Have sex with my girlfriend.....

If the only thing keeping this girl in your life is the possibility of having premarital sex, and if she wants this regardless of your religious convictions, then perhaps she is not as perfect for you as you thought.

Besides, no person is worth breaking the law of God—the love of your life or otherwise.

Catholic500 said:

But if I don't do it now, I am afraid I might lose her.

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If she'd leave you over this she isn't worth keeping.

The Bible is very clear about sex and when it's permissible.

I'd sit her down and have a frank discussion about why it's wrong, point out in Scripture where it's wrong and if she continues to disagree, involve your Pastor.

If after all of that she doesn't a) respect your position but more importantly b) respect the authority of Scripture that governs the faith you presumably both profess, then perhaps it's you that should be leaving her.

Good luck my friend!

you are an adult and have been dating for over a year?

have you and her talked seriously about getting married?
I am not saying get married right now, but maybe see how serious this girl is about you before you decide to go against your morals for her

If she doesn't respect the laws of God, then she isn't the right woman.

Is she catholic to or any God-believing denomination? If not then find someone else. If she is God believing then I'd ask her "Lets wait until we are married to have sex!". If she isn't happy then again, find someone else. I'd also ask if shes had sex with anyone before you, if she did then you got a big red flag. True love waits until marriage.

I say this as somene who had 3 women before my wife and I had sex with them. I SUPER regret it now. I gave in because I thought they really loved me. That and I wanted sex of course. The sex you have may "feel good", but its nothing like the pure sex of being married. Trust me I know it sounds corny but its different when your married.

Also biblical issues aside, accidents can happen with sex. You don't want to get her pregnant because it will make things SUPER complex for both of you.

I'm sure you've heard this. He means it.

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? Matthew 6:33

Let's take religion out of this for a second.

Why?

Because I think you know what religion traditionally says on matters like this, and, if you don't, plenty of people just told you in the posts preceeding mine. So, I'm going to assume you're looking for another angle on the situation at this point.

One thing that's worth thinking about is, everything else aside, do you *want* to have sex with this girl?

From your post, I'm kind of having trouble reading the answer on that one. Part of me thinks you want to and fear the wrath of God, but another part of me feels that you just don't want to because you don't feel ready for it.

If you don't want to because you don't feel ready for it, don't let anyone push you into anything you don't want to do. That's not just compatible with religion, that's I think compatible with just good relationships and psychology. You've got to reach the point where you're comfortable, or you'll probably regret having done it if you do it.

On the other hand, if you really want to have sex with her and she really wants to have sex with you, its worth considering if not doing it is something you'll regret for the rest of your life. I mean, I don't know how desireable women in general find you, how desireable you find this woman, how many similar opportunities will arise for you in the future, or how much you love this woman; but regret works both ways. Sure, some people regret having sex due to religious scruples, unplanned pregnanies, STDs, some person coming along in the future who wants to marry a virgin, and so on and so forth; but some people also regret choosing not to make love to someone who seems perfect for them but with whom they never get another opportunity for whatever reason. I truthfully think its more complicated than either the "no sex before marriage" or "all consensual sex is cool" folks would have you believe.

It has a lot to do with who you are, what your situation and likely future is, and who this woman is and what you mean to each other.

How long have you beem dating exclusively? Have you been in a lot of other relationships before? Has she been in a lot of other relationships before? Of the people she had sex with, how many relationships did she end and how many did the guy end? Would you be comfortable with it if you made love to her and continued dating for a while and then she ended it or you wanted to end it? Does the relationship need to last for you to feel good about having had sex? Or is it going to be a cherished memory no matter what happens from there on forward?

This is all just food for thought. You can answer the questions on the thread and we can all riff on them a bit and try to help, or you can just think about them to yourself and use them to help you make a decision that way. Or just ignore them.

Ultimately, of course, you do want to make your own decision. You don't want to do or not do something just because someone or several someones on the Internet told you to go for it or not to go for it. In the end, you've got to live with doing it or not doing it. I'm washing my hands of the decision Pontious Pilate style- I won't tell you directly what to do- but I'm happy to help you reflect on it so you can ultimately decide what's best for you.

I'm going to resist the temptation to ask you to post a picture of her and then give you an answer based on how good looking she is on a scale of 1-10. It's what President Trump would do, but we're all better than him here. Well, mostly. Sometimes. I voted against him anyway.

Another thing to just toss in the mix is that sex of course has a huge emotional component for some people as well as just being a pleasurable thing. So, that's something to think about, too, and its something that could sway you either way.

A lot of people who ask questions like this already subconciously know what they are going to do, they just need to see other people say do it or don't do it and talk about it and then they know what's right right for them.

This is your only life to live. Do what you think you'll be most content with doing or not having done when you look back on it in 20 years.

This thread desperately needs Cosmic Charlie. Is he around somewhere?

Catholic500 said:

Msybe i must speak to priest of my church anout the situation?

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That would be good. Hopefully he's grounded in Scripture and will echo what has already been said here.

Extremely hard to turn your back on true love driven sex. You need to see your priest. If she loves you, and you love her, then time is not important. God is more important.

Catholic500 said:

My girlfriend are Orthodox Russian/Greek Christian(her father is Russiian and her mother Greek) very religious she went to her Orthodox Church every week but she want to have sex!

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That's not very unusual. Most people have had or are having sex around the age of 20. Church going, non-church going, whatever. They aren't necessarily admitting it, of course, depending on who they are talking to and what their peer group is like, but it's happening.

People's hormones are very powerful at that age, their brains are more geared towards risk taking than at later ages, and they are discovering more about who they are and how that relates to the world around them, in addition to learning what that world around them is.

Their bodies are telling them they're at their physical peak, they have the choice of all kinds of attractive people (Well, some of them do) who are their physical peaks, and it kind of is what is. Everyone alive today, artificial insemination and those type of things aside, is the product of 40,000 years of their ancestors having sex with each other. And, going back before that, millions or billions of years of our non-human ancestors having sex with each other, until you can back to amoebas and such that reproduced asexually.

That doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. That doesn't mean it's the wrong thing to do. That doesn't mean it's right for you and your girlfriend as a couple. That doesn't mean it's wrong for you and your girlfriend as a couple.

I'm just saying, I wouldn't judge your girlfriend negatively for wanting to have sex with you. If anything, it's a compliment! And it's perfectly natural.

That doesn't mean you have to say yes. It's your life, make the decision that is right for you.

I still don't know what you're looking here for. I'm trying to help, but I really have no clue. You've been going to church, you know that the ideal in Christian terms is generally for two people to have sex inside of committed long-term relationships blessed by a church.

I guess what you have to think about is how important that ideal is to you, and even whether you agree with that ideal in the first place. It's also worth thinking about whether it's a line in the sand type issue, or just something to shoot for, but that it's okay to fall short of on the road to Damascus, so to speak.

It's a deeply personal decision.

I personally don't have a problem with adults, which you are at age 20, having consensual monogamous sex with other adults. But some people do. And some people won't pass judgement on others, but hold themselves to the standard of waiting for marriage. You've got to figure out what kind of person you are in that regard.

In a sense, it seems like you're looking for an easy answer without stopping to think about what you believe (Not just religiously, but in general) and the type of person you want to be. Figure out who you are and who you want to be, and that'll help you answer questions about what you want to do or don't want to do.

By the way, I think Rhamiel had a good question, which the original poster hasn't answered, which is that if you're adults and have been dating for over a year, as you say, has the subject of marriage come up? What do you think of marriage? What does the girlfriend think of marriage? Is this really the person you think you'll marry? What are the pros and cons of that? I mean, in today's world, I guess you're a little young, but a discussion may take you 6 months out further, and then an engagement can last for years, and maybe you attack the world together as a married couple when you're out of college in your first jobs (If you're in college now). Automatic roommate to rent split with- with benefits! And a marriage makes it totally religiously legit.

I'm not saying that's the right route for you guys. I don't know either of you. I'm just saying, you know, the option is out there, right? Worth thinking about.

What I'm puzzled about is why the OP has put this thread here, in the Anglican forum. Is he hoping or thinking that an Anglican answer is going to be different from what he'd get over in one of the Catholic forums?

'Cos of all the many things we disagree on, officially at least we agree on this.

OP, what I notice in your post is how much you seem afraid, even almost panicked, at the idea that you might "lose" this girl. I'd suggest you spend some time examining that fear - what's it really about? And that might help you get a bit more clear on the other things that are going on in your head.

Catholic500 - the Forum you are looking for is OBOB - One Bread , One Body

http://www.christianforums.com/forums/one-bread-one-body-catholic.26/

but you will find the same advice there as you found on TAW - the Orthodox Forum