advising a christian friend

Hey Will, before I start, I want to give you a couple Bible verses about living in sin:

1 John 3:6 says, "No one who lives in Him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen Him or known Him." In other words, if you live in a consistent lifestyle of sin, it shows that you never really knew God. 1 John 3:9 says a similar thing, that someone truly born of God cannot go on in a lifestyle of sin. It might be a little unwise to confront her with these verses right away, seeing as how she will probably get mad and it will not turn out well. Matthew 7:16 and 20, as well as James 2:14-26 say that you will know if someone has faith by looking at the fruit they bear, or their works.

As for what I think you should do: I know a lot of people who claim to be Christians but you could not tell except for the fact that they come to church. The fact is that her sin does not only affect her, but it affects other people as well. Maybe tell her that it's not just her business because dressing immodestly is going to cause other people to lust, and why would she want other people to sin? Her drinking affects others too, because by doing so she's encouraging her friends to do it too and she is telling the world, this is what Christ is like.

I would just emphasize that you're concerned about her salvation and really don't want to judge her.

Matthew 18 is what you're talking about with the whole process of confronting a person living in sin. The whole passage is 18:15-17 and it says:

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen to even the church, treat him as you would a pagan or tax collector."

So you've already confronted her just between the two of you; so the next step is to take others. You've mentioned her mom and boyfriend, what about them? Is that possible? You do go to different churches; maybe if you present this passage to her mom and boyfriend, they could do something about it. But the purpose of telling it to the church is so that a person in the church, supposedly representing Christ, will either repent or not be considered part of the church because she is dragging Christ's name through the mud by her actions. If she won't listen to anyone, then it says to treat her as you would a pagan or tax collector--in other words, a non-Christian. In other words, love her, be her friend, try to witness to her, but don't consider her part of the body of Christ.

If she's living in a lifestyle of sin and not sorry for it, she clearly doesn't understand how God hates sin and takes lightly Christ's death on the cross. Does she bear any fruit of a Christian? If not, how can she be one? Maybe ask her why she thinks she's going to heaven.

If she thinks she's a good person? If she says yes, take her through some of the commandments, including the ones
she's breaking, like causing people to break the 7th commandment against lust, and also the 3rd commandment
against blasphemy because by proclaiming to follow Christ and acting like she does, she drags God's name through
the mud and says, this is what God is like, because I am made in His image and follow Him. That's blasphemy. And
also the ones that pretty much everyone has broken, like the 9th (lying) and the 8th (stealing) and the 5th
(dishonoring parents). And then, ask her if knowing all that, she still thinks she's going to heaven, and if she still says yes, then maybe say this to her: that if you're in court, and you have a fine to pay (in this case, you're in God's court and have a huge fine to pay because you've broken His laws by sinning). If you said, "I'm basically a good person, and I know you are forgiving, and I'm really sorry, so will you let me go?" The judge would say, "You should be sorry, and because I am a good judge, I will see that justice is done and that you need to pay for your crimes." But Jesus paid your fine for you, so you're no longer in debt to justice.

But it sounds like she would say she's already done that. I suppose maybe just point out, at the great risk of getting her upset, 1 John 3:6 and 9. Repentance is part of being a Christian; and repentance means not only to be sorry but to turn around, make a 180, and resolve never to go back to doing those sins again. Has she really done that?

I hope all goes well and that she listens, one way or the other.

Hi friend.


From the symptoms you describe it it sounds like she could be a classic false convert. I don't mean to sound judgemental and I COULD be wrong, but the lifestyle she is leading is not one that is of repentance and faith towards God.

You need to take her through the 10 commandments (all if possible) and get her to understand that sinning is a sin against God. If she continues in that kind of lifestyle, she could hear those terrible words "depart from me, you worker of iniquity, I never knew you".

I mean, we don't want that to happen.

Therefore gently (sound like you're doing it) establish that to her so that she is clear about it. Show her that all sin is evil to God. Show her that he lifestyle is concerning you. Do it with love and gentleness and if you need to, lay it straight in her face that she isn't saved and her life is proving that. Tell her she must repent (change her life, turn from sin) or she will be disqualified from the grace of God.

Again, you must be gentle for all you know she may be going through things.


As for the correctional method, i think that's laid out in Matt 18.

First step is to warn her in private. If she doesn't listen, then take 2 or 3 other people to help out. If she doesn't listen then bring a pastor or alot of people (may not be practical) to warn her. If she still won't listen the leave her. It's sad to say but there's nothing much more you can do.

For now, keep praying, try to get through to her. You got more courage than I do, I barely have the guts to do that.

Hey friend.

Let me lay it straight to you. Never ever ever think you are being judgemental about this. Ever. You are doing the correct thing.

The verses you point out when Jesus said don't judged it means don't criticise or condemn. The context of that kind of justment is like this. Imagine if i posted in my first post. "Hey willis. You're too young to correct her. You shouldn't bother doing that. In fact, I don't think you are saved enough to share that with her."
That is the context Jesus was speaking of. Someone who empty headedly judges another person. Similar situations come from racist people, opinionated people etc. So friend, you are far from being judgemental in that sense. She seems to be deluded with the fact that she is saved when she's (probably) not.

As far as I can see here, you're on the right track and you haven't deviated from the biblical methods of correction. It sounds like she keeps thinking she will go to heaven when her lifestyle is showing otherwise. The very fact that she is heated against loving correction could be another alarm bell. She has the wrong idea what judgementalness means.

My friend don't give in. Keep trying. If you've exhausted every method then there is nothing much more you can do. either way, keep trying. You've done what you can, use wisdom to know what to do next, whether you should keep pressing on or hold back for a more permissible time. Who knows, maybe one day she will realise this and you may need to be near.

I can give you one link to an audio that she may need to hear. It's called True and False conversion by Ray Comfort. http://websrvr25ca.audiovideoweb.com/ca25web26049/general/truefalse.zip

Its very solid and quite funny but also a nice wake up call. I suggest burning it to a CD and giving the CD to her. Maybe say "You know why I've been bugging you about your salvation for so long? This is why. Would you mind listening to this at least once?" and give it to her.

More audio here. http://www.wayofthemaster.com/freeduplication.shtml

Good luck friend