In need of advice (especially from guys)

Have you guys actually set a wedding date yet? It doesn't sound like he's really in a position to be getting married at this stage. He needs to be able to financially support himself before he can even think about taking on such a responsibility as marriage. What's his plan once you've said your vows - to sponge off you forever, chasing a dream he may well never achieve? If you're doing something as adult as getting married, you need to be mature in all aspects of life, be able to stand on your own feet. Is he going to give his mother a phone call to ask her to make decisions for him once you're living together?

It sounds like he's obviously not in a place to get married yet, but that doesn't mean he never will be. He does need gentle nudging from you, but definitely no nagging. Have you spoken to his mother about this? She seems to be a pretty good authority on him, book a girl-to-girl chat with her, maybe coffee or something, and re-inforce that you're excited about marrying her son but have some concerns. Obviously she's his mother, so don't start whining about him or anything - approach it diplomatically, speak ehr language, and try and find out what she thinks. Maybe she'll start encouraging him to go out into the world more. Maybe she'll back off and force him to make some decisions for himself. She might not even be aware that he's relying on her for so much.

I'm in a similar place with my boyfriend. We're planning on getting married, but not considering engagement till he's working full-time. Currently, he's working 8 hours a week and not really searching diligently for a job. It's crossed my mind to nag him, and it can get frustrating that he rarely has money to go out on dates. But at the end of the day, a more loving approach is to encourage him, point out job opportunities, talk about 'when you work full time....'
He's just moved out of home, which is another big deal and something which I believe is soooo good for him.

It sounds like your man isn't being realistic. He's barely earning a dime, and he wants a brand new hot car?? Maybe he should spend some time living with flat-mates, paying rent, paying bills, buying groceries. He'll VERY QUICKLY discover that in the real world, you can't just drift along barely working. He'll become independant very quickly.

I hope your wedding isn't coming up soon, because his mindset at the moment is going to encourage resentment and frustration from you - never a fun way to start a brand new marriage.
Good luck. I'm sure he has immense potential. He just really needs to start thinking realistically.

ladyofsasquashes

let me first start by asking whether or not you are positively certain that this is who God would have you to be with? If not, please stop.

i know times have change husbands have 3 distinct roles to play in marriages, one of provider, priest, protector...

let us deal on the first one, as stated it seems as though this young man is not financially ready for a message union. he seems as though he is still trying to get himself on his feet and that only is causing you stress.

the most important thing you must consider is the foundation or the lack there of when entering a marital union. from what I have gathered the foundation is not build upon a solid rock

i would admonish you to reconsider your relationship with this young individual

I have to agree with miss_klara on this one. Your boyfriend has a lot of maturing to do before he even begins to think about getting married. He seems to not be living in the real world and will continue to do so unless he gets out from mommy and daddy's wings and gets out on his own to see that life isn't as easy as he pretends it is in his head. You're his fiance', do you even have a ring yet or is he holding off on that because he can't afford it?

What it boils down to are a few things:

A: Marriage is a commitment to another person other than yourself. It requires being able to take care of that person and love that person; two things he seems to be missing by what you said. To love someone is to be selfless when the need is at hand, and he sounds, by your account, to be a selfish person. Would he give up his car till he could afford it in favor of taking care of you? Would he drive a used, crappy car that only gets him to and from work in order to pay the bills and keep the relationship and life stable? How will he pay for you two to live? With no income, how will he support you? How will he pay for things like health insurance or water bills? These all add up very quickly.

B: Being able to afford to support a family. How will he handle paying the bills with that giant car payment and insurance bill that will come with having a brand new Mustang? Will he be willing to sacrifice and get a regular job to pay these bills while he works on his music on the side?

There are many more things on this list, but I will leave it at that for now because those are two very big things to consider. It seems like he's living a spoiled child's fantasy which will get him absolutely nowhere in the real world. I myself have been working professionally in the music industry now for 7 years and am myself, a musician working on an album. It takes a lot of time and dedication, many hours in the studio, many hours writing and making contacts in the industry, learning about the inner workings of the music industry. Does he do this? Or does he just talk about one say he's gonna be a rock star? Is he living a fantasy or working on making the fantasy a reality? It's a lot more than just playing a song. Anyone can play a song. And with the odds against you, it's always good to have a backup and something you can do to make money while you're working on making the dream come true. Then there is the issue that being a musician isn't as glamourous as we think it is when we are children. I think Chris Botti said it best when he said, "You're not a professional musician until you (make enough money to) make a living from it."

Anyway, you have an important decision to make concerning your life. You need to do what's best for you and find out where the relationship is going.

CJ

Yeah, I saw quite a few really big issues here while I was reading it. This doesn't necessarily mean that you two aren't meant for eachother, not at all. But the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.
Let me go through some things that will save you loads of problems inside of marriage...

"The difficult thing is that he doesn't recognize the problem."
This is typical of single guys. Up until the time you get married, he is responsible for only one person. If everything divebombs, he would do just fine, because he has almost unlimited options and nobody else to support. When he says I DO, all of this changes. Now he MUST have his eyes open to the need to provide for you, and if you were to become pregnant (purposely OR accidentally), to provide for a pregnant wife and kids as well.

"still living at home"
THE BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE YOU IS that he has no idea what running a household is like. If you are living at home, you have no idea either. There isn't any way to understand being the head of a household without experiencing it first hand. His parents can try to explain it, he can see other people do it, but it doesn't matter. He doesn't have any experience running a house. This will be a big stress on your marriage if he is unprepared for this, but it is able to be dealt with, if this is the main problem. In this situation, it isn't.

"no car"
Now, this in itself is not the worst situation to be in. If you expect to walk or ride a bus while you are married, this is more than fine. But the issue lies with the fact that he hasn't properly prepared for marriage. For a male, the first things that we prepare with are physical, tangible objects. Then we look into the more subtle, deeper aspects of preparation. I would wait until he does prepare for taking care of you, to accept an engagement. This will set a boundary and open his eyes to the fact that you are a treasure to be sought after and worked for. It will help him realize that he needs to provide for you to be his wife. This is a husband's Biblical duty.

"striving to be a pro musician"
I hope you're ready for the possibility that he may always be just a struggling musician.

"To me, it's not about the money, it's about the fact that he thinks this is ok and enough."
But do YOU think that it is enough? You are required to be provided for in this marriage. What if he decided that you two should be homeless for a bit, to save money for a car? Are you ok with the fact that he is making your decisions for you? You are not yet married, you still are in control of your decisions. When you get married, you are to be consulted on decisions, but he has the final say.

"he won't take anything less than a nice new Mustang convertible. (because he doesn't want hand-me downs)"
Honey, he better get used to being thrifty. It sounds like he will have to do a lot more than just take hand me downs if he gets married in his situation. I sincerely hope that he has a lot of money stored up to buy that new convertible, because the worst choice he could make right now would be to take a loan for a car he can't pay cash for. Beside the fact that a marriage takes two people completely selfless to thrive, and he seems to think that he is too good for anything but new. Prepare for big problems if you choose to marry him soon.

"he and I will make a decision and then ... he's suddenly changed his mind on whatever decision he and I made."
This is a typical guy's problem. It does cause stress in marriage, but it will take him awhile to get used to making choices together. This is something that should be worked on while the larger issues are resolved.

The best resolution of your issues here would be to go to a premarital counselor together. If you do this, you will learn whether he is even able to be married at this point in his life. Explain to him that if he expects you to marry him, that you expect him to do all he can to prepare for it. This includes saving up money and putting effort and time toward premarital counseling sessions before you say I DO. You will see 1 of 2 things happen. Either he will step up to the plate and take you seriously, find a way to pay for the counseling and make time to go each week together, or he will tell you that he can't do it for you.
You will see what marriage will be like for you by the choice that he makes in this one decision alone.
You are in my prayers, but make a good choice that will strengthen you in your walk and glorify the Lord.