Conviction and doubting salvation

Hi knjohn
Read and study all the Epistles of the Apostle Paul. You will get a better understanding of your Salvation. You will quit doubting your Salvation and start hearing the Holy Spirit which convicts you of the things of your spirit. Let God deal with all of your problems, and have faith in Him, don't try to help Him fix your problems. When you give Him your problems, then forget them and let Him deal with them. Period.

If there's a hidden sin in your life, repent. Seek the Lord, anyway. If you are honest and repentant than why should you doubt except if you aren't looking to Jesus? He is the one about whom the Prophets talk and who's shadow is the Law that God gave to Moses and the one who fulfilled that law for us, being crushed by the Father for our iniquities. Trust in Him.

knjohn1633 said:

[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']Hello, everyone! I am new to the forum, and would like to share my story and get some feedback from other Christians. I apologize in advance for the length of this, and appreciate you all taking the time to read it and weight in. I go to a Southern Baptist church, where we have alter calls, but the alter is always open if you need to pray. During our summer revival when I was 11, I felt during the alter call that I needed to go pray. I was trying to ignore it, but I was sweating and my heart was racing, and I couldn't stand still. My mom noticed and asked me if I wanted to go pray. I don't know if I was afraid or embarrassed to admit that I needed to, but I agreed saying that I would pray for my dad. I was in the alter for what seemed like over an hour, but I don't know the actual length of time that passed. Everyone in the church was up there with me praying, and I don't know at what point or how it felt, but I guess I finally felt okay to stand up. Our pastor asked me to tell the church what had happened, and as one of the most timid children ever, I simply said quietly "He saved me." That is the only time I have ever given my testimony, other than at my baptizing.

Now, as a college student, I have started struggling with intense doubts about my salvation. I have experienced a couple of spells of doubting before, but never has it hit me as hard as it is now. This has been ongoing for about a year, and it's something that I just can't escape. It bothers me from morning til night, and sometimes even when I am trying to sleep. I talked to my mom about the doubt, and she believes that the way I live my life is evidence of my salvation. However, she knew it was really bothering me and not something I would get over that easily. After she and I had that discussion, the next Sunday at church I had that familiar feeling that I needed to go pray. I stayed in the alter for quite awhile, and several people came up to pray with me. The guest preacher asked me if I had ever been saved. I told him that I was saved when I was 11, but I had a burden I couldn't get rid of and I didn't know what it was. He asked me if it was a burden or conviction. I responded that I honestly didn't know. He then asked me if I died today, was I sure that I would go to Heaven? In my period of doubt, I couldn't tell him that I was positive I would go to Heaven if I died today. When I replied that I wasn't sure, he asked the church to come pray with me, telling them that I was "lost or unsure of my salvation." People gathered around me and prayed, and I prayed for another period of time, but I still didn't feel peace. I felt if I was lost, why couldn't I be saved? If I was simply doubting, why couldn't I receive some assurance? My pastor expressed to me that he truly believed I had been saved that night, several years ago, and that the spiritual doubts my father and sister had were causing me to doubt my own salvation (this was during a very difficult family time).

This feeling has persisted on for a few months since that day. It finally went away for a short period of time, but has since returned even stronger. I know that this is not a unique experience, and that there have been many other stories of Christians doubting their salvation. I stumbled across a web page one day that, in that moment, was enough to convince me that it was simply doubt and not the actual need to be saved that was bothering me. However, since then, I have found other reasons to question my salvation. The article I read spoke of our need to feel like we somehow had something to do with the salvation, and focus on the experience rather than what the Bible tells us. This was me for sure. I would wonder... How did I know? Did I get some kind of feeling that said "okay, get up now, you're saved"? Did I pray the right way? Was I too young to really understand? Of course, I realize that salvation is not anything we do. But still when we sing songs in church like "I Know I Am Saved," I can't help but wonder how all of these people seem to just know.

I do try to be a good Christian. To describe myself in general, I am very caring toward other people, very hard on myself, and extremely shy. I do make it known that I am a Christian, but I'm not the type of person to go around campus telling people about Jesus. In fact, I don't really talk to anyone that much at all about anything. I am very much a loner. I have never done anything remotely on the wild side, but I am certainly not the perfect Christian either. I am impatient, short-tempered with those I care about most, and occasionally let an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] slip out of my mouth before I catch myself. My mom says that a part of knowing you have been saved is feeling convicted when you do something you know is wrong. That is a feeling I certainly know. If I do anything wrong, I will worry about it for days, sometimes even after I have asked God's forgiveness for it. Sometimes I still think back to wrongdoings from years ago and get embarrassed or angry with myself. Here is where one of my questions comes in. That day when the preacher asked me if it was a burden or conviction, I began to realize that I don't fully understand conviction. How do I know the difference between feeling convicted because I am saved and feeling convicted because I need to be saved?

I guess what I am hoping for is that some of you can shed some light on this, perhaps by sharing similar experiences, and telling me how you made it through. I know one thing I definitely need to do is start reading my Bible more, rather than just occasional versus, and I sometimes wonder if that is why I am having this doubt, because I don't truly understand the Bible. I know 1 Peter 5:10 says "But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you." I just don't know if this is my situation. I can't take this feeling of fearing something unknown, hanging over my head, and dreading Sunday's because I am uncomfortable in church not knowing where I stand.

Sometimes I feel like, being in college, I am surrounded by so much sin and it is hard to not feel like an outsider. I am looking forward to fellowshipping with you all. God bless and thank you for your replies![/FONT]

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I highly recommend you read the book Knowing I’m Saved:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1983249580

Just two questions.

#1 Do you believe Christ died on the cross for your sins, was buried, and rose again?

#2 If you believe #1 above, who are you doubting?

Dont' doubt your salvation. Easy said than done eh? Remember though, it's not about what YOU feel or your emotions. Your salvation depends on your belief of what TCassidy mentioned above about Christ and his work. As if you believe that, then the word of God assures that you are saved. I think doubting salvation is one of the greater stumbling blocks for Christians. I had the same issue for around a decade or so (was saved at an early age of 15). I eventually was lead down to the Reformed view of soteriology and it was an amazing comfort for me personally.