Waiting For Kissing

Paulie079 · Oct 29, 2012

MacFall said:
Good points. I was misspeaking. However, the last thing you said is indicative of what I meant to say - Jesus deliberately went where he would be tempted in order to overcome it. That's a cue: overcoming temptation does not mean running away from it. It means being equipped with God's Word and Spirit sufficiently to face temptation without fear, knowing that we will not give in to it. After all, that's what Christ did, and we are meant to follow Him "from glory unto glory", are we not? What glory is there in building yourself into a cage to ward off temptation, when in Christ we are more than conquerors? That's not a prescription to seek out temptation, but it certainly is a calling not to fear it.

I know several alcoholics who now drink in moderation because they believe that to abstain entirely would be a concession to their weakness. None of them have been drunk for years. Significantly, all of them are Christians. Now, they did not go straight from being drunks to being able to drink responsibly. It was a process, and while it was going on they did NOT drink. But over time they did get to the point where they could enjoy a drink or two in fellowship without fear of returning to drunkenness.

Yes it is that, but not only that. Not being able to do so would be a lack of freedom, by definition. But being able to do it does not equate to actually doing it. Freedom in Christ also entails having the wisdom not to do things that are not edifying, even if they are not sinful either.

Which brings me to a clarification of something Rose mentioned - I do not mean to suggest that people should make out with their boy/girlfriends. But that's not what is being discussed here. What is being discussed is refraining altogether from kissing - an expression of affection so basic that it is even a prescribed greeting in the Bible. I maintain that if one cannot kiss someone else at all without being tempted to sin, then there is a weakness there that needs to be addressed; not catered to, but conquered. I believe God would count it as righteousness if such a person refrained from kissing, but He certainly does not wish us to be so bound up by our temptations. Simply not sinning is just barely scraping by. Freedom is so much more than that.

This always happens to me--I want to rep a post, but what I want to say is too long for the rep haha. I've learned over the past several years that in just about any issue, a balance exists that tends to be the most fair and accurate, but it can be so hard to articulate that balance because usually you end up leaning towards one extreme or the other, and then you find yourself needing to swing back the other way in order to represent your viewpoint accurately. My impression is that this is what you're trying to do here and I appreciate this post because it helps me better understand what you're saying, and I agree with you. It's not good to avoid certain things for fear of being tempted, nor is it good to be in a place where temptation is constantly an issue.

MacFall · Oct 29, 2012

Well, you also helped me to clarify my position, so thanks for that.

dayhiker · Oct 29, 2012

responding to the OP.
I'd respect any woman's boundaries. Each person should do what they feel God wants them to do. But personally its not what I'm interested in in a relationship nor do I see the Bible saying that is what God wants.

rodsorp · Oct 29, 2012

I've always wondered about the significance and the history behind the phrase "you may now kiss the bride" at the wedding. Can we imply from the phrase that kissing before the wedding was not considered acceptable many years ago? I'm a male but I believe that kissing is a very intimate action between two people I can understand why some would make the decision to wait until engagement or marriage to start, but kissing after the engagement will create problems as well. Two people in love who have been suppressing their hormones for a period of time, will find it quite hard to maintain pure thoughts while kissing after what seems to be an eternity. If you wait for the engagement, you might as well wait until you are married. The problem lies in with the fact there seems to be a correlation between increasing levels of commitment and increasing the levels of intimacy simultaneously. So people say, since we have this level of commitment, we can go to this level of intimacy. I don't believe this is done on a conscious level, but this is just something I have seen.

MacFall · Oct 29, 2012

rodsorp said:
I've always wondered about the significance and the history behind the phrase "you may now kiss the bride" at the wedding. Can we imply from the phrase that kissing before the wedding was not considered acceptable many years ago?

Perhaps, but in biblical Hebrew society, kissing - even on the lips - was just as acceptable as handshakes are today. In which case it's a purely cultural, rather than moral, position.

Scottish Knight · Oct 29, 2012

MacFall said:
Perhaps, but in biblical Hebrew society, kissing - even on the lips - was just as acceptable as handshakes are today. In which case it's a purely cultural, rather than moral, position.

wasn't it only those of the same sex in biblical times where kissing each other was acceptable?

MacFall · Oct 29, 2012

Well, yeah - but that only goes to show that mouth-to-mouth kissing is not inherently sexual, doesn't it?

yam · Oct 29, 2012

You are making the right decision my dear. Kissing is an intimate act that should be between two people who truly love and respect each other not someone that you just met.

SnowyMacie · Oct 29, 2012

I honestly feel like this would either reluctantly agree or simply be a deal breaker. I am a very touch oriented relational person, I hug my close friends regardless of gender. At least for me personally, if a girl told me that she did not want to kiss me, I would probably be offended and think she did not actually want to date me. I guess it's because I differ on other issue than you that this creates a problem for me.

TheUnforeseen · Oct 30, 2012

I haven't kissed yet. I've had no reason to. If she wants to hold off until engaged, then I'd have absolutely no problem with that, I might prefer it actually.

redblue22 · Oct 30, 2012

I'm holding off hand holding, gazing into eyes, and putting my arm around her. Who knows, she could be someone else's wife in the long run. furthermore, I wouldn't do these things with a friend or a relative. So, you see that these actions too are sexual. everytime you hold hands, you give a piece of your heart away. it is like scotch tape, the sticky-ness wears off just a little more with each new partner.

maybe we should burn books while we're at it.

Jupiter Drops · Oct 30, 2012

Haven't received my first kiss, and I'm glad that I didn't.

People don't consider you as an 'adult' if you don't wear trendy, sexy clothes, have not kissed, don't know 'big' words, didn't have sex, etc.

So what? That's not the kind of standard that I should live up to. Why do people make it such a big deal, and not such a big deal at the same time?

Kissing on the cheek, kissing on hand... It's all innocent. They all have different meanings but it's one kiss and doesn't have much probability to go to the next level. Kiss on the lips have the potential to go further than what you've intended.

Ideally, this sounds crazy, but I'd rather get my first kiss on my wedding day than any other day of no particular importance as a symbol and the first step of giving myself away to the man I want to marry.

HighwayMan · Oct 30, 2012

I can't help but me amused...and can't help but always reply to such topics because I feel I must, for my own sanity...

Where I live, in New York City....it is considered perfectly normal, natural, acceptable, and even encouraged for 15 year olds to be "exploring their sexuality" by participating in gangbangs every weekend. This is how things are done here, and if you're a virgin, let alone not having kissed someone, you are considered a leper and shunned by everyone.

So I find it quite fascinating (in a positive way, because I agree) to read notions such as this. Though in a way it makes me sad because it feels like people still holding these notions are either on another planet or in another time dimension that I have no hope of reaching.

You'd think a city like New York, eventually, one day, you'll meet someone who is different...but nope.

trentlogain2 · Oct 30, 2012

ughh. the first girl i kissed was by playing spin the bottle. she was a druggie which includes a gas huffer. i was young, lost, and stupid back then. i like to think i'm a bit wiser now.

welshman · Oct 30, 2012

Either you are being sarcastic or a complete plank. I hope it is the former.

redblue22 said:
I'm holding off hand holding, gazing into eyes, and putting my arm around her. Who knows, she could be someone else's wife in the long run. furthermore, I wouldn't do these things with a friend or a relative. So, you see that these actions too are sexual. everytime you hold hands, you give a piece of your heart away. it is like scotch tape, the sticky-ness wears off just a little more with each new partner.

maybe we should burn books while we're at it.

trentlogain2 · Oct 30, 2012

what's a plank?

welshman · Oct 30, 2012

Definition of a "plank"
A stupid or silly person. Having a similar mental capacity to a piece of wood.

Straight out of the urban Dictionary.

While I do not see anything wrong Biblically with kissing someone before marriage, and the fact that this way of thinking has never been part of Christian etiquette in recent times over in the UK...If someone chooses to refrain from kissing until their wedding day then good for them

Having people mock others for deciding on this course for their relationship shows an individual up for what they really are.

Just my 2 pence.

trentlogain2 · Oct 30, 2012

to each his own. i thought it was funny.

Touma · Oct 30, 2012

Personally, I would probably end the relationship before it got too far. Because, as much as people want to hold on to their 'no kissing' thing, as you get closer to each other in the relationship, you tend to get more personal and have the possibility for intimacy.

So this leaves you with two options:

-The guy agrees to wait, despite both of you wanting to really get intimate by kissing, etc. This will eventually put strain on the relationship, IMO.

- The girl gives in and kisses the guy, and then there is the guilt of breaking your own moral standards.

I would personally just avoid that situation altogether by dating someone who is willing to kiss or whatever, but not break the sex threshold.

Paulie079 · Oct 30, 2012

Touma said:
Personally, I would probably end the relationship before it got too far. Because, as much as people want to hold on to their 'no kissing' thing, as you get closer to each other in the relationship, you tend to get more personal and have the possibility for intimacy.

So this leaves you with two options:

-The guy agrees to wait, despite both of you wanting to really get intimate by kissing, etc. This will eventually put strain on the relationship, IMO.

- The girl gives in and kisses the guy, and then there is the guilt of breaking your own moral standards.

I would personally just avoid that situation altogether by dating someone who is willing to kiss or whatever, but not break the sex threshold.

That's a fair thing for you to decide for yourself, but I would just point out that it will only cause strain in the relationship if you let it.

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