Hi, my name is Northbrook and I have just learned, by reading the posts on Quora.com, all about narcissistic partner abuse. I think the man I loved was a narcissist and the reason I think I am a victim of narcissistic partner abuse is that he destroyed my mental, emotional, physical, and even financial health. I really recommend the forum Quora.com. Mercy, there are a lot of narc victims on there!
Something worth considering (please excuse the seeming insensitivity).
It takes two to tangle.
Meaning, he did so with your help.
The "chemistry between" two people,
thing.
The dynamic they form as one.
Sort of the "opposites attract" kind of thing.
Two people are attracted to one another due to some dynamic within in each of them that attracts its opposite in the other, and vice-versa.
And being that most people are unaware of their inner dynamics, some can end up attracted to a scalding lightbulb, much like the proverbial mouth.
Until they are severely burned, or severely burned enough - which often forces some of them to look at these kinds of things a bit more objectively.
For many do not, but instead get caught up in the myth and erroneous hope that what goes around, comes around.
It does not. History is chockful of some very evil people who lived long, prosperous lives, and died in their sleep at a ripe old age, never having paid for their evil - at least, not in this life.
Rather, often what goes around only comes around by one's own hand and only when the dynamic that resulted in it switches, as in the following, later in this post.
But many on the victim side of the ledger learn nothing from their part in that pain by which to free themselves of how they themselves contribute to their part.
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The "goes around, comes around" dynamic:
A person around someone somehow "stronger" than them in some key area can, if unaware that they are weaker than them in that area, tend to begin to allow themselves to be dominated by them.
And yet, this same stronger person, when around a person stronger than their self, in some key area, can begin to act weaker, setting off the more dominating side in this other, even stronger person.
Understanding this, once, as a practical joke, I had a narcissist eating out of the palm of my hand, in front of his wife, while she bowled over in laughter that he was completely unaware I was running him, lol
But anyway, begin to consciously observe your interactions with all sorts of people you deal with in your life, see if this is not the case - that you are much more passive with some, much more aggressive with others.
The thing to do is to begin to observe this in yourself and others as you deal with all sorts of people, be that for a moment, or much longer...
Towards beginning to consciously note whenever either of this two-way dynamic is set off in you (as its' counterpart is set off in the other person), that you might then and there adjust for it - so that you are neither too weak, nor too strong.
Anyway, my two cents on that - here's to your quick healing, and to your next romantic adventure - may it be - a great one - in both your favor!
Additional note:
Its a fascinating thing that both an abusive relationship and an empowering one, are both built on compromise.
Only, in the abusive one, the compromise is far too often one-sided.
Its important to be aware of this, as it can damage hopes for a living relationship in a next relationship, should the scars of all that one-sided compromise in the previous, abusive relationship, be allowed to attempt to dominate one in one's next relationship.
The way around that is simply to pause a moment and say to oneself 'No, I absolutely refuse to allow that to now control me in this way! I am aware now of what balanced compromise is' and so on.
It rears its' ugly intrusive head as a means of protecting you now, and in the absence of a better way of giving yourself that protection.
The above is a means of the needed protection.
The wisdom of 'No, for I now know better...'
Another point, observe how someone you are romantically interested in treats people he has concluded he has nothing to gain from. Does he still treat them fairly, pay attention to their needs, etc., or not?
