I feel suffering, sadness and disappointment all the time?

[astral22]

I’ve felt like this all my life, since childhood, which was lets say sort of ok, sort of dark. I grew up not having a dad among other things.
I hated living with my mom since I felt like a parent to her, so I run away from home. I lived on my own ever since, I’m close to 40 now.


I’ve never managed to find a passion in life and stick to it. I only go through the motions. I work because I have to. I distract myself with hobbies and friends, but I still feel depressed, although I’m highly functioning so I guess it’s not noticeable.


Nothing worked to help with sadness, not therapy, not faith.

I got so hurt by people that I stop believing in true friendships and in love and marriage.

truly the only thrill from life I get is when I have crushes on men, so I can daydream about them while not actually doing anything about it, because I just don’t want to, it has no point. Some are married, some not, nothing is serious.
I even wonder do I have jazabel spirit on me, because I get high on it, being a bit of a flirt sometimes, but never crossing the line, not even with a kiss, nothing.
Even that doesn’t do it for me, because I feel guilt over lust.

Life feels so empty. I pray and talk to Jesus every day. I’m grateful for all I have, I have not much to complain about.
Volunteering makes me even more depressed being around so much pain, I can’t. It’s so draining.
Communicating with people seems boring. So I’m isolating.

I don’t know where’s I’m going with my life. Am I gonna end up in hell?
Did you ever felt like this, any thoughts?

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I’ve felt like this all my life, since childhood, which was lets say sort of ok, sort of dark. I grew up not having a dad among other things.
I hated living with my mom since I felt like a parent to her, so I run away from home. I lived on my own ever since, I’m close to 40 now.


I’ve never managed to find a passion in life and stick to it. I only go through the motions. I work because I have to. I distract myself with hobbies and friends, but I still feel depressed, although I’m highly functioning so I guess it’s not noticeable.


Nothing worked to help with sadness, not therapy, not faith.

I got so hurt by people that I stop believing in true friendships and in love and marriage.

truly the only thrill from life I get is when I have crushes on men, so I can daydream about them while not actually doing anything about it, because I just don’t want to, it has no point. Some are married, some not, nothing is serious.
I even wonder do I have jazabel spirit on me, because I get high on it, being a bit of a flirt sometimes, but never crossing the line, not even with a kiss, nothing.
Even that doesn’t do it for me, because I feel guilt over lust.

Life feels so empty. I pray and talk to Jesus every day. I’m grateful for all I have, I have not much to complain about.
Volunteering makes me even more depressed being around so much pain, I can’t. It’s so draining.
Communicating with people seems boring. So I’m isolating.

I don’t know where’s I’m going with my life. Am I gonna end up in hell?
Did you ever felt like this, any thoughts?

Have you received His Holy Spirit. There is no bondage when you are in Him and He is in you. Blessings.

 

[astral22]

Have you received His Holy Spirit. There is no bondage when you are in Him and He is in you. Blessings.

I was hoping for some more in depth answers and not just I guess you're saying I'm not saved. That just makes me run in another direction from such church. But thank you for your blessings.

 

[astral22]

You can be saved and still in bondage.

 

[frank1234]

I feel if you find your passion in life, then life can become exciting. All my life i didn't know what i should do. I had many interests, but i didn't know what i am supposed to do, what am i good in. After i became Christian, now, of course, i have a goal. Grow in Christ, and witness to people, but it took me years of researching myself, to see what i am good at, what are my passions, what are my interests in life, and i made myself better at them, and now i have enriched myself with all those things of interests of mine(which took years to figure out), and honestly now life has become exciting and interesting.
Enrich yourself with your interests, and pursue them with prayer, learning about them, and making yourself better at them, then life is not so dull anymore.
God be with you.
I will pray for you.

 

[mourningdove~]

truly the only thrill from life I get is when I have crushes on men, so I can daydream about them while not actually doing anything about it, because I just don’t want to, it has no point. Some are married, some not, nothing is serious.
I even wonder do I have jazabel spirit on me, because I get high on it, being a bit of a flirt sometimes, but never crossing the line, not even with a kiss, nothing.
Even that doesn’t do it for me, because I feel guilt over lust.

That is not a jezebel spirit. It is the sin nature, doing what the sin nature does: it thinks about sinful things, and finds pleasure in those thoughts for a time. And then, if one has an active conscience, comes the guilt feelings.

But no matter how many times we sin, as a child of God we always have the choice to turn from our sin (repent) and ask for God's forgiveness. He is a Great God, Who love us very much and does not want us living in bondage to sin.

 

[mourningdove~]

Life feels so empty. I pray and talk to Jesus every day.

Imo, you are doing the best thing you could be doing in your situation: praying and talking to Jesus !


Why some persons are afflicted with chronic or recurring depressions, only God really knows.
We will have the answers for these things when we get to heaven.

But in the meantime, God asks us to trust and obey Him, the best that we can, each day.

And as you have no doubt already learned, Jesus gets us thru our difficult days, 'one day at a time' ... sometimes 'one hour at a time'.

And Jesus will keep doing it, and will sometimes give us times of relief and breakthrough, too. We just need to keep trusting in Him. That is what I have learned about Jesus, and depression. He walks with us ... sometimes carrying us ... thru our depressions. And it is often 'one day at a time', as we continue to trust Him.

For those of us living with depression, it almost becomes our 'unique' sort of journey with Him; we realize we need Him very much. While healing from all depression would probably be great ... and it could certainly happen ... while we are suffering, we learn to be very dependent on God. And that part I think is a good thing.

 

[mourningdove~]

I don’t know where’s I’m going with my life.

But God does!
So I say again, just keep trusting Him, one day at a time.

Our main purpose in life is to love God.
Keep doing that, and I believe He will show you more purpose for your life.