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Recent content by devonian

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    Favorite/Least Favorite Slogan

    I dislike almost all the slogans, many of them contradict the Big Book, and some of them can kill you: Put a plug in the jug: This implies that we have the power to do it, we don't God does. Play the tape through: Implies that the fear of our last drunk will keep us sober, it doesn't, the...
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    One Question With AA

    I think the succes rate for people who work the program precisely as laid out in the book is close to 75%. 50% recover immediately, and an additional 25% after relapse. But the success rate of those who simply attend are close to zero. Unfortunately, the majority of people who go to AA never...
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    Day two of being sober!!

    When AA started, the founders knew that they could not personally help out all the suffering alcoholics, so they wrote a book called "Alcoholics Anonymous", affectionately known as the "Big Book". This book gives the solution to alcoholism and can be worked even if there is no meeting around...
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    What do I do when my wife says she hates me?

    I may have responded harsly to your comments. I was wrong for doing so. This is all just very frustrating to me, and I really do try to understand and react in the most loving way I can. I do fail, sometimes miserably, but I do try.
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    What do I do when my wife says she hates me?

    Before we were married, I told her that I had a problem with alcohol and that I thought I had to quit drinking altogether. She said she didn't think I had to do that, I just had to stop after having two drinks. That was over 20 years ago, and at the time my drinking was limited to weekends. I...
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    Self-Sabotage

    Excellent! I am very happy to hear it. The instructions imply that step 4 should be done in columns, one column at a time. So the first part of step 4 is not really that hard. Don't write down the stuff for columns 2, 3, or 4 yet. Just the names. If you write the other stuff, you might get...
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    What do I do when my wife says she hates me?

    I didn't say I put it in the too hard basket. I want to fulfill my part of the marriage; to love my wife. I think it is unfair for you to assume that I am not seeking to understand. If you read the previous posts, she tells me what she wants, then when I try to do it, she tells me I did it...
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    Self-Sabotage

    "We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. 'Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?' As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way." (pg. 47, AA) If you can...
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    What do I do when my wife says she hates me?

    Yes I have. The counselors were both from Christian Counseling centers. I assume they were God seeking people, but I did not question them on this. One of the key parts to my recovery is to let God be responsible for everything in my life. Good and Bad. I now try to turn over painful things to...
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    What do I do when my wife says she hates me?

    Good advice, thank you. Easier said than done though. I think she would like to be the victim. To have me leave so she could tell her friends that I was the one with all the problems. I was the alcoholic. I left her. That she played no part in it. But does she want to end the marriage? I...
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    Self-Sabotage

    Madison, Where are you at on your steps? Being active in AA is not the same as working the steps. Sure, the friends are nice, they can be a great help, but the steps are where we change. "Selfishness and self-centeredness! That we think is the root of our troubles." (pg. 62, AA)...
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    What do I do when my wife says she hates me?

    I agree with a lot of what you say. But, even if I am a worthless human being, isn't she is still responsible for her own actions? Even if I am mean and hurtful, are yelling and hating appropriate christian responses? I agree that I should be as loving as I can be. But what if my attempts...
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    What do I do when my wife says she hates me?

    Thanks again for your comments. It looks like you replied to my other postings while I was replying to yours. That is exactly how I view it also. And I think can hang in, with God's help, but what I am really wondering is if it is the right thing to do for her.
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    What do I do when my wife says she hates me?

    Thank you very much for replying. I have not had a very good experience with children/spouses of alcoholics. (Most were not members of alanon.) The ones I have met have been understandably very bitter and skeptical, and their parents/spouse were not recovered or recovering, so I appreciate your...
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    What do I do when my wife says she hates me?

    I don't think I go to enough meetings for her to complain about being an AA widow. I only go to one meeting a week, and it is on a night that she is often doing something herself. I also have breakfast with a friend for 10th step stuff, but it is when she is either just waking up, or is getting...