Brother and faking religion in front of relatives

[Lady Bug]

Hi, I don't remember if I made a thread about this before.

Yesterday my brother and I were having a conversation about the possibility that my dad might have been faking his religion in front of us our entire life so that we (my brother and I) would not blab something to our relatives, either on the phone or if they came over. It doesn't mean that my dad didn't love me but he might not have been able to trust that I would not blab out of some sort of anger or heat of the moment.

However, a few months before this conversation, my brother had mentioned to me that sometimes you have to fake your beliefs in order to keep your relationships with people, and that totally turned me off. If he wants to try to fake being Muslim in front of the relatives so that they "keep him," he can knock himself out, but I'll be d@mned if he tries to drag me into doing the same thing. I actually don't know if he can fake it without eventually dragging me into it. I just worry that he's turning into my dad in the fakery department - to make matters worse, I'm even worried that he'll literally go back to being Muslim. He does not have belief in the religion itself at this time in his life. I think he used to believe in it, but not anymore, and there's a risk he could go back.

(The reason I think he used to believe in it is that I have a Quran at home which has notes that my brother wrote in it, from over 20 years ago - and my brother's notes looked more passionate about the faith back then).

So far, the only relative that my brother is keeping in touch with is our male cousin, but I don't know if that will be the only relative in the future.

 

[RileyG]

I'm not sure what to tell you other than I'll keep you in prayer. I know in many Islamic countries, leaving the faith can be a death sentence. Maybe your dad didn't want to cause his family pain and embarrassment by no longer believing in Islam? Did he say his daily prayers, read the Qur'an and keep hallal? Again, I have no idea if this is helpful or not.

God bless you

 

[Lady Bug]

Did he say his daily prayers, read the Qur'an and keep hallal? Again, I have no idea if this is helpful or not.

No to the first.

I don't know, to the second.

No to the third.

 

[RileyG]

No to the first.

I don't know, to the second.

No to the third.

God bless you.

I have no further comment.

 

[RileyG]

Although historically asked to pray for those who died outside the Orthodox Church, you can ask these Saints to intercede for your father's soul, since they are both canonized in the Catholic Church. I ask for their prayers often:

Saint Varus - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Saint_Cleopatra

May God give you comfort, wisdom, and peace.

Blessings!

 

[Lady Bug]

God bless you.

I have no further comment.

I think things are dawning on me now that he didn't tell us (even my mom) whether he truly believed in the religion or not. He kept some secular aspects of it like hygiene and absolutely refused to eat pork whatsoever, but toward the end of his life he started opening up to me about how Mo wasn't the great guy that Muslims say he was, and that he wasn't a prophet or a role model, but that you can't say anything about this to anyone or else you can get killed. He never came out to me and said he's an apostate - I told him once or twice (I'm paraphrasing): "You know, if you believe in those things, that disqualifies you from being an actual Muslim, you would even qualify as an apostate." (the latter "apostate" part, I think I have actually said, though)

He would look right at me, not admit anything and stay silent for a few seconds. It really makes me wonder how much he didn't tell us. I think he was pretending this entire time while I was growing up that he believed in "the prophet" and I'm very skeptical now. He literally took this to the grave with him, let's put it that way.