An In-Law Rant...

Warning: This is a rant. I am in the process of dealing with the situation and my husband is doing what he can. I just had to talk about it SOMEWHERE.
My mother-in-law was diagnosed with brain cancer about three weeks ago. My 15 year old sister-in-law was driving her into town when she started having something like a stroke, so she just drove her to the hospital. We came as soon as we heard. My father-in-law was there when we got there. Complained about being tired and took my sister-in-law home around 6-ish. We stayed through visiting hours. I spent a majority of the time that my husband visited with her calling the church, calling my mom (her best friend), her work, everyone I could think that need to be told.
When we got home my SIL called and said she wanted to be there at the beginning of visiting hours. My husbands work was swamped and he's their best guy so I took the day off and got to the hospital early. My FIL didn't show up until noon (He HAD to go out to breakfast and run errands [not the kind that need to be done right away or anything- like, getting the mower ready, checking the oil in a car they aren't driving...]) asked me if I wanted to go out to lunch, I turned him down so he went himself, came back around 1, and then left at 2 so he could mow the lawn.
Now I know, he might be in denial, he's never liked doctors and doesn't believe in regular medicine and hospitals suck. I know that people deal with things their own ways. But read on.
So the next morning she has surgery to remove a baseball size tumor. A 4 hour surgery with 1 hour preparing for the ICU. Well, at 4 1/2 hours my FIL goes out to lunch again. She gets out of surgery and we can hear her talking all the way down the hall saying she wants to kiss her "wonderful husband" and we had to explain to a broken hearted, slightly drugged up lady that her husband was gone.
He has a hearing problem, so the nurses would tell him things while she was in the hospital and he would agree and then do the EXACT opposite. When she got to leave, they asked us to wait for a person to help her out to the car, and he started leaving the room. If my SIL hadn't stepped in his way and not moved, he wouldn't have stopped even after we were all protesting. When he saw the staples in her head he said it looked like the surgeon wa signing "S for Satan". The first time she walked the hall after the surgery she asked him if he would go with her, he said yes, and she went to the bathroom. While she was in there my husband was going to run down and put some of her flowers in the car. FIL HAD to go with. He missed the walk with his wife.
She was told to get her own balance (having someone hold her just in case) and then start walking. He "holds" her on her tiptoes so she is horrified because she can't find her balance. He doesn't listen because he can't hear and he doesn't care.

I'm sorry to flip out and rant but I had to talk about it. If it wasn't for the fact that we are to respect our elders and I'm just an in-law, he would know how I feel (he already kind of does, I tell him when he isn't listening). My husband and I agree that he is just stuborn... and honestly, I don't care if this is how he "deals" with it... his WIFE was in the hospital with BRAIN CANCER. It wasn't about him.
Then afterwards the pastor is at their house and I walk in as he's praying with my in-laws and he prays for the "heavy burden to be lifted off" of my FIL! What heavy burden? The burden of knowing he's been a jerk this whole time?
DH has promised this is something he will not inherit from his father and I'm so glad. My husband is stuborn like his dad in a lot of things, but my husband shows he loves me more when I'm healthy than he did when his wife could have been dying. She has been so patient and so has my SIL who is trying so hard to take care of her mother at home while her dad just keeps messing things up (moving the medicine so they don't know where it is... leaving messes that she has to manuever with a walker... complaining that no one is cooking dinner... etc.) We are an hour away and both work so we call daily and see if my SIL needs major help, as my MIL is just a sweet heart and wouldn't complain if you punched her in the nose.
Okay, so I'm done ranting now. Sorry if this made anyone angry at me, I know there are people who are understanding of his situation, which I'm cool with. If he needed some time alone, or what not, that would have been fine. But he was out of line and his age and hearing problems are just excuses. So I'm done!

Oh and I'm a jerk too because after this whole rant I didn't even tell you who might be concerned. She is doing better and should be on the road to recovery very soon!

double post sorry

Again if you read my original post..."Now I know, he might be in denial, he's never liked doctors and doesn't believe in regular medicine and hospitals suck. I know that people deal with things their own ways. But read on.". And I'm not trying to judge him, we have been nothing but sweet to the man (which is why I'm on here because I would probably lose it towards him if I didn't say anything to anyone) I'm worried about my mother-in-law. With him "handling it his own way" and things of that sort, he is killing her. She was given a 2-3 month prognosis without treatment, 2-3 years otherwise. Someone else has to drive her to her appointments because he refuses, he doesn't think she needs it even after seeing the cancer already growing back. He still hides her medicine (the medicine that stops seizures and the pills that stop brain swelling) and makes her take his herbal pills-- he's convinced they will heal her (we've checked with the doctor and they won't hurt anything, so at least that is okay). The thing is, we don't want him to regret anything he's done to hurt his wife since this has happened or ruin any relationships he may need later (like his kids), because the chances are pretty high that this cancer will kill her. And eventually, he will regret it. We are going to ask our pastor to talk to him, because like you've all said, this is how he's handling it (whether it's good or not) and maybe he can't fix it himself, he may not even be aware. He needs to know and he won't listen to the "kids" so maybe he'll listen to the pastor.

Read my whole post, BigNorsk, and you will see that the medicine isn't the only issue. And my husband loves his dad- he has always been stubborn but in the situation she is in refusing to help around the house or give her any extra attention is just awful. I also mentioned that his medicine doesn't conflict with the other treatments, so he's using it and if it heals her that's great- but hiding her medicine from the doctor? Come on, now. And on the first day she was in the hospital, it would have been different if he were his dad. I never once, in any of my posts suggested my FIL was always a jerk. But in this situation, he is. She was getting a headache because he opened a window and he refused to shut it because the "good air was good for her" even though she started crying from the pain, and numerous examples like that are why we are concerned for my mother-in-law, and why we are upset and why we are going to ask the pastor to talk to him (as my husband has tried to do).

So a new update: My mother-in-law is walking and functioning primarily by herself now. She isn't allowed to drive by herself and really shouldn't be left alone, but at least she is able to move around and doesn't need help to the restroom or anything anymore. BUT now, my father-in-law himself is feeling chest pains and is quickly losing weight with no change in his appetite. But he won't go to a doctor for that, either. Our pastor is going to talk to him about it, because again, his stubborn nature won't listen to his children (though all of us sat down, told him we loved him and wanted him to last a long time so he should get this checked out. His pills might help him, but if a doctor can help to, he should let it).
So it's a little frustrating yet.