Tell The Worst About Your OCD Thread

I hate how an ugly thought or picture can lock itself on and not let go.

The worst part is the moments where The thoughts seem real and like I believe them those make me sick. My biggest fear is that I'm gonna believe these thoughts and truly get to far gone

The rituals that I did and the time I wasted.

brittanyNT14 .I thought i was the only one.i am afraid i will believe them also .It is a feeling like i believe, them .

Trust me your not and when you have that one moment where you think the thoughts might be yours or worry that you believe them it makes you question everything that you do

What I hate most about it is seeing triggers everywhere I look, always having to be on the lookout for them and dreading the time it acts up again.

I also hate the way I can never really fully enjoy anything while in the throes of an episode, since there's always that nagging voice in the back of my head and the anxiety pains in my stomach.

The worst that it's ever been was probably in the summer before I started eighth grade, but that's been so long ago that it's pretty much irrelevant. My family didn't understand it at the time, and they were apparently afraid that I was losing my mind

In the past few years, the absolute worst was around September through to December of 2010. I was pretty much non-functional, and just running on autopilot. During the summer in 2010, I developed an unusual sort of OCD that just ran its course like most of them have in the past, but after that, I made the bizarre decision that I was going to confront some of the things that had bothered me for years and totally stop worrying. That...didn't end so well. Before anyone gets the wrong idea, this wasn't some sort of attempt at Exposure/Response Therapy, or anything like that. Actually confronting OCD fears is something that you have to do in order to get rid of them. I thought, though, that I was going to dredge up fears from the past and just prove that they were wrong through the usual OCD process of reassuring myself (I didn't understand OCD very well at that point). I tried, and I ended up developing scrupulous fears.

It wasn't that bad at first. Actually, it was just the average sort of OCD fear that I've ended up with in the past, only this time, I had a better idea of what it was. I actually set up my account on this website during that phase of it, so that I could talk to others who had the same problem.

Then, though, toward the fall, it started to merge with a much more legitimate realization that I had that some of my entertainment choices were not acceptable (think Family Guy). I became so afraid that I couldn't go from class to my dorm without being terrified. Normally, my OCD fears went down after the end of the summer, but this time, they got worse. That was the worst part of it, because I had virtually no control of it at that point. I ended up alienating one of my friends while jettisoning one of my hobbies, I changed my major at college twice, and basically, my life was a wreck. I finally got it all together again, but it took me so long that I basically lost two years of my life.

On the plus side, though, I learned how to control my OCD better, so that now I know how to avoid letting it control me. On the negative side, I'm still trying to get my life back together :/

I have thoughts that the thoughts would blow up and come upon me all of a sudden. I have difficulty preparing myself for the next "attack" because they are all so sudden. Mine are about infidelity for example. Now it has blown up from infidelity with one person to at least one person to many people. Then I wonder why they would do that. Then I want to know more circumstances such as if they had kids and the paternity of those kids. It goes on and on and on and it never seems to stop. It got bad enough for me to go to the emergency room once.

Mine were the dirtiest, most sinful ever. I fear until now that I will never be forgiven, though i never meant to think of those blasphemous thoughts. My mind was just triggered after I stumbled upon the verse in the Bible regarding the unpardonable sin. I prayed so many times and begged God to forgive me, to help me, to listen to me, to have mercy on me, but I felt God had left me, that He was suddenly so far away. A big hole in my heart was all that I felt--deep guilt, and indescribable emptiness and pain. Will God charge me for those sinful thoughts that I could not control?

No I use to feel the same but you know what helped lists watch the music video for You Are More by Tenth Avenue North listen to the words and look on the chalkboard it says OCD controls me. I hardly ever feel unforgivable more so annoyed now.

The worst part is the uncertainty, thoughts that won't go away, and the anxiety.

Every single time I've been trying to ignore a thought or a doubt for a long time, then I give in, check it, and find out it was a lie all along. The relief is bitter, and another thought comes along almost straight away.

Hey I'm new to the forums. I joined mainly because I just found out today I have HOCD. It's been REALLY bothering me since August 14, 2012. I'm going to be talking with my pastor very soon about it, but if you guys have any (Christian of course) links of chat services or anything that can help, I'd really like that. It's been nagging at me and I've been worrying and worrying so much. I'd also appreciate prayer.

Sorry if this is the wrong place to put this but I'm really struggling with this, and anything Christian-related I'll take, I don't want any worldy ways to fixing this. Although I do want to know, does this mean that the thoughts will always be there no matter what? or has someone ever had them stop completely?

Thanks for all responses in advance.

Raven122 said:

Hey I'm new to the forums. I joined mainly because I just found out today I have HOCD. It's been REALLY bothering me since August 14, 2012. I'm going to be talking with my pastor very soon about it, but if you guys have any (Christian of course) links of chat services or anything that can help, I'd really like that. It's been nagging at me and I've been worrying and worrying so much. I'd also appreciate prayer.

Sorry if this is the wrong place to put this but I'm really struggling with this, and anything Christian-related I'll take, I don't want any worldy ways to fixing this. Although I do want to know, does this mean that the thoughts will always be there no matter what? or has someone ever had them stop completely?

Thanks for all responses in advance.

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Hi, Raven,
Although you may not want to find any worldly help, and I do suggest you speak to your pastor first if you can, I do believe that the LORD can use any means He wishes to help you recover - although of course, it's up to you.

I am pretty sure there are people who get better completely. It's not an easy process, though. There are definitely a lot of people who can give support here, so if you need to, post a thread and others will come and help you.

God bless, and I hope you can recover from this,
Roseheart

For me, the worst part is the uncertainty. The loss of assurance that these thoughts cause you, and all the "what if's?". Those what if's are terrifying at times. I truly believe that The Lord gives us these trials so that we learn to walk by FAITH and nothing else. It truly is a sovereign tool of His to humble us. But yes the doubt is what really gets me, there seems to always be nagging doubts. God bless you all! And you will all be in my prayers.

I'm glad for an opportunity to vent. The worst thing I hate about my OCD is doubting everything! When I pray to God and feel His comfort or guidance, I then doubt it was God and start to believe it was lying spirits. I doubt myself all the time. I am 35 years old, and I have this whole world in my brain that interprets everything that happens, and I ended up doubting myself, doubting God, doubting my life, and doubting why I should still be on this earth. I am so fed up right now as things have gotten so bad in my life. I feel so lost and confused, and don't know what direction to go in, and feel like such a failure. Things have gotten so bad for me, and I can't take the mental torture anymore. I came out of a life of drugs, drinking, and all sorts of bad behaviour I was using to hide from my pain, and I thought that walking with God was going to heal me. This past 3 months things continually get worse and worse and I think about suicide often. Not that I would do it or have a plan, but in a way it is all I can think of to get me out of the hell I am going through. I can't explain how useless and what a failure I feel like, and I need help desparately. I have thought of seeing a therapist, but I had felt at some point in my life that God was warning me about therapy and even Christian therapist draw from secular psychology. I hate having OCD, but I have so many other issues too, and I cannot get away from them. The only thing I can do is shut down completely and live like a robot. I hate the OCD thoughts that always come in and tell me how awful I am, what a waste I am, how God hates me, how useless this life is. I hate that it seems like God is talking to me when I go through this stuff. It seems like an angry God who is bent on my torture, and no matter what happens, even if something good happens, I end up feeling guilty and like everything is my fault. That is the other thing I HATE about OCD, that everything feels like my fault. I feel like I am a liar, and a cheater, and that if anyone knew who I really was they would never like me. So I feel like I am lying to the world by not letting them see who I really am, and I feel so alone. I need help.

I hate how I can never really control my thoughts. I hate how they always sort of control my life and make me feel so different from everyone else. I always have doubts about God and everything else. I hate how I have to work so hard to try to control all the thoughts or to somehow try to undo them or make them stop and it never works no matter how hard I try. It ends up making my brain feel really tired and it's like it never stops. Lately it's been making me really tired and irritable and emotional. I also really hate how friends or family who don't have OCD or don't know how horrible it is, act like it's no big deal or even make jokes about OCD. And everyone acts like it's my fault or like I'm weird if my thoughts get hold of me. I also have a hard time praying because of how much I doubt God or intrusive thoughts come when I'm trying to pray and they are bad ones like inaproppraite images, bad words, or like I feel like I'm not really praying to God. Felt good to vent.