no affection not even a kiss. What do I do? I have tried cleaning up but she will bring the trash back in. Hugging and affection are all one way streets.

Have you yielded yourself to God in what is happening with your wife? Have you subjected your will and way to God's Spirit? Have you asked God to fill you with Himself and give you His mind and heart in the situation you're in with your spouse? This is where navigating your marriage in a wise, godly way begins. God's way of building your marriage into the beautiful thing He intends it should be isn't going to involve putting your wants and needs before your wife's. Are you praying for your wife? Are you regularly lifting her up to God in prayer, asking Him to transform her and make her the woman He wants her to be? Are you petitioning God to convict your wife of her selfishness? Are you asking Him to do the same to you? If you aren't, then I don't think you can expect to have an excellent marriage.

Ephesians 5:25
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

HatGuy · Jul 3, 2019

Faith4l said:
I mean to say clutter. She is a mild hoarder and does not seem to want to change.
No she does not work at all. Most of her time is spent in the bedroom, on twitter and TV. We have a nice house but she does use most of it.
She did have some health issues which appear resolved.
When you say talk it out. I try to hold her hand when we walk together. Take her shopping. etc.

I'd venture on a limb here and say she might be very bored and probably depressed.

If you're sitting at home all day and have no I inspiration to do pretty much anything, that's a sure sign of depression.

She's probably just learned to deal with it by stashing away her emotions etc., hence not interested in romance.

The best thing I think, honestly, is to get her and you out of the house. Go away somewhere. Change your scenery. And find out from her what she wants to do with her life. Perhaps you need to figure out what you want to do in life too and you guys can do it together.

You're both in a rut and need to get out of it. Otherwise the boredom will continue to produce these results.

You guys need some risk and adventure in your lives. Go visit another country. Go on a short mission trip together. Do something to open your hearts to the bigger picture.

Maria Billingsley · Jul 3, 2019

Faith4l said:
I am committed to my marriage but it has begun to feel like I am being used. My wife does not cook, clean, or make love, no affection not even a kiss. What do I do? I have tried cleaning up but she will bring the trash back in. Hugging and affection are all one way streets.

You will need good Christian counseling for her. Sounds like she has deep rooted issues.
Blessings

JacksBratt · Jul 3, 2019

Faith4l said:
I mean to say clutter. She is a mild hoarder and does not seem to want to change.
No she does not work at all. Most of her time is spent in the bedroom, on twitter and TV. We have a nice house but she does use most of it.
She did have some health issues which appear resolved.
When you say talk it out. I try to hold her hand when we walk together. Take her shopping. etc.

Check this site:Out of the FOG - Index

I was going crazy trying to find out what I was doing wrong. There is a section on this site that describes personality disorders... My wife has Narcissistic Behavioral disorder, also known as OCPD.

She is a mild hoarder.. no cooking, little affection but only if I initiate it. Very controlling..owns the truth, never wrong, never apologize, never forgive.... double standards everywhere....... well read the diagnosis... she is text book.

Take a look.. It was an eye opener for me... what you do after that is your choice.

riesie · Jul 9, 2019

Hi JacksBratt,
First of all feel very sorry for you and I will pray for you. I think though, that OCPD is not the same as NPD.
They sometimes get confused but they are not the same. I found a very interesting video for you. Maybe it helps you a bit further. I hope so and my intention with this tip is to be a blessing not to critizise you at all. Let me know what you think of it ok? And how you're doing. Take care and be blessed by the Lord!

riesie · Jul 9, 2019

Oh, yes, the video

Faith4l · Jul 15, 2019

JacksBratt said:
Check this site:Out of the FOG - Index

I was going crazy trying to find out what I was doing wrong. There is a section on this site that describes personality disorders... My wife has Narcissistic Behavioral disorder, also known as OCPD.

She is a mild hoarder.. no cooking, little affection but only if I initiate it. Very controlling..owns the truth, never wrong, never apologize, never forgive.... double standards everywhere....... well read the diagnosis... she is text book.

Take a look.. It was an eye opener for me... what you do after that is your choice.

WOW that is really really close to my situation. I will read the NBD!!

Faith4l · Jul 15, 2019

aiki said:
Have you yielded yourself to God in what is happening with your wife? Have you subjected your will and way to God's Spirit? Have you asked God to fill you with Himself and give you His mind and heart in the situation you're in with your spouse? This is where navigating your marriage in a wise, godly way begins. God's way of building your marriage into the beautiful thing He intends it should be isn't going to involve putting your wants and needs before your wife's. Are you praying for your wife? Are you regularly lifting her up to God in prayer, asking Him to transform her and make her the woman He wants her to be? Are you petitioning God to convict your wife of her selfishness? Are you asking Him to do the same to you? If you aren't, then I don't think you can expect to have an excellent marriage.

Ephesians 5:25
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

YES, YES, YES. I am sure I could pray more for her. However I am not asking GOD to change her for me but for her to reach her full potential in HIM. Picking up my cross daily!!

Joined2krist · Jul 15, 2019

Faith4l said:
Good question:
I am sure I have offended her in many ways over the years but not physically or emotionally abusive. She is just very selfish.

Are you verbally abusive?

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