I'm new here of sorts - I've not posted an introduction as it's difficult to do so; I dont know who I am.
I've come in search of help. For myself. So selfish, selfish. I want to believe He's out there - something is out there. I hope that this is true. I am a new and most silent member of my local Unitarian Church, but am afraid to speak up, ask there for guidence, afraid they'll see me for who I am, reject me.
I want to reform. Desperate. I've lived a life of sin, I know it, and still do in many ways. I've lied for so long, everyone who knows me dont actually know me at all. This has to be the most difficult thing I've written or said in too long. The truth. I am a lier. Oh! How can even you believe me, when I'm confessing as one who lies?
I've told people things about myself that arn't true. Many things are true, I have emotional problems, an eating disorder. These things are obvious. But many other big things that are supposedly me, well, they're not. And it's been so long now, I darn't confess to friends and helpers. Where do we go? I dont want to lose them, but have betrayed their trust. I gained their trust on lies, but to now tell the truth years later, it's too late, too far gone. I would lose them (most arent Christian, I dont know how they will react, whether they would have it in their hearts to forgive.) I would lose them, and cannot bear to live a life of lonliness.
I know I deserve lonliness and worse. Am selfish. I know. I dont know what to do to reform, to live a good, honest life. I joined the church seeking answers. None have come. I pray to the Lord at night, hoping he'll hear my desperate cries for guidence, I've tried meditating, but I'm alone with this truth, with no way out.
Deep down, I know that the only way is to be forthright with all concerned. Friends, helpers, doctors.. but I am afraid. Far more afraid than words can express.
I come here today, anonymously, hoping for perhaps a few words of guidence. I am deeply ashamed of my actions, have little idea how it started or why, but the actions are out of control. I am so sorry. I wish I could tell them all how sorry I am, for not being the person I presented. For taking them on an emotional rollorcoaster - and for nothing.
Ann
I've come in search of help. For myself. So selfish, selfish. I want to believe He's out there - something is out there. I hope that this is true. I am a new and most silent member of my local Unitarian Church, but am afraid to speak up, ask there for guidence, afraid they'll see me for who I am, reject me.
I want to reform. Desperate. I've lived a life of sin, I know it, and still do in many ways. I've lied for so long, everyone who knows me dont actually know me at all. This has to be the most difficult thing I've written or said in too long. The truth. I am a lier. Oh! How can even you believe me, when I'm confessing as one who lies?
I've told people things about myself that arn't true. Many things are true, I have emotional problems, an eating disorder. These things are obvious. But many other big things that are supposedly me, well, they're not. And it's been so long now, I darn't confess to friends and helpers. Where do we go? I dont want to lose them, but have betrayed their trust. I gained their trust on lies, but to now tell the truth years later, it's too late, too far gone. I would lose them (most arent Christian, I dont know how they will react, whether they would have it in their hearts to forgive.) I would lose them, and cannot bear to live a life of lonliness.
I know I deserve lonliness and worse. Am selfish. I know. I dont know what to do to reform, to live a good, honest life. I joined the church seeking answers. None have come. I pray to the Lord at night, hoping he'll hear my desperate cries for guidence, I've tried meditating, but I'm alone with this truth, with no way out.
Deep down, I know that the only way is to be forthright with all concerned. Friends, helpers, doctors.. but I am afraid. Far more afraid than words can express.
I come here today, anonymously, hoping for perhaps a few words of guidence. I am deeply ashamed of my actions, have little idea how it started or why, but the actions are out of control. I am so sorry. I wish I could tell them all how sorry I am, for not being the person I presented. For taking them on an emotional rollorcoaster - and for nothing.
Ann
It is my heart's desire that you find even the slightest bit of comfort out of these scriptures. PM me if you need anything, absolutely anything, and I'll be there for you. You are loved.
