HOW TO TAME THE TONGUE

Biblically, you are not required to obey your parents after you have removed yourself from their household and care through the natural developments in life. As you're already aware, you are still required to honour your mother and father. However, in the various positions in life, honour will be reflected appropriately in varying ways. Like a servant and master (or more modernly, manager and employee): The servant is required to honour his master through meticulous obedience as though he were serving the LORD, and the master is required to honour his servant by not excessively burdening him and by being kind in his treatment (see Colossians 3:22-24 and Colossians 4:1). In a similar way, as long as you are under the care of your parents you are required to obey them. But like a servant released from his labour, once you have relinquished yourself of the support of their household, you are no longer required to honour your parents in this way. So I would continue to reinforce your position on these grounds, and whether by compliance to biblical priciples, or the eventual wearying of futile attempts, they should relent.

Now in regards to taming the tongue, I would say this is quite simple (or at least much simpler) when it becomes a premeditated decision to not speak in certain way prior to a rousing engagement. Plan in your mind consistently how you will respond to a situation when you become frustrated or angered, such as deciding that you will simply present your position sternly and logically, but not extend the conversation past the point of futility (you see the other refuses to listen to something you have no moral obligation to change). If you find it difficult to engage in a conversation honourably once you become frustrated or angered, stop the conversation altogether and refuse to let yourself speak. This will only be necessary at first. Once you have done this a few times, you will notice that your impulse control becomes progressively stronger, and you will begin to slowly adapt to being able to be emotionally stimulated, even intensely, without impulsively forfeiting your premeditated goal in communication. And yes, I speak from experience.

Edit: I should add that in regards to what it means to honour your parents in the position you're in as an adult, I would say (or as Paul would say, not I, but the LORD) that you should continue to demonstrate the qualitites of humility, gentleness, kindness and gratitude. In humility and gentleness, always demonstrate a high respect in how you speak and present yourself to them. Even when you rightfully disagree, try do so in a manner that unequivocally conveys a respectful decline. In kindness, always be willing to provide for them as they may need when you are able and they are not, remembering how they supplied your needs as a child when the position was reversed. Lastly, in gratitude, always convey a spirit of thankfulness for their care and provision for you when you were a child, acknowledging all they have done for you in your life.

IAMANOBODY2015 said:

How do I stop myself from saying nasty things to her when she is yelling at me? How do I tame my tongue?

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Before answering your questions, I'd like to encourage you to pursue some restoration. Reading between the lines - something always prone to mistakes - it sounds like your mother treated you without respect and you responded by treating her without honor. If so, you both sinned against one another, and more importantly, against your God. First, show your mother the same grace (i.e. undeserved goodness) you have been shown by God. Forgive her and ask her forgiveness for the way you dishonored her. (Be sure to not feel entitled to her responding a specific way.)

Are you able to physically leave the situation when you see it coming? If so, during a peaceful time or in writing, let your mother know that in order to keep from failing to treat her with honor during such times, you will simply walk away. BTW, if you do this and the situation arises, you must follow through. Does this work for you?

Hope this helps.

I look at it this way by remembering that old saying.....

"You don't know what you got until it's gone!"

Yes, we are told to honor our parents and obey them. Sometimes it's hard to discern what is going on where the heart of the matter is, and sometimes and we don't always want to listen. We establish a aperture that is independent for independent sake, but truly as a member of the flock of JESUS the son of GOD we are NOT independent, but striving to live more for others than just ourselves. A servants in the body we are to establish LOVE in our walk and following JESUS to set examples, and to be beacons in the darkness were the blind and lost can find there WAY to the TRUTH then unto LIFE eternal.

Praying to GOD thorough his son JESUS for discernment and being patient for answers and patient with others and ourselves is a necessity more than a desire for the spirit is at war with the flesh nature and we must strive to live by the spirit; which is....

Galatians 5:22-26
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.

Versus the flesh nature; which is at constant odds.....

Galatians 5:13-26King James Version (KJV)
13 For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.
14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
15 But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.
16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

I recently had a so called "scenario" where I thought I lost my parent that I feel I am close to, this is heart breaking and of course the reality of life on earth. Relief washed over me as it was verified that I didn't, but the "taste" still lingers. As I quoted the statement above i will repeat it again.....

"You don't know what you've got(missed) until it's gone!"

I advise you to take your parent out in a public place and offer LOVE first and foremost, console with your mother and ask her how it makes you feel and question her if there is any other reason she might feel pressured to counsel you. In public there is less chance of outbursts and more chance for the opportunity to have others assist you if necessary.

If you both are true believers and following JESUS the son of GOD.....

Matthew 18:20New International Version (NIV)
20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

It is always best to seek GODly counsel and whom better than the son of GOD most high when gathered in his name to find the root and "weed" out any issues.

Praise be to GOD the heavenly father and his son lord JESUS CHRIST forever>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The Bible commands us in the Epistle of James, to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

We observe ourselves, and when we notice that we start to become angry or irritated, we stop talking for a few seconds, or minutes if possible, until we calm down, and then we continue to talk.

The reason is that when we become angry, we say things out of anger, rather than out of logic.

Our negative emotions have the ability, control our logic, and to make us think negative thoughts. Negative emotions are a powerful destructive force, and they seem to make our thoughts negative, and our words destructive and hurting others.

Our logical part of the brain, is dominated by our emotional part of the brain, so that in a moment of anger, we think negative thoughts, and say negative things, which we regret latter, that we have said them.

Therefore, let us be slow to speak, when we become angry, which will also help us to listen more.

IAMANOBODY2015 said:

Today I got into a fight with my mother and I swore at her. We had a very strong disagreement over the choices I am making in my life. I know I sound like a teenager, which I am not. But she is invested in my life, which I told her to stay out of. The Bible tells me to honor thy father and thy mother. But I don't what that means for me as an adult. She is not treating like an adult and it is angering me. I have been living on my own for years now.

How do I stop myself from saying nasty things to her when she is yelling at me? How do I tame my tongue?

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You seem to have a good understanding of the situation, including an appreciation of your mother's intentions. I would suggest a positive affirmation to her of both that appreciation and of your need to make your own decisions. It's usually a good idea to give other opinions a listen, but at some point we have to be free to make up our own minds, in the Lord of course.

Don't allow it to get to the shouting stage. That's sin against yourself, both in allowing her to abuse you and in your response to her. Make the affirmation, follow it up with emphasis if necessary, and then put a healthy distance between you if it finally comes to that, and give the Lord time to work on both ends. Do it all prayerfully and with the fruit of the Spirit in mind.

Since you are not a kid, you are both probably 'right' to a degree.
However, the GOOD LORD made her your mother, and not YOU her father.
And as a Christians we are to honour one another, and esteem others better than ourselves.
That is to everyone - especially mom.

And what caring mother could actually take your advise and 'stay out of your life' as part of you is her…and love always protects. (see 1 Corinthians 13)

If you have an anger problem, its good to acknowledge it and ask the LORD
to take it away and instead infuse you with more of HIMSELF who is LOVE. So
that you can look at mom with compassion.

Lastly, don't fight every point. If there is one or two points that are so serious.
Then give in on all the others, so that you can live in peace with each other.

-eric

No believer who is interested in taming their tongue is immature - no matter their age. Appreciate your attitude about this situation. Of course, pray (I Tim 2:1).

"A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." Prov 15:1

In applying this, I've found lowering my voice and apologizing for my attitude, what I've said, etc. can dramatically our exchange - the earlier the better.

IAMANOBODY2015 said:

Today I got into a fight with my mother and I swore at her. We had a very strong disagreement over the choices I am making in my life. I know I sound like a teenager, which I am not. But she is invested in my life, which I told her to stay out of. The Bible tells me to honor thy father and thy mother. But I don't what that means for me as an adult. She is not treating like an adult and it is angering me. I have been living on my own for years now.

How do I stop myself from saying nasty things to her when she is yelling at me? How do I tame my tongue?

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emotions are like horses; once they get out of control, it is very difficult to reign them in - you must keep the animal under control by putting pressure on it's mouth when it tries to run .

maybe yo have too much respect for her opinions (not to be confused with respect FOR her as your mother). how would you react if a stranger on the street said the same things to you that made you angry when your mother said them? it probably wouldn't bother you nearly as much.

you are flesh of you mother's flesh, telling her to stay out of your life is like telling your arm to stay out of your life; that's not what you really want - you want her to agree with you and confirm your decisions, so tell her that; if she refuses, tell her that you are trying to be led by God, and ultimately it's your decision to make from His perspective. of course, if you're not trying to be led by God in your decisions, then you should just say nothing when she criticizes you - this will keep the animal under control .