how can you encourage your teen to want to do things, get together with friends?

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janny108

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It's been along time since I was a teen, but I had a few friends in the neighborhood but didn't get involved till I was 17 or so. I just got a job so I can sign her up for a class of some kind if she's interested... She doesn't like sports, she just plays computer games...
 
Nickybobby

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janny108 said:
It's been along time since I was a teen, but I had a few friends in the neighborhood but didn't get involved till I was 17 or so. I just got a job so I can sign her up for a class of some kind if she's interested... She doesn't like sports, she just plays computer games...
Click to expand...

Get rid of the computer games.
 
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ProudMomxmany

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Computer game time should be limited...there is ONE Xbox in our house. It's in the family room. Right now, the game "Rockstar" is popular...but it's an interactive guitar playing game and the kids (and mom) are learning new songs through it.

My kids were never allowed to just stay in the house...when they were little, they were outside...as they got older, they ran in packs through the neighborhood, bikes, skates, skateboards, running, finding their own amusement. As they got older, they started participating in organized sports and made friends through those sports.

You've talked about your daughter a lot, you've said she's depressed, doesn't want to go to school, all that stuff...has she been to see a therapist? I think she may need more help than just mom posting on a message board.
 
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SyntheticPaper

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I guess, from what I have read as I skimmed over this forum, that there is more going on with your daughter than just this, so maybe this isn't really applicable, but …

As a teenager I was incredibly unsocial, and very happy that way. I'd watch tv, or read a book or magazine, or listen to music. If I had to be outside I would watch bugs climbing on trees (not a joke, I really did that a lot, it was fun). I had no problem being around family, and maybe one friend (sometimes), but anytime I was forced into any kind of social situation I was utterly miserable.

Anyway, like I said, skimming over the forum and seeing your other posts, maybe there is more to how your daughter is than there was with me, but pushing her into being more social could very likely just make things even worse.
 
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slocam

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I am also struggling with this. I have 16 year old twins that do not want to participate. I have made them join a really good club at school to try to get them to join in and participate. The students in this club are always really friendly and try to talk to my kids but my kids hardly respond.

They too are games. I have significantly limited their time on this but it still an issue. It's hard to get them to participate in things at home too.
 
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janny108

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slocam said:
I am also struggling with this. I have 16 year old twins that do not want to participate. I have made them join a really good club at school to try to get them to join in and participate. The students in this club are always really friendly and try to talk to my kids but my kids hardly respond.

They too are games. I have significantly limited their time on this but it still an issue. It's hard to get them to participate in things at home too.
Click to expand...
she has an appointment with a counselor next week, I hope she likes her and will continue.
 
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thenumb

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There's nothing wrong with being a gamer, especially if she is truly passionate about it. There are camps (my company hosts one) every summer that caters to teen age girls, gaming, and baby steps to computer programming.

You can however limit it. Get the MAC address of the device he/she is using and put restrictions on it. You can usually do this through your wifi-router, most have that option now. My older ones come and go, the younger ones I limit. 30 minutes of computer time = 30 minutes of reading. On certain days all electronics are turned off and they have to figure out something to do whether that's go outside, read, play board games, hang out with us etc.
 
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lanternburning

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janny108 said:
It's been along time since I was a teen, but I had a few friends in the neighborhood but didn't get involved till I was 17 or so. I just got a job so I can sign her up for a class of some kind if she's interested... She doesn't like sports, she just plays computer games...
Click to expand...

Don't force her. Don't keep asking her about friends. Don't nag her or criticize her. Sign her up for some extracurricular activity. Maybe your church has something? Or you can give her a choice. You can say, "you're either taking this art class or this theater class. You choose, but you're doing one or the other." Maybe something good will come out of it.

Try to learn her other interests. Does she like reading? See if she can volunteer or get a job at the library. Does she like kids? Have her babysit the neighbors. Is she good at school? See if the school will let her be a tutor. You know she likes playing on the computer. Is there a computer class she can take? What does she like to do on the computer? Is she part of a fandom? Maybe there is a fan club for her favorite video game in town.

You could also use reinforcement. First, limit her time on the computer. "I am only allowing you to play on the computer for one hour a day. But if you go to this art class on Monday nights, I'll let you play on the computer for 2 hours on Tuesday nights" or "After I pick you up from art class, I'll take you out for ice cream".
 
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janny108

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lanternburning said:
Don't force her. Don't keep asking her about friends. Don't nag her or criticize her. Sign her up for some extracurricular activity. Maybe your church has something? Or you can give her a choice. You can say, "you're either taking this art class or this theater class. You choose, but you're doing one or the other." Maybe something good will come out of it.

Try to learn her other interests. Does she like reading? See if she can volunteer or get a job at the library. Does she like kids? Have her babysit the neighbors. Is she good at school? See if the school will let her be a tutor. You know she likes playing on the computer. Is there a computer class she can take? What does she like to do on the computer? Is she part of a fandom? Maybe there is a fan club for her favorite video game in town.

You could also use reinforcement. First, limit her time on the computer. "I am only allowing you to play on the computer for one hour a day. But if you go to this art class on Monday nights, I'll let you play on the computer for 2 hours on Tuesday nights" or "After I pick you up from art class, I'll take you out for ice cream".
Click to expand...
 
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JAM2b

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If she plays games online, then it could be that her friends are on the internet. It is a growing part of our culture. It is something that needs safeguards and supervision, but much of the time these are valid friendships.

See if there is a gamer group in your area she might be able to get involved in and get together with. Also suggest that she make friends in person with other kids in the area with the same game interest and then invite them to do activities together. Sometimes there are gamer groups at schools. Both of my sons' school have after school gaming clubs. Sometimes it is video games, but it has also been chess, card games, board games.

There has been a larger amount of girls into games than in the past. I wouldn't try to squelch her interest, but try to work with it.
 
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