My dad is driving everyone crazy.

[Chrystal-J]

My dad is 90 and in a wheelchair, but he has health-aids with him 24/7. Despite all the help, he's demanding family members wait on him hand and foot. He could care less what my siblings are doing in their personal lives. He wants us around daily. I have health issues and have a lot of doctor appointments. My sister lives out of state and comes often, but it's not enough for his liking. My other sister loves to travel (and is retired), but he texts her constantly wanting her to do things that the aids could easily do. The things he wants done border on the ridiculous. He wanted my sister to plant a tree in his backyard! He made her re-paint his porch. Everyone is at their wits end with his demands. Please pray he finds peace in Christ and realizes that he's being self centered and thinks about how his behavior effects others. He's very sharp minded, so dementia is not an issue.

Thanks!

 

[Lady Bug]

My dad is 90 and in a wheelchair, but he has health-aids with him 24/7. Despite all the help, he's demanding family members wait on him hand and foot. He could care less what my siblings are doing in their personal lives. He wants us around daily. I have health issues and have a lot of doctor appointments. My sister lives out of state and comes often, but it's not enough for his liking. My other sister loves to travel (and is retired), but he texts her constantly wanting her to do things that the aids could easily do. The things he wants done border on the ridiculous. He wanted my sister to plant a tree in his backyard! He made her re-paint his porch. Everyone is at their wits end with his demands. Please pray he finds peace in Christ and realizes that he's being self centered and thinks about how his behavior effects others. He's very sharp minded, so dementia is not an issue.

Thanks!

It sounds like we've been separated at birth because there is such an extreme similarity between my dad and yours.

However, I'm struggling with a certain aspect of my faith. When someone acts like this with me, I no longer like them. Sometimes I think I hate them. I'm really tired of feeling like he owns me. He won't accept anyone else's help except mine (it seems that way) and he hates that my brother has his own apartment in another town and his own life. My brother is his own problem. I wrote a thread on how useless he is.

 

[Chrystal-J]

It sounds like we've been separated at birth because there is such an extreme similarity between my dad and yours.

However, I'm struggling with a certain aspect of my faith. When someone acts like this with me, I no longer like them. Sometimes I think I hate them. I'm really tired of feeling like he owns me. He won't accept anyone else's help except mine (it seems that way) and he hates that my brother has his own apartment in another town and his own life. My brother is his own problem. I wrote a thread on how useless he is.

I feel for you. My dad is driving everyone away with his demands. He never says "please" or "thank you". The more you do, the more he wants from you. If he was respectful and polite, people would probably want to be around him more. My one sister goes on vacation a lot and my other sister and brother live out of state. So, sometimes I'm the only one to go out there now. I just hope he doesn't chase everyone off for good because with my health issues, it would be hard for me to cope by myself.
Sorry to hear about the issues you're dealing with. Sounds like your brother has left this situation in your lap. *Praying for you!*

 

[AlexB23]

My dad is 90 and in a wheelchair, but he has health-aids with him 24/7. Despite all the help, he's demanding family members wait on him hand and foot. He could care less what my siblings are doing in their personal lives. He wants us around daily. I have health issues and have a lot of doctor appointments. My sister lives out of state and comes often, but it's not enough for his liking. My other sister loves to travel (and is retired), but he texts her constantly wanting her to do things that the aids could easily do. The things he wants done border on the ridiculous. He wanted my sister to plant a tree in his backyard! He made her re-paint his porch. Everyone is at their wits end with his demands. Please pray he finds peace in Christ and realizes that he's being self centered and thinks about how his behavior effects others. He's very sharp minded, so dementia is not an issue.

Thanks!

I recommend not giving in to his demands, and walking away.

 

[Chrystal-J]

I recommend not giving in to his demands, and walking away.

I think that's what my siblings are doing. My one sister isn't coming back to town, she's decided to stay home until Christmas. My other sibling is going on vacation. I'm going out there tomorrow, but that's to refill his meds and bring in the groceries ordered from the store (that'll be there tomorrow).
Thanks for the input. I'm at my wit's end. Praying I have a nice visit tomorrow.

 

[AlexB23]

I think that's what my siblings are doing. My one sister isn't coming back to town, she's decided to stay home until Christmas. My other sibling is going on vacation. I'm going out there tomorrow, but that's to refill his meds and bring in the groceries ordered from the store (that'll be there tomorrow).
Thanks for the input. I'm at my wit's end. Praying I have a nice visit tomorrow.

You are welcome. Just drop his meds in his mailbox, and the groceries on his porch. He can grab them himself, or have staff grab them for him.

 

[Lady Bug]

You're kind of "lucky" in the sense that he still have 24/7 aides. For me, I'm on my own and I feel bitter whenever he asks me something. I didn't feel that way about my mom when I was taking care of her. I kind of feel bad about all this because I know one day I'll probably be in a worse position than he is.

 

[RileyG]

Are you a concert by any chance?

Does your dad belong to a Church?

 

[Chrystal-J]

Are you a concert by any chance?

Does your dad belong to a Church?

My dad used to go to a Catholic church, but stopped about 20 years ago.

 

[Chrystal-J]

You're kind of "lucky" in the sense that he still have 24/7 aides. For me, I'm on my own and I feel bitter whenever he asks me something. I didn't feel that way about my mom when I was taking care of her. I kind of feel bad about all this because I know one day I'll probably be in a worse position than he is.

I keep trying to follow Christ and honor my father, but he's not making it easy. The only saving grace is that I don't live with him, so when I'm home I get a break. I also wonder what kind of boat I'll be in when I'm his age (if I live that long).

 

[RileyG]

My dad used to go to a Catholic church, but stopped about 20 years ago.

I’m sorry to hear that.

 

[mourningdove~]

My dad used to go to a Catholic church, but stopped about 20 years ago.

Please forgive me if I sound nosy or intrusive, but did your Dad grow up in the Catholic Church?
(If so, I'm guessing he may have attended the Latin Mass?)

When your Dad stopped going to church about 20 years ago, was it because he no longer believed in the teachings of the Church? (And is he opposed to Catholicism now ... or is he just a lapsed Catholic?)

... you don't need to answer those questions publicly.

But I had a thought about your Dad:

If he used to love the Church, and was brought up pre-Vatican II, maybe you could find a beautiful traditional looking holy card, and give it to him, to keep in his possession. Maybe the beautiful picture would help 'stir up' within him some fond memories he has of the Church.

I know that might sound like a 'hokey' idea, but traditional Catholics were very much into things like holy cards, back in the day. Some of the art on them is absolutely gorgeous. (You can find alot of them for sale on etsy.com)

Old folks do often tend to get cranky and demanding as they age. It isn't easy facing the challenges of old age, and many try to fight them hard. But since your Dad is a baptized Christian, I do believe God will continue working on him in these last days, months, years before he passes. Things might be much better for him, if he felt more of a connection to God again.

for you and your Dad

 

[Chrystal-J]

Please forgive me if I sound nosy or intrusive, but did your Dad grow up in the Catholic Church?
(If so, I'm guessing he may have attended the Latin Mass?)

When your Dad stopped going to church about 20 years ago, was it because he no longer believed in the teachings of the Church? (And is he opposed to Catholicism now ... or is he just a lapsed Catholic?)

... you don't need to answer those questions publicly.

But I had a thought about your Dad:

If he used to love the Church, and was brought up pre-Vatican II, maybe you could find a beautiful traditional looking holy card, and give it to him, to keep in his possession. Maybe the beautiful picture would help 'stir up' within him some fond memories he has of the Church.

I know that might sound like a 'hokey' idea, but traditional Catholics were very much into things like holy cards, back in the day. Some of the art on them is absolutely gorgeous. (You can find alot of them for sale on etsy.com)

Old folks do often tend to get cranky and demanding as they age. It isn't easy facing the challenges of old age, and many try to fight them hard. But since your Dad is a baptized Christian, I do believe God will continue working on him in these last days, months, years before he passes. Things might be much better for him, if he felt more of a connection to God again.

for you and your Dad

Yes, he grew up in the Church, but my mom was an atheist and I think she had some influence in him no longer attending church. She used to go with him to placate him, but was never that interested in church. When their 'liberal' Priest was replaced by a 'conservative' one, they quit going.

I like your idea to get him a prayer card. I bought him a statue of St. Francis for Father's Day and he really liked it. I think he's open to being a faithful Catholic, he's just too preoccupied with his current physical condition right now.
Thanks for your prayers and your thoughtful post!

 

[RileyG]

Yes, he grew up in the Church, but my mom was an atheist and I think she had some influence in him no longer attending church. She used to go with him to placate him, but was never that interested in church. When their 'liberal' Priest was replaced by a 'conservative' one, they quit going.

I like your idea to get him a prayer card. I bought him a statue of St. Francis for Father's Day and he really liked it. I think he's open to being a faithful Catholic, he's just too preoccupied with his current physical condition right now.
Thanks for your prayers and your thoughtful post!

God bless!

 

[boughtwithaprice]

Your Dad is 90 years old
Sound like he has a fear of death and losing control, so he is being hypercotrolling as a coping mechanism

You gave him a prayer card and he seemed to like that. If he stopped going to Church, you could think of getting him a priest to come and visit. Perhaps giving the sacrament of Anointing the Sick.

He need not be in danger of death, but if he is open, I think that would really help him

 

[Chrystal-J]

Your Dad is 90 years old
Sound like he has a fear of death and losing control, so he is being hypercotrolling as a coping mechanism

You gave him a prayer card and he seemed to like that. If he stopped going to Church, you could think of getting him a priest to come and visit. Perhaps giving the sacrament of Anointing the Sick.

He need not be in danger of death, but if he is open, I think that would really help him

I think you nailed it. He has become over controlling because of his fear of death. I'm trying really hard to be patient. Every time he has to go to the hospital, it's a Catholic one. He's talked with a monk and it seemed to help.

 

[boughtwithaprice]

I think you nailed it. He has become over controlling because of his fear of death. I'm trying really hard to be patient. Every time he has to go to the hospital, it's a Catholic one. He's talked with a monk and it seemed to help.

Peace be with you. If you try to meet all of his demands, you will drive yourself crazy. If you see them as a cry for help as he approaches eternity, you can understand.

I recently lived through the death of both of my parents. Some how I am not grieving over their loss. They died in the sacraments and there was nothing more I could do

Have your Dad receive the anointing of the sick , and listen to the audio book Preparation for Death by Alphonse Liguori, one of the great doctors of the Church

If your Dad is willing, pray with him. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God
We are a communion of saints, we all need support