Premarital sex.. How do I tell my girlfirend no?

Face it Dan, the relationship is over. You both have vastly different views on life, marriage, God, etc.

Good luck though!

DanToThaFullest said:

I love her and I would ask her to marry me but she needs to be a Christian first. She would need to accept this as her own belief. The reason for this is I've decided I want to build a strong marriage on Bible principles. We won't be able to do that effectively if she is a non-believer.

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This right here makes it clear that your faith is more important to you than she is. Because of this, you no longer have any chance together. I wish I could say otherwise.

You need to leave her ASAP, for both your sakes. You are unable to accept her as she is, and she will never be happy trying to live up to your religious demands on her. Get it over with so you can both move on and find other partners.

And stay away from non-believing women from this point out. You'll prevent a lot of heartbreak and deconversion that way.

DanToThaFullest said:

I've recently become a Christian but my girlfriend who I met before I was born again is still a non-believer. She is pressuring me to continue having premarital sex with her. I've attempted to explain my new beliefs that sex is only okay in marriage but she doesn't' fully understand what I'm talking about. She says she needs to make love to feel close to me and without it she feels very distant from me. She is accusing me of ruining the relationship with her and won't even talk properly to me any more. I've also tried to lead her to Christ but she doesn't want to hear what I have to say about my faith.

How do I explain my belief on premarital relations to her without sounding like a religious freak or how do I end my relationship with her in way that lets her understand why I am doing this.

God Bless and thanks in advance for your advice.

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You expect her to accommodate your beliefs; are you willing to accommodate hers? If not, then let her go. For both your sakes.

I like how all the non-christians in this thread are telling him to dump the girl when they should be telling him to dump the religion.

Nathan45 said:

I like how all the non-christians in this thread are telling him to dump the girl when they should be telling him to dump the religion.

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Girls are temporary.

Jesus Christ is eternal.

Zaac said:

Girls are temporary.

Jesus Christ is eternal.

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Says the one who "believes without evidence the one who speaks without knowledge of things unparalleled".

I say, Jesus is dead.

The girl is alive, but she's going to be awfully lonely after this. Exhibit A as to why religion is bad.

anyways:

Exodus 22:16

16 When a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged to be married, and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife.

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Dan, you're already married in your God's eyes. So if you really want to be a fundy, you're not doing it right, IMO.

1 cor 7:12-16

To the rest I say—I and not the Lord—that if any believer has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13And if any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy through her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so; in such a case the brother or sister is not bound. It is to peace that God has called you. 16Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband. Husband, for all you know, you might save your wife.

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1 cor 13:2

And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

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IMO, Dan, you ought to stay with the girl until you snap out of this stupid religious phase you're in. Besides, your God doesn't really take kindly to screwing girls and then leaving them cold. Also, she has a point, you have been brainwashed.

allhart said:

I am sorry for all of the mess. I am glad you have God's strength in you, My brother. You see right about the knowledge of oil and water; and how they don't mix.

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You're right, religion and reality seldom make good bedfellows.



Hey allhart, where ya been?

*

sidhe said:

1) Deconvert.

2) Resume having sex.

3) ???

4) Profit.

Seriously, though...my sexual morals are over on another planet from Christianity, so could you tell me why it's a big deal, firstly, and secondly, haven't you already married her via the sex by strict rules of the kind of Christianity that would say you can't have premarital sex?

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lol, love the south park reference.

I feel bad for the girl, honestly. If my boyfriend suddenly decided that we were going to wait until the actual family-present certificate-signed wedding to have sex again I'd be pretty devastated. Once you're in a sexual relationship with someone you're deeply in love with, suddenly taking that away is hard because sex is one of the best ways to connect with your partner. There are days where I physically, my sex drive doesn't need to be satisfied but emotionally I need him, and if that suddenly disappeared then so would one of the ways that I cope with stress. There's something to say about having a terrible day at work and then coming home and finding out in the best way possible that your mate is there, will always be there, and will always provide comfort.

It'd be even worse if I wasn't sure he'd even be willing to legally marry me in the first place, which is not the case with me but probably is with this poor girl. I agree with the others, you need to leave her so she can heal. It doesn't sound like you really love her anyway if you're willing to leave in the first place, so you probably shouldn't have been sleeping with her in the first place.

Nathan45 said:

The girl is alive, but she's going to be awfully lonely after this. Exhibit A as to why religion is bad.

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I am not at all in disagreement with you on this.

Sadly, experience has taught me that if your partner decides to leave you for Jesus, there isn't much you can do about it, and really you're better off without them in the end. Hence my advice to ditch the girl, rather than the religion.

The OP loves Jesus now, not his girlfriend. He has effectively left her for Jesus. He has undergone a complete paradigm shift, and selfishly expects her to change for him as radically as he has changed. It's possible that one day he may wake up and realize himself a fool for abandoning love in favor of legalism, but everybody has hard choices to make. She will be better off finding a partner who actually loves her, and he will be happier finding a partner who is doctrinally sound.

Incidentally, DanToThaFullest: keep in mind that your abandonment of your girlfriend will probably go a long way towards alienating her from Christianity. You might pause to consider whether or not you are adult enough to accept responsibility for your role in that.

MaxP,

I don't know if anybody has said this already, but I feel obliged to point it out. Women who want to refrain from sex before marriage are a bit more common than men who feel the same way. If you want to refrain from sex before marriage, it's not very hard for you to find someone like that if you go to church.

I'm not saying you should kick this person to the curb, if you guys have something special going then run with it, if you destroy a good relationship over dogma you will be sorry. But be aware that if you can't work this out you're significantly outnumbered by women who who are in the same situation, so you definitely have options, maybe you should go to a christian singles / youth group depending on your age.

Anyway... evil atheist so beware. (I know my avatar says I'm an episcopalian, I need to get that one changed)

The OP loves Jesus now, not his girlfriend. He has effectively left her for Jesus. He has undergone a complete paradigm shift, and selfishly expects her to change for him as radically as he has changed. It's possible that one day he may wake up and realize himself a fool for abandoning love in favor of legalism, but everybody has hard choices to make. She will be better off finding a partner who actually loves her, and he will be happier finding a partner who is doctrinally sound.

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Gwynmead,

When I deconverted my girlfriend was a Christian. I basically went through a similar situation (although probably older, and not about sex, etc.) in reverse. He has a right to change his viewpoint and make personal decisions; changing one's views is an important part of one's personal development and should not be frowned upon. People shift away from each other ideologically. It can mess up relationships, and it doesn't just happen in the case of religion.

Also they sound young and immature, keep that in mind.