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Recent content by Resolute

  1. R

    Can you Christian borderlines help me understand my wife?

    I don't know if it's possible to get her back (have a marriage) if she can't admit that what she is doing is wrong.
  2. R

    Can you Christian borderlines help me understand my wife?

    I'm wondering if my post offended some people, like I was suggesting that pwBPD are all liars. Please forgive me if I did. I would just like to understanding how she appear so comfortable in this charade when she's always condemned this type of behavior in others.
  3. R

    Can you Christian borderlines help me understand my wife?

    She's been a good person. How could she start telling serious lies all of a sudden? Here is the story: After 19 years of marriage, she moved out "to get some space." She said we weren't separating, but just having some time out for a few months. But within a short time of getting her own...
  4. R

    Should I divulge the reason for our divorce - her adultery?

    I'm going to stop following this thread. The inferences some posters make are pretty far off-base, not to speak of how nasty the thread has become. Thank you for the helpful posts. I'll come back and update everybody in a month or two.
  5. R

    Should I divulge the reason for our divorce - her adultery?

    She met with my counselor a few weeks ago, and told him she was disappointed that I wasn't fighting for her enough. My counselor told her that she's putting me in a no-win situation: I'm bad if I don't fight for her, but I look like a crazy person if I do. I guess I look like a crazy jealous...
  6. R

    Should I divulge the reason for our divorce - her adultery?

    Tropical Wilds, 1. About her being "clear" she wants out. To this day, my wife mostly says she wants out but then every so often she cracks the door a bit, stating things like, "Maybe we should just legally separate and so we can work on getting back together later." So 90% of the time she's...
  7. R

    Should I divulge the reason for our divorce - her adultery?

    I don't know if somebody can lose salvation if they really possess it now. The problem with eternal security ("once saved always saved" is that if my behavior is contrary to Scripture and it is an unrepentant pattern, it is a possibility and even a likelihood that I was never born again in the...
  8. R

    Should I divulge the reason for our divorce - her adultery?

    Here is an update: My wife angrily informed me that the other man quit, meaning quit working for her organization. I thought, maybe he listened to his conscience. For a few days I was wondering, perhaps he will also cut off contact -- at least until she files the divorce papers. Well, she...
  9. R

    Should I divulge the reason for our divorce - her adultery?

    Well I spoke with him, the other man, today. I arrived at his workplace unannounced and asked if he had some time. We sat in my car and talked for about 45 minutes. I started out by questioning whether he really had my wife's best interests in mind, since being seen with him in public puts her...
  10. R

    Should I divulge the reason for our divorce - her adultery?

    Ok, I gave my wife a letter on Friday asking her to consider reconciliation. My interaction with her over the weekend gave me hope; she seemed softer and not as hostile. I tried not to let my heart believe. Then on Monday I learned from my son that his mom and the other guy were not only...
  11. R

    Should I divulge the reason for our divorce - her adultery?

    Yes, you are right, I should not utter the word adultery unless I have proof. I may never know. I like your idea of the ministerial association. I could at least approach them with her not having biblical grounds for divorce (though a couple of her so-called friends assure her that she does...
  12. R

    Should I divulge the reason for our divorce - her adultery?

    LinkH, Last year she got offended at the church we were members of, and quit going. She just kind of floats around now to different church a Sunday here, a Sunday there, not accountable to any local leadership. So it doesn't even seem Matthew 18 could be applied very easily, at least the last...
  13. R

    Should I divulge the reason for our divorce - her adultery?

    After listening to all the counsel on this thread and praying about it, I feel I'm not supposed to disclose anything, except to my therapist and two friends on pastoral staff who are supporting me. But I'm also not going to make a commitment to her to never reveal the truth about it. I...
  14. R

    Should I divulge the reason for our divorce - her adultery?

    Wow, there is quite a range of thoughts about this. SharonL, what happened with your stepchildren is heartbreaking. I pray that full reconciliation will happen in this life. My first wife was also unfaithful about year 15 of our marriage, and I never told the children until just last year...
  15. R

    Should I divulge the reason for our divorce - her adultery?

    Last fall, my wife of 20 years felt like she needed "some space to process" some things that I had disappointed her in. So she went out and got her own apartment. The understanding was for her to move back home after 3-6 months (her own words were, "not a separation, just a time out")...