How did you know when to finally LEAVE?

alwaysyoung · Jul 2, 2006

For those that are divorced, what was the last straw?
Were there ANY sort of feelings or love left for your spouse? Were you 100% sure of your decision??? Did you have reservations....do you regret it or was it the best thing you ever did?
Thanks!

MadFingerPainter · Jul 5, 2006

I left when he refused to seek counseling to try to resolve the issues and salvage our marriage. We weren't christian. He was having an affair and mentally abusing me. I stayed an extra 2 1/2 yrs. in attempt to fix things but he had no interest in it. Or me. I don't regret leaving because he was actually keeping me from God and a lot of other things. I never would've been saved if I was still with him so...I don't regret it. However...we had no children or property to fight over either. It got so bad that at the end...I had no feelings of love left for him at all. I was so depressed I was actually thinking about suicide...I became totally introverted and quit talking hardly at all for like 6 mo. after the divorce. I couldn't stand being in the same room with him let alone having him touch me. All we did was fight. He basically married me and then dumped me on the proverbial shelf and told me to keep myself entertained. And that was the beginning of the end. If you are considering leaving I would implore you to push the issue about counseling first. Don't just give up. You have kids to consider. Hope this was helpful. I don't enjoy being divorced and alone. I left because I felt there was no other alternative. I also left because I was doing what was best for me. If not I likely would've done something to harm myself given the emotional condition I was in when I left.

madison1101 · Jul 5, 2006

Unless you are being abused, or he is committing adultery, you don't leave. You get therapy, you pray, you pour yourself into the Word, you submit to the will of God, which is Christians don't leave a marriage except adultery.

Autumnleaf · Jul 6, 2006

I left when she told me to leave and threatened to put my stuff out on the stairs while I was at class if I did not move it out myself.

HuntingMan · Jul 7, 2006

cnlisa said:
For those that are divorced, what was the last straw?
Were there ANY sort of feelings or love left for your spouse? Were you 100% sure of your decision??? Did you have reservations....do you regret it or was it the best thing you ever did?
Thanks!

By the time I left her I was completely dead inside emotionally from the years of betrayal and abuse. So no, I had/have no "emotion" left for her. I do pray for her though.

110%

I had no reservations at all in leaving or divorcing once she made it clear that she had decided to keep seeing this man behind my back.

Getting away from a treacherous person that we're legally tied to is pretty much always going to be one of the best things we ever do.

tizherself · Jul 11, 2006

cnlisa said:
For those that are divorced, what was the last straw?
Were there ANY sort of feelings or love left for your spouse? Were you 100% sure of your decision??? Did you have reservations....do you regret it or was it the best thing you ever did?
Thanks!

I still struggle with feelings for my spouse. ( I just decided to give up and get divorced) He did such a 180 after we married that I wondered if I ever really knew him at all - did the man I loved (and the friend I had for many years) ever really exist at all? I mean, it was unreal - separating me from family and friends (even hounding me when my Mom was dying) calling me at work to scream at me, verbal and physical abuse, hiding a gambling addiction, and fooling around with other women, later I found out he was doing drugs - all within a year!! He keeps swearing that he's changed, he's in the process of changing, that he loves and needs me and can be the man, the husband I should have had..but the deeper I scratch for the truth, the more dirt I uncover - the lies and the bruises just keep comin'. A part of me still mourns for the man I thought I knew, is still ashamed of how naive I was, and still wants to think, maybe I should stick it out, maybe he can change, and I'm walking away from our chance - he sounds so convincing. But I can't trust my feelings any more - I have to look at facts - trust God to change my husbands heart - and try to forgive him from where I am - at a distance.

If Not For Grace · Jul 11, 2006

IT was not about Him. It was about me, what I deserved or better yet what I did not deserve.

When I realized I was I person WITH VALUE, who did not have to be a doormat, for some son of a biscuit eater to walk on, that I was a child of the most high God and that JESUS came to this earth and died for me, I came to understand God wanted me to love and be loved as He loved me--with tenderness--not out of fear--dread and misery (no body else will etc).

Get busy Get better and do not sell yourself short. Be around those who celebrate you and themselves and you will start to get better.

alwaysyoung · Jul 11, 2006

wow, thank you so much for all your words! They are very helpful. I do need to stand up for myself...I think I worry about everyone but me and that is good until I start wondering where I went and what my idenity is...

I appreciate everyone taking time to post on this difficult subject of mine.
hugs
xoxo Lisa

If Not For Grace · Jul 12, 2006

mourns for the man I thought I knew

Boy can I relate, I also know that I was more in love with the potential he had ....(in my eyes)...rather than the man he was. I saw only what I wanted to see. I had to wake up and realize there was something deeper going on here. I had to figure out why I was interested in these low-life's that I thought I could "fix". The one good thing about realizing that I ALSO was part of the problem, is that I CAN fix me.

Today I think I have come a long long way on the road to mental health, personal wealth and I am content and even happy with me.....SO I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT DO--My God is no respecter of persons and what He did for me He will do for you..You just got to WANT TO<

Heart of a Seeker · Jul 12, 2006

I am feeling the same way - WHEN do you finally leave? After years and years of an unemotional, unattached husband, I, too, am at the end of my rope. I stayed with him because of the kids, but they're all grown and out of the house. Communication is almost nothing, he acts and has acted like a child around our kids as soon as they became teenagers, and he has a terrible temper. We've been to counseling, but he does not feel that he has a problem. I am a prayer - but I wonder how long I have to stay and if I HAVE to. I want to honor God's Word - which is the most important to me, but I struggle with looking at the future with my husband.

If Not For Grace · Jul 13, 2006

he does not feel that he has a problem

.

Standard - Textbook case...

As far as God's Will--Does God wish you to be miserable?
Punished? Are you so GOOD that you are the only way this man can be led to Christ?

One does not have to get a "divorce" to leave. There are legal separations and agreements--HOWEVER, what does the Bible say about being UNEQUALLY yoked to begin with.. If only we put more emphasis on this stage of the mate selection process.

MAT 19:9 Says "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife EXCEPT for marital unfaithfulness and marries another woman commits adultery"

This does not say one can not divorce.....One should not Lie, Steal or use the Lord's name in vain EITHER.

I want to honor God's Word

Honor it ALL, How about life and life more abundantly, how about MAT 19:28 "everyone who has LEFT houses or brothers or sisters, or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive 100 times as much and will inherit eternal life".

No--God does not like divorce, but neither does he like cruelty, abuse or neglect. Let us not hate, but let us not stay for the wrong reason--I could be wrong but We can stay and still be wrong if the heart has anything to do with it....

Prayers Are with ALL you who struggle with this----it was the hardest thing ever for me, but see my other posts--I realized I was a child of God and somebody...and now I have LIFE and LIFE more abundantly and Jesus is the reason, the answer .. the way, the truth...

James said draw close to God and He will draw close to you... Good advice.

Heart of a Seeker · Jul 14, 2006

dyanm said:
.

Standard - Textbook case...

As far as God's Will--Does God wish you to be miserable?
Punished? Are you so GOOD that you are the only way this man can be led to Christ?

One does not have to get a "divorce" to leave. There are legal separations and agreements--HOWEVER, what does the Bible say about being UNEQUALLY yoked to begin with.. If only we put more emphasis on this stage of the mate selection process.

MAT 19:9 Says "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife EXCEPT for marital unfaithfulness and marries another woman commits adultery"

This does not say one can not divorce.....One should not Lie, Steal or use the Lord's name in vain EITHER.

Honor it ALL, How about life and life more abundantly, how about MAT 19:28 "everyone who has LEFT houses or brothers or sisters, or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive 100 times as much and will inherit eternal life".

No--God does not like divorce, but neither does he like cruelty, abuse or neglect. Let us not hate, but let us not stay for the wrong reason--I could be wrong but We can stay and still be wrong if the heart has anything to do with it....

Prayers Are with ALL you who struggle with this----it was the hardest thing ever for me, but see my other posts--I realized I was a child of God and somebody...and now I have LIFE and LIFE more abundantly and Jesus is the reason, the answer .. the way, the truth...

James said draw close to God and He will draw close to you... Good advice.

Thanks for the good word. It's the first really encouraging words that I've had.
God bless you with even more wisdom.

Seeking1

Autumnleaf · Jul 15, 2006

dyanm said:
MAT 19:9 Says "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife EXCEPT for marital unfaithfulness and marries another woman commits adultery"

This does not say one can not divorce.....One should not Lie, Steal or use the Lord's name in vain EITHER.

Jesus was discouraging divorce. Don't get all excited about looking for loopholes. Those loopholes tend to be just the right size for us to hang ourselves with. Sort of like nooses after we choose to leap through them.

Marriage is not always easy. So long as we remain committed to God and our spouse while trusting in God we will be blessed.

jstgrl · Aug 8, 2006

I never wanted to leave, but I did. We were married for 7 years. He didn't want help from me or anyone else. He was using drugs, was not interested in life. I took him to counseling, I went to counseling for me too. That helped me to make a decisioin about how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. He was so uninterested in me, that I finally asked him does he love me anymore. I had to know. He said that he doesn't. It kind of went downhill from there. We have 2 children together. I built my whole life around him. Wanted him to be as involved in church as I was. I felt like we were unequally yoked together. It didn't feel right. I felt empty and unloved. I read Ephisians where it talks about how Christ died for his bride(the Church) and husbands should love their wives. I saw that we were nowhere even close to that. I wanted to stay, but he made it impossible. I don't want anyone to think I didn't agonize over my decision. It is a very DIFFICULT decision to make. I knew it was okay to go because things were working out for my good with every prayerful step I took. God was delivering me. After a year of separation, when I wanted to work it out still, he didn't want to try. I felt like I had my answer.

novi12 · Aug 9, 2006

Dear jstgrl ur hubby who was on drugs it was the santan who had come in ur marriage life.. u had to stick and pray for him but u took the wrong step a divorce is the devil work. Lord jesus Bless jstgrl and help her to get over from her sorrows....... Bless her children and make them a loving family Sorry if u think i was judging u Amen

lvs2sng · Aug 19, 2006

jstgrl said:
I never wanted to leave, but I did. We were married for 7 years. He didn't want help from me or anyone else. He was using drugs, was not interested in life. I took him to counseling, I went to counseling for me too. That helped me to make a decisioin about how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. He was so uninterested in me, that I finally asked him does he love me anymore. I had to know. He said that he doesn't. It kind of went downhill from there. We have 2 children together. I built my whole life around him. Wanted him to be as involved in church as I was. I felt like we were unequally yoked together. It didn't feel right. I felt empty and unloved. I read Ephisians where it talks about how Christ died for his bride(the Church) and husbands should love their wives. I saw that we were nowhere even close to that. I wanted to stay, but he made it impossible. I don't want anyone to think I didn't agonize over my decision. It is a very DIFFICULT decision to make. I knew it was okay to go because things were working out for my good with every prayerful step I took. God was delivering me. After a year of separation, when I wanted to work it out still, he didn't want to try. I felt like I had my answer.

jstgrl,
I am praying for you. Do not feel guilty over things that you have no control over. God will bless you by praying for your husband and doing what you know that God wants you to do. It sounds like you have done that. I too have been hurt and betrayed. God will bring you through this He will not turn His back on you.
God Bless you!

How did you know when to finally LEAVE?

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