Wife getting massages

[Elongated]

My wife has been going for massages for many years. I always assumed it was a spa setting with multiple people in the room. Turns out she is alone with a man for 50 minutes, door closed and shades drawn, covered by a sheet except for the body part being massaged, wearing only her bikini briefs, massage oil, everything except her bikini area and breasts are fair game for his hands directly on her skin. He is a licensed "massage therapist" and I have been assured it is completely non-sexual, just for relaxation and, as needed, working out a stiff back or sore neck, that sort of thing. This has me upset. I feel like I should have been told years ago exactly what the circumstances were. Does this make anyone else uncomfortable? Am I just too insecure? I don't believe it will lead to any actual impropriety or infidelity, but I don't like the idea of another man running his hands all over her feet, legs, thighs, shoulders etc. in private using massage oils. Thoughts?

Ever had a massage yourself? It might be a good idea. You might even go to the same spa. Just don’t go in with an axe to grind.

 

[linux.poet]

I think the only thing I have to say is that I would be uncomfortable getting a massage from anyone that was not my husband (woman speaking here). Perhaps that is a function of my own insecurities. Dude, your wife has steel nerves!

I went for a facial once, and while that was an informative process that I do not completely regret, I did find the aesthetician's hands on my face and shoulders to be more erotic than I signed up for, as well as the fact that I needed to remove my shirt. And yes, this was a female aesthetician, and yes, my body from shoulders down was covered by a blanket.

Needless to say, I only did that one time, and am not really eager to do it again. If I had to appear on a TV camera the next day, I would endure it again because it is the most thorough method of removing skin blemishes. But it would not be something I would enjoy.

Perhaps, for your wife, the massages are the same way. She does them to get relief from pain, and does not enjoy any of the other circumstantial things she has to deal with to get that pain relief.

 

[Richard.20.12]

My wife has been going for massages for many years. I always assumed it was a spa setting with multiple people in the room. Turns out she is alone with a man for 50 minutes, door closed and shades drawn, covered by a sheet except for the body part being massaged, wearing only her bikini briefs, massage oil, everything except her bikini area and breasts are fair game for his hands directly on her skin. He is a licensed "massage therapist" and I have been assured it is completely non-sexual, just for relaxation and, as needed, working out a stiff back or sore neck, that sort of thing. This has me upset. I feel like I should have been told years ago exactly what the circumstances were. Does this make anyone else uncomfortable? Am I just too insecure? I don't believe it will lead to any actual impropriety or infidelity, but I don't like the idea of another man running his hands all over her feet, legs, thighs, shoulders etc. in private using massage oils. Thoughts?

I think your reaction is 100% natural, moral and logical. A husband would have to be nuts to be OK with this. If she is getting a legit message why aren't there glass walls? What are they hiding? It would also hugely protect the woman in case his hands start to roam.
As someone else mentioned, learn how to give good massage. It's not so difficult if you apply yourself. I think in many ways it can be more important than sex because you can do it most anywhere, anytime. She will need your hands. That's good. Learn how to use your elbows and knees as well as they're much more powerful than your hands and won't get tired like your hands do.
I had a girlfriend long ago who gave good massages and it was just heaven as I have an old back injury. But it was a lot of work for her as I have strong back muscles. So we figured out something much better and much easier involving almost no work for her at all. She sat on a chair or couch that was heavy, that wouldn't slip back. If you're in a light chair place it against a wall. The person getting the massage (massagee?) sits in front, shirtless. This is for back massage obviously. The heels of the masseuse are placed on the back of the massagee who pushes back and forth moving the heels up and down their back. Tremendous pressure can be applied this way and everything is controlled by the person getting the massage. The masseuse's legs remain straight so they really don't do any work at all. I suppose one could devise something to replicate this and move back and forwards moving pressure points up and down your back. But I think it feels better having skin to skin contact. It's soothing in a way an inanimate object can't replicate.

Another back massage tactic using your hands is to have the head a little lower so gravity is working with you as you try to stretch out the spine a bit as your hands are moving down the spine towards the tailbone. One could use a massage table and elevate one end I suppose but it would need to be at quite an angle. I think I rigged up something at about 30 degrees that worked well.

Another is to put a chair on each side of the massagee lying on the floor or pad and walk on their back. The chairs enable you to control how much wait is being applied. Be careful with this if you're heavy. Make sure the chairs are sturdy and stable so you can easily control exactly the amount of weight being applied.

Another is with the massagee in the same position on the floor or pad and walking on the back of their legs WITH THEIR LOWER LEGS UP. This is crucial otherwise you could crush their knees into the floor. Raising the lower legs prevents this from happening. It's rarely done but feels fantastic. Doing the same with the front of the legs doesn't seem to work at all. And you can't massage the calf muscles this way, it has to be done with the hands or elbows.

Another is learning how to massage the neck. So much starts at the top of the spine. This is where the massagee sits in a chair and the masseuse leans into the neck area with hands or an elbow.

Also the scalp. Ever notice how relaxing it is getting your hair cut as they are tugging a little on your hair as they cut it? Scalp massage relaxes like few things do in this world. Perfect skill for a spouse. Perfect antidote to an arguement with seemingly no end.

 

[Richard.20.12]

I think the only thing I have to say is that I would be uncomfortable getting a massage from anyone that was not my husband (woman speaking here). Perhaps that is a function of my own insecurities. Dude, your wife has steel nerves!

I went for a facial once, and while that was an informative process that I do not completely regret, I did find the aesthetician's hands on my face and shoulders to be more erotic than I signed up for, as well as the fact that I needed to remove my shirt. And yes, this was a female aesthetician, and yes, my body from shoulders down was covered by a blanket.

Needless to say, I only did that one time, and am not really eager to do it again. If I had to appear on a TV camera the next day, I would endure it again because it is the most thorough method of removing skin blemishes. But it would not be something I would enjoy.

Perhaps, for your wife, the massages are the same way. She does them to get relief from pain, and does not enjoy any of the other circumstantial things she has to deal with to get that pain relief.

Your reply highlights how important it is for females, of any age, never to be shy about saying no to anything. To never let anyone railroad you into anything. It's OK to be uncomfortable. Actually it often tells us much as there are often things we notice subconsciously that warn us we may not see consciously. Listeing to women that have been sexually attacked often reveals that they had bad misgivings about the person or the situation they should have listened to beforehand. But they caved. Strength is standing up for your standards. Moral strength is far more important than physical strength in this world God has plopped us in!

 

[FaithT]

I answered this some time ago shortly after the thread was introduced but I couldn’t find my post. I wouldn’t like any man (or woman) massaging me except my husband.

 

[Michie]

The thread is from 2024. I don’t think Chas is here anymore.

 

[Michie]

Too bad I missed it!

 

[MarkSB]

41 pages about spouse massages.

My wife used to go get massages once in a while... I'm not sure why she stopped. I never thought twice about it.

So, several thoughts on this (even though the OP doesn't appear to be on the forum anymore) - if it bothered me, I would be concerned that: (A) I didn't trust my wife, or (B) I was being insecure in some way. I'm not saying those are the only options, of course, but just my perspective.

 

[Michie]

I see nobody has learned a thing from John Redcorn and Nancy Gribble.

 

[johansen]

The thread is from 2024. I don’t think Chas is here anymore.

he only ever made one post iirc.

 

[Godcrazy]

My wife has been going for massages for many years. I always assumed it was a spa setting with multiple people in the room. Turns out she is alone with a man for 50 minutes, door closed and shades drawn, covered by a sheet except for the body part being massaged, wearing only her bikini briefs, massage oil, everything except her bikini area and breasts are fair game for his hands directly on her skin. He is a licensed "massage therapist" and I have been assured it is completely non-sexual, just for relaxation and, as needed, working out a stiff back or sore neck, that sort of thing. This has me upset. I feel like I should have been told years ago exactly what the circumstances were. Does this make anyone else uncomfortable? Am I just too insecure? I don't believe it will lead to any actual impropriety or infidelity, but I don't like the idea of another man running his hands all over her feet, legs, thighs, shoulders etc. in private using massage oils. Thoughts?

I don`t think it is right. Does not matter reasoning it is still another guy touching. I would never do that. Not even married or not. It would not feel clean or right. why can`t she just find a woman doing it? Although in these days you are not even certain with women either. one time I went for a thailand massage. I was assured it would only be my back and shoulders which was what I specifically asked for. But she jumped me and made clear she wanted more. I don`t have to say that I left and never returned.

 

[Godcrazy]

I also think your feelings are com from insecurity. I would suggest an honest and non judgmental conversation with her explaining your feelings and letting her exp why she chooses her specific massage therapist. Maybe you have already done this.

Since you state that you know this is therapeutic and not sexual, I think this is a you problem to work on ultimately.

There are those that visit your home and then everyone could be there

 

[Godcrazy]

If I ever had a wife and found out about such thing going on.

I'd probably be concerned too. I'd prefer she had female masseuse instead.

Men are usually preferred massage therapists being physically stronger. A strong massage therapist is quite important but hey, there are strong female massage therapists too!

why don`t you look for a christian massage therapist??
When I lived in Scandinavia where I am from I had a friend a christian friend who had her own massage clinic. She said there is a whole lot you need to learn and the education took about 3 years and you have like over 3000 nerves you have to learn about and you get aches in your hands as you need to be strong. On the other hand you have tools too. I recommend finding a christian.

 

[comana]

There are those that visit your home and then everyone could be there

That would be fine if she wanted that. I will note that the OP never commented after post 1 so we have no more information on this situation.

I personally don think it’s healthy not to be able to have “me time” away from your spouse. Let her make adult choices on where and by whom she has her professional massage.

 

[Godcrazy]

That would be fine if she wanted that. I will note that the OP never commented after post 1 so we have no more information on this situation.

I personally don think it’s healthy not to be able to have “me time” away from your spouse. Let her make adult choices on where and by whom she has her professional massage.

of course. I could never go to a male I would find that way to intrusive.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

 

[tgg]

My wife has been going for massages for many years. I always assumed it was a spa setting with multiple people in the room. Turns out she is alone with a man for 50 minutes, door closed and shades drawn, covered by a sheet except for the body part being massaged, wearing only her bikini briefs, massage oil, everything except her bikini area and breasts are fair game for his hands directly on her skin. He is a licensed "massage therapist" and I have been assured it is completely non-sexual, just for relaxation and, as needed, working out a stiff back or sore neck, that sort of thing. This has me upset. I feel like I should have been told years ago exactly what the circumstances were. Does this make anyone else uncomfortable? Am I just too insecure? I don't believe it will lead to any actual impropriety or infidelity, but I don't like the idea of another man running his hands all over her feet, legs, thighs, shoulders etc. in private using massage oils. Thoughts?

As someone who is qualified in Swedish massage, Aromatherapy, Balinese Bodyworks, Reflexology and also Lomi-Lomi, I have seen hundreds of women nude before when giving them massages both privately and also in public at an Australian festival called ConFest. And you know what? I have *NEVER* tried anything sexual on them, except with my past girlfriends. I've also done glamour and nude art photography and nude life drawing and modelling over the past 32 years.

I know how to separate female nudity from sex and sexuality. When I have had a female client lying naked on a table, I don't see it as an invitation to sex. I just see it as a body that needs treatment via the oils I use.

I think you are being insecure. Trust your wife if she is your closest confidant. I'm sure that she will never get a massage to try and take advantage of your trust. Also, in the event that she does encounter a sleazy massage therapist (no, not all of them are guys), I'm sure she will let you know so that you can take action against them.

 

[Michie]

Will this thread never die? Lol!

 

[MarkSB]

It’s an intriguing topic…

 

[johansen]

I wish a moderator would delete this entire thread