What would you think?

That depends on what you mean by intimate. If you mean sexual, that's me. I have no problem relating to folks like that. But, neither do I have a problem relating to those who have, either within marriage, or sinfully. If you mean a close, romantic, but pure relationship, then, I don't know how to relate very well with them. I don't understand not having such a relationship by that age. But, that's not to say it is wrong, rather, it's my failure to understand. It could be because of a problem with them, but not necessarily. So, it depends, like I said, on how you are defining intimate.

I'm lost.

Are you asking how we feel about say a man who's 50 who only dates under 35's?

Or are you asking about a 35+ person who is still a virgin?

krstlros said:

If someone told you that they have never had an intimate relationship who is over the age of 35, what would your opinion of them be? What would your first thought be? How would you continue to act around them?
Just curious.

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The first thought that came to my mind is: I would admire them.

And I don't think there's anything else to think about. Whether or not a person over the age of 35 had an intimate relationship is not important ... unless that person would have a high attitude towards those who had relationships. But then it would be this attitude towards others that would effect my opinion of the person not whether or not he/she is still a virgin.

Something so personal is no one's business, first of all. Secondly, I think that's wonderful that you've remained pure. You are someone to be admired and held up as the Christian standard for us all.

God bless.

I would assume that if a single person had not had sex by the time they were 35, (or was just plain committed to sexual purity regardless of their actual "status") then that was because they viewed sex and its place in life in the same way as I do, and I would be either glad of that (if I was interested in them) or otherwise just plain admiring of that (since we all still have hormones and it is not an easy road!).

I agree with 2Timothy2, a person's lack of experience with relationships does not automatically mean that there is something "wrong" with them, either - though it would mean that both people would need to communicate really openly, so in that sense it would be bound to affect the way they related if they were to date. I mean, say the girl had dated before and the guy hadn't - well the girl might have preconceived ideas about the "norms" in relationships - who calls and when, who pays, what "I am fine" means or whatever - and the person who had not dated would not have those preconceived ideas. Mind you, everyone is different, so having as few preconceived ideas as possible is always wise

It bugs me when people assume that there must be something "wrong" with someone who has either had no relationships or not had sex - as though it was for lack of opportunity or reflected badly on them or something, because 99.9% of the time, it is simply because of choices and priorities, and because people are doing what they feel they are called to do, and thus actually reflects positively on them. I know I know, I am a bit off topic, but I read an article the other day and it was referring to a single THIRTY YEAR OLD as a "spinster" - as IF! (And don't get me started on the media's double standards on that re men hehehe). I mean, my first thought was, heck when I turned 30 I remember thinking I was glad I wasn't married yet, any earlier would have been a mistake for me.

It's pretty deep in the psyche of western culture that "loved" and "accepted" = "married" by whatever age is the average in that culture. What a deception. And it is sadder when the church buys into it. I know it is driven by our God given desires and needs to be loved and accepted, but those are there so that we will find our home in Him - I know I am acceptable and loveable because He loves me, whether anyone else does or not - quite apart from the fact that romantic love is only one kind.

To get back on topic, anyone in the position described in the OP would have nothing but my respect. I would make no assumptions, and if I heard any negative comments about that person from anyone else, I would take them up on it.

Makk

I totally agree. I have a thirty five year old daughter who has chosen this path of purity and I feel nothing but admiration for her choices. Let me tell you she gets tired of the way many others feel about that. She also gets worn out with friends (or not) thinking they always need to be trying to match her up with someone ahhhh.

I agree krstlros (and others)

I am only 31 but have seen all the negatives that sex outside of marriage can bring and thus have come to value it too highly to want to experience it in any other context than within a marriage covenant in which it is operating in all its intended beauty and without harm or regrets or pain. The benefits of sex outside of marriage are predominantely physical, and that's just not enough of a reason, to me. If I love someone enough to want to be that intimate, then I certainly love them enough to marry them, and if they don't love me that much, then my answer would be "no" in any case - plus I want the emotional and spiritual union also, and the security of the covenantal relationship, etc etc etc, nuff said. Sex is not an end in and of itself. It is an expression of that particular covenant, so for me it's a pretty clear choice.

Makk

krstlros said:

It wasn't a hard decision for me to remain a virgin in my mid-30's. My feeling is I've waited this long for God to bless me with a husband, and if it should be that I will remain a virgin the rest of my life, God's will be done.

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I think that is a good attitude.

I don't mind people judging me about my "intimate" status with another until they assume that not being in a sexual relationship makes me somehow "stupider" (for want of a better word), then them. I also love when the dr. asks me if I am sexually active. My answer always gets a look of "Sure, if you say so."

krstlros said:

If someone told you that they have never had an intimate relationship who is over the age of 35, what would your opinion of them be? What would your first thought be? How would you continue to act around them?

Just curious.

Click to expand...

I think that it is fantastic and that you should not worry about how people "act" around you in the future. They're just jealous because they did not save themselves. Trust me, I speak from experience. God bless you!

This would be great news, as it would be just the type of "qualifications" I would be looking for in a woman. No baggage and no past entanglements would be the ideal relationship.

As a virgin at 40 it does not bother me personally but I know people do make assumptions.
I did have one guy basically drop his jaw when I told him I was a virgin.
He was surprised an American woman at my age would still be a virgin.

I know in my office especially men over a certain age who appear to not be attached are assumed to be "gay".
It is really bizarre because why should it matter in a work setting.
And some people are just very quiet about their personal life.

consider it a blessing that you have been able to stay pure.
dont feel like you have to have sex to feel normal

i regret having pre-marital sex with my ex husband... and wish i could go back and NOT do it