'You don't get my perspective'

Women need to know that they are attractive, and that also means sexually attractive. So you are right to be careful. Good luck brother.

Yes women do want to feel that you are attracted to them (sexually included) when you two are in a serious relationship. For a person with physical touch as main love language, refusal to show physical affection can be hurtful even when it seems logically sound and morally righteous (because it can be taken personally upon first thought or reaction). At the same time, it is important to note that dating in private (enclosed room with no one around, staying out too late at night, not hanging out in public) is an awfully unwise idea. Even the most spiritual person with strong conviction can fall into temptation and I strongly support your desire to do the right thing in God's eyes by not putting yourself and her in such risky situations. Boundaries are great and both of you must be in agreement with such boundaries, otherwise it can breed resentment. Keep in mind though that you need to keep an open line of communication about boundaries because once in a while you need to sit down and discuss whether the boundaries are good or whether things need to be altered.

Having said that, there are ways to negotiate, compromise and understand one another's perspective without coming across as either "you vs me". Keeping in mind that you are a "team" with God fighting for your team (triple power), so the decisions are suppose to benefit and strengthen the team. When one person wins and gains upper hand, it sometimes means the relationship loses because you are causing damage to the health of the relationship (since one person has to give way). It is easy to think that your ideas are right and that it will benefit the relationship because we are ultimately selfish human beings but both people need to come onto the same page and understand that they are working as a team together. Know that you guys are ultimately different people with different background, upbringing and therefore mental scripts of how things should be in a relationship. It just simply means you guys are different (and this is quite normal). Every time I'm tempted to list all the things that are incompatible between my fiance and I, or how he doesn't measure up to my criteria, I redirect that energy back to this: "how do I strive to be the right woman for him?" instead of asking "how is he the right man for me?"

A possible way to convey your point while helping her to feel that she is attractive to you is to tell her that you do want to be physically closer BUT it is because she is so attractive and beautiful to you that you must try and limit the amount and type of physical touch + date setting. So you need to make her understand that it is NOT because you find her less appealing that causes you to control physical affection but because she is too appealing to you...does that make sense?

I think if she had implemented active listening skills and "I" approach INSTEAD of blaming you for not seeing her perspective, it might have made you feel better and less defensive right? (e.g. I feel hurt and rejected when you refuse to hold hands with me because when you reach for my hand, it comes across like you are proud to be with me OR I feel frustrated when you dismiss my need for more physical touch as trivial because it makes me feel like my opinion is not validated)

P.s. with her idea of dates = cuddling on the couch watching Netflix in private space, could you possibly do
1) Hang out at each other's house when there are others over (e.g. parents or siblings) while you guys are left to watch the movie on the couch so you guys do have some sort of privacy but are not alone alone in a sense?

2) Park the car in a public venue e.g. outside a park, suburban streets during broad daylight and cuddle in the car while watching the movie on a laptop device?

As a person with quality time as one of the top love languages, I often find it difficult to develop meaningful and deeper connection with my fiance when we hang out with others in a group setting. So having chaperones around doesn't really work for me because I don't consider these romantic dates at all - I do need a certain level of one/on/one face to face time/privacy. You can only get to know a person so much / engage in certain levels of conversation when others are hanging around. So we came to a compromise - we hang out by ourselves mostly during day time and ensure that we are not alone in the house, enclosed space where no one can see us, and try to stay in public places such as parks and restaurants.

Yes at the start of our relationship, we tried to follow all these "wise" ideas and experiences by godly Christian couples whether from online or in real life - going the courtship way because we thought it made sense to look up to these people. But you know what....I learnt that each relationship requires the two parties involved to communicate and negotiate, not going by a "one size fits all" style. One method may have worked for someone else, but not for you guys. Ensure that you guys are adapting others' methods to fit your team! Keep prayer and God at the front, knowing that you guys are working together as a team for Him.

You did good brother! You set boundary's and stood by your decisions I applaud you. You may have to date many more women to find the one who is right. Make a list in your mind of the things you want and don't want in a women. I had a list of about ten things that the women had to have whether characteristic's or likes and dislikes in life and after the first date I would know if I should pursue it further or if we were incompatible. Know yourself, be honest with yourself and don't compromise on who you are to please someone else. There are things you like and dislike, be true to yourself and you will be honest with others. Continue to refine yourself and you will know a lot faster if a woman is right or not. LISTEN to the little man in the back of your head that is waving the red flag and telling you "This is not right, move on!" God put him there for a reason.

Here are a few examples from your last relationship.

" I did hug her apparently weren't long enough. She interpreted that as me rejecting her."

"which disappointed her because she wanted me to hang out at her place watching Netflix and cuddling on the couch. I thought she agreed to follow me on the issue, but it turns out she interpreted that as me not trusting her."

"You don't seem to get my perspective."

These are character defects: Insecurity, Unresolved rejection issues, Selfish-self centeredness, unresolved trust issues. See the pattern here? Everybody has some baggage but is it a carry on or a truck load. If you learn to spot these character defects when dating you will fare well brother.