Girlfriend left me after sacrificing everything

She is creazy .

Walk away.

TTTK said:

Hope I can get you guys' insight on my relationship

To make it simple, my (ex)girlfriend and I met on a Christian dating site. She was overseas back then and we only met up when she came home for Christmas (after 2 years of online chat).

We fell madly in love in real life. She introduced me to her parents and best friends. We even slept once. We acknowledged the mistake and agreed that it won't happen again until we get married. After we slept, she told me that she was sexually abused and sexually addicted before. She warned me that she is still long-term depressed & on medication and has trust issue with literally everyone including her family. And I promised her that I will just love her more because of these.

Before she returned to Europe in January, she decided that she will move back home for us in June. We agreed that I will propose to her when she returns (we are both in our early 30s and I was supposed to finish my medical degree this year).

10 days after she returned overseas I was informed that I failed a subject and cannot graduate this year. I told her honestly and she was very supportive saying that she will marry me even if I am not becoming a doctor. She even quit her job in Europe so that she can come back in February to support me.

However, just 2 week before she came back she decided to break up with me. Reasons being our relationship is NOT pure and I just used her for sex like all of her ex boyfriends.

Now she is back home. And she is jobless with no money and has to live at her parents' house which she doesn't like. But she doesn't want to see me or talk to me at all.

She went back to the Christian dating site and met a doctor in another state. And then she just deleted me on social medical and pushed me to remove our photos together...

I talked to a priest and my best friend who is also long-term depressed. Both of them advised me to give her space (and wait for maybe months)

Is it just her depression playing up? or is she just a gold digger? what shall I do?

Click to expand...

Probably a combination of age, low mood and gold diggery.

Chalk it up to experience (as in remember the times where you may have thought ‘this is a bit weird’ but did not think much of it) and find someone else.

TTTK said:

After we slept, she told me that she was sexually abused and sexually addicted before.

Click to expand...

My experience with someone with a similar history is that sexuality (even loving sexuality) can trigger trauma memories, anxiety and fear responses at a later time. There can be a dual personality in play that you don't know about and even if they initiate sex, there's another side which is harmed, mistrusts or is afraid of it and it resurfaces memories of the abusive times and associates them with you. She will probably need a lot of counseling and therapy to get over that association and sexuality and abuse. I would definitely give her space. I doubt she is a gold digger, but she may be a lot more broken than you realized, and it's likely that this sort of thing is a pattern for her that she is stuck in. The person I was with was practically 3 different people or 3 different 'gears' of a personality, one of whom was very wounded and I didn't know. You don't want to get stuck in that pattern with her or repeat it and make it worse. I obviously learned all this the hard way.

So sorry for pain TTTK . Sometimes it's such a blessing to be disillusioned and have the truth revealed to us even if it hurts really bad.
I believe that you just dodged a bullet that may have cost you twenty or thirty years of unimaginable suffering.
It would be ideal if you could tell prospective girlfriends that you are a janitor at a burger joint and don't tell them you are in medical school. But I realize that we can't lie ...so just don't volunteer that information. There are SO many wolves on Christian sites who pretend to be Christian when they are not. Even if they know all the correct jargon.
It may seem like an advantage to attract girls to indicate that you have the potential to be a good provider, but many female predators are just lurking in wait . Save yourself a lot of pain and consider this experience a valuable lesson.

I would say that the fact of her talking to another Doctor, after you, is a coincidence that should not be ignored. There is nothing wrong with her wanting a Doctor. You can wait until you are a Dr and then she will probably want you back, or you can find someone who will want you regardless of the Job you have or money you can make......someone who will want you in better and in worse.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I think you know the answer to your question. Study hard and finish your degree and then work hard so you give glory to God in everything you do. There is someone out there for you, and if you pray, when He is ready, God will reveal to you who that person is. Hang in there.

Chances are she's not telling the truth to the new person she's seeing. Consider it for yourself, whether it's a good idea to tell him what she did to you. It might make her mad now but save a lot of pain about to happen.

TTTK said:

Now she is back home. And she is jobless with no money and has to live at her parents' house which she doesn't like. But she doesn't want to see me or talk to me at all.

She went back to the Christian dating site and met a doctor in another state.

Click to expand...

Best to let this one go ASAP .

I did the dating site years ago when I was single.
One must be very careful
many there just want to come to the US
and possibly land a doctor?
M-Bob