Hey guys, I am a newbie to this forum. I am early 20s, femaleLately I have been feeling down. I had been friends with someone since middle school, and we both kept in touch all the way up until college (we are in our early 20s) This friend and I both were on the same track on our pursuit for nursing school. I ended up getting a bit farther than her and got accepted this year in RN school while she has not had the same luck so far. Prior to all of this she was very supportive, we were both very supportive of each other actually. We studied together and kept in contact on a regular basis. When I decided to tell her the news about getting accepted in RN school, she appeared happy and was telling me how she'd pray for me, and bring me a bible so that I could read it and use it as encouragement to make it through the programWell, when I moved everything immediately changed. She called me the night that I went off to university and made subtle comments that hurt me like "I was so busy and almost forgot to call you" mind you it was 12:30 am when she called me. And things progressively got worse as the weeks went by, her attitude changed, I'd call her and she'd have the tv up loud and would act as if she was too distracted by whatever she was watching to hold a conversation with me. She has her days where her attitude is very hurtful and distant. And she has never came to visit me like she said. She'll say how she was hanging out with another friend that's why she didnt come see me, which is another subtle dig that hurts me. She always claims that shes was too busy hanging out on the days that she promised me to visit. She doesnt really call me as much either. Im pretty sure she realizes that I dont know anybody at the moment and I feel her distancing herself like this is a form of punishment because she is jealous of me being a bit further ahead than she is nowI did finally speak up once and tell her that I'd wish she would call more, and the next day she did call only to say "see I called you. you were whining that I never called so I just did". Geesh, I really did not want to make it seem like you had to do it out of obligationTo make a long story short, I am just hurt. Very hurt. I am slowly meeting people but I am still very lonely in a new environment. Sometimes when I have time to myself, I get sad, angry, upset, lonely...I try to keep my thoughts positive but I have moments where I feel like calling her up and just sparking an argument but I know that will do no goodI have been patient, never once rubbed in the fact that I am in RN school and she is still struggling with her classes. I am always in good spirits trying to encourage her because I truly and geniunely do want her to succeed. Unfortunately, she never wnated the same for me. I know she has said things that she is unhappy, and that the things going on in her life might not make it possible for her to get into RN school anytime soon. Lately she seems to be jealous of any and everything because of her own unhappiness. I empathize with her. but at times I dont because how spiteful she is being. But I just dont understand how a person can hurt somebody who has been nothing but understanding, compassionate and nice to them. I can understnad if I was rubbing it in her face and discouraging herI am starting to wonder what is wrong with me? Why can't I have friends appreciate me as a nice person? I mean it seems that the nasty people always get ahead, always have the most friends always finish first. She seems to have more of a social life than I doany words of encourgement would help me
When a friend doesnt want to see you happy
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Trashionista
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All I can say is, you're not alone in feeling this way. It hurts when a close friend turns on you, and makes it known that they aren't who they appeared to be. I've been there, too. Nothing makes you feel more alone when someone extra close to you suddenly backs off.
The Bible talks about a Friend (meaning Jesus Christ) who sticks closer than a brother. That's much closer than a long time friend (even though they get to know us like a family member sometimes!). I would encourage you to use this time of solitude to get to know your Friend Jesus Christ better (studying the Bible is always best). I would also say it's a good idea to pray for your other friend who's jealous, binding her to God's will, and asking the Holy Spirit to convict her heart for the way she's been hurting you intentionally.
Psalm 118:8 says it's better to trust the Lord than mankind. Sometimes without realizing it, we end up putting our trust in our friends or family simply because they've never let us down, and always helped us in times past. That's great they were there in times we needed them, but they are still fallible human beings. They are prone to make mistakes, they're just as able as we are to make bad choices about how they're going to act. That's why the Bible says to trust the Lord, because He is the only one who never changes, and is always good. Life can change, people can change. We live in a tainted world. Best friends can turn into nutcases
Trusting in the Lord first and foremost is the best thing we can do. Sometimes it takes something like this to make us see how much we need to trust the Lord more, and to trust humanity less. Not to say God pre-arranged this solely to teach you something, but I think He allows things like this so that we can see why it says to trust Him alone in His word. HTH BTW, there's some very nice people on this board. I hope you find some strong Christian friends here!
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All I can say is, you're not alone in feeling this way. It hurts when a close friend turns on you, and makes it known that they aren't who they appeared to be. I've been there, too. Nothing makes you feel more alone when someone extra close to you suddenly backs off.
The Bible talks about a Friend (meaning Jesus Christ) who sticks closer than a brother. That's much closer than a long time friend (even though they get to know us like a family member sometimes!). I would encourage you to use this time of solitude to get to know your Friend Jesus Christ better (studying the Bible is always best). I would also say it's a good idea to pray for your other friend who's jealous, binding her to God's will, and asking the Holy Spirit to convict her heart for the way she's been hurting you intentionally.
Psalm 118:8 says it's better to trust the Lord than mankind. Sometimes without realizing it, we end up putting our trust in our friends or family simply because they've never let us down, and always helped us in times past. That's great they were there in times we needed them, but they are still fallible human beings. They are prone to make mistakes, they're just as able as we are to make bad choices about how they're going to act. That's why the Bible says to trust the Lord, because He is the only one who never changes, and is always good. Life can change, people can change. We live in a tainted world. Best friends can turn into nutcases
BTW, there's some very nice people on this board. I hope you find some strong Christian friends here!
you are so right. I wish I hadn't of set up my expectations so high, thinking that she would be supportive in seeing me do well. But how do you learn to trust in God though? I'm trying to learn how to do this because it doesnt seem easy
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The forgiving is the hard part though. I havent yet reached the point where I can even pray for her let alone forgive her. I am just so hurt and upset right now. Maybe in time I will be able to
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Joshua Howard
Life, Liberty, And The Pursuit of Happiness
You have two choices. Either commit to success, or commit to your social network. You can either have friends, or you can take care of business.
People who are successful in business understand that fuzzy friendships are only a distraction. "Friends" will either keep you from being successful, or they will disappear as you do greater things.
People who have a huge network of fickle friends are generally not destined to lead estraordinary lives... and people with no ambition will always despise those who rise above them. This is because if they did not blame their failure on the excess of others, they would have to blame themselves for their own inferior qualities.
I am a social minimalist. I don't want a sea of "friends". I instead embrace a limited number of close contacts who serve a dedicated purpose. Such a close contact might be someone who I know for the purpose of helping with advice or guidance; someone who I know for the purpose of learning from myself; or someone who I know as a true equal for the purpose of fellowship or companionship, and mutual encouragement.
If the friendship doesn't serve a dedicated purpose, it will only weigh you down. If your "friend" has the time to care about your success or lack of it, then he/she is obviously way too busy minding your business to commit to his/her own. Even longstanding friends can wind up being let downs.
My best friend as a teenager wound up getting a girl pregnant, marrying her prematurely, and then he up and trucked across the country and I never saw him since. I don't know if he ever became successful, or if he's still working at it, or if he's living in a trailer with a couple runny nosed kids running around; but chances are, if I ever have the chance to meet him in a decade or two when we've all had the time to settle into our lives, neither of us will be much like the way we were "back then". A good friend today might not be a contact that you want later on; and that can be uncomfortable or otherwise frustrating, but it is still true. Social contacts sometimes must be purged for your own good.
There is a lot that you can do with your life. If you have to choose between loyalty to a friend and commitment to your life's work, never question what you must do. Your life comes first.
People who are successful in business understand that fuzzy friendships are only a distraction. "Friends" will either keep you from being successful, or they will disappear as you do greater things.
People who have a huge network of fickle friends are generally not destined to lead estraordinary lives... and people with no ambition will always despise those who rise above them. This is because if they did not blame their failure on the excess of others, they would have to blame themselves for their own inferior qualities.
I am a social minimalist. I don't want a sea of "friends". I instead embrace a limited number of close contacts who serve a dedicated purpose. Such a close contact might be someone who I know for the purpose of helping with advice or guidance; someone who I know for the purpose of learning from myself; or someone who I know as a true equal for the purpose of fellowship or companionship, and mutual encouragement.
If the friendship doesn't serve a dedicated purpose, it will only weigh you down. If your "friend" has the time to care about your success or lack of it, then he/she is obviously way too busy minding your business to commit to his/her own. Even longstanding friends can wind up being let downs.
My best friend as a teenager wound up getting a girl pregnant, marrying her prematurely, and then he up and trucked across the country and I never saw him since. I don't know if he ever became successful, or if he's still working at it, or if he's living in a trailer with a couple runny nosed kids running around; but chances are, if I ever have the chance to meet him in a decade or two when we've all had the time to settle into our lives, neither of us will be much like the way we were "back then". A good friend today might not be a contact that you want later on; and that can be uncomfortable or otherwise frustrating, but it is still true. Social contacts sometimes must be purged for your own good.
There is a lot that you can do with your life. If you have to choose between loyalty to a friend and commitment to your life's work, never question what you must do. Your life comes first.
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Well.....it's not easy! lol we all have to let Him teach us if we want to learn. Personally, my trust in Him has gotten stronger only by relying on Him to get me through the rough times. I did that (and still do!) by praying for people and letting Him take control, rather than trying to do everything myself. Sometimes we don't know what to say or do, but God does. Releasing people to the Lord and not getting in the way is very difficult, but we can learn!
HTH
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