Recent content by devonian

I dislike almost all the slogans, many of them contradict the Big Book, and some of them can kill you: Put a plug in the jug: This implies that we have the power to do it, we don't God does. Play the tape through: Implies that the fear of our last drunk will keep us sober, it doesn't, the...

I think the succes rate for people who work the program precisely as laid out in the book is close to 75%. 50% recover immediately, and an additional 25% after relapse. But the success rate of those who simply attend are close to zero. Unfortunately, the majority of people who go to AA never...

When AA started, the founders knew that they could not personally help out all the suffering alcoholics, so they wrote a book called "Alcoholics Anonymous", affectionately known as the "Big Book". This book gives the solution to alcoholism and can be worked even if there is no meeting around...

I may have responded harsly to your comments. I was wrong for doing so. This is all just very frustrating to me, and I really do try to understand and react in the most loving way I can. I do fail, sometimes miserably, but I do try.

Before we were married, I told her that I had a problem with alcohol and that I thought I had to quit drinking altogether. She said she didn't think I had to do that, I just had to stop after having two drinks. That was over 20 years ago, and at the time my drinking was limited to weekends. I...

Excellent! I am very happy to hear it. The instructions imply that step 4 should be done in columns, one column at a time. So the first part of step 4 is not really that hard. Don't write down the stuff for columns 2, 3, or 4 yet. Just the names. If you write the other stuff, you might get...

I didn't say I put it in the too hard basket. I want to fulfill my part of the marriage; to love my wife. I think it is unfair for you to assume that I am not seeking to understand. If you read the previous posts, she tells me what she wants, then when I try to do it, she tells me I did it...

"We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. 'Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?' As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way." (pg. 47, AA) If you can...

Yes I have. The counselors were both from Christian Counseling centers. I assume they were God seeking people, but I did not question them on this. One of the key parts to my recovery is to let God be responsible for everything in my life. Good and Bad. I now try to turn over painful things to...

Good advice, thank you. Easier said than done though. I think she would like to be the victim. To have me leave so she could tell her friends that I was the one with all the problems. I was the alcoholic. I left her. That she played no part in it. But does she want to end the marriage? I...

Madison, Where are you at on your steps? Being active in AA is not the same as working the steps. Sure, the friends are nice, they can be a great help, but the steps are where we change. "Selfishness and self-centeredness! That we think is the root of our troubles." (pg. 62, AA)...

I agree with a lot of what you say. But, even if I am a worthless human being, isn't she is still responsible for her own actions? Even if I am mean and hurtful, are yelling and hating appropriate christian responses? I agree that I should be as loving as I can be. But what if my attempts...

Thanks again for your comments. It looks like you replied to my other postings while I was replying to yours. That is exactly how I view it also. And I think can hang in, with God's help, but what I am really wondering is if it is the right thing to do for her.

Thank you very much for replying. I have not had a very good experience with children/spouses of alcoholics. (Most were not members of alanon.) The ones I have met have been understandably very bitter and skeptical, and their parents/spouse were not recovered or recovering, so I appreciate your...

I don't think I go to enough meetings for her to complain about being an AA widow. I only go to one meeting a week, and it is on a night that she is often doing something herself. I also have breakfast with a friend for 10th step stuff, but it is when she is either just waking up, or is getting...