I am beging to hate god

Dragon, I am so sorry for your pain. I do not think there is one true Christian out there that has not felt some anger towards God at one point in time or another. Real relationships are never perfect. We as humans get mad at those we love. You have faith, if you didn't you would not be so angry at God.
Let me start by saying as a survivor of abuse (or as one surviving...my mother has never really stopped be so), I know God did not cause any of my pain or abuse. I live in this world, my abusers had the same sin nature I was born with, they shared the same gift of free will as well.
They chose to exercise their feel will in an injurious way toward me. God's fault? Hardly. Why on earth would I blame God for what fully belongs to the abusers? If I did that not only have they won in this life but the next! Why would I allow anyone to destroy my relationship with God over what they did to me. I put the blame, right at their feet and my sin at His feet!
As for your homosexuality, it is sin. Not that we all do not lust at times, but the action is the sin not the mere feeling or desire to act. What we do is up to us, how we act on any feeling is our choice... free will again see. Do not make the mistakes that your abusers did and let your will come before the Father's.
In Him,
MBG
http://p105.ezboard.com/bfinalauthority48270

First of all, you are not automatically condemned to hell for being gay. Our inclinations are not what send us to hell. Only rejecting Christ will send us to hell. If we accept Jesus Christ as our savior, nothing else matters. We are saved and will go to heaven.

Now, homosexual sex is a sin, just like any other. If we were to continue in that sin, it could hurt our relationship with Christ. However, having homosexual thoughts or feelings is not the same as engaging in homosexual acts. We cannot always change that part of ourselves. We must just learn to control it.

I truly feel for you about the way your childhood (or should I say, lack of childhood) has turned out. You are right. You have lived in hell. Not only that, but you have done great things to make the lives of the other children in the household much more bearable. For that you will have great rewards in heaven.

Jesus said "even if you do it for the least of these, you have done it for me." That means that helping out your younger siblings like you did was the same as helping Jesus out in the same situation.

Have you considered going to a school counselor and reporting your living conditions? If you have been faithful in your description of your mother, I gather that she still uses drugs and does not support the family. You and your sisters could be placed in foster care. While it's not ideal, it sounds better than where you live right now. I should know. I grew up in foster care, too.

If you were in foster care or a group home, you could concentrate on important things like doing well in school. Education is the best way to rise up out of poverty and escape the way of life that you have seen all your life. I believe that they would also provide you with a counselor where you could talk about how you feel about things. I find that it really helps to have somebody I can talk to and tell everything to.

I am praying that God will send blessings to you now so that you can know that He really does love you. He will never leave you.

You don't have to stop being gay. You just need to remain celibate.

Ok, so this is quite a heavy topic. I am so sorry for all that you have been though. What you have described, reminds me of a book that I have read. It's called Ugly by Constance Briscoe. I would definitely recomend reading it.

I am not going to comment on anythin else, except just your title to this post 'I am begging to hate God'. You have a lot of hate in your first post, which I can understand. But from your title, it suggests that you don't hate Him yet, but you would like to. I can understand wanting to blame God for a number of things that happen in our lives ( I am doing so myself). But like someone else has previously said, God will not give to us what we cannot handle, but He makes us stronger. He is not the one who has committed awful acts against us, but all the other beings that He gave free will to.

I hope you are well. Take care.

waterdragon, it will be helpful to you also to be reading the bible, especially New Testament everyday.

there are many who won't go to heaven and have eternal life. That is the punishment for sins, death.

Jesus can help you, He offers us a new life, and able to live how He wants us too, He won't leave you alone with no power, He will help you. Keep getting to know Him especially with the New Testament and doing what it says prayerfully.

praying for you

and you are so young. I don't think it's so healthy for you to think of being gay and sex. Jesus says even lusting for other people is wrong to do.

We are to wait for marriage for sex thoughts (and then it should only be about your partner). Until you are ready for all that, I hope you will continue to learn about God. I know it must be hard with parents who are so hard on you, but God can help surely if you ask. Try to help your parents and be obedient as long as they are obeying the laws (stay away from drugs, maybe you should call the police if they do illegal drugs around you, I don't know if that will help or not).

God wants sex in marriage, and marriage is related to having children and only be with one partner. It is very hard. Please don't rush into sex thoughts. You should focus and think about better things than that. Try to focus on school and bible and doing good deeds and loving your family prayerfully and helping the kids

I know what it's like to be an outsider and lose alot and hate. Let your heart decide what is right, and follow that. Follow your dreams. Don't let time be an obstacle, let it be your friend. Trust in those who are kind to you. Follow the path of virtue, and you will shine. Heal others, and you will be healed. Reach out, and in reaching out never give up, coz a star may be just round the corner...and that star may be your freedom.