- Mar 11, 2026
- 21
- 15
- 22
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
TL;DR - I’m autistic, have anxiety. Wasted days playing video games, met friends playing said games who are unbelievers. Gave my life to Jesus and now am very selective on what I play and how long I play thanks be to God. Stopped playing a game called FFXIV, unsure if that was the right decision, one friend who I was playing with expressed his frustrations. Now uncertain whether this is a conviction or my own anxiety, and uncertain if I’m being legalistic or taking things too literally. Need advice / prayers. Thank you.
Hello Brothers and Sisters in Christ.
For some background, I’m 22, I have high functioning Autism (equal to lvl 1 ASD I think) and quite severe anxiety (which it’s my own fault my anxiety is so bad). I grew up knowing OF Jesus but was basically an atheist and I didn’t really care about Jesus.
That was until about a year and a half ago where God made Himself known to me. I knew for definite that He is the way, the truth and the life, and realised, all glory to God, just how much He truly loves us despite our sins. I repented of my sins and accepted Him, confessing with my mouth and believing in my heart that Jesus Christ is Lord and He was raised from the dead! I have yet to be baptised but I want to as soon as possible!
Now, up until recently, by far my BIGGEST hobby and passion was gaming. I LOVED 100%ing games and collecting platinum trophies. My PlayStation was basically my life for the past 8 years, to the point where I played them wherever I could, 12 hours a day some days. I played all sorts of games, from what I consider now to be good games such as Mario and Sonic to now not-so-good games like GTA, God of War, Saints Row etc.
I didn’t really have any real life friends. Didn’t have any other passions. Didn’t and still have no idea on my career path, any potential relationships or anything else really. Gaming was my enjoyment, my escape from reality, from my anxieties and worries and fears, a place where I can immerse myself in fiction to avoid the world around me. I even left Sixth Form (or College - I’m British lol) partly because I didn’t want to do anything else other than play video games. That’s how bad it was.
I isolated myself from the world and admittedly didn’t care for anything else more than games, including even my own family (ain’t proud of that one).
During this time I made a few online friends and we’re still friends today. I used to play all sorts of games with them, laugh and joke with them and I just generally had a good time around them. Again, this was during the time where I was worldly, didn’t truly know the Lord and didn’t care about knowing Him. I cared about games more than anything else, including Him.
Thanks be to God that all changed.
Now, as the Lord draws me nearer to Him, my love and enjoyment for gaming has decreased. All glory be to God. Over the past months He has led me to pray more, read His Word and spend more time with Him. He has made me aware of sins I didn’t even know about, aware of just how prideful and selfish I can be. Sometimes I fall short, massively short, I’m not always obedient and I let my anxieties get in the way a lot. I’m far from perfect. And to think He willing went to the cross for me anyway. Hallelujah! Praise God!
God has transformed me and continues to do so. Now my greatest desire is to be with Him in eternity and to be like Christ as much as possible during my time on this earth. As part of this transformation I believe the Holy Spirit has made me more aware how dark and sinful this world is because of us, and how the entertainment industry is growing darker and darker. I truly believe Satan has his hands in the modern day entertainment industry with some of the movies and games that exist nowadays.
Therefore, many of the games that I used to immerse myself in have lost their appeal. I’ve believe I’ve been convicted by the Holy Spirit on what games I’m playing and how much I’m playing them (this happened whilst playing a game called Killing Floor 3 with my online friends). I still enjoy some games like Mario but many games that I used to enjoy I now feel uneasy about playing. I’ll never touch GTA again. Now, I’m very selective about what I play (no blood or gore, no gross sexual immorality, no witchcraft) and I like to play for no more than 3-4 hours a day.
However, I have also come to realise how much of a bad influence my online friends have been. My online friends are all unbelievers and always have been to my knowledge. They know not what they do. I won’t stop being friends with them (unless I’m directed otherwise by God) as we’re commanded to love each other and I don’t think me ditching them is very loving. Also, they’ve been, even now, very loyal, honest and loving towards me in their own ways. They’re great friends and I love them.
However, I will admit, I don’t like being around them like I used to. I don’t engage with them like I used to due to their gossiping and coarse language and joking. But again, I used to be exactly the same especially around them, and would still be the same if not for Jesus. But maybe I don’t love them like I used to either because of this.
So, to the situation at hand. Me and one of my online friends have been playing a game called Final Fantasy 14, or FFXIV together. A fantasy MMO. I’m sure some of you here would’ve heard or played it, or are playing it now.
We have both put thousands of hours into this game. Both of us throughly enjoy it and I’ve been immersed in it since Dec 2022.
For the past few months I’ve been seriously contemplating whether I should continue playing FFXIV or not. On the one hand, there are some great themes in this game like loyalty, teamwork, sacrifice, good vs evil dynamic, being helpful. Much of the game is helping people and saving the world, which is awesome!
However, I’ve felt like I shouldn’t be playing this game either, as this game is heavy on magic and spell casting seeing as it’s a fantasy game There are also many false gods present and while I understand that this is a completely made up fictional universe and I ain’t gonna literally bow down to any of these false gods, I’m still not too fond of this. I’d much rather there be no god in a game than a false one personally. There are also other things like the game claiming that light and dark should be balanced, with too much light being a bad thing, when in reality Christ is the light of the world and we are be children of God.
So I was, and still am, uncertain if I should continue playing or not. This caused me great distress and anxiety. One day I felt good playing the game, the next I felt awful. This carried on for a while. Eventually I stopped playing, mainly due to Romans 14:22-23, for all my anxiety and doubting was not of faith. So I stopped, thinking this was right.
Here’s the thing, my friend who I was playing FFXIV with was VERY displeased at this. Not sure about my other online friends, but the one who I was playing with is very annoyed. I sorta don’t blame him. With how many hours we’ve put into the game, for me to just get up and stop playing, he feels as if this was very unfair. I get that. I didn’t handle it in the best way possible. I also didn’t actually tell him for a couple weeks either due to anxiety (which is no excuse).
We talked on it and he basically sees all games as okay as it’s all entertainment. As long as you don’t replicate the things you do in the game in real life, it’s fine. I understand where he coming from, and maybe he’s in the right honestly. And he expressed how upset he is at my actions. Again, I should’ve handled it better and, yeah, I probably didn’t show the love that I should’ve in that moment.
But this is where me being autistic comes into play. As an autistic male, I tend to take things very literally. My take on it is that the Lord hates violence (Psalm 11:5) so why am I enjoying a game and supporting a game with mass gore and violence, the Lord hates witchcraft and is an act of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21) so why am I enjoying something with witchcraft. Shouldn’t we hate what the Lord hates and love what He loves? Isn’t playing games with glorified violence and enjoying them enjoying what is sin? Or am I taking that too literally and being legalistic?
I’m aware the Bible depicts a lot of violence and witchcraft and sexual immorality. But this is the Word of God. Sin is NEVER glorified in His Word. It’s there to teach us lessons, how broken we are, how incredible He is, to build us up in the faith, amongst other things. In these games, however, sin IS glorified, and usually the only purpose for it is to entertain. That’s a key difference for me personally.
But at the same time, am I being unloving towards my friend by just leaving him alone on the game without warning? Have I been unloving towards my other friends for the other games that I don’t want to play anymore?
This happened last week, and since then I have stayed away from them out of anxiety, fear and guilt. I feel awful. I feel like any future attempts for the Lord to use me as His vessel to evangelise to my friends is now permanently harmed. And now I’m doubting whether this was actually conviction or whether all of this is just my own anxiety. I want them to come to Christ but it feels like I’m pushing them away rather than sowing the seed.
I don’t want to lose my friends, they’re the only friends I currently have. But I’d rather lose them than lose God. God is everything to me. More than anything I want to do His Will (been messing up there recently but that’s a topic for another day) but I don’t know what His Will is here.
I want to go back to FFXIV and enjoy playing with my friend again, but not if it’s a sin to do so. Nor do I want to not go back, and be in sin due to not being loving by not going back.
So, I’m at a loss. I’ve prayed and will continue talking to God. I pray His Will be done. But I had a thought (probably from the Holy Spirit) to come on here and see what you guys think.
Advice would be appreciated. Prayers would be appreciated. Even a swift metaphorical kick up the bottom (or in other words a rebuke) would be appreciated if I’m massively missing the mark here.
Thank you all for taking the time to read all this. I greatly appreciate it.
I love you all and Jesus loves you more ❤️❤️❤️.
Levi.
Hello Brothers and Sisters in Christ.
For some background, I’m 22, I have high functioning Autism (equal to lvl 1 ASD I think) and quite severe anxiety (which it’s my own fault my anxiety is so bad). I grew up knowing OF Jesus but was basically an atheist and I didn’t really care about Jesus.
That was until about a year and a half ago where God made Himself known to me. I knew for definite that He is the way, the truth and the life, and realised, all glory to God, just how much He truly loves us despite our sins. I repented of my sins and accepted Him, confessing with my mouth and believing in my heart that Jesus Christ is Lord and He was raised from the dead! I have yet to be baptised but I want to as soon as possible!
Now, up until recently, by far my BIGGEST hobby and passion was gaming. I LOVED 100%ing games and collecting platinum trophies. My PlayStation was basically my life for the past 8 years, to the point where I played them wherever I could, 12 hours a day some days. I played all sorts of games, from what I consider now to be good games such as Mario and Sonic to now not-so-good games like GTA, God of War, Saints Row etc.
I didn’t really have any real life friends. Didn’t have any other passions. Didn’t and still have no idea on my career path, any potential relationships or anything else really. Gaming was my enjoyment, my escape from reality, from my anxieties and worries and fears, a place where I can immerse myself in fiction to avoid the world around me. I even left Sixth Form (or College - I’m British lol) partly because I didn’t want to do anything else other than play video games. That’s how bad it was.
I isolated myself from the world and admittedly didn’t care for anything else more than games, including even my own family (ain’t proud of that one).
During this time I made a few online friends and we’re still friends today. I used to play all sorts of games with them, laugh and joke with them and I just generally had a good time around them. Again, this was during the time where I was worldly, didn’t truly know the Lord and didn’t care about knowing Him. I cared about games more than anything else, including Him.
Thanks be to God that all changed.
Now, as the Lord draws me nearer to Him, my love and enjoyment for gaming has decreased. All glory be to God. Over the past months He has led me to pray more, read His Word and spend more time with Him. He has made me aware of sins I didn’t even know about, aware of just how prideful and selfish I can be. Sometimes I fall short, massively short, I’m not always obedient and I let my anxieties get in the way a lot. I’m far from perfect. And to think He willing went to the cross for me anyway. Hallelujah! Praise God!
God has transformed me and continues to do so. Now my greatest desire is to be with Him in eternity and to be like Christ as much as possible during my time on this earth. As part of this transformation I believe the Holy Spirit has made me more aware how dark and sinful this world is because of us, and how the entertainment industry is growing darker and darker. I truly believe Satan has his hands in the modern day entertainment industry with some of the movies and games that exist nowadays.
Therefore, many of the games that I used to immerse myself in have lost their appeal. I’ve believe I’ve been convicted by the Holy Spirit on what games I’m playing and how much I’m playing them (this happened whilst playing a game called Killing Floor 3 with my online friends). I still enjoy some games like Mario but many games that I used to enjoy I now feel uneasy about playing. I’ll never touch GTA again. Now, I’m very selective about what I play (no blood or gore, no gross sexual immorality, no witchcraft) and I like to play for no more than 3-4 hours a day.
However, I have also come to realise how much of a bad influence my online friends have been. My online friends are all unbelievers and always have been to my knowledge. They know not what they do. I won’t stop being friends with them (unless I’m directed otherwise by God) as we’re commanded to love each other and I don’t think me ditching them is very loving. Also, they’ve been, even now, very loyal, honest and loving towards me in their own ways. They’re great friends and I love them.
However, I will admit, I don’t like being around them like I used to. I don’t engage with them like I used to due to their gossiping and coarse language and joking. But again, I used to be exactly the same especially around them, and would still be the same if not for Jesus. But maybe I don’t love them like I used to either because of this.
So, to the situation at hand. Me and one of my online friends have been playing a game called Final Fantasy 14, or FFXIV together. A fantasy MMO. I’m sure some of you here would’ve heard or played it, or are playing it now.
We have both put thousands of hours into this game. Both of us throughly enjoy it and I’ve been immersed in it since Dec 2022.
For the past few months I’ve been seriously contemplating whether I should continue playing FFXIV or not. On the one hand, there are some great themes in this game like loyalty, teamwork, sacrifice, good vs evil dynamic, being helpful. Much of the game is helping people and saving the world, which is awesome!
However, I’ve felt like I shouldn’t be playing this game either, as this game is heavy on magic and spell casting seeing as it’s a fantasy game There are also many false gods present and while I understand that this is a completely made up fictional universe and I ain’t gonna literally bow down to any of these false gods, I’m still not too fond of this. I’d much rather there be no god in a game than a false one personally. There are also other things like the game claiming that light and dark should be balanced, with too much light being a bad thing, when in reality Christ is the light of the world and we are be children of God.
So I was, and still am, uncertain if I should continue playing or not. This caused me great distress and anxiety. One day I felt good playing the game, the next I felt awful. This carried on for a while. Eventually I stopped playing, mainly due to Romans 14:22-23, for all my anxiety and doubting was not of faith. So I stopped, thinking this was right.
Here’s the thing, my friend who I was playing FFXIV with was VERY displeased at this. Not sure about my other online friends, but the one who I was playing with is very annoyed. I sorta don’t blame him. With how many hours we’ve put into the game, for me to just get up and stop playing, he feels as if this was very unfair. I get that. I didn’t handle it in the best way possible. I also didn’t actually tell him for a couple weeks either due to anxiety (which is no excuse).
We talked on it and he basically sees all games as okay as it’s all entertainment. As long as you don’t replicate the things you do in the game in real life, it’s fine. I understand where he coming from, and maybe he’s in the right honestly. And he expressed how upset he is at my actions. Again, I should’ve handled it better and, yeah, I probably didn’t show the love that I should’ve in that moment.
But this is where me being autistic comes into play. As an autistic male, I tend to take things very literally. My take on it is that the Lord hates violence (Psalm 11:5) so why am I enjoying a game and supporting a game with mass gore and violence, the Lord hates witchcraft and is an act of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21) so why am I enjoying something with witchcraft. Shouldn’t we hate what the Lord hates and love what He loves? Isn’t playing games with glorified violence and enjoying them enjoying what is sin? Or am I taking that too literally and being legalistic?
I’m aware the Bible depicts a lot of violence and witchcraft and sexual immorality. But this is the Word of God. Sin is NEVER glorified in His Word. It’s there to teach us lessons, how broken we are, how incredible He is, to build us up in the faith, amongst other things. In these games, however, sin IS glorified, and usually the only purpose for it is to entertain. That’s a key difference for me personally.
But at the same time, am I being unloving towards my friend by just leaving him alone on the game without warning? Have I been unloving towards my other friends for the other games that I don’t want to play anymore?
This happened last week, and since then I have stayed away from them out of anxiety, fear and guilt. I feel awful. I feel like any future attempts for the Lord to use me as His vessel to evangelise to my friends is now permanently harmed. And now I’m doubting whether this was actually conviction or whether all of this is just my own anxiety. I want them to come to Christ but it feels like I’m pushing them away rather than sowing the seed.
I don’t want to lose my friends, they’re the only friends I currently have. But I’d rather lose them than lose God. God is everything to me. More than anything I want to do His Will (been messing up there recently but that’s a topic for another day) but I don’t know what His Will is here.
I want to go back to FFXIV and enjoy playing with my friend again, but not if it’s a sin to do so. Nor do I want to not go back, and be in sin due to not being loving by not going back.
So, I’m at a loss. I’ve prayed and will continue talking to God. I pray His Will be done. But I had a thought (probably from the Holy Spirit) to come on here and see what you guys think.
Advice would be appreciated. Prayers would be appreciated. Even a swift metaphorical kick up the bottom (or in other words a rebuke) would be appreciated if I’m massively missing the mark here.
Thank you all for taking the time to read all this. I greatly appreciate it.
I love you all and Jesus loves you more ❤️❤️❤️.
Levi.
