Marriage and children questions?

How old are you? I think your feeling on children may change - depending on what stage of life you're at...

Like - saying "I don't want kids" at 19 is far different than saying "I don't want kids" at 30.

You might change your mind. You might not. I can say that when I was younger, I didn't care for children. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I hated them, but they were annoying at best and I had no maternal desires whatsoever. 10 years later, I'm married and a mother and I love my kids more than anything on earth...and I get along well with the children of other people. But some people never get to a place where they desire children, and that's okay. I would say you should give yourself time before you decide permanently. We humans have a way of changing over the years, sometimes in ways that surprise us.

Money was not a factor in how many children we decided to have.

Whether you want kids or not... I don't think that you should "hate" them.

But to support your feelings and your question, I can definitely say that I had dreamed of having a larger family when I was younger. Now that I'm old, and have experienced what it means to be a parent and to have certain responsibilities, I can safely say that I'm done and will place a limit on just two.

We may adopt in the future though.

I have never been maternal. This year have been married 5 years and never been more sure its the right decision. Someone announced their pregnancy today and my first thought was why? I feel that whenever someone announces they are pregnant because I don't understand that desire.

Money is not a factor in it.

Stamping_Fish said:

1. I don't want children, I hate kids. But people tell me that I will be wanting them later, is that true?

2. Did you get less kids cause you realized that you couldn't afford the "big family?"

Click to expand...

There is a Child Free forum here that you might enjoy. There are many Christians there who don't want children.

http://christianforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=669

I'd also ask how old you are. I don't want kids, and with a brief exception or two, never have. When I was 15, I thought I wanted to be the mother of twins. When I was 32-33, I thought for about six months that I wanted a kid. Every other stage in my life, including now, I have not wanted children. I can't have kids now, and I don't regret it at all.

Some people change their minds. In my opinion, you should never have a child if you have any doubts whatsoever about your desire for them. Once they are here, it's not real easy to give them back.

1. I don't want children, I hate kids. But people tell me that I will be wanting them later, is that true?

That's up to you and your spouse (when and if you're already married). God may lay it on your hearts the desire to have children or he may not.

2. Did you get less kids cause you realized that you couldn't afford the "big family?"

Originally me and my husband wanted 3 children, but settled on 2. Money wasn't the factor, but I lost the desire to want to have anymore children after the second one.

Saying you hate kids seems pretty immature to me.
In either case, if you do not want children and are pretty sure of that (the whole 'I hate kids thing" seems to indicate that you are sure) Then why come on here and ask if you will change your mind about them? Why listen to what others say about it when they say you may change your mind in the future? Seems kind of unimportant what others would say to you at this point.
There are many people who do not want children. It's okay to not want them. Those who have them might not understand it, but the reverse is, that you don't understand why some would want them.
I say if you don't want them, then don't listen to what others say about the future and the whole changing your mind thing. Find a women who doesn't want them either. There are a lot of women out there who don't want any.

I didn't want kids for the absolute longest, and then I did. Part of that I think was growing up and maturing, and part of it was the change in my lifestyle and being closer to my husband. My DH was more gung-ho about having kids than I was, and is already asking when we'll have another. (LOL)

No, the economy or our present money situation has no bearing on when or if we will have more children. My health however does.

If you don't desire children, it's best not to get pregnant, but if you do, trust that it's God's will, even if it means giving the child up for adoption.

I wanted a house full of kids, but it wasn't to be and I am more than blessed to have had one survive. Again, this was God's will and I am very much at peace with it. For me, I'm certain finances would have come into the equation had I been more fruitful.

As a man, it's likely that if you don't want them now that you won't want them in the future. I don't think men get hormonal urges for procreation. You may change your mind if you meet/marry a woman that really wants them, or you may not.

Hatred seems a bit extreme. I'm indifferent toward children. They're cute, but I don't want any. I don't know what there is to hate about them.

I suppose if a person really doesn’t like children then they shouldn’t have any because it wouldn’t be fair to the child. However this attitude can and does change in some people. I never had any sisters when I was growing up, so God gave me four daughters and that has been a life long learning experience. I now have eight grandchildren and that is another wonderful part of my life.

At times raising children can be a real challenge along with some heartaches and it is a financial drain especially when they start college. However for me the rewards far out way the difficulties. As for my children, if I had it to do over again I wouldn’t change a thing, they are such a blessing. I will also admit that there were times when I was ready to pull my hair out with frustration. That normally happens in the teen age years, at least it did for me and my wife.

Stamping_Fish said:

1. I don't want children, I hate kids. But people tell me that I will be wanting them later, is that true?

2. Did you get less kids cause you realized that you couldn't afford the "big family?"

Click to expand...

To question #1, I don't know....

To #2... well, I had 4, unlike one of my friends, my decision to have 4 kids wasn't based on finances, but rather on what I believe to be a god given desire...

I don't really see the expense... well, i guess I do, the hospital bills that we are STILL paying on .... then you do have to buy cloths for the them occassionally, holidays can get expensive and lots of doctor visits.... but i think the real expense happens as they get older (mine and 7 and below in age) when they start eating and needing more... so we'll see.

HB

well, i wasn't what i would call a child lover until i had my children, then i fell in love.... but having children is quite a commitment.... it's a challenge for me everyday because i have 4 children to divide my attention between, not to mention strongly just wanting time to myself... the pull on my attention is my personal biggest challenge. I think it's worth it, but it can be a challenge.

HB

1. I don't want children, I hate kids. But people tell me that I will be wanting them later, is that true?

It depends on the person.

I didn't want children either. I can't handle children, I'm not cut out for children, I don't have a "motherly instinct", I have no affinity towards children whatsoever and I never really have. I have been telling people I did not want any children since I can remember, literally since I was a child. I remember telling people when I was about 12 that I wanted my tubes tied as soon as I turned 18.

Too bad I didn't, because I had a child. (my first marriage to my ex husband, who wouldn't let me give it up for adoption)

Guess what?

Nothing changed.

In my opinion, if you are very strongly intently NOT wanting children, it isn't worth the risk to have them. Both the husband and wife should be 110% gung-ho about having kids if they are going to go ahead and have one, otherwise you really risk the stability of the marriage and that child's life.

People who strongly don't want kids (I'm not talking about people who weren't sure, or who "would rather not", but people who strongly intently absolutely do not want kids) but have them anyway "hoping I will feel different" are potentially playing with fire -- ie: playing with the life of another human being. I learned the hard way.



2. Did you get less kids cause you realized that you couldn't afford the "big family?"

If I ever do have another child (I can't emphasize the "if" in that statement quite enough), it'll be my last, because we could never afford a big family.

However you truly feel, be sure to discuss your feelings with your spouse/ significant other. Preferably before you get married. How many children (or lack of) can be a big factor in the family they want to build with you. It's only fair to discuss it with them - don't just do what many do and say "Kids, oh yeah, sure" while not even thinking about it because it's the societal norm. Explore your feelings and pray about it extensively. If you're already married, well then, start talking!