Hi, all. I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I'm currently renting an apartment from a lady who has three children (two guys and a girl). The lady's eldest son ("J") is hurting my feelings very badly; I fell in love with him the moment that I saw him and even though everybody *in the real world is telling me that he doesn't feel the same, I feel like he's shown SOME signs of interest. I last saw him in person over a week ago (the nature of his job takes him away from home for long periods) and then he was, as always, very kind; he used to follow me almost obsessively on a chat application on my cellphone, but he's stopped doing it and I hate feeling like he's avoiding me now because perhaps he has feelings that he doesn't know how to express properly.
He's very attached to his mother and I don't trust anything I say to him, in person or on the 'phone, to stay between us. If I can turn to fiction for a moment, I feel like I'm living in a "Psycho" world; a boy and his mother, and any unfamiliar woman is unwelcome.
He's over 40 and has a good job, is a good man with no ill intent; I think he's just extremely immature emotionally and can't function without his mother's approval or what he perceives as her approval.
Essentially, lately I am extremely stressed and whenever I'm at home, I suffer from high level of anxiety. I've become addicted to watching my cellphone to see if maybe this guy has finally read my status. I've been going through a living nightmare ever since the deaths of my adoptive parents last year and with the support of people at Church, close family and confidantes, my psychiatrists, etc, I'm working on putting my life back together. But this guy that I'm in love with and the blurred lines that I feel exist, are driving my stress levels sky-high.
I need intense and sincere prayer to find better coping resources or for him to just get over his inappropriate relationship with his mother and make a move already. And for myself to remain grounded and not risk losing my apartment (if the mother is unhappy, there's no question that I'll be asked to find another place to live, even though my rent's always been paid on time). I have trust issues, issues with understanding normal behaviour around me. I'm intelligent enough to recognize what's going on; I currently just have no emotional- and physical control over the effects the stress has on my mind and body.
Please pray for me. Blessings to all.
* I have been diagnosed with a panic disorder, have issues with handling my medication correctly, am easily triggered and stress quickly, so sometimes I lose a grip on reality.
He's very attached to his mother and I don't trust anything I say to him, in person or on the 'phone, to stay between us. If I can turn to fiction for a moment, I feel like I'm living in a "Psycho" world; a boy and his mother, and any unfamiliar woman is unwelcome.
He's over 40 and has a good job, is a good man with no ill intent; I think he's just extremely immature emotionally and can't function without his mother's approval or what he perceives as her approval.
Essentially, lately I am extremely stressed and whenever I'm at home, I suffer from high level of anxiety. I've become addicted to watching my cellphone to see if maybe this guy has finally read my status. I've been going through a living nightmare ever since the deaths of my adoptive parents last year and with the support of people at Church, close family and confidantes, my psychiatrists, etc, I'm working on putting my life back together. But this guy that I'm in love with and the blurred lines that I feel exist, are driving my stress levels sky-high.
I need intense and sincere prayer to find better coping resources or for him to just get over his inappropriate relationship with his mother and make a move already. And for myself to remain grounded and not risk losing my apartment (if the mother is unhappy, there's no question that I'll be asked to find another place to live, even though my rent's always been paid on time). I have trust issues, issues with understanding normal behaviour around me. I'm intelligent enough to recognize what's going on; I currently just have no emotional- and physical control over the effects the stress has on my mind and body.
Please pray for me. Blessings to all.
* I have been diagnosed with a panic disorder, have issues with handling my medication correctly, am easily triggered and stress quickly, so sometimes I lose a grip on reality.
