Being social, talking about Jesus and everything else (long post and scatterbraind FYI)

cyphercat said:

Greetings! Long post ahead!
I'll try and be as clear as possible, but I'm just laying everything out because I'm tired of feeling the way I feel.
I was a drug addict for 16+ years, and in that period of time, I burned a lot of bridges, and a lot of things happened to my brain that make "normal" thinking a bit difficult for me.
Mainly in the area of having conversations.

I will say that while I was on drugs, I spent a lot of time in my bible. So much so that I absorbed a lot that kind of made me look at what everyone else was doing, things that I considered "worldly" and hate them. Of course, I admit, at the same time I was abusing drugs, but I tried to clean up every other area of my life. My language, the entertainment I was taking in, everything. If I thought it was worldly, I tried to axe it from myself.

And this created a lot of bitterness towards people in general, because I assumed they were engaging in those things, and a lot of bitterness towards people in the church, because what I was reading in the bible and seeing them do didn't add up.

Let me add that now this is different. That whole attitude was really me pinning all my hostility on everyone else when at the same time it should have been directed at myself.
I couldn't talk to people because talking to them meant hearing about these things, and I couldn't tell them what I cared about (the bible), because I anticipated immediate hostility.

Every conversation in my head immediate led to a point where I would have to tell the person how what they were doing was contrary to the bible. And I reasoned that if I cared about the person I would have to make every attempt to get them to stop doing that thing until they gave it up. I know now that we just preach Jesus and the Holy Spirit cleans them up. But this made a huge impact on my thinking and though I have repented from the life I lived, my brain and automatic thinking are still affected.

Let me say again I see now that I was living contrary to the bible. I'm sure that it was all about my failure to do what was right.

That might have been confusing, but it's the best way to lead into things for me.

LET'S MOVE THE PRESENT

Now, I have been clean for 6+ months, I emphasize seeking a person's salvation over everything, but I have no desire to talk to anyone. I just don't care.

I do get a great amount of joy in trying to talk to people about Jesus, but those conversations are very awkward at the moment and spiritually taxing. I like passing out tracts, but it's a taxing activity as well. There's no downtime for me it seems.

But I know there's fellowship, and I know fellowship is a joy. I just don't know how to approach it. I feel that it's almost pointless.

For instance, I have an old pastor friend, and i want to call him up, but I get the impression that I'll be wasting his time just to have a conversation about what's going on in his life.
I want to talk to people at church, but in my mind I heard "vain" over and over again, and it makes asking simple things like "How is your family" or "How was your week" impossible. I get a lot of stomach cramps when I think about just talking to people.

I don't really care for what we would normally call worldly things. I don't think they should really enter into conversation. Do you talk about shows, games, hobbies with your Christian friends? What do you have conversations about? What gives you joy to talk to other Christians about?

It's almost as if having a normal conversation with another Christian is as difficult as having a soul winning conversation with a random person.

I feel that if I do irritate people that they're not going to tell me. That's a big barrier. Sometimes when I do make an attempt at talking to a person I get this internal rebuke about how I just wasted their time.

Note that I'm currently on disability, and will be a for hopefully not too long, but it will be months before I'm working a normal job and don't have all this time on my hands.
I'm currently praying about and looking to do evangelism with that time as much as I can. Maybe that's the answer because I get the greatest joy when I do finish an attempt at spreading the gospel. However at all the other time I would just like to interact with other Christians. Or anyone really. But mainly Christians because then my mind wouldn't be constantly reminding me that they need salvation.

Anyway, I'm praying that laying all this out will aid in meeting this need I have. If you took the time to read this, thanks.

Click to expand...

cyphercat said:

Greetings! Long post ahead!
I'll try and be as clear as possible, but I'm just laying everything out because I'm tired of feeling the way I feel.
I was a drug addict for 16+ years, and in that period of time, I burned a lot of bridges, and a lot of things happened to my brain that make "normal" thinking a bit difficult for me.
Mainly in the area of having conversations.

I will say that while I was on drugs, I spent a lot of time in my bible. So much so that I absorbed a lot that kind of made me look at what everyone else was doing, things that I considered "worldly" and hate them. Of course, I admit, at the same time I was abusing drugs, but I tried to clean up every other area of my life. My language, the entertainment I was taking in, everything. If I thought it was worldly, I tried to axe it from myself.

And this created a lot of bitterness towards people in general, because I assumed they were engaging in those things, and a lot of bitterness towards people in the church, because what I was reading in the bible and seeing them do didn't add up.

Let me add that now this is different. That whole attitude was really me pinning all my hostility on everyone else when at the same time it should have been directed at myself.
I couldn't talk to people because talking to them meant hearing about these things, and I couldn't tell them what I cared about (the bible), because I anticipated immediate hostility.

Every conversation in my head immediate led to a point where I would have to tell the person how what they were doing was contrary to the bible. And I reasoned that if I cared about the person I would have to make every attempt to get them to stop doing that thing until they gave it up. I know now that we just preach Jesus and the Holy Spirit cleans them up. But this made a huge impact on my thinking and though I have repented from the life I lived, my brain and automatic thinking are still affected.

Let me say again I see now that I was living contrary to the bible. I'm sure that it was all about my failure to do what was right.

That might have been confusing, but it's the best way to lead into things for me.

LET'S MOVE THE PRESENT

Now, I have been clean for 6+ months, I emphasize seeking a person's salvation over everything, but I have no desire to talk to anyone. I just don't care.

I do get a great amount of joy in trying to talk to people about Jesus, but those conversations are very awkward at the moment and spiritually taxing. I like passing out tracts, but it's a taxing activity as well. There's no downtime for me it seems.

But I know there's fellowship, and I know fellowship is a joy. I just don't know how to approach it. I feel that it's almost pointless.

For instance, I have an old pastor friend, and i want to call him up, but I get the impression that I'll be wasting his time just to have a conversation about what's going on in his life.
I want to talk to people at church, but in my mind I heard "vain" over and over again, and it makes asking simple things like "How is your family" or "How was your week" impossible. I get a lot of stomach cramps when I think about just talking to people.

I don't really care for what we would normally call worldly things. I don't think they should really enter into conversation. Do you talk about shows, games, hobbies with your Christian friends? What do you have conversations about? What gives you joy to talk to other Christians about?

It's almost as if having a normal conversation with another Christian is as difficult as having a soul winning conversation with a random person.

I feel that if I do irritate people that they're not going to tell me. That's a big barrier. Sometimes when I do make an attempt at talking to a person I get this internal rebuke about how I just wasted their time.

Note that I'm currently on disability, and will be a for hopefully not too long, but it will be months before I'm working a normal job and don't have all this time on my hands.
I'm currently praying about and looking to do evangelism with that time as much as I can. Maybe that's the answer because I get the greatest joy when I do finish an attempt at spreading the gospel. However at all the other time I would just like to interact with other Christians. Or anyone really. But mainly Christians because then my mind wouldn't be constantly reminding me that they need salvation.

Anyway, I'm praying that laying all this out will aid in meeting this need I have. If you took the time to read this, thanks.

Click to expand...

cyphercat said:

Greetings! Long post ahead!
I'll try and be as clear as possible, but I'm just laying everything out because I'm tired of feeling the way I feel.
I was a drug addict for 16+ years, and in that period of time, I burned a lot of bridges, and a lot of things happened to my brain that make "normal" thinking a bit difficult for me.
Mainly in the area of having conversations.

I will say that while I was on drugs, I spent a lot of time in my bible. So much so that I absorbed a lot that kind of made me look at what everyone else was doing, things that I considered "worldly" and hate them. Of course, I admit, at the same time I was abusing drugs, but I tried to clean up every other area of my life. My language, the entertainment I was taking in, everything. If I thought it was worldly, I tried to axe it from myself.

And this created a lot of bitterness towards people in general, because I assumed they were engaging in those things, and a lot of bitterness towards people in the church, because what I was reading in the bible and seeing them do didn't add up.

Let me add that now this is different. That whole attitude was really me pinning all my hostility on everyone else when at the same time it should have been directed at myself.
I couldn't talk to people because talking to them meant hearing about these things, and I couldn't tell them what I cared about (the bible), because I anticipated immediate hostility.

Every conversation in my head immediate led to a point where I would have to tell the person how what they were doing was contrary to the bible. And I reasoned that if I cared about the person I would have to make every attempt to get them to stop doing that thing until they gave it up. I know now that we just preach Jesus and the Holy Spirit cleans them up. But this made a huge impact on my thinking and though I have repented from the life I lived, my brain and automatic thinking are still affected.

Let me say again I see now that I was living contrary to the bible. I'm sure that it was all about my failure to do what was right.

That might have been confusing, but it's the best way to lead into things for me.

LET'S MOVE THE PRESENT

Now, I have been clean for 6+ months, I emphasize seeking a person's salvation over everything, but I have no desire to talk to anyone. I just don't care.

I do get a great amount of joy in trying to talk to people about Jesus, but those conversations are very awkward at the moment and spiritually taxing. I like passing out tracts, but it's a taxing activity as well. There's no downtime for me it seems.

But I know there's fellowship, and I know fellowship is a joy. I just don't know how to approach it. I feel that it's almost pointless.

For instance, I have an old pastor friend, and i want to call him up, but I get the impression that I'll be wasting his time just to have a conversation about what's going on in his life.
I want to talk to people at church, but in my mind I heard "vain" over and over again, and it makes asking simple things like "How is your family" or "How was your week" impossible. I get a lot of stomach cramps when I think about just talking to people.

I don't really care for what we would normally call worldly things. I don't think they should really enter into conversation. Do you talk about shows, games, hobbies with your Christian friends? What do you have conversations about? What gives you joy to talk to other Christians about?

It's almost as if having a normal conversation with another Christian is as difficult as having a soul winning conversation with a random person.

I feel that if I do irritate people that they're not going to tell me. That's a big barrier. Sometimes when I do make an attempt at talking to a person I get this internal rebuke about how I just wasted their time.

Note that I'm currently on disability, and will be a for hopefully not too long, but it will be months before I'm working a normal job and don't have all this time on my hands.
I'm currently praying about and looking to do evangelism with that time as much as I can. Maybe that's the answer because I get the greatest joy when I do finish an attempt at spreading the gospel. However at all the other time I would just like to interact with other Christians. Or anyone really. But mainly Christians because then my mind wouldn't be constantly reminding me that they need salvation.

Anyway, I'm praying that laying all this out will aid in meeting this need I have. If you took the time to read this, thanks.

Click to expand...

cyphercat said:

I was a drug addict for 16+ years, and in that period of time, I burned a lot of bridges, and a lot of things happened to my brain that make "normal" thinking a bit difficult for me.
Mainly in the area of having conversations.

Click to expand...