Dealing with the judgement

stacii said:

First of all,

It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who has dealt with this. I was beginning to worry that something was wrong with me...

Secondly,
The advice i've been given here is excellent. I've already been able to put it to use. It's one of those things where when I am confronted with the situation (as I was today) I just continue with what I am doing very confidently like I have no hesitation and TOTALLY know what I am doing. (Something like "Yeah, these wipes smell so good, are really thick and have never made my son break out at all. Plus they were on sale at Target this week and have this great snap top.") I've noticed that the offending mom usually backs down after that because I make it pretty obvious that I'm not going to trip all over myself asking her for advice. Then I just try to be as polite and loving as possible.

I think I may have been successful in starting to break down this one woman's social barrier. The other woman not so much - I've decided that she is just really mean and not someone that I need to be around. Is that wrong to do? To decide not to be friends with someone? I mean, I certainly would be amicable if I ever saw this person again, but she is not someone I think I need to bring around. When she is around she brings out the worst in other moms, and that is a trap I want to avoid.

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I don't think it's wrong to avoid people who are not a good influence. I think there's possibly a scripture in Proverbs on that.

However as you already said you would be friendly if you ever saw her again and that is what counts. You certainly don't have to go out of your way to befriend her, but when you do see her you can walk in the opposite spirit and not to let her impact you.

stacii said:

First of all,

Secondly,
The advice i've been given here is excellent. I've already been able to put it to use. It's one of those things where when I am confronted with the situation (as I was today) I just continue with what I am doing very confidently like I have no hesitation and TOTALLY know what I am doing. (Something like "Yeah, these wipes smell so good, are really thick and have never made my son break out at all. Plus they were on sale at Target this week and have this great snap top.") I've noticed that the offending mom usually backs down after that because I make it pretty obvious that I'm not going to trip all over myself asking her for advice. Then I just try to be as polite and loving as possible.

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Good for you! Making it clear from the get-go that you are not to be bullied or intimidated is a great way to go.

I think I may have been successful in starting to break down this one woman's social barrier. The other woman not so much - I've decided that she is just really mean and not someone that I need to be around. Is that wrong to do? To decide not to be friends with someone? I mean, I certainly would be amicable if I ever saw this person again, but she is not someone I think I need to bring around. When she is around she brings out the worst in other moms, and that is a trap I want to avoid.

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You are most wise to avoid anyone who is mean to you.

Neenie1 said:

I don't think it's wrong to avoid people who are not a good influence. I think there's possibly a scripture in Proverbs on that.

However as you already said you would be friendly if you ever saw her again and that is what counts. You certainly don't have to go out of your way to befriend her, but when you do see her you can walk in the opposite spirit and not to let her impact you.

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I think it's the first proverb actually.

I am amazed at this thread. You all are talking about something we have not knowingly experienced.
I take my youngest daughter to playgroup every second week. I go for two reasons.
1. She gets to play with other kids. It's not about me. it's about her. My needs are secondary to hers. She gets to experience things at playgroup that she wont experience at home. And she can experience them within the safety and protection of her dad. Yep, I am a dad and go to playgroup. Yes, I also work. My DW is a SAHM, but I do playgroup. DD2 and I thoroughly enjoy it. So do some of the other kids, especially those who are from brocken homes and dad is not there. It's a win win situation.
2. I get to observe how other people raise their kids and see if I can do something different/earn something. I am not a perfect parent. I don't know everything. I have much to learn. And there are others out there from whom I can learn.
Do I sometimes feel left out and shunned? Yes, but I just get over myself. I am the only male generally there, so I guess I have got to expect it. But I do get to chat and spend time with my daughter.
Do I see some people do some really stupid things? You better believe it. But unless it is really dangerous I say nothing. Why? Because people don't want to know and it doesn't matter how you word it, some one will take offence.
Scented nappy wipes. yep, we use them. But, what of one of those ladies has a child who is sensitive to perfume? Did you know there are some who are that way. I think it is called celiac syndrome. Google it, you will find out about it. I know one person who only had to come in contact with flour dust and she is in trouble.
There is a school of thought that says that snacking between meals is not good for kids. Depending on the snack I agree with that. If the snack is a junk food snack it is a no no. Having said that, our daughter does snack between meals. But they are healthy snacks. Fruit, cheese, bread and so on. It depends on the snack. When people query me about it, and they do, I don't take it as a judgement on our parenting. I treat it as though they are concerned and give them an honest answer without trying to read something into what they say.
I look at it this way. Yes, DD2 does snack. But they are healthy snacks. It is helpful to us, because if she doesn't eat her evening meal, I have, no we have, the comfort of knowing she has had good healthy food all day and plenty of it.
Sometimes I think we can see shadows where there aren't any.