Discernment or dominance?

[Louise2065]

Good morning all,
I’ve been a Christian for nearly 40 years, but like to keep it simple and not get too bogged down with tradition etc…,
I’m seeking some Christian counsel regarding how we accept people in to our church family or should I say not accept?
My belief is welcome one and all, as Jesus would, let him do the working in their lives our job is to love and disciple…..
I am finding fellow church members judging new people, how they look, how they act, are they safe, where are they from? We shouldn’t ask them into groups but vet them so to speak before inviting them to bible studies, online groups, social groups! Who decides how much vetting is enough?
They seem to throw around the words wisdom & discernment to justify that they don’t want someone in our church…..my spirit is struggling with this…. Had anyone else had this with the discernment/wisdom thing?

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Good morning all,
I’ve been a Christian for nearly 40 years, but like to keep it simple and not get too bogged down with tradition etc…,
I’m seeking some Christian counsel regarding how we accept people in to our church family or should I say not accept?
My belief is welcome one and all, as Jesus would, let him do the working in their lives our job is to love and disciple…..
I am finding fellow church members judging new people, how they look, how they act, are they safe, where are they from? We shouldn’t ask them into groups but vet them so to speak before inviting them to bible studies, online groups, social groups! Who decides how much vetting is enough?
They seem to throw around the words wisdom & discernment to justify that they don’t want someone in our church…..my spirit is struggling with this…. Had anyone else had this with the discernment/wisdom thing?

Welcome to CF. If it were me I would lead by example, show acceptance, respect and above all , love. If you only knew how hard it is for Christians to find a new congregation! Lets not be the reason for that difficulty.

Be blessed

 

[Pepperdoodle]

Good morning all,
I’ve been a Christian for nearly 40 years, but like to keep it simple and not get too bogged down with tradition etc…,
I’m seeking some Christian counsel regarding how we accept people in to our church family or should I say not accept?
My belief is welcome one and all, as Jesus would, let him do the working in their lives our job is to love and disciple…..
I am finding fellow church members judging new people, how they look, how they act, are they safe, where are they from? We shouldn’t ask them into groups but vet them so to speak before inviting them to bible studies, online groups, social groups! Who decides how much vetting is enough?
They seem to throw around the words wisdom & discernment to justify that they don’t want someone in our church…..my spirit is struggling with this…. Had anyone else had this with the discernment/wisdom thing?

If I'm understanding correctly...in 2025 sadly I can see some of the hesitation, caution, etc.
Being discerning isn't judging. It's judging to think being discerning is judging. Not saying that to you directly Louise, but in general since I see it often online.
Hypocritical judgment is wrong. Jesus’ command not to judge others in Matthew 7:1 is preceded by comparisons to hypocrites (Matthew 6:2, 5, 16) and followed by a warning against hypocrisy (Matthew 7:3–5). When we point out the sin of others while we ourselves commit the same sin, we condemn ourselves (Romans 2:1). There is a difference between discerning and judging.
So yes, welcome all, but if there is a yellow flag about something with a person, maybe just keep a closer eye on what the issue is and maybe have a leader in the church talk to the person some in general to get to know what their perspectives are better. It could be innocent or not, but that way the more info the easier to see if it's an issue or not.

 

[Louise2065]

Welcome to CF. If it were me I would lead by example, show acceptance, respect and above all , love. If you only knew how hard it is for Christians to find a new congregation! Lets not be the reason for that difficulty.

Be blessed

Thank you, yes that’s exactly what I want to do…..I guess my concern is being questioned and almost encouraged to be suspicious, of course I want to be safe and my church family to be safe…..but I want to love & accept above all, because I feel like that’s what Jesus would do!

 

[Delvianna]

Good morning all,
I’ve been a Christian for nearly 40 years, but like to keep it simple and not get too bogged down with tradition etc…,
I’m seeking some Christian counsel regarding how we accept people in to our church family or should I say not accept?
My belief is welcome one and all, as Jesus would, let him do the working in their lives our job is to love and disciple…..
I am finding fellow church members judging new people, how they look, how they act, are they safe, where are they from? We shouldn’t ask them into groups but vet them so to speak before inviting them to bible studies, online groups, social groups! Who decides how much vetting is enough?
They seem to throw around the words wisdom & discernment to justify that they don’t want someone in our church…..my spirit is struggling with this…. Had anyone else had this with the discernment/wisdom thing?

God never judges a book by its cover and neither should we. If people are there trying to learn about God, then you should welcome them with open arms. You never know where people are at in their walk and who knows, maybe you could help others in an area that you're more experienced in. We are supposed to help each other. Rejecting people and pulling away is only if people are living in sin and they refuse correction and still refuse correction by church leadership but that's the only instance.

Using "wisdom" or "discernment" as an excuse just because of the way someone looks, is not even the right context and it's only showing a self-righteous heart that they think they're better than others and feel better about themselves to put others down. We need to always remember where we started when we decided to walk with Christ, and should be helping others along, not make them feel left out if they are genuinely just starting out.

I used to go to a church that literally wanted to change out the youth pastor because people got offended that teens would show up in gothic clothes and tattoos. People were inviting their friends but some how, that made others uncomfortable.. like, WHAT? That is the point people!!! Church is EXACTLY where they need to be!

 

[Louise2065]

If I'm understanding correctly...in 2025 sadly I can see some of the hesitation, caution, etc.
Being discerning isn't judging. It's judging to think being discerning is judging. Not saying that to you directly Louise, but in general since I see it often online.
Hypocritical judgment is wrong. Jesus’ command not to judge others in Matthew 7:1 is preceded by comparisons to hypocrites (Matthew 6:2, 5, 16) and followed by a warning against hypocrisy (Matthew 7:3–5). When we point out the sin of others while we ourselves commit the same sin, we condemn ourselves (Romans 2:1). There is a difference between discerning and judging.
So yes, welcome all, but if there is a yellow flag about something with a person, maybe just keep a closer eye on what the issue is and maybe have a leader in the church talk to the person some in general to get to know what their perspectives are better. It could be innocent or not, but that way the more info the easier to see if it's an issue or not.

Thank you, I definitely don’t want to judge because I’m nothing but imperfect! My concern I think is when the discernment feels like it comes from personal prejudices…..only God knows our hearts and intent’s though, I could be mistaken…

 

[Louise2065]

God never judges a book by its cover and neither should we. If people are there trying to learn about God, then you should welcome them with open arms. You never know where people are at in their walk and who knows, maybe you could help others in an area that you're more experienced in. We are supposed to help each other. Rejecting people and pulling away is only if people are living in sin and they refuse correction and still refuse correction by church leadership but that's the only instance.

Using "wisdom" or "discernment" as an excuse just because of the way someone looks, is not even the right context and it's only showing a self-righteous heart that they think they're better than others and feel better about themselves to put others down. We need to always remember where we started when we decided to walk with Christ, and should be helping others along, not make them feel left out if they are genuinely just starting out.

I used to go to a church that literally wanted to change out the youth pastor because people got offended that teens would show up in gothic clothes and tattoos. People were inviting their friends but some how, that made others uncomfortable.. like, WHAT? That is the point people!!! Church is EXACTLY where they need to be!

Yes yes yes, church is for the broken as well as the well…..oh man! How did we go so wrong????

 

[Pepperdoodle]

Thank you, I definitely don’t want to judge because I’m nothing but imperfect! My concern I think is when the discernment feels like it comes from personal prejudices…..only God knows our hearts and intent’s though, I could be mistaken…

Oh I get it.....but we all have personal prejudices. The only one who doesn't is God.
We do what we can and trust God. For all we know, He may use us or those who deal with a situation for His good.

 

[Delvianna]

Yes yes yes, church is for the broken as well as the well…..oh man! How did we go so wrong????

This lady once told me, and I'll never forget it... Church is like a hospital. You don't go there when you're well, you go there when you need healing. Everyone always needs the Lord and as long as they're in church and they're trying to learn, help them out! Love them, guide them and do your very best to show the Love God wants us to have. You never know what difference you can make in someones life.

 

[Freth]

Good morning all,
I’ve been a Christian for nearly 40 years, but like to keep it simple and not get too bogged down with tradition etc…,
I’m seeking some Christian counsel regarding how we accept people in to our church family or should I say not accept?
My belief is welcome one and all, as Jesus would, let him do the working in their lives our job is to love and disciple…..
I am finding fellow church members judging new people, how they look, how they act, are they safe, where are they from? We shouldn’t ask them into groups but vet them so to speak before inviting them to bible studies, online groups, social groups! Who decides how much vetting is enough?
They seem to throw around the words wisdom & discernment to justify that they don’t want someone in our church…..my spirit is struggling with this…. Had anyone else had this with the discernment/wisdom thing?

New people coming into the church are from all walks of life, and so you can expect the full spectrum of worldly appearance and demeanor. People who have been attending church their whole lives don't realize how hard it can be to walk into a church on your own.

Imagine what would happen if the wrong thing is said, or the wrong impression is given. How you treat someone may well be the reason they stay over leave, not only the church, but the faith. (I witnessed this very thing happening in my own church growing up. Gossip about someone new forced them out of the church before they had a chance.)

In my church we have Sabbath school (commonly known as Sunday school), which is the morning study before the main service. The adults, teens and children have their own study groups. There is no one deciding who can and can't participate. All are welcome. The same goes for group activities.

It is unrealistic for a church to expect new people coming in to look and act like Christians when they're coming from the world. It takes time.

I don't consider it to be wise or discerning to turn away people from participating. The point of study and fellowship is to learn and grow as Christians.

Welcome to the forums, by the way.

 

[timothyu]

Church isn't joining an exclusive country club. Jesus said church was built upon only truth from the Father, not some institution. Sounds like the concept of servitude has been lost. Besides, isn't the idea of church to bring in the unlearn-ed and bring them to God. Or is the idea these days to only accept status seekers like themselves? Perhaps church has become a gated community.

 

[Richard T]

I would watch the film "Jesus Revolution." If you think it is bad now, what will you do if there is a real revival? Churches should be thrilled with anyone coming in the door and TRUST the power of God to change them.

 

[David Lamb]

Good morning all,
I’ve been a Christian for nearly 40 years, but like to keep it simple and not get too bogged down with tradition etc…,
I’m seeking some Christian counsel regarding how we accept people in to our church family or should I say not accept?
My belief is welcome one and all, as Jesus would, let him do the working in their lives our job is to love and disciple…..
I am finding fellow church members judging new people, how they look, how they act, are they safe, where are they from? We shouldn’t ask them into groups but vet them so to speak before inviting them to bible studies, online groups, social groups! Who decides how much vetting is enough?
They seem to throw around the words wisdom & discernment to justify that they don’t want someone in our church…..my spirit is struggling with this…. Had anyone else had this with the discernment/wisdom thing?

There is a difference between making everybody welcome at church services, and accepting people into church membership. When we look at the New Testament, it was Christians who were members of churches, that is, people who had been brought to know the Lord Jesus Christ as their Saviour. So at the very least, a church should seek to ensure that the person applying for membership really is a Christian. Also, it is only right from both sides to make sure that the person agrees with the church's statement of faith. If that doesn't happen, the person could join the church, and only later discover that he or she doesn't really believe what the church believes.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

I am finding fellow church members judging new people, how they look, how they act, are they safe, where are they from? We shouldn’t ask them into groups but vet them so to speak before inviting them to bible studies, online groups, social groups! Who decides how much vetting is enough?

Well, if you need a vet, you're a dog.

They should focus more on expressing the love of God.

 

[bèlla]

When I walk down the street I’m surrounded by strangers. When I enter a church the same holds true. Why would I cease to use the discrimination I apply elsewhere? If I see someone in public who makes me uncomfortable I move away from that person but I’m supposed to do otherwise because the setting changed?

God has given us wisdom for a reason and I use it judiciously. It would have been better if they kept their opinions to themselves and voiced concerns when apropos. Some things are just for our edification and not meant to be shared with others.

~bella

 

[JustaPewFiller]

It is more common than you would think.

Church - "We want new people!"

*New people show up at the church.*

Church - "Ewww! Not those people!!!"

Wouldn't the world be a boring place if we were all the same?

Humor aside, I do understand. Often we do want new people, but we want them to be like us. But, I do feel that everyone seeking God deserves a chance. However, I do understand that people's views can be based on what they are used to. For example, I work with the homeless several times a month. So, the homeless are not scary to me. But, to other members of my church the homeless are very scary because of their looks, speech, dress, actions, etc. I do realize that may be an extreme example, but it maybe drives home the point.

It sounds like maybe your church needs a program for these new people to help them in their journey and help them assimilate?

An example from years past. Our church didn't have any such program. A new young guy started coming to church. He was kind of rough around the edges, but seemed sincere. I was teaching Sunday school one morning and I could tell he was flagging. He admitted to the entire class, "Sorry, I went out and hit the bar with some buddies last night and I'm not doing well this morning." Many were aghast. But, I didn't say anything just then, I just continued the lesson. Afterward, I did have a word about how I appreciated his honesty, but that the admission really wasn't appropriate for the entire class. He wasn't trying to act up, he just didn't know any better. I probably could have kicked him out, but what would he learn if I did? I thought it better to learn that wasn't appropriate in Church and to help him get to the point where he didn't do that behavior any more.

In some ways God is mechanic. Constantly working on us, tinkering, tuning us up, making us better. He loves it when we walk in his ways.
So why would we be surprised when someone new that walks into Church is a "fixer up' er" that needs more work?

 

[Freth]

There is a difference between making everybody welcome at church services, and accepting people into church membership. When we look at the New Testament, it was Christians who were members of churches, that is, people who had been brought to know the Lord Jesus Christ as their Saviour. So at the very least, a church should seek to ensure that the person applying for membership really is a Christian. Also, it is only right from both sides to make sure that the person agrees with the church's statement of faith. If that doesn't happen, the person could join the church, and only later discover that he or she doesn't really believe what the church believes.

I agree. There is a standard to be met for the church, for baptism, and for membership. A person must have a sincere conversion of the heart and understand what it means. At age thirteen I went through the process myself, and the gravity of the situation was not lost on me even as a teenager.

I think the OP is talking about new people coming into the church being judged and marginalized from their first visit. This is something different than a person who has become a regular and is seeking to become a member of the church. It's like cutting a stem before it has a chance to bud.

 

[com7fy8]

It seems that usually church services are open for anyone.

But if I am talking with someone who needs Jesus, I might not talk about church, but be personal and talk about what God's word says. And see what the person is doing. And if the person comes to trust in Jesus, I might tell the person I know some people who could be good to share with. I tend to stay in the person's situation, and pray for the person and see how things develop.

It seems a lot of people are quite able to get to a church or find social services, if they want to. So, I don't try to "rescue" anyone from the person's situation. Ones supposedly in need can give you quite a runaround . . . not really trying to change from where they are. So, I think it can be good to be careful how involved I get with someone >

"No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier." (2 Timothy 2:4)