It has not gone well

Photonfanatic · Aug 29, 2016

Its hard for me to post this thread, as foolish pride often prevents me from seeking help. But as for the main point of this thread, I think the title about sums it up. 34, male. I do not feel like it has gone well. Not well at all. And its really all starting to add up and bring me down much further. I've done nothing but bounce from one crappy job to another, sometimes with long stints of unemployment in between. Years of unemployment sometimes. I am currently unemployed.

It just never made sense to me to keep some lousy, good for nothing job. My wife is a Nurse, and makes plenty of money, as we have no kids and really don't want any at this time. She wants me to get a job, and I suppose I will, but I dread the prospect and I know it will in the end, just be another one of the many lousy, good for nothing jobs I've had. You know the kind, they don't pay well at all. I understand that as someone with no college degree that I'm just not valuable enough to a company to pay well, but that doesn't change the situation for me.

And its not just that. I really thought that I'd have a college degree by this time, and that I'd at least have that life accomplishment under my belt. I wanted to be an electrical engineer. But I have A.D.D and I have never been good at school. It feels like torture sitting there hitting the books, and I've only managed to get the core classes out of the way at this point. the 8 math classes and physics classes where I'd actually have to study... I feel are beyond my abilities. So that is very depressing to me. I feel like I'm in some kind of trap, to which there is no way out no matter which way I turn. If I work, its a lousy job that I'll hate. If I go to school, it seems to me like the effort is monumental compared to other students. The whole ordeal is really getting me down these days. A lot more than it used to. Probably because I'm 34 and you'd think I'd have been able to resolve these things by now.

Why am I having to fight so hard? I can't tell if I'm lazy, depressed, or have some kind of mental illness. And its starting to be more than I can bear. I feel shamed, degraded, humiliated. And I really can't see any end to it.

rickster · Aug 29, 2016

Have you looked into talking to a therapist? Looking through your post history you've been prescribed zoloft at one point.

Have you been going to church lately? How about volunteering for church or for a non-profit charity?

Do you know what you want to do for a living? If you eventually do get your bachelors of science in EE will you be applying to entry level jobs that 22-26 year olds will be applying for? Do you think you can compete with them? If you're still enrolled in school have you looked into internships? Do you even know what an entry level electrical engineer does? I am going to guess you're not going to do well in interviews if you don't prepare a massive amount, so getting an internship and hired through that company seems like the way to go for your situation.

Don't feel bad about doing poorly in a STEM major. Around half the people drop out of them. If you do eventually graduate with an EE degree, it is a massive accomplishment. I failed out of EE, and switched to an easier major. It took me a while to graduate and that's my scar to bear. I did not enjoy the math or physics either, and my GPA suffered heavily. I switched into a major that has some math and science, but is not as worthless as a history degree.

1) See a professional about your mental health.
2) Look into exercising to help feel better about yourself. Start a daily routine that you're going to do X minutes of exercise per day. Even if it's just stretching, push ups, sit ups and burpees in the comfort of your home, that's fine.
3) Spend more time doing good works/praying/reading the Bible. Go to church every Sunday with your wife.
4) Figure out what you want to do in life.

Photonfanatic · Aug 30, 2016

Oddly enough, I just wanted the degree as a life accomplishment, and a point of pride. Not to mention that I would be a huge help in my life, given the things I like to do. Building things, and doing all my own wiring. I know its a bit weird to get a degree in something and not ever really work much in that field, but it actually happens an awful lot. But the main thing would be that point of pride, that I actually did something with my life. I accomplished something.

What I'd really like to do is own my own business, and I have actually taken steps towards that. I'm an automobile enthusiast, so I figured a used car business would be good for me. They make pretty good money and I'd get to be around cars, and not have to work for someone else or answer to someone else. And not just be working to make someone else money. I've started buying and fixing and selling cars, but the going is slow. By my estimation, it will take several years to build up to the point where its actually time to see about renting a building somewhere for the business. In the meantime, I could really use some other source of income to be able to pump money into the business. I guess I've just always hated the idea of working to make someone else money.

After all, why should I? When I can be the one who gets to keep it all. Well, the profits anyway. Obviously not taxes and bills and such. But you get the idea. And the fact that working for someone else, generally pays so low, is another deterrent. I have begun working out, but during the days when the depression is bad its pretty hard to do it. As for church, I never go and neither does the wife. I was raised in a pretty bad church experience, which was the cult-ish church of christ. You know the one where everyone who isn't a member of some church of christ is going to hell? Yeah that nonsense. It kind of put me off of church. You had to be there every sunday you were physically able too, or you were also going to hell. There were a ton of very minor infractions where you'd be going to hell.

So I'm not really big on church. Intellectually, I feel like I've outgrown it. I don't really think that any pastor (say at another church like methodist) is really going to be able to teach me anything new, or otherwise help me in any way. And frankly I don't like being preached to and told what to do in that way. I like to make my own moral decisions, without the opinion of someone else chiming in on it. Might sound odd but it makes me feel like a child to have that happen. I like to think of myself as a pretty moral person, and as such I just don't feel the need to be preached to.

rickster · Aug 30, 2016

Does engineering take the least amount of classes for you to graduate? Can you switch to an easier major?

Really you want to be a used car salesman? They don't have the best reputation.

Starting your own business takes a lot of energy, don't a lot of entrepreneurs work a lot more than 40 hours a week? Does that lifestyle interest you? From the picture you paint via your few posts I've read, you don't seem that motivated.

I also had a mostly negative experience during my church going life. A lot of guilt and my last church choose to invest short term into its failing school. My family left it because of that poor economic decision. But I will eventually go back to church. I will avoid going to the more old fashioned ones and go to one that has a spiritual healing focus. I live in a very populous area where there is not a shortage of diverse churches. I'm not sure you can go church shopping as easily.

I feel like if you and your wife look for a church you both like, it'll help you both out in the long run.

Paidiske · Aug 31, 2016

Would something like an apprenticeship as an electrician be a possibility? Less book-study, more hands-on experience, and at the end of it you'd have the skills for your own small business too.

Photonfanatic · Aug 31, 2016

rickster said:
Does engineering take the least amount of classes for you to graduate? Can you switch to an easier major?

Really you want to be a used car salesman? They don't have the best reputation.

Starting your own business takes a lot of energy, don't a lot of entrepreneurs work a lot more than 40 hours a week? Does that lifestyle interest you? From the picture you paint via your few posts I've read, you don't seem that motivated.

I also had a mostly negative experience during my church going life. A lot of guilt and my last church choose to invest short term into its failing school. My family left it because of that poor economic decision...

Well to be clear, a salesman isn't really an accurate description. It would be more like 'small business owner'. Sure I would sell cars, but that isn't really the focus for me. I actually find the business very agreeable, and I've sold many cars already. Its so easy compared to my roofing days, as the customers come to you and you know they're interested or they wouldn't even be there. When it comes to their reputation, I really don't see that as a concern of mine. You've got good and bad eggs in every industry, and I really have no plans of screwing anyone over, and I wouldn't ever want to count myself among the bad ones. Immoral practices aren't my way, and that would carry over to business as well.

Also having worked in the industry before, I can say that a lot of the bad reputation is simply ignorance on the part of the customer, who is buying a used car and thinking it should be as new. Even new cars will often have problems, which is why they have warranties. A used car with 80k-150k miles on it... well, nothing lasts forever and you can see from the odometer that its been used plenty. That's right in plain sight. A dealer will often have a car for 2 weeks, fix what he knows is wrong and clean it up, then sell the car. And unfortunately, not being the driver of a car for a long enough period won't tell you much about what all it needs in terms of the little stuff. And it really isn't the policy of dealers to drive cars they're selling as though they are their own personal vehicles. Plus not being able to see the future, I can't really say if that transmission (or insert random part here) isn't going to fail 6 months down the road. Such is the risk of buying any used item, which includes automobiles. But what I can do, is go ahead and fix it, loan you a car to drive while I fix it, and just tack the price onto the end of your note to be paid as normal payments. That way you're really not screwed, and neither am I.

Bobby H · Aug 31, 2016

Photonfanatic said:
So I'm not really big on church. Intellectually, I feel like I've outgrown it. I don't really think that any pastor (say at another church like methodist) is really going to be able to teach me anything new, or otherwise help me in any way. And frankly I don't like being preached to and told what to do in that way. I like to make my own moral decisions, without the opinion of someone else chiming in on it. Might sound odd but it makes me feel like a child to have that happen. I like to think of myself as a pretty moral person, and as such I just don't feel the need to be preached to.

We all need some advice, a little guidance. If you like to make your own decisions without someone chiming in, why use a message board? You're just asking for all kinds of advice (good and bad) when you do that.

And now for my own brand of unsolicited advice. I agree with what the other poster said about trying to exercise more and go to church more and just to do more good works (though remember, you can't be saved by your good works). I think you should start working towards a degree, though not necessarily in the one you were originally looking for. Try something different. Start out small by doing some things online (moocs) before you put the money down or have to take out loans. You may find a whole new bunch of interests to work towards instead.

Photonfanatic · Sep 2, 2016

Well there is something of a difference between going to church every sunday, and asking for help on an online forum. I just have no interest in church. I don't think I can really come up with any other reason than that. I'm really not into singing, or listening to a preacher who (it would seem) is talking to the audience like they are... well babies. Even if such a preacher isn't present at a given church, I just don't feel like I need to go and be told how to live a good and moral life. I went to church for the first 17 years of my life, and frankly I know all that already. I just can't see any reason to go to church. I'm not particularly social, except with friends whom I already have plenty. So there are a actually a lot of things that dissuade me from going.

I don't have anything against it, I think its a good thing and a lot of people probably need it and even enjoy it. Its just not really for me. Not at this time. That may change someday, who knows.

Sketcher · Sep 24, 2016

What is something attainable and profitable that you can do every day? Do that every day.

For your business idea - do you know what successful entrepreneurs have in common with you, and what they do not have in common with you? Is there someone who is like you that is successful that you can emulate? People like this tend to give interviews, if books haven't been written about them yet.

For church, don't merely go to intellectually learn - go to love your neighbor and to learn of service opportunities and master what you know. Furthermore, Christ said to take communion in remembrance of him - how will you do that if you don't go to church? Be open to learning of course, but those of us that know a lot do less than what we know, and church gives us the opportunity to do more of what we know.

anna ~ grace · Oct 9, 2016

Photonfanatic said:
Its hard for me to post this thread, as foolish pride often prevents me from seeking help. But as for the main point of this thread, I think the title about sums it up. 34, male. I do not feel like it has gone well. Not well at all. And its really all starting to add up and bring me down much further. I've done nothing but bounce from one crappy job to another, sometimes with long stints of unemployment in between. Years of unemployment sometimes. I am currently unemployed.

It just never made sense to me to keep some lousy, good for nothing job. My wife is a Nurse, and makes plenty of money, as we have no kids and really don't want any at this time. She wants me to get a job, and I suppose I will, but I dread the prospect and I know it will in the end, just be another one of the many lousy, good for nothing jobs I've had. You know the kind, they don't pay well at all. I understand that as someone with no college degree that I'm just not valuable enough to a company to pay well, but that doesn't change the situation for me.

And its not just that. I really thought that I'd have a college degree by this time, and that I'd at least have that life accomplishment under my belt. I wanted to be an electrical engineer. But I have A.D.D and I have never been good at school. It feels like torture sitting there hitting the books, and I've only managed to get the core classes out of the way at this point. the 8 math classes and physics classes where I'd actually have to study... I feel are beyond my abilities. So that is very depressing to me. I feel like I'm in some kind of trap, to which there is no way out no matter which way I turn. If I work, its a lousy job that I'll hate. If I go to school, it seems to me like the effort is monumental compared to other students. The whole ordeal is really getting me down these days. A lot more than it used to. Probably because I'm 34 and you'd think I'd have been able to resolve these things by now.

Why am I having to fight so hard? I can't tell if I'm lazy, depressed, or have some kind of mental illness. And its starting to be more than I can bear. I feel shamed, degraded, humiliated. And I really can't see any end to it.

Sir, you're perfectly normal. You sound a lot like me, honestly. I work retail. I love it. It's, by the standards of the world, lousy and doesn't pay well, but it gets me out of the house and gives a paycheck. Lets me be around people all day and do something useful.

You don't have to have a degree of be educated to make an impact and enjoy what you do. Please, try not to compare yourself to others. Your wife might earn more than you, but you're still the man. We may never be nurses or lawyers or scientists or upper management, but it's alright. You have a value of your own.

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It has not gone well

Photonfanatic

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rickster

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rickster

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Paidiske

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